Child Abuse Story From Ann

by Ann
(Location Undisclosed)

I was raised in an affluent suburb by two alcoholic parents. My sister, 10 years older, and my brother, 8 years older raised me for the first 8 years of my life until they went to college or thrown out of the house for "protecting" me.

My mother was jealous of me, I know this now. She would burn me with cigarettes, refuse to feed me when no one was around, verbally and physically abuse me. My father would physically, verbally and sexually abuse me.

My siblings protected me and loved me as much as possible. They didn't suffer the abuse that I did since my parents didn't start drinking until my mother found out she was pregnant with me. And, yes, she drank during the entire pregnancy according to family.

From the age of 8 until I was kicked out of the house at 16, I took care of myself. My brother and sister would call in "code" so that I could run upstairs to the other phone and answer it before my parents did. They wouldn't let me talk to them. Those 8 years alone with them was hell. The school pretended nothing was wrong. My teachers would see the burns and bruises and just get this sad look on their faces. The cops would bring me toys and candy when the neighbors couldn't handle the screaming anymore. No one did anything, though. It was a "nice" town and you kept to yourselves. Besides, things like that only happen to trailer trash.

I'm 44 now and still suffering from the long-term effects. I've finally "given in" and settled down with a man I truly love, but don't know how to. I've tried counseling in the past with disastrous results. A high school "therapist" called my parents after I begged him not to and my father convinced him I was a "lying whore". Later in life, I tried again, but was so annoyed by the "warm fuzziness" of the counselor so I just walked out. It's not something that can just be talked away. So...I deal with it on my own...poorly.

I was lucky to have my brother and sister around and was also lucky to have a few understanding teachers in school. Though they never said anything about the abuse, they would find things for me to do after school so I didn't have to go home until my brother got home. They would find things that interested me to occupy my time during the times when I was alone with my parents.

The one thing I want to say to everyone is, the pain doesn't ever really go away. But, you can overcome anything with faith in yourself. Be especially aware of the relationship you have with your children. While raising my son, yelling wasn't allowed in my house. If I became too upset with him, I would tell him to go for a walk or go to a friend's house (sending him to his room was a punishment, and I never punished him for having opinions). Be extremely conscious of the similarities in your behavior to your abusers. Guilt is a learning mechanism. If you think you've been too hard on your child, talk to them. Acknowledge that they may have done something improper, but that your reaction was also improper. Children are much more intelligent than we give them credit for and respond to honesty with trust.

My son is a 26 year old Marine now and an amazing, mature, responsible, fun-loving adult. He knows about my life and he and I worked through it for 26 years. There were hard times, but we survived. He taught me how to say, "I love you". Protect your children from your past, but don't hide it from them.

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