Child Abuse Story From Carlyann

by Carlyann
(Location Undisclosed)

I do not handle stress well! 
I am now 15 and since the age of 6 I have harmed my body in pretty much any way possible. At age 6 I was raped and I didn't tell anyone until 2 months ago. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. The night that happened, August 15, 2000 I wrote the darkest poem of my entire life! I have never let anyone read it but I have been writing ever since.

At age 7, the stress was so hard I didn't think I could handle it anymore. On June 15, 2002 I picked up a gun and Surprised I am still living today but I did put it down because something in me said I have more to live for than just this and it would end soon. A few months later on my 8th birthday, I started cutting myself. I cut myself for 5 years and no one noticed. I cut my wrists, on my ankles, my thighs, my shoulders, my stomach. I would intentionally fall into things to cause pain and bruises. I would take necklaces and pinch them off close to my neck and spin the necklace around my neck so that it would cut my neck.

At age 13, Jon moved to my town and he was my life saver. He is the reason I stopped cutting. I told him everything and he didn't tell anyone because I begged him not to but he had been through worse so he understood. He is one of my best friends and I don't know what I would do without him. When I was 12 years old I had picked up a gun for the second time and at this point I thought of every possible reason to live just one more day. And I realized there was plenty. I didn't know that at first. At age 14, I picked up a gun for the third time and this time I wrote a suicide note. But I was on the phone with Jon at the time, and he talked me out of shooting myself. I will never forget that night! He stayed on the phone with me until school started that morning. He was my strength and he still is.

At age 13, I stopped eating and if I did eat I would throw it up. My parents never noticed any of this but they always knew something was wrong and begged to let me help. I didn't know what to say I was too scared to tell them. I started eating again on my 14th birthday, 8 months after I stopped. Writing poetry was a way to escape my world, but everyone that read them always knew there was something wrong. They were dark and disturbing poems. Now that I have grown out of hurting myself, I rely on my writing skills to give me hope to a brighter future. I also have my friends that I will talk to about anything now. I will never forget what I have done but I look at me now, and I know I have the strength to move forward without hurting myself anymore. Writing is my way of escaping.

here is one of my shortest but one of my favorite poems I have written:

A MOMENT, A STORY, A DREAM

A moment, a story, remains for life
A light, a candle, shines so bright
A smile on my face
I walk away without leaving a trace
The heavens cry
The hurt shows in my eye
The pouring rain
The burning flame
A laugh in the thunder
A shake from under
The water waves, and there's another opened door
I walk along the shore
A grain of sand
When the world says no, I will stand
Hidden in a world of dark
In my heart you have left your mark
A burn from with in
A frown with a grin
A chair to rock
My heart no longer has a lock
The trees grow
The hurt begins to show
A rumble from the ground
A silence from every sound
A once closed, now open book
My eyes have a new look
The broken circle now is closed, golden without a crack
A world now white, once was black
When I look at you
I can't help but turn blue
The trees rattle, the wind whispers, but I scream
As I wake up from my dream

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