Child Abuse Story From Cait

by Cait
(New York, USA)

From the time I was about 6 years old my father abused me. He wasn't a drunk he is just an angry guy. He would use his work belt and beat the living s**t out of me...for doin nothing at all. When he came home from work and had a bad day he would take it out on me....not my two brothers or my mom it was always me. My brothers saw him do it and so did my mom... you think they would say anything to my dad? They just sat there and watched him beat the s**t out of me every single night. Some nights he left me unconscious on the floor from hitting me in the head so many times. Some days it was so bad I wasn't allowed to go to school and I had to stay home. And when I did go to school I had to say stuff like I fell or my brothers and I were wrestling. Because I knew if I ever told I would be in big trouble.

When I was 8 it was about 1 in the morning my dad came in my room. He picked me up by my neck and threw me on the ground. He beat me to the point that I was nearly unconscious...then he raped me. He told me if I were to tell anyone he would kill me. That night on the floor I laid there crying scared to death and I had to promise myself that I would never tell.

The next day of school I went like everything was ok. When people talked to me I talked back. I just kept that same smile on my face that I knew would make people not suspicious.

As the years went on the beatings and rapings from my father increased and they were making me more and more emotionally drained. When I was 13 my father beat me in the head after having a concussion a few days before. One very close friend found out and got school involved. Of course I denied everything out of fear of what my father would do.

A couple months later I confided in a very close teacher of mine and we went and talked to the guidance counselor. About 30 minutes later I had CPS at school and I was scared to death.

After not enough evidence my parents were let off the hook and my dad continued beating me and raping me. But this turned even worse. Now he would use things such as bats, wrenches, hammers, glass, anything that would hurt me he would find and beat me with.

One night he took a piece of glass and shattered it over my head. Then he shoved my face into it. I was bleeding badly and he just sat there and watched me cry. I was physically unable to move therefore he took the time to un-do his pants and rape his own daughter. The next day when everyone asked I said I fell off my bike.

Then 9th grade hit and I was a failure. I let my dad get to me and I was a wreck. I messed up my grades, my friends, my life. People viewed me different the day that I cut my wrists. The day I could not take any more from my dad. People didn't see me as the Cait they knew...they now saw me as this girl who is emo. My smile disappeared and I became depressed. CPS got involved but I was too stupid to say anything. The beatings happened more frequently and the rapes lessened. But my dad had already messed up my life.

As this past summer hit I stayed away from my house and ventured to new places with my friend. Being away from my house killed my dad and made him all the more miserable. When I got home I was beat every single night until I couldn't moved. And the night before I left to go back with my friend my father raped me. The sick ass video-taped the whole thing. First he beat me down until I couldn't move or fight back then raped me over and over again. The next day I cried and cried and cried and when my friend asked why all I said was my back hurt.

I have kept my secret for 7 years of my life, I could not tell her it now...still in fear that my dad would kill me. I confided in her sister who is goin to school to become a counselor. We talked about a lot of things and I told her I was an abused child and have been raped. Never told who, just that I was raped and I didn't know who.

School hit and it was like a new me although my dad still constantly beats me the rapings have decreased a lot. That smile that I am known for has came back because I don't want anyone to wonder or ask questions anymore. My smile is the one thing I have against my father.

This past weekend I slipped, I got drunk and told my friend's sister that my dad rapes me...I told her everything. But I did manage to get her to think the last time was the beginning of August. Drinking and drugs have become a big issue as well. I have been drinkin way too often and just got off of doin speed. The only reason I stopped was because my best friend died from doin that s**t...got stabbed 4 times in the back. Thankfully my friend's sister is not callin law enforcements because in a couple of months I will be 16 and will be getting papers to become emancipated. And she believes that the last time I was raped was August. Hopefully by getting emancipated I will be able to sleep and my dad will never be able to touch me again and the Cait that everyone knew and loved before will come back.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

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