Child Abuse Story From Carmen2
by Carmen
(USA)
Thank you for letting me share my story. I really didn't get it as bad as what others got, but I would like to share. Its kind of weird because it happened so slowly, the abuse that is. The first thing I remember is being about 11 years old sitting at the dinner table with my family. My dad sat straight across from me and he would put his foot up on my chair in between my legs. He would use his big toe and rub me over my clothes. Nobody knew it was happening and I kind of liked it too. It felt different. I ended up masturbating at night thinking about what happened at the table. I can't believe it, but I must have been turned on by what he did to me.
That ended though, I don't know why or how long it lasted for, but my dad stopped touching me with his foot. A few years later though I remember him rubbing my thigh while in the car. My uncle was driving with his wife in the front seat. I sat in the back with my dad and older brother. I remember dad sat in the middle and had his hand on my thigh. I don't remember much else, just thinking it was different.
So thats all I really remember. My dad didn't do much to me before I was 14-15. Then it happened so fast, I couldn't even see it coming. It was summer and our whole relation camps at a place on Lake Michigan. I was 15 or close to it. I was at the campfire with my cousin and it was like midnight. Everyone else had gone to bed and my dad came out of the camper and asked us if we wanted to go for a walk. My cousin ended up going to bed but I wasn't tired and decided to go with him. We went to the end of the pier and sat there and watched the moon over the water. I remember saying something like, "have you ever seen anything so beautiful." Thats when my dad put his arms around me and said, "yes, I'm holding her right now." I thought it was sweet of him. I didn't know he meant more than what a father should tell his daughter. He began kissing me on my head and neck. Then he was kissing my back and went on his knees and kissed my butt. I didn't know what to do. I was in shock of what was happening. I kept looking out over the water hoping he would stop. But he didn't. His hands unbuckled my belt and he dropped my shorts. I froze like a deer in headlights. He kissed my now naked butt, then performed oral sex on me from behind. All he said to me was to bend over so he could get to me better. He licked me like a dog. I was so embarrassed, so scared. Its so easy now to ask myself why I didn't scream or pull away. But when it happens like it did, when I least expect it, it is so hard to tell someone I trust not to do it. I was tricked by my dad into taking a walk with him. And when my dad wants something, he gets it, and I was his prey.
When he finally stopped he pulled my shorts up, and said that we better get back. He molested me for the next 2 years. Usually oral sex on me, sometimes just using his hand and fingers on me. Only like twice did he pull himself out and demand me to give him oral.
What hurts the most is the betrayal of my body. My body enjoyed it so much, but my heart wanted to die. I also have trouble talking to my dad. Even though the abuse has stopped, I feel so awkward in front of him now. But I think I will get through it. I know I had it easy compared to some of you.
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