Child Abuse Story From Becky

by Becky
(United Kingdom)

I must have been about five or six when I first realised that something was wrong. It was a constant tirade of put downs, I could do nothing right and between myself and my sister we would "take it in turns" to be picked on, for no apparent reason. We were soon silenced because as we tried to protest our innocence against each other and help each other, our mother would tell the other child off even worse. So we were in a rather helpless situation. Sometimes we would be beaten by our father, on her word. He wouldn't listen either, and we were accused of lying and being loud mouths.

We could never do anything good enough, we were always punished, and I lived in fear.

I think the thing that saved me was my inner voice who told me it was wrong. I took refuge in my friends, and I loved being away from the home.

As time passed, my father had a mental breakdown. I always suspected that my mother caused it. He then has since pursued a life of alcohol and drug misuse which has exacerbated his medical symptoms. I was in fear of my father killing himself because it would be my fault. My mother used this threat often as a way to control me. I became a good little helper, doing lots of chores to try and get some recognition. I misplaced this as "love".

At 17 I left home. I realised no-one was listening to me or hearing me. My mother was more concerned about the neighbours at the time (!) than my welfare, and wouldn't speak to me for another 6 months. By this time my siblings were suitably wary to get involved.

I then tried to ease the pain of leaving by being a "good" daughter. I was attentive, entered a caring profession dedicating my life to helping others as I recognised that I couldn't help my parents. I was fourteen when I realized that chilling thought...that my parents were beyond help!

Anyway, after many years of trying to piece it all together and countless times of getting hurt, to be blamed for everything that went wrong, I look at our broken family. My sister mirrors my mum and is cold and distant. She is very isolated and has no friends. My mum robbed of her of that by stealing her confidence. My father continues to escape in a wine bottle and my mother continues to blame everything and anything for her failings.

I am now a grown-up 35, mother of 2 wonderful children. I am absolutely determined to end the cycle, and for me this means that I can no longer be a part of their fantasy life where only they gain and everyone else hurts. They are the most selfish people I know.

You can find strength. Trust your guts and listen to your inner voice.

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