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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous18

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

Was Ignored, But Not School-Phobic: 
I went to this site looking to heal. I am now being told by drunk spouse I am...etc. The thing is, I want you all to know that school phobia is not, from my point of view, real.

I missed school 'cause of real abuse and I hid it. They gave me antidepressants with really bad side effects, and told me I was not sick unless...not covered by their rules. I could not sleep when my dad came home drunk 3 or 4 times a week, himself falling asleep head against the horn. Eventually, I knew he would pass out before doing harm. Really. I was supposed to go to school anticipating drunk Dad, plus certain classes with bullies? These bullies only got to harm me after my dad did. Teasing was my own fault, according to school. Like guys flirting with you are not raping you (emphasized added 'cause it's real) but bullies are not flirting, you are pretty so...no one could have bullied me 'cause it was my own fault they liked me...OK! I don't care how pretty I am, I am a victim. But you say my looks make it my fault...so, I felt worthless 'cause of what my dad did.

I really went into cover and concealment mode. The school bought it. The credentialed mental health guy got to give me drugs. I was messed up. Did not know anything. Thought the blood meant I was hurt bad, but mental health person I talked to thought it was my first period I was talking about. I was talking abut a broken hymen, but I didn't know it.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Anonymous18 can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous18

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Aug 08, 2008
 "School phobia" or not, you were definitely dealing with child abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Anonymous, you'll note that I've moved your post from the comment thread that it was originally posted to. It has taken some time for me to actually post it here, since the topic you refer to (school phobia) has never been addressed on this site. I wanted to address it before putting your story up live, which I have now done: You'll find it titled School Phobia and Child Abuse on my child abuse page.

As for what you dealt with in your childhood, you were certainly let down by all the adults around you. Not only were you being abused at home and facing troubles that no child should ever have to face, the school ignored the signs that you were being abused. The teachers and administrators further abused you by blaming you for acts committed against you. They were cruel and uncaring. Then the mental health person sent to supposedly help you seemed ill-equipped to understand what you were unable to articulate to him.

We live in a society that likes to put labels on states of minds such as "syndrome" or "disorder" or "phobia." And while many would rather roll their eyes at such extensive use of such labels than accept that they exist, the advantage to utilizing them is in understanding why certain behaviours are present in people.

Whether or not you believe in the existence of "school phobia," the fact is you had to deal with the repercussions of child abuse at home, and then further deal with an unsympathetic school system that perpetuated your emotional turmoil, and a social welfare system that failed you at every turn, which in turn further perpetuated the unrest. Now it seems you are dealing with an alcoholic husband...I do hope you are in some form of counselling in order to help you with the load you are carrying. A counsellor may be able to help you unload the weight of your burden. You are worth that help.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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