Child Abuse Story From Brittany2

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Child Abuse Story From Brittany2

by Brittany
(USA)

I'm 13 years old. I was 12 in this story. But my dad has been like this since I was probably about 8 years old. I have many memories that haunt me and hurt me soooo much. Here's one of my stories.

It all started when my dad left home. My mother couldn't believe it was over. They were trying to get things right again so my dad moved back in. There are different situations, but this one I have flashbacks of a lot and hurts the most.

Me and my father were driving to my sister's choir concert, but first we had to go pick up my grandmother. It was hurting me so bad, my mom went out of town the day before, but my counselor and mother kept telling me I should talk to my dad...let me say I regret saying anything. I just asked him if he loved my mom, and why he left. Maybe those questions were bad but I don't know. He went totally scary. He yelled at me saying I was just like my mother. He was comparing me to my mother so much I just wanted to yell, "I would much rather be like her than you." When I thought he was done yelling I pulled my ipod out of my pocket and started listening to a song that normally makes me feel better. Well, he didn't like this. He yanked the cords out of my ears and threw my ipod with all his strength on the floor. I knew it was broken by the force he threw it with. He yelled, "You don't deserve your ipod. Things like you don't deserve to have this and things." I was crying the whole time. He yelled to stop being such a crybaby, but it only made me cry more.

Finally, we reached my grandmother's. I never really liked his mom very much, so I wasn't shocked when my dad told her I was being like my mother. She did the same thing...gave me the same look like shame on you for being like your mom. I didn't eat that night because my dad took my grandma and me

to this restaurant he knew that I would hate. What hurts the most is I almost ran away, but to tell the truth I stayed for my mom. He apologized but I could tell that when my mom found out she was only telling him to. What scared me the most was ever since he moved out the first time he's only gotten worse. I don't know what to do. Plus my mom refuses to believe it. Now I wonder if I'm just being a crybaby like he said. He's never cared much about my feelings, and I really doubt he will. He never had a relationship with me. I really hate calling him Dad because he only was a dad to my older sister, never me. He threw me into a kayak once at our cabin and it left bruising all over my upper arm. I don't know what to do. He has moved out once and for all, and the divorce should be final soon. But that's the problem...my mom wants us to have a relationship. He's ok sometimes, but I know he won't try to be my father. He gave up my sister and my mom, but he gave me up a long time ago, before either of them. I know that had I been in the front passenger seat that day with the ipod, instead of the ipod it would have been me and I'm thankful for that.

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Brittany2

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Mar 30, 2009

Labels about abuse are less important than how you FEEL...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Brittany, all parents have bad days. Most parents say and do things that they aren't proud of, or in retrospect, are sorry they said and did. You obviously believe your father either doesn't love you or that he has it in for you. You got those messages over the years from the ways he has spoken to you and the way he has mistreated you, especially as compared to your sister. Regardless of whether or not your particular situation falls under the accepted definition of emotional abuse (where the child gets nothing but negative messages), the fact is, you feel rejected by your father.

When a parent projects their negative feelings about their spouse onto their child, they are not only out of line doing so, they are in effect rejecting that child. I can relate to how you feel, Brittany. My mother and father argued all the time. Their arguments always got violent. There was no doubt that my mother hated my father during those times. When she was mad at me (which seemed to be all the time) she would say between clenched teeth, "You are just like your father." As I got older she would say it while laughing at me, knowing how much it hurt me; none of us kids wanted to be like my violent father, but I would rather have been like him than like her with her maliciousness and her own violent ways towards us kids. And then in front of me, she used to tell my brothers and sisters, "I don't ever want another Darlene in my house." Translation: I was the most hateful person on the face of the planet. So you see, Brittany, I do understand how you felt when both your father and his mother demeaned you for being like your mother. Not because she was a terrible person, but because they don't like the way she's behaving. When they see you behaving in a way that reminds them of your mother, they, in their troubled minds, lash out at you.

