Child Abuse Story From Bobbi

by Bobbi
(Kansas, USA)

When I was 4 my mother let a friend choose my baby sitter. He was a male, but my brother and I were sleeping so she figured that it would be all right. after she left he woke me up and said it was play time. I went to wake my brother but he said no. After a while of playing I went to ride my big wheel out of the room. He stopped me and said we should play in the closet. I took the big wheel in with me, and he messed with me for a while, when we got out he said "That wasn't so bad, was it?" I went back to playing and when I went to leave again on my big wheel he said it was time to play in the closet again only this time I had to leave the big wheel out. He raped me. I am lucky that God sent me an Angel who took away my pain and told me everything would be all right. Thanks to that the Angel is all I remember about the actual rape, but I do recall that afterwards he was trying to tie the straps to my sun suit together like he was concerned for me I pushed him away and ran to my bed where my little brother was still sleeping. I laid down and closed my eyes I must have fallen back asleep because when my ma got home I was sleeping. It was discovered what happened shortly there after when I was taking a bath and my water became bloody. My mom took me to the hospital and everything they told her that thanks to him the first time I got pregnant I would be a high risk pregnancy because they didn't know how well I would heal.

They took me away from my mother because she failed to protect me.

When I was 7 my mother was told she had custody of us back. At the time she was married to my sisters biological father. We ended up moving to Montana on the way there he started inapropriate actions with me. He continued to molest me by waking me up at night and taking me into another room. Not only was he sexually abusive but he also tried to kill me on at least 2 occasions that I can recall.

After this My brother, sister and I were put into a foster home I arrived while still 7 and left when I was 9. Shortly after arriving the 17 year old son started molesting me. He made me give him blow jobs and a lot of other things. I finally told because I was about to be dropped off from a visit and I knew he would be in charge of me. I didn't want to go through it again so I told my mom and she brought me to a county place that deals with bad situations.

My own biological father had recently came into my life and was requesting custody of me. I was so happy to go and live with him in Arizona. He had very strange rules though once I got there like if no one else was home I should leave the bathroom door open, but if someone was there it had to be closed. When I would ask him questions about sex like what is an orgasm, or how does a condom work he would show me instead of just explaining. Once I was having trouble getting to sleep and he offered to play with me to tire me out. Not only was he sexually abusive he bought a brown leather belt with a snake design on it brand new just for spanking me with. Because the new leather would hurt more than his old warn out belt. I was having trouble with peeing my pants and he would spank me with it every time I had an accident. He would also punish me by putting soap on my tongue. He would sit and watch me while I had it there and if I started crying he would laugh and tell me how that was just making it worse. When he had to let me go to my Mothers for half the summer he made me promise before I left that I wouldn't tell our secret. I of course made the promise. But when it came to 3 days before I would have to return I couldn't bear another year with him. He had already made comments about how he could have sex with me if he wanted to all he needed was some lube. So I told and was saved from having to go back.

That was the last time I was sexually abused. My mother had a new man in her life, and I decided he was my dad instead because Dad's don't do things like my bio father did. Starting at age 14 he kicked me out of the house if I got too mad at me. He took away my 12th, 13th, 14th, and 15th birthdays. The 15th was the worse because he had already given me my present from him, and he took it away. There was a guy at our church who had the same birthday as me. My parents took him out for his birthday and left me at home watching my siblings. Once we got into a fight over the dishes and he burst into my room swinging a belt at me. I freaked and flashed back to when I was 5 and my brothers biological dad had beat me with a belt. I was screaming and kicking. The more I did the more I got hit. I went to school the next day with bruises and the school called the cops. I was put into a foster home that I hated and my dad had it on his record. I got to go home after about a month and he never took a belt to me again. He did however continue to kick me out when I did something he didn't approve of.

When i was 20 I was staying with my brother in his apartment, my dad didn't like one of the people my brother had staying there so he told me I had a week to get my brother to get rid of him. I failed to talk my brother into it so my dad banished me from the family. My brother was still allowed around but not me. I was hurt extremely bad.

Shortly there after I met my husband. I used his phone to call my dad just days after we had met. My dad refused my apology and hung up the phone on me after telling me I wasn't allowed to come over or call his house. My husband helped me to realize that I did not need the approval of a controlling jerk. He helped me to release my dependency on having a father and realize that I needed to focus on what a great person I am.

I have always had faith in God, and Jesus that has never changed. I have always trusted that God would bring me through whatever was going on. That faith brought me through everything that happened. I maintained my self worth through becoming the exception to every rule, and making sure I knew who I didn't want to be. Not a path I suggest for everyone as it had its own rough spots. It took meeting someone who was willing to tell me I was better than the way I was being treated, and who I was willing to show how I was really being treated, in order to get away from the last form of abuse in my life.

Now I am 30. I have given birth to 3 beautiful children, and all of them healthy. I'm in a very loving supportive relationship. I only keep true friends in my life and have very little to do with my Dad. I am a christian and a survivor. I will never erase those awful memories from my head, but I have found the strength to forgive the ones who hurt me. I am better off for doing so, and know that God will deal with them.

If anyone wants to talk to me about anything I have written I am willing to do so. I hope that my story is able to help someone else who is going through or has gone through anything similar. God bless everyone with the strength they need to handle what the world has given them.

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