Child Abuse Story From Belinda McQ

by Belinda McQ
(Dublin, Ireland)

I was six years old when my mam and dad started to argue. We didn't have much money back then so my mam used to send me into our neighbour's house for sugar, milk, things like that. He seemed like a nice man. Kind. Always wanting to play games and tickle me. I remember making animals from cereal boxes in his house and playing darts in his bedroom. I've never spoken to anyone in detail about the things he did to me, not even the doctors who tried to help me. Sometimes I used to say little things, and when I'd see their reaction, I'd stop. It made me feel ashamed of who I was.

I'm not a selfish person, but I am when it comes to my pain. I can't share it with anyone. They wouldn't understand. I want to love the person inside me fighting to get out everyday. I will never forget what he did to me. I trusted him, and now I have good and bad days. It upsets me. Sometimes I go into trances where I hate myself. I think if I had stayed away and not gone back, then I could trust people and not let the past drag me back. I am still hurting, but it's my pain. It belongs to me, and nobody can make it better. Only me.

I will continue to fight the past and make the most of my future for my two beautiful girls, and hope someday I meet a guy who is strong enough and supportive enough to see me come out the other side. I want to live everyday like it's my last. I have lost too much time to want to waste it now.

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