Child Abuse Story From Anneka

by Anneka
(United Kingdom)

It all started when i was just 7 years old. When my parents would go out and my older brother was babysitting me and my younger brother and sisters, he would touch me in a disgusting way. I was too scared to speak to anyone about it. I felt so sick and scared when my mum would say she and dad had to go out, just worrying about what was going to happen next. When it first started i was too young to understand what was happening to me but as i grew up i understood very well and i knew it was wrong but i was too scared to tell anyone. My brother always used to say if i told anyone, no-one will believe me and my family would hate me and never want to speak or see me again and that it was my fault it was happening. i kept my mouth shut because i believed him and just wanted someone to love me in the corrct way. this had been going on for 5years now. he would also make me touch him in the most horrible places ever.

One night i went to bed and so did everyone else in the house, well atleast thats what i thought, until i heard him sneak upstairs. I knew exactly where he was going. I shut my eyes pretending i was asleep thinking that would make him go away but it didnt. Next thing i know he was laying ontop of me, pulling my underwear down and forced himself inside me, i didnt know what to do so i froze. It hurt alot, it was such a scary moment, i have never been so scared in my life. once when i refused to do as he said and ran out the room, i heard his heavy footsteps following me, he was right behind me, then suddenly i fell. all i remember was running away from him and then i woke up lying on the bottom step of the stairs. Luckily all i did was brake an arm. When mum and dad arrived home and asked what had happened i just said i fell from the climbing frame in our garden. I wanted to tell my mum but felt like i couldnt. Finally when i gathered up the courage to tell her, i spoke to my older sister first in her bedroom she then called mum upstairs and we sat down and spoke the 3 of us. Mum hit me across the face and was shouting in my face saying "why are you such a f**king attention seeker, trying to ruin this family!!" She then went down stairs took my brother into his room and asked him if it was true he denied it. Mum then came thumping upstairs towards my sisters room slammed the door open...grabbed me by the neck and strangled me so hard i actually weed myself, she shouted at me 'im a selfish bitch and ever since i was born the family has hated me they never wanted me, they have never loved me.'

i feel like i have had to deal with this pain on my own i will never have anyone that loves me, but then he admitted the horror he put me through. My mum felt so guilty for what she had done and said but ever since that day mum has supported me as much as she possibly could. But a few weeks later she thought i had just forgot about it all and forgave the monster for what he had done. i feel i can't talk to my mum about how i feel now. i have felt so alone, hurt, depressed. Everyday i sit in my room thinking about all the different ways i could die, i have slit my wrists, taken 1 overdose which made me so ill i cant take tablets now and i have hung myself....nothing seems to work, i dont want to be here anymore i dont belong, just let me die and be happy. from this day now i sit in my room lock my door put my music full blast so no-one hears me screaming.

please talk to someone if you have been through such horror it doesn't help bottling it up. You need someone there that can help you, it will take time i know but your life will be worth living. Remember: there are people who love you, its not your fault and your never on your own. Dont let people think your are the victim let the people out there see you are the survivor!!!

---

Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.