Child Abuse Story From AnonymousAD

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents never cuddled us or kissed us. My father would beat me, I remember having bruises and being afraid to pull my sleeves up at school in case someone saw the bruises. My father would put his hand around my throat and slide me up the wall, I would be gagging and afraid I was going to die hanging there. When he beat me I would try to get away and sometimes crawl behind the sofa, my father would grab my feet and drag me back and beat me more. My father had a sort of split personality, sometimes he would beat me and another time he would give me money for sweets and perhaps even say that he loved me. He would always deny that he ever hit me. I remember praying on my way home that he would be alright today!

Once I wrote a children's story book, a teacher told me to get it published, I was so excited when I told my father, he told me not to be so silly that if it was any good the teacher would have got it published, he told me to throw it away which I did.

My mother left home when I was 12 and left me with my father. While my mother was at home I remember her being cold and unloving. She did not beat us but in some ways the mental cruelty was worse. My mother made me feel I was useless and incapable of doing anything. This has made me lack self confidence and very often I give up before I complete anything as if I have to prove that she is right.

My father is dead now and my mother is old. I guess they were treated the way they treated their children when they were children themselves.

I always feel too ashamed to tell anyone about this as if it was my fault in some way.

The strange thing is I now feel like my husband is starting to be abusive to me, he now knocks my confidence and says that I can't do anything. He always seems to want to be against everyone, the neighbours and any other person who crosses his path and he pushes me into sending numerous emails to the police, council and anyone else in a position of authority to complain about neighbours etc.

I feel as if slowly I am being pushed back into a mentally abused situation. My husband has now started telling me that people say he must go through hell living with me, but we have no friends and I don't see anyone really, so I don't know who the people are who have told him this. He also said that some people stay together even though there is nothing left between them and they are just waiting for the right moment to end the relationship; I feel like this is a hint for me that he is waiting for the right moment to leave me. I cannot handle things very well and get angry which does not help. I try to talk but when I do my husband goes even further and I end up either really angry or in tears. If I cry my husband shows no sympathy he looks at me as if he is in some way pleased that I am upset.

I was ill and ended up in hospital twice a while ago, my husband stood over me to give me the paracetomol (the doctor told me to take) even though the tablets were making me vomit. He even counted the tablets so he could check I had taken them and at one time while I was actually vomiting he stood over me with the tablets and a glass of water. I felt like he was getting some sort of pleasure out of my illness. I had to phone my doctor and ask for his permission to stop taking the paracetmol to stop my husband giving me the tablets.

I wish I could see light at the end of the tunnel. A way to improve my situation. I wonder what is wrong with me that I allow myself to be abused in this way.

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