Child Abuse Story From Carmen1

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Child Abuse Story From Carmen1

by Carmen
(California, USA)

I hate him for what he did to me:
I am the middle child of 3 daughters. My father only hit me once; however, day in and day out he would knock the wind out of me with his hateful words. For some reason (maybe he wanted a boy and was disappointed, maybe I reminded him of someone he hated, maybe I was too sensitive) he singled me out. His tone, his abusive language, every time he looked or talked to me it was with rage; however, with my sisters he was pleasant and would compliment them.

I remember it was my 15th birthday and I put on my dress and did my hair. I was happy. I walked out to the living room and my dad looked at me and didn't say anything. My sister followed in behind me and he said to her, "Wow, you look so pretty." It was "my day" and with that sentence he destroyed it.

My sadness turned to hate, an intense hate. I prayed daily that he would die in an accident at work and never come home. I was happy at school, no parents around. As soon as I stepped foot in my home, I could feel the big black cloud over my head, just waiting for an explosion of anger from him.

Today, he asks, "Why doesn't she call me?" I have absolutely no desire to pick up the phone and talk to him. If we see each other face to face I am civil. I have children now and yes, they can push your buttons, but I love them. I would jump in front of a bus for them. I can't see how a parent would have hatred toward a child. How awful for a child to believe that instead of the parent jumping in front of the bus, the parent would push the child in front of the bus. Because of him I live with this anger; it's always with me, just boiling right under my skin, ready to explode if I feel I am being attacked. I took so much for so many years. I guess a part of me can't take anything now.

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Child Abuse Story From Carmen1

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Dec 18, 2008

Psychologically "burned"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Carmen, your psychological skin was so badly burned by your father's hateful words and his lack of love and nurturing that I'm not surprised you would still feel intense pain that manifests in the form of hatred. And though you've earned that hatred, it is now consuming you. It's you who suffers with those emotions; not him. It's you who lives with the residual of that hatred day in and day out. It's you who must deal with the repercussions of that residual hatred; and that can come in the form of physical ailments like headaches, stomach problems and even chest pains; if not now, later. It can come in the form of sleep and/or eating disorders, plus a host of other unhealthy behaviours. It will affect your ability to have relationships and your ability to trust; it sounds as though that has already happened. And as long as you continue to have those hateful emotions fueled every day, your father will continue to control you and have power over you.

As a child, you had no power. As an adult, you can take back your power. Your father is no longer in a position to harm you. Carmen, by constantly focusing on the memories of what he called you and did to you as a helpless child, you have effectively taken the reins from him. You said of your children, "I would jump in front of a bus for them", meaning you would die for them. But would you live for them? As long as you hang onto this hatred, you aren't living; you're dying inside.

Carmen, you can't change how you feel, but when you change what you think you automatically change how you feel. But you need help getting to that point. Please consider entering into some form of counselling so that you can get some help with this. You are too smart and too precious and too deserving NOT to. You really are worthy of help, Carmen.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Dec 18, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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Comment
Carmen, your psychological skin was so badly burned by your father's hateful words and his lack of love and nurturing that I'm not surprised you would still feel intense pain that manifests in the form of hatred. And though you've earned that hatred, it is now consuming you. It's you who suffers with those emotions; not him. It's you who lives with the residual of that hatred day in and day out. It's you who must deal with the repercussions of that residual hatred; and that can come in the form of physical ailments like headaches, stomach problems and even chest pains; if not now, later. It can come in the form of sleep and/or eating disorders, plus a host of other unhealthy behaviours. It will affect your ability to have relationships and your ability to trust; it sounds as though that has already happened. And as long as you continue to have those hateful emotions fueled every day, your father will continue to control you and have power over you. As a child, you had no power. As an adult, you can take back your power. Your father is no longer in a position to harm you. Carmen, by constantly focusing on the memories of what he called you and did to you as a helpless child, you have effectively taken the reins from him. You said of your children, "I would jump in front of a bus for them", meaning you would die for them. But would you live for them? As long as you hang onto this hatred, you aren't living; you're dying inside. Carmen, you can't change how you feel, but when you change what you think you automatically change how you feel. But you need help getting to that point. Please consider entering into some form of counselling so that you can get some help with this. You are too smart and too precious and too deserving NOT to. You really are worthy of help, Carmen. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Dec 19, 2009

emotional abuse
by: BMW Princess

Emontional abuse is a dangerous insidious cancer that devours everything it touches. Your fathers immauture passive agressive manipulations were wrong. you deserve better than that.
BBW princess

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Child Abuse Story From Carmen1

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