Child Abuse Story From Anonymous
by Anonymous
(United Kingdom)
Physically, emotionally and sexually abused by my mum:
My mum suffers from schizophrenia, and tended to be very violent. She would hit anyone who got in her way, but when I was younger she tended to take it out mostly on our pet cat, she would throw her shoe at the cat and chase it around the house.
My mum wouldn't let me bath myself until I was 14. She used to grab my penis, and tried to touch it very often. She always verbalised that she thought I had a nice penis.
My dad used to hit me from an early age. I was so sad and depressed. He would hit me for watching the tv, for waking up early, for anything he could think of. So after school, I didn't stay at home, but used to go to this building near where I lived and hide in bushes until it was quite late. I would then go home and eat what little food there was.
My dad tended to do very little food shopping, as he would save his money and send it abroad to his sisters, nieces and nephews, whilst us his real immediate family would starve.
But when I got to 14, my dad stopped hitting me because I hit him back. But then my mum, along with the sexual abuse, started to hit me for anything she could think of. She used to hit me on my back as hard as she could.
One night, I woke up and felt someone feeling my penis. This happened about 4 times over the next few years, or at least that was how many times I woke up. The worst thing was, the next day my mum said to me that I should shave my pubic hair or otherwise I would be considered dirty. So then I knew who it was.
One day when I was very tired, my mum asked me to go to her bed (we shared a room). I was so tired I didn't know what I was doing, so I did just to shut her up. I then fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later, after having a dream where my penis was stuck between something. I woke up and there was a horrible smell. I was very tired, and worst of all, my shorts were down around my legs. I don't know exactly what happened. Just thinking about it made me ill. I couldn't concentrate on my studies. I felt sick to my stomach.
I became very shy and disgusted by sex. I didn't willingly have sex until I was 25, and that was with a prostitute. After that, I started to see prostitutes regularly, but could never orgasm by sex.
Once, when me and my mum visited the country of her birth, I was sleeping inside. It started to thunder and rain heavily, like a monsoon. Everyone else was sleeping under the veranda. I got frightened sleeping alone, so I went to find a bed next to them. The only bed I could find that was half empty was my mum's. I fell asleep. I woke up in the night, feeling the same way as I had before; it was happening again. In the morning, I felt sick, and I was unsure what exactly had happened.
I don't think my abuse is excessively bad, but it stopped me eating for years and years. I could barely eat a decent meal, so I became extremely thin and short. My mum would force me to eat the things that I hated most or make me do things I didn't want to do. Once she hit me and made me go give sweets to children on the corner.
I remember one time when I was about 17. My mum decided to go on hunger strike at home and refused to cook any food. I was starving. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. Eventually, I managed to scrape together the money for a portion of chips. When I brought them home, my mum got up and ate them all. She didn't let me have a single one. Then had the nerve to say 'you should have bought some more'.
My mum was verbally, physically, emotionally and sexually abusive to me, and because she suffered from schizophrenia, found herself detained at the local psychiatric hospital on a regular basis. That was the signal for my dad to only feed us every few days, and ignore us completely.
I would like to see a counsellor about my life, but I'm scared because I don't want to get anyone into trouble, and I don't fully trust the counsellors.
I don't live with my mum anymore, but I know she cares about me and loves me, which is sometimes the most difficult thing to deal with, as when she used to tease me about my penis she used to do it as a joke, so I couldn't really say anything back. My dad, who suffers from diabetes, used to tell her to stop it, but she never did.
I believe my mum might also have Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy because she always calls the doctor out when my sister is ill, but won't be bothered at all when I'm ill. My sister tends to get ill very often, as she lives with her. My mum also sexually abused my sister. She used to touch her private area whenever my sister fell asleep, and then after she woke, my mum would wait for her to fall asleep again and do it again.
I have schizophrenia. I have to take medication on a regular basis. I feel empty and washed out.
Please leave your comments. I hope something here will help me and others like me. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, as it's been very difficult for me to share it until recently.
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