Child Abuse Story From Anonymous Girl

by Anonymous Girl
(Location Undisclosed)

I am now 22 and I have reason to believe I was sexually abused as a child. As a child I feel I was unaware of the happenings and my subconscious must have blocked these memories. As I got older, late teens, is when I first remember learning about sexual abuse and this is when it started....it has haunted me ever since.

I began to have these vague memories and nightmares. I began to remember as a child, wondering if my actions were normal for a child. As a grown woman, I have suffered with self-esteem issues to degrees where I criticize myself and feel down. I have issues with intimacy and extreme difficulties with trust. This has been very unfortunate as I have learned to trust him (my boyfriend) very well but when it comes to intimacy I have my moments when I am very withdrawn. I feel trust and intimacy are my biggest stressors.

My story occurs at a young age, although I have difficulty recollecting the age but it was before grade 4. I used to visit my step-grandfather and grandmother at their apartment on weekends. I remember times when I would go into the basement to help him with duties as they were tenants and I loved handy work. It is there where we were alone that he would touch me. I remember as a child I would crawl into bed with my parents after a bad dream and one weekend I crawled to my step-grandfather and told him I had a bad dream. He put me on top of him so our genitals were touching and I fail to recall whether my grandma was in the bed. All night long I could feel it and all night I recall wondering if it was wrong.

The last memory I had of him was when we were alone and watching TV. I remembered sexual acts on the TV and he asked me to stand on the couch as he stood in front of me and exposed himself as he laid my hand on his genitals and asked me to touch him. At this point I said no, and all I recall is leaving. I have blocked those memories since.

I have recently discovered that my step-grandfather has actually been charged twice for sexually abusing little girls.

I live every day with these dreams and memories that I have blocked but every time I encounter sexual abuse education they come back. I am at a loss and I don't know what to do. I wrote this story because I don't want to keep it in my head any longer. The only person I have confided in is my boyfriend of 5 years who supports me and loves me every day. He has been a great help, but I wonder if there is anything else I should do. I have kept quiet for the love of my family.

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