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Child Abuse Story From Brandi

by Brandi
(USA)




What I went through was a while ago. People say it's not that bad, but its killing me inside, and it has been for a while now.

I've been through both physical and psychological abuse for most of my life. I've got it from a lot of people: my mom, aunt, grandmom, sister, dad, the list can go on. But I don't let many people in on these things. I'm just doing this to help out any kids that need to hear this.

The abuse was so heartbreaking that it makes me cry if I even hear someone say that they love me. It would mean the world to me if my parents would say how they really feel and stop leading me along to play their games. It's not fair for me to cry every night when I think of all that's gone on. I never asked for this, I just got it. They hurt me every day. They can't even see that their child is slowly dying inside.

My mother is the big one on the psychological part. Every chance she gets she will pick me apart. She tells me how conceded I am, and how I will never find anyone who loves me. I can't understand why she does this to me, but I guess she just wants to feel better about her life. I have only tried to make my parents proud of me, but it's like for every step forward I get thrown back by a million.

My dad was big on the physical abuse that went from childhood up until 2 years ago. He has pulled out my hair, choked me, thrown me, thrown objects at me, yelled and screamed in my face, and choked me up on a stone fireplace. I haven't done anything wrong to him. And he has never even said that he is sorry for what he has done to me. I can't believe I still love them both. Even though they really haven't been there. And deep in my heart I don't feel like they love me at all. But there is not much you can do to make someone realize how you feel and what you're willing to go through to earn their love. In a normal life, the love should be there...you don't need to earn love, but that's just the way life goes for a girl like me, one who puts her heart out there and tries to make someone see how she needs someone to just say how they feel about her and let her know its okay to cry and not be afraid to let her true emotions come to the surface. But hey, that's how it is for me. That's just the way it goes. What's a girl to do when the love isn't true?



Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Brandi" can be found below.

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Child Abuse Story From Brandi

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May 20, 2008
 You've been told lies...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You need to get help for yourself, Brandi. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You deserve parents who are loving and nurturing and supportive. Talk to a teacher, or a school counsellor; they can help you with your options. Contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the emotional turmoil you are dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose any abuse you are still suffering through.

And just for the record, Brandi, you've done NOTHING wrong. You are PERFECT as you are. If your parents can't see that for themselves, that's their problem. My mother did exactly the same thing to me as your mother is doing to you. I had to learn to give myself the positive "strokes" and "messages" that were so lacking in my life. I had to learn that there was nothing wrong with me. I had to learn that I was worthy. YOU, Brandi, ARE WORTHY! Keep telling yourself that. Don't for one more second believe the lies your mother or aunt or grandmother, or sister, or dad, or anyone else tells you. They ARE lies, every one of them: LIES LIES LIES! You need to hear this just as much as any other kid who visits this site. Help yourself before trying to help others.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
May 21, 2008
 You're NOT alone...
by: Elaine

Dear Brandi,

I can TRULY empathise with you. What you have written about your experiences of family life, are very similar to what I spent many years as a child having to put up with.

You have every right to feel upset, hurt and confused. Physical abuse (and any other sort of abuse) is a terrible thing, that should NOT have to happen to any child. You, just like every other child out there, deserved love, care and support from your family. Instead, you felt betrayed, receiving anger and punishment instead.

The WORST thing, and this is from my point of view just as much as yours, is the EMOTIONAL abuse that ALWAYS accompanies any other type of abuse going on. It is this that leaves you confused, guilty and feeling worthless. You see, as a child, you do not have any power to protect yourself. When something bad happens, you want to know the reason why, and it is SO easy for an abuser to kid you that you are to blame. This is NOT true. Abusers only tell you this, because in reality they are weak and unable to take responsibility for their own actions.

For a child (like you and me when we were abused) to have to live every day in fear, worrying about when we might receive a criticism, a scolding or a punishment from our family is dreadful. To live with people who are meant to care about you, but who actually tell you every day that you are "rubbish" and "useless" and "disappointing to them" is very damaging. If you keep hearing these perverted, distorted untruths, you may eventually come to accept them as fact. That is the greatest damage of all.

Brandi, please believe me that if I tell you that you are NOT rubbish, and DO NOT deserve to be mistreated, THIS IS A FACT. You are just a regular, everyday person, who deserves support, encouragement, kindness and love. An individual, who deserves respect, fun, and a life of her own.

Get help! Don't be ashamed or afraid to tell someone what has happened. If you feel able to go ahead, seek the assistance of a Counselor - someone unbiased, who can share your experiences with you, giving you the chance to "offload" your source of stress, and assisting you to find ways of coping effectively. You've survived the abuse alone, but with someone to support you, you can go on to have the life you deserve.

Brandi, I've described some of my experiences on this website, in the Open House (Elaine's Room). Just a thought, but you might find it helps to read them. You're NOT alone. Good luck...

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