Child Abuse Story From Anna E

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Child Abuse Story From Anna E

by Anna E
(Location Undisclosed)

It seems as though I am trapped within myself. Who am I and who was I meant to be? So many secrets I have kept inside all my life. Here I am 29yrs. And still feel as though I will never be a real person. My past haunts me daily but maybe its the silence that truley haunts me. I'm not sure when it all started. Maybe I wasn't really wanted at birth. My family did not have an education or a job ever. I was surounded by abusive relatives. My parents raised me in church. My dad had the mentallity of a 15yr. Old. He was like a little brother. My mom was both physically and emotionally abusive. She often would lose her temper and leave welts on me. Pull my hair, call me names, tell me I would never amount to anything.. she even told me that nothing bad has ever happened to me. I was always the dirty smelly kid at school so I was even tormented at school. I hated myself from an early age. I used to go to a friend of the family's house to play with a girl my age. Her dad was a pastor. From age 4 - 11 he did things to me. He always told my mom I was a bad girl. I liked going to his house. It felt safe even though he would hurt me. It was the only love I felt even though it was wrong. Its hard for me to say what he did but he did it a lot and went all the way with me when I was 6yrs. No one ever knew. At least I don't think so. I lived in fear and shame all my life. Blaming myself for what happened. I still do. I'm sure no one would ever believe me. He moved outta state.when I was 11yrs. So it stopped. My mom didn't stop though. When I was a teenager I became anerexic, and was suicidal. Still no one helped me. I've never been helped. I'm not sure how I made it through life. I did run into the wrong crowd when I was 17yrs. And ended up being abused by a man and women who where in their mid thirties. They showed me love and took me in. It was the wrong kind of love but I fell for it. I ran away and started a life for myself. I graduated college, have a degree and a great job. I have no contact with my family and they don't seem to care. I have never been able to have a relationship because of my fear. I don't think I ever want to. It gets lonely. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl inside. I don't understand why its so hard to move forward. Sometimes I have nightmares and am confused about the things I see in those dreams. My past always seems to haunt me. I know I am a survivor and have come a long way but I still feel like such a failure.

Thank you for listening to me. You will never know how much this means to be telling it. Silence keeps me trapped.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

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Child Abuse Story From Anna E

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Nov 08, 2011

Anna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're not only a survivor, you have the potential to be a thriver. That comes when you make the decision to not let what happened in your past continue to haunt you today, in your present moment. And that takes help. First and foremost, please understand that the pedophile didn't have a sexual relationship with you; he sexually abused you. You were 6 years old for goodness sake. Even if you were older, you were still a child, he was the adult. You were NEVER complicit. As the adult, he took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. The fact that you were not love and cared for by your parents or anyone acting in a parental capacity set you up for sexual abuse, and abuse further down the road. What happened to you was not your fault. Always remember that. You now need help processing all of it so that the haunting will stop. That can happened, but you must make the choice to get the help you need. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy for that help. You did not deserve to be abused in any way. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Treat your Self with that dignity respect and love...reach out for help with the idea of putting what you endured into perspective. You're so worthy of that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 09, 2011

You are worthy
by: Jill

Anna E
From your story I can see that you've got so many strengths that have pulled you out of your abusive family's world you experienced as a child. You're amazing for getting so far on your own.

You're able to understand yourself and what happened to you.
You open the door and move away from toxic relationships and are in control of your life.
You are solid and know what works.
You've reclaimed your secure right and responsibility to your body by not letting others abuse you again.
You're reclaiming your secure right and responsibility to validating yourself by telling your story.

I can see things you struggle with inside are still causing you pain, uncertainty and are holding you back.

You're having trouble instinctively helping yourself, and are still feeling the pain/abuse trapped inside.
You aren't sure what to do inside.
You're still denying yourself the secure right and responsibility to be treated and treat yourself with dignity.

I'm one person who believes in you. Your story is real and it matters. I know how much it means to hear that. Someone reached out to me and said these words when I was at my lowest point and it helped me find the courage I needed inside. You will find your courage too.

No one helped you, but you can help yourself out of this. See how you can turn it around and help yourself let it go. Your abusers are entirely responsible for what they did to you as a child. It was never your fault. Your family is still in their false world. My family's still there too. I had to go deeper in my life to get to the point where I understood and let go. I hope you can get to the point where you see that you were never a failure for being you as a child. You can help that child part of you whose stuck inside come out and grow so you can be a whole person again and be the you who is comfortable and can find healthy relationships. You are a beautiful person who is worthy and deserves to be treated with dignity. You will find your way out of the silence. :)

Nov 10, 2011

The Horror
by: Anonymous

Anna, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! Something's seriously wrong with her...and if she didn't want to be there, then she should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she, along with your dad and even that sick pervert of a pastor chose is inexcusable. Oh, and as for what that pervert of a pastor did to you, that's not about love; that's just all about control, so he took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities and then used them against you. Anyway, you're not to blame for his disgusting actions nor are you to blame for your so-called mother's sadistic, immature, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because that sad, tragic woman chose to abuse you while that equally sad, tragic pastor, on the other hand, chose to offend you. You were the child; your abusers were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Nov 12, 2011

Test
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is a glitch with the host server. In an attempt to release comments on this thread, I'm posting this here as a test.

Darlene Barriere

Nov 13, 2011

I believe
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry that you had to experience things which you truly did not deserve. I'm sorry if my words dont help to numb your pain and suffering. I will never be able to truly understand how you feel but my heart and love goes out to you. If I were to every meet you I would give you a hug and a smile to try an take all the bad memories and hurt away from you. I know life has been cruel and unkind to you but please try to see that there can be goodness in people and in the world. It can be dark and sad at times but you seem to be such a strong person whom i would be honoured to be friends with so i believe that you are and will become such an amazing person that deserves to be loved and cared for, to be given whatever you desire and someone who should be able to feel be allowed to experience what love truly is and see what a beautiful person you are.

Jan 20, 2012

anna e.
by: anna e.

I am Not sure anyone will even read this. I'm struggling so much today. I have been in counseling. Its brought up so much pain And images that I never knew about. Sometimes I feel crazy. I don't understand if what is going on is a part of the whole healing process. I feel as though I'm being hurt all over again. The fear is so great. This is so hard. I feel like just giving up at times. Thanks for letting me write. I have my counselor to talk to but know one else understands. I feel so alone and I'm so tired of these emotions and the nightmares.

From Darlene - Webmaster: I don't usually respond after I've posted someone's story, Anna, but I'll make an exception here. Hang in there. It IS part of the process. Just always remember that what you're remembering isn't actually happening, and that you're giving your Self the opportunity in a safe environment to feel all the emotions you've been burying for so long. THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Stay strong. You've actually been through the worst of it already, and your survived it! You WILL survive this, of that I have no doubt!

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Anna E

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Child Abuse Story From Anna E