Child Abuse Story From Anonymous23

by Anonymous
(Kansas, USA)

Neglected and Abused: 
I was emotionally and physically abused ever since I can remember. Growing up was hell at home. I knew for sure going home I was going to get beat with a belt and there was nothing I could do to prevent that.

My mom would call me stupid, and would get mad if people said I looked like her. (Guess she thought I was too ugly?) Once I was cleaning, and I thought it might be fun to move furniture around (I was like 9). My mom screamed at me to put it back the way it was. She said, "This is my house, when you have your house, you can do whatever you want to it." From that day on, I never felt like I was at home.

Sometimes my mom would say that she wouldn't let my dad beat her, he would take it out on the kids. I always thought, then why do you let him beat us, don't you love us?

I became very shy and wouldn't talk to anyone at school. I don't remember my dad ever leaving any marks on me, but it was probably because he would always hit me in my back/butt. I used to hate my dad so much. I saw him as a monster, and I wished him dead so many times. I thought about telling someone about what was happening, but didn't know what would happen. If they sent me to a foster home, they would probably split my sisters and I up, and I didn't want that. I had heard too that sometimes it can be worse with foster parents, so I decided to not tell.

The physical abuse went on until I was about 11, but the emotional abuse continued. I had such a low self-esteem. I hated everyone, including myself. I wished to die so many times, and actually tried to kill myself twice. I felt so unworthy of everything, and felt that I could never live up to anyone's expectations. Saddest thing to me was that my dad would read us the Bible every Sunday and preach about how we need to obey our parents and be good...I thought, this must be such an evil God if he is allowing this in our lives.

I guess the positive thing about this was that I reacted to my situations by trying to find some escape. I found that escape in school. I was a great student who had college potential (as my advisor said). The fact that somebody believed I could do it drove me to reach for it. My dad did not agree for me to attend college, but I chose to go anyway. This is when I decided to stand up to my dad. Before this I always did what he said out of fear. I knew if I didn't go to college I was doomed to have the same life as my mother did (emotional abuse).

I ran away from home, and for the first time, my father cried in front of me, begging me to go back. I realized that he did love me, but I still didn't understand what he had done to me. He said he did the right thing. I cried so much. I missed my brothers and sisters. If it wasn't for them, I would've disappeared from my parents' life and never spoke to them again.

Eventually I did go back, because I had decided to go to another city for college in one year. It was not easy being back home. I wanted respect from my dad now, and it was not easy for him to understand. He had a "children are meant to be seen, not heard" perspective, and thought I would always be a child.

Before I left for college, my dad said he was sorry if he had ever hurt me. I guess he didn't want me to leave hating him. I took it, but didn't say anything. I was surprised he had said this and thought he might not be honest.

I went through a bad relationship with a guy and my parents helped me through it, so I started seeing that maybe they did love me.

When I started college in the new city, I decided to look for God because he had helped me through so many things, but didn't really know Him. At age 19, I became a Christian, best decision of my life. I prayed with friends for a year, and finally forgave my parents. I found amazing peace in knowing God and understanding that all things do work for His plans. I have been freed from chains in so many ways, but I'm still trying to heal pieces of my life.

I continued to have bad relationships, and finally decided to stop dating. I am just waiting for God to heal me completely, and I'm sure that special someone will come along one day.

I guess I don't really have anything more to say other than everything is possible and can be overcome as long as there is hope. I am now 24 years old, have a great job and am more confident in myself than I have ever been. I am working to be 100% healed and pray that God will use me as a witness to what his power has done and can do for others if they just trust and lay it all down for him.

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