Child Abuse Story From Carol T

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Child Abuse Story From Carol T

by Carol T
(New Zealand )

GUILT GUILT GUILT. I am 14mnths younger then my eldest sister and i did not save her. My dad and his friends never sexually abused me that i know of because i was such a loud mouth and fiecty. My sister was not like that. while i was running around getting help for myself as a young teen, not only did the authorites ignore my sister but so did i. I got help for myself and did not even try to take her with me. What is wrong with me for doing that? my dad put my sister into prostitution from age 13 onwards, we were both exposed to acts of beastiality, child pornography and a snuff video, and my father masturbating and using objects on himself infront of us. But my sister had all his mates taking a piece of what they wanted from her. I cant understand why i would leave her, why would i do that? I am very selfish person who only cared about myself. we had no mother and my dad was sexually abusing our friends as well. i can not have a normal relationship with men, if ever i am intimate with someone my dad is present in my thoughts and i cant get him out of my head, i dont have any desire to induldge in those thoughts, his presence just wont go away. I have been in counselling since i was 11 yrs old, done hypnotherapy, cognitive behavor therapy, a long list of medications, meditation, soon staring dialectual therapy. it is getting better slowly, very very slowly. I want to let go of it all now but cant until i know why i left my sister to basically rot in that place of hell.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Carol T

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Jun 20, 2011

Carol:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

For goodness sake, stop beating yourself up. The guilt is not yours to bear. You were a child and as a child without healthy adults in your life you were in self-preservation mode. Totally understandable. What happened to your sister was not your fault. Fault lies solely on the shoulders of the offenders because they chose to offend. That includes your father and so many others. The fact that you are taking on so much blame for your sister's blight tells me that you have a conscience and that you are a very caring and compassionate person. You can be so proud of that, Carol. But you are destroying your Self for what you perceive to be your fault. And you don't know that you could have "saved" your sister. You don't know that if you had done anything differently that things could have been even worse. You don't know what you don't know. Right now you're applying mature adult values to decisions you made as a child, decisions you couldn't possibly be expected to sort out on your own. You did the best you could with the knowledge and skills you had at the time. Blaming yourself and beating yourself up now does no good. In fact, you'll hinder your healing and recovery as long as you do. But then, that might be why you're blaming yourself...perhaps you don't want to heal and recover...perhaps you'd rather continue to punish yourself for what your sister endured. If that's the case, you've done both you and your sister a huge disservice, and the tragedy lives on. Consider the work of Byron Katie, Carol. Her book Loving What Is might be a very helpful resource for you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 28, 2011

Always believe in your self: Get help: You'll be fine
by: maurice

Carol T: wanting to help when you know it is totally impossible because you are a child/teenager and it is adults who are abusing someone you love and cherish: You had to just grin and bear it seeing your sister being molested and abused by your Father and his friends: I can't be blamed and I am certain my sister knew I wanted to tell but Could'nt: preserving your own safety was the right way for you to care for yourself: Darlene sure wrote you an comment that should give you great heart to get on with your life: Living it to the full: Having a healthy mind in a healhty body: thinking positive, acting positive, being positive in what you know is the best way forward for you NOW; you'll do what is right and I am sure in time healing will come for you: Follow Darlene's woman's heart words to you: Always Believe in yourself: Be gentle and kind on yourself and your body hug and cuddle LOVE into it and feel good doing it in front of the mrror: Have one/two real friends your own age and gender that will stand by you: watch out for you: You know yourself friends like that, are a gem: jewel: in one's life: be safe stay safe, I will I can: I must because I am worth it: having a healthy mind in a healthy body will help you: I was not to blame: I wanted to help her but at the time I was too scared: I was frightened that they would pick on me: BUT i truly wanted to safeguard her: Carol T by writing your true feelings here on this safe haven site it is your beginning to wanting to get help and get on with living your life to the full: Darlene sure has given you affirmation how to go about that: Okay get out there being active and alive with your friends:

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Child Abuse Story From Carol T

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Child Abuse Story From Carol T