See Part 2: The messages you received are lies... below.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Mar 30, 2009
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Title

Comment
Brittany, all parents have bad days. Most parents say and do things that they aren't proud of, or in retrospect, are sorry they said and did. You obviously believe your father either doesn't love you or that he has it in for you. You got those messages over the years from the ways he has spoken to you and the way he has mistreated you, especially as compared to your sister. Regardless of whether or not your particular situation falls under the accepted definition of <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/emotional-child-abuse.html#EADefinition">emotional abuse</a> (where the child gets nothing but negative messages), the fact is, you feel <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/types-of-emotional-abuse.html#rejecting">rejected</a> by your father. When a parent projects their negative feelings about their spouse onto their child, they are not only out of line doing so, they are in effect rejecting that child. I can relate to how you feel, Brittany. My mother and father argued all the time. Their arguments always got violent. There was no doubt that my mother hated my father during those times. When she was mad at me (which seemed to be all the time) she would say between clenched teeth, "You are just like your father." As I got older she would say it while laughing at me, knowing how much it hurt me; none of us kids wanted to be like my violent father, but I would rather have been like him than like her with her maliciousness and her own violent ways towards us kids. And then in front of me, she used to tell my brothers and sisters, "I don't ever want another Darlene in my house." Translation: I was the most hateful person on the face of the planet. So you see, Brittany, I do understand how you felt when both your father and his mother demeaned you for being like your mother. Not because she was a terrible person, but because they don't like the way she's behaving. When they see you behaving in a way that reminds them of your mother, they, in their troubled minds, lash out at you. See Part 2: The messages you received are lies... below. <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html#videoreading"><img src="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/images/Chapter12MrWhitakerSnap2.jpg" border="0" title="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" alt="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" align="left" hspace=5 vspace=5></a> Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html" title="On My Own Terms, A Memoir">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Mar 30, 2009

Part 2: The messages you received are lies...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Brittany, you mentioned a counsellor. I hope you are still able to talk to this counsellor. You need help sorting through all your feelings. And you need help understanding that the negative messages you've had to listen to for the last 5 or so years are simply NOT TRUE.

Don't for one second believe the lies, Brittany. You are a lovable and worthy person. You deserve love, you deserve nurturing, and you deserve dignity and respect. You don't deserve to be mistreated in any way.

Right now your father is too wrapped up in his own troubles to see anything beyond his own needs. That's not fair to you; but it is the way it is. And your mother doesn't seem to be helping the situation.

The trick here is to replace the negative messages with positive ones. I had to learn that not only was I worthy and lovable, but that I would have to be the one to give myself the love I didn't get at home. As a 13-year-old, that shouldn't have to be; but the best advice I can give to you now is to empower yourself.

Start telling yourself the truth about yourself and see the positive attributes of who you are as a person. I'm not talking about being arrogant or conceited. I'm talking about self-love. I'm talking about boosting your own self-esteem. Every time you hear a negative message about yourself, in your mind, replace that with something positive about who you are. Make a list of all the wonderful qualities you possess: caring, loving, a good friend, loyal, giving, ability to see the positive when something negative happens (like being grateful after the ipod situation; an exceptional quality, by the way!), etc. Then resort to that list whenever you need to remind yourself of the good things about you.

Another resource is Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you about what you have dealt with, as well as what you are currently dealing with. You're worth that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Brittany.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

