Child Abuse Story From Anonymous17

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous17

by Anonymous
(USA)

Who's the Adult and Who's the Child?
When my mom remarried, she had sole custody of me at 5 years old. She and Step-dad left me with others a lot! After all, I was the residue from the previous marriage - just a necessary nuisance to be dealt with as little as possible. I was left with family, friends, acquaintances, often for long periods of time - days, weeks, months while "they" were out wining, dining, visiting, partying, traveling. (I'm still resentful today at 51 over the choices my mother made!!) Sure, she wanted her new marriage to work, etc., but at what cost...me.

I was sacrificed the most expedient way so that she could give all her time, affection and energy to him. After all, I was just a kid - and truly, of no importance. Ignoring me was way easier than acknowledging my feelings and confusion. She couldn't understand and "punished" me when she learned I was saying to other women, "I wish you were my mother!"

Today, I'm happily married with 3 beautiful, smart, healthy boys. I have a great deal to be thankful for, and I am! But I still have a 'LOT' of resentment and anger at my mother. I understand the choices she made regarding me as a child, but I don't forgive her or respect her for them.

Note from Darlene: The above story was posted as a comment under another contributor's story. I have moved it here, as its own story page. My comments to this Child Abuse Story From Anonymous can be found below.

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous17

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Jul 30, 2008

The "resentment" will consume you...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother chose her husband over you, her precious child. She neglected you and emotionally abused you. Your stepfather was a willing participant. They were selfish and didn't deserve to have you as their child.

Of course you wouldn't respect your mother; she hasn't earned that respect. And from what you've written, she didn't do anything to create a bond with you. I understand that all too well. Your mother discarded you with no regard for you as a person with needs, which made it very difficult for you to love her, especially when no bond had been developed. But unless the needs that were never met as a child are met as an adult, that adult child will likely still be craving that love. That's why it's so important to seek out some form of counselling. Counselling can help you fill that need for yourself, a need that cannot be filled by your children, your spouse, or anyone else.

You made it a priority to break the cycle of abuse with your own family. You should be very proud of yourself for that. Now it's time to get the help you need in order to let go of the resentment you've hung onto for your entire adult life; because if you don't, it will continue to eat you up. Eventually, if it hasn't already, that anger and hostility will adversely affect your health. I'm sure you want to be around and healthy to enjoy the next stages of your boys as they move on with their lives. What a gift it would be to them, as well as yourself, to be free of that leftover bitterness. Think of it this way, Anonymous: As long as you continue to hold onto this resentment, your mother continues to have a hold on you. Make the decision to severe that hold; because she isn't worth wasting one more second of your precious life.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Jul 30, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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Your mother chose her husband over you, her precious child. She neglected you and emotionally abused you. Your stepfather was a willing participant. They were selfish and didn't deserve to have you as their child. Of course you wouldn't respect your mother; she hasn't earned that respect. And from what you've written, she didn't do anything to create a bond with you. I understand that all too well. Your mother discarded you with no regard for you as a person with needs, which made it very difficult for you to love her, especially when no bond had been developed. But unless the needs that were never met as a child are met as an adult, that adult child will likely still be craving that love. That's why it's so important to seek out some form of counselling. Counselling can help you fill that need for yourself, a need that cannot be filled by your children, your spouse, or anyone else. You made it a priority to break the cycle of abuse with your own family. You should be very proud of yourself for that. Now it's time to get the help you need in order to let go of the resentment you've hung onto for your entire adult life; because if you don't, it will continue to eat you up. Eventually, if it hasn't already, that anger and hostility will adversely affect your health. I'm sure you want to be around and healthy to enjoy the next stages of your boys as they move on with their lives. What a gift it would be to them, as well as yourself, to be free of that leftover bitterness. Think of it this way, Anonymous: As long as you continue to hold onto this resentment, your mother continues to have a hold on you. Make the decision to severe that hold; because she isn't worth wasting one more second of your precious life. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html"><i>On My Own Terms, A Memoir</i></a>

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Aug 06, 2008

Take care of yourself and your inner child
by: Erin

I know from personal experience that the abandonment and abuse you suffered at the hands of you mother leaves deep hidden wounds. I am now 51 and have been trying to get through this for almost ten years. It has only been in the last year that I've made progress. My abusive husband of 25 years beat me and deserted me and our family for his mistress and her sons (we have two girls).

My mother should never have been allowed to have children. It's amazing that I can forgive her (because I consider her incapable) but not myself. I'm working on that.

The point is that you have to confront the deep seated,ugly wounds that you could not have dealt with as a child. The betrayal alone is hugh. You were just five years old and she couldn't be bothered with you because she wanted to have fun!

There's a little girl in you that is just waiting to be loved and nutured as you should have been. Don't let this go and have it come back later. It just gets worse. Ask for and accept some help. I know that it is the hardest thing to do especially since you have dealt with the rest of your life yourself and are doing just fine. But nows the time to deal with it, not when it comes crashing down on you and blindsides you.

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous17

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous17