Child Abuse Story From Becca1

by Becca
(Sacramento, California, USA)

So growing up i had an older cousin who was about 2 years older than me. My dad had a very rough childhood and his father was very abusive toward him adn his siblings and especially towards my grandmother. my Grandmother shot and killed him when my father was around the age of 11 or 12 afer he beat her and the 6 kids and told her that if she didnt kill him he was going to kill her nad the children so she shot and killed him. This had a seriuos effect on my dad and his siblings.

My dad never sexually abused me but he had diffent views on sex and what was ok and what was not. He used to tell us that he and an older cousin he had used to have intercourse very frequently and he never really knew it was wrong. I know now that i am 21 that my father doing that is probably why all of my cousins and my sisblings never grew up knowing that there were boundaries that need not be crossed when it comes to family.

I had an older cousin who was about 2 years older than me and it all began when he was sleeping in my bed and i was around the age of 7 and he was 9 or 10 and i was wearing a barbie nightgown and he began to run his fingers up my legs and i remember asking him what he was doing and he said he saw it in amovie and it waould be fun. At that age i really didnt know any better and i didnt really fight it. This happend many more times and for many years and i never told anyone because my cousin said it was our "special game" and if i told anyone we wuld be inalot of toruble and never get to see eachother again. I loved my cousin alot and i deffintly didnt want to get in trouble so i never said anything.

One night when i was about 13 me and my cousin were laying on my bed and he began to act diffrent before he only touched me and never that was all this time he took my underware off and got between my legs and said he was going to do someting else he saw in a movie and it was going to be fun. When he pushed into me ithurt so very bad and i remeber gasping and telling him i didnt wanna play anymore and that it hurt. He told me it would get better and nt hurt so bad and it never stopped hurting. I layed inmy bed afterward feeling confused and didnt know what happend and what i should do. This continued to happen for many more times and as i got older i began to kind of like it. i nerver knoew that it was wrong to like it. One day while this was happening my aunt walked in and saw and she freaked out and she beat him severly and told my dad when my dad sat me down to talk about it i was shocked that i didnt get in trouble also my dad just told me it was normal to have feelings like that and that he had a "kissing cousin" and that it was normal. It stopped for a couple of months and i was kind of happy because i was always bleeding when my cousin played "the game" with me so i was happy to fianally not be.

When i was around the age of 15 my cousin who was around the age of 18 or 19 began to stay with us and he was a diffrent person. when my mother went to work he would aloways find me in the house and lock the door and he would force himself on me and it was diffrent than when i was younger it was so much more hard and violent and he would do it no matter how much i tried to fight him off. My mom wasnt with my dad anymore and i felt scared to tell my mom and i thought she wouldnt believe me so i just kept it in. One day i began to feel sick and started throwing up and didnt know what was wrong with me. I got sick so much my mom began to notice. I am very close with my mom and i dont like to upset her and make her stress because she has been through alot.

I finally got the courage to go to a clinic and get tested and an hour later i got the results that i was 8 weeks pregnant. I began to cry and was so mad and frustranted and didnt know what to do. How was i supposed to tell my mother that i was pregant and that the fater was her oldest nephew. I just couldnt do it i was so ashamed. At that moment i knew i had to make the hardest decision i was going to have to make as a woman but ultimatley i knew what i had to do. After i got my abortion i would make it a point to make sure i was never alone in the house with my cousin and i would never talk to him. I was so mad at him and i felt so ashamed to be around him and wanted nothing to do with him. I could hear him in the middle of the night trying to get into my room but i wouold wedge my chair against my door making sure he couldnt. After about a month he finally began to leave me alone.

I have a yonger sister who is about a year yonger than me and a y9ounger cousin and she is the same age as my sister. One day they both came to me and told me that our older boy vousin the samoe one who had been doing it to me began to act really srange when artound them and made them feel very incomfortalble. I knew then i had to break my silence becuase i didnt want hinm to think it was ok anymore. I went and told my whole family what happend and how i got pregnat and how it had been happening for years anad how he was now starting to try with the other girls. My family was in shock and my dad cried and said he was so sorry and that it was not normal like he had told me when i was younger abd that he thought it was just innocent. After i told everyone i felt somuch better and he wasnt allowed to be around any of us girls and inthe end he finally moved out aofthe states nad i dont see him anyomore.

Now i am 21 and have just gotten engaged and my fiancee knows everything about me and i feel very safe and i now know how cousins are supposed to be towars eachother. I am still nt able to get pregnant and i have scar tissue from what he did to me and me being do yo9ung but i am getting counceliing and am alot better but it feels good to get it out and talk about it. Thnk you

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