X Close Editor

Mar 30, 2009
Rating

Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Title

Comment
Brittany, you mentioned a counsellor. I hope you are still able to talk to this counsellor. You need help sorting through all your feelings. And you need help understanding that the negative messages you've had to listen to for the last 5 or so years are simply NOT TRUE. Don't for one second believe the lies, Brittany. You are a lovable and worthy person. You deserve love, you deserve nurturing, and you deserve dignity and respect. You don't deserve to be mistreated in any way. Right now your father is too wrapped up in his own troubles to see anything beyond his own needs. That's not fair to you; but it is the way it is. And your mother doesn't seem to be helping the situation. The trick here is to replace the negative messages with positive ones. I had to learn that not only was I worthy and lovable, but that I would have to be the one to give myself the love I didn't get at home. As a 13-year-old, that shouldn't have to be; but the best advice I can give to you now is to empower yourself. Start telling yourself the truth about yourself and see the positive attributes of who you are as a person. I'm not talking about being arrogant or conceited. I'm talking about self-love. I'm talking about boosting your own self-esteem. Every time you hear a negative message about yourself, in your mind, replace that with something positive about who you are. Make a list of all the wonderful qualities you possess: caring, loving, a good friend, loyal, giving, ability to see the positive when something negative happens (like being grateful after the ipod situation; an exceptional quality, by the way!), etc. Then resort to that list whenever you need to remind yourself of the good things about you. Another resource is <a href="http://www.childhelp.org/get_help" target="_"blank rel="NOFOLLOW">Child Help</a> at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you about what you have dealt with, as well as what you are currently dealing with. You're worth that kind of help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Brittany. <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html#videoreading"><img src="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/images/Chapter12MrWhitakerSnap2.jpg" border="0" title="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" alt="A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere" align="left" hspace=5 vspace=5></a> Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html" title="On My Own Terms, A Memoir">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Mar 30, 2009

low self esteem is can cripple one for years.
by: Maurice

Britany, you've begun on the road to Always believing in yourself, your own self worth, self esteem, self acknowledgment, love of yourself and your body. By sharing your story it is one big step for you and in turn that brave step for you will encourage many your own age to take it too. There's goodness and greatness in all children/teens/adolescents/young adults but it has to be nurtured and affirmed by loving parents, teachers extended family members and friends. Only then can any person accept their beautiful God created self. As in quite a number of families children are put down most of the time by nagative saying and doings of their parents and older siblings. This causes deep emotional anxiety in those children for a long period of their life. I like mirrors Britany but more importantly I love who I see in the Mirror, for years though and I mean years I did not like who I saw in the mirror I had negative attitudes about my whole self especially my naughty bottom as I thought it was because I was beaten and abused by a control freak. He was beating a very beautiful part of my body putting me down as a bold boy deserving to be punished, He certainly did no good for my self esteem. With the help of a counselor and a few friends who loved me for who I was I began loving myself and my mirror image soared high within me. So Britany Darlene has advised wonderful steps for you to take now to build up your self worth/esteem. begin to take them with the help of your closest of friends. Trust them and they will walk with you building your self worth as they do.

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Mar 30, 2009
Rating

Submitted by: Maurice

Title

Comment
Britany, you've begun on the road to Always believing in yourself, your own self worth, self esteem, self acknowledgment, love of yourself and your body. By sharing your story it is one big step for you and in turn that brave step for you will encourage many your own age to take it too. There's goodness and greatness in all children/teens/adolescents/young adults but it has to be nurtured and affirmed by loving parents, teachers extended family members and friends. Only then can any person accept their beautiful God created self. As in quite a number of families children are put down most of the time by nagative saying and doings of their parents and older siblings. This causes deep emotional anxiety in those children for a long period of their life. I like mirrors Britany but more importantly I love who I see in the Mirror, for years though and I mean years I did not like who I saw in the mirror I had negative attitudes about my whole self especially my naughty bottom as I thought it was because I was beaten and abused by a control freak. He was beating a very beautiful part of my body putting me down as a bold boy deserving to be punished, He certainly did no good for my self esteem. With the help of a counselor and a few friends who loved me for who I was I began loving myself and my mirror image soared high within me. So Britany Darlene has advised wonderful steps for you to take now to build up your self worth/esteem. begin to take them with the help of your closest of friends. Trust them and they will walk with you building your self worth as they do.

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Apr 02, 2009

Your iPod and Mine...
by: Francine

Brittany, I'm sorry about your beloved iPod; in fact, I have 2 iPods, and if my dad did something like that to either one of them, I would be so mad at him. Please tell someone about your dad cuz you don't deserve to be abused in any way. Hang on!

Jan 12, 2010

Again
by: Brittany

What do I do if this has gotten worse??
More on the hitting side???
I don't know what to do, please help

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Child Abuse Story From Brittany2

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Child Abuse Story From Brittany2