Child Abuse Story From Caroline1

by Caroline
(USA)

I have been a grammar school teacher now for almost 11 years. Four times I have reported child abuse by being able to have the kids tell me about it. Three were girls and 1 was a boy. One case was physical abuse the other three sexual abuse. I get very upset and angry even when I just read or hear about it. For years I hid the fact that I was sexually abused but today openly admit it and feel I can sense if one of my students are being mistreated at home. Each month I devote some classroom time to tell the kids not to be afraid to tell a teacher or clergyman if they are being abused. I try to warn them about sexual abuse also, instructing them to tell a parent and never have fear to tell me or another teacher if it happens. Without scaring them I want them to know that they don't have to keep silent as I did for many years.

Through no fault of my own I was passed around to different family members up until I was about 6. My father died a few years earlier and my mother signed guardianship over to my godfather who was a family friend for years. The first year or so I don't remember too well but was treated nice by both he and his wife. By the time I was 8, they separated and divorced. It was just me and Kirk after that and he always treated me nice and was always good to me. I'm not quite sure when it began but it happened slowly. At first it was just nudity and he exposed himself to me frequently and would have me bathe with him. There was always some kind of bribe involved whether it be a simple treat or a promise to a movie or amusement park. It slowly escalated where we were naked for hours at a time. He made me swear a pact with him not to tell anyone about it. To be honest I don't remember ever being embarrassed around him at that time. I was probably around 10 when it got to be a sexual thing even though we were both naked often and showered together. He more than likely had it planned out the way he was going to manipulate me.

I was so accustom to seeing him naked and him seeing me that way. I had no inhibitions about it. I was not humiliated that he saw me naked so often but was too embarrassed about it to tell anyone. We showered together every evening and it just became natural to me. It started out where we just washed each other's backs but gradually began washing each other completely. He would often get erections but I didn't realize what that meant at the time. Eventually he started having me masturbate him. As I got older I knew what I was doing and knew it was wrong but still told no one. The older I got the more attention he paid to me and I told him I didn't want to do this any longer. That's when he began badgering me at times and had me so intimidated I became afraid to disobey him. He began spanking me, at times making me undress. By this time I was in puberty and more self conscious about my body. If I disobeyed him he would not only spank me but make me stay naked for hours at a time and on a few occasions an entire weekend.

He threatened me often stressing that my home life was private and I was not to tell anyone about it. When I think back about it now I was so intimidated by him I never had the thought of telling anyone what was going on. The less I complained the nicer he was to me and as long as I did what I was told life was much easier. He did still spank me at times but never really hurt me badly and I think it was done for his sexual satisfaction. As I developed I became more humiliated when he saw me naked especially in the shower. He always washed me first and then I would have to wash him. He would have me masturbate him 4 or 5 times a week and sometimes every evening. It started to become more intimate and he began giving me massages a few times a week. That's when he began masturbating me. This went on for months and he finally had intercourse with me. It was a Tuesday evening and I think the most devastating thing that I had ever been through. I don't think I slept more than a couple hours that night and cried most of the night. When I went to school the next day I would start crying right in class. By lunchtime my teacher took me into a classroom by myself and started to question me, knowing something was wrong. After about ten minutes or so I told her what happened the night before incredibly asking her not to tell anyone. In all of my 13 years it was the best thing I ever did. Kirk was arrested later that day and I was sent to a child welfare group home. My grandmother was contacted and within a few months I was taken in by my mother's cousin, Kate and her husband.

From that time on I have had a happy life. I'm married today and have two children and a wonderful husband. The teacher I told saved my life and I think that's one of the reasons I decided to become a teacher. I was foolish to keep quite all those years but do understand how I was programmed by Kirk. He did admit what he did and spent several years in prison, not only for abusing me but he was also in possession of child porn. I was extremely introverted for a few years but have learned to accept what happened and not blame myself. Each month when I do my little speech to my students I write on the blackboard, in huge letters, only three words....TELL, TELL, TELL... The fear or embarrassment of telling someone about abuse only prolongs it. Anyone who abuses a child should go to jail. As much as I kept silent those years, today I am not the least bit embarrassed or ashamed of it. I know it wasn't my fault and am just happy I finally told on him. I think your web site is very informative and am sure it has helped many people cope with the abuse they suffered.

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