Child Abuse Story From Ann O For My Son
by Ann O
This story is not about my own personal abuse as I was brought up by very loving parents who respected me and made me feel like a very special person. The story is about my son and daughter. Up until the point of my having 'our first baby' my ex husband was a very kind, considerate, gentlemanly sort of person. Following the birth of our first born and my becoming a stay at home mum there was a total personality change ... he became a control freak, wanting to know where I was going, how I spent money from our bank account, having arguments when I decided to do things like joining a Squash Club etc., locking me out of the house if I was later than I said I would be. My son still remembers me throwing stones at his bedroom window so he could let me into the house (no, I didn't carry the house keys, he also had control of them), what a sad pathetic person I was back then to let him have this control over me. He also believed I was having an affair. When my son turned 7 years old his father started to 'discipline' him. My son would be sitting on the sofa, bathed, wearing his pyjamas, watching a television program before going to bed. His father would poke him on the arm, my son would say "daddy, please stop", his father would continue this irritation until my son's bottom lip started to quiver (near the point of tears), his father would then say to him "you are expressing annoyance, you need some punishment, go to your room". As I sat there, holding my daughter, who was 3 and who knew what was going to happen, I remember feeling sick and powerless and close to tears ... his father would leave this little 7 year old boy waiting in his bedroom for him for anything up to 30 minutes, his father would then go into the room and hit our son. I can hear my son's words clearly "don't hit me daddy", I sat there (powerless, knowing that if I had intervened the 'punishment' on my son would worsen, so my 3 year old daughter and I sat there, waiting for it to be over. This became a repeated 'exercise' and as my son grew older the punishment became harder. I finally left this man after years of mental abuse, yes, I too was the victim of his cruelty. Feeling unattractive and stupid. I will forever reproach myself for not protecting my children from him and for not leaving sooner. When I did leave his son decided to stay with him (he was 17 at this stage), my daughter was 14 and came to live with me... (I found out later so he could be closer to his friends where he lived) and that he didn't like to leave his father on his own (I will never work this out)... my son actually hates his father, the same way as I do, and I will never forgive him for what he did to our children. What he did to me doesn't matter ... I was able to move on, (following two years of psychotherapy) but my son is stuck in this place of the past in his emotions and will not go and discuss this with anyone. He realises he is suffering from PTSD and why. I believe his father was treated this way his father and that both my ex husband and son now suffer from PTSD (which has never been addressed by either of them). My son has told me he will never have children while he thinks there is any chance he would treat them as he was treated. I have told him that the fact that he is aware of this is what will change the dynamics of this. I love my children dearly, but there is no worse place on earth than to be a mother and to witness your children being emotionally and physically battered by their father who is actually 'jealous' of them, and of being afraid to step in and protect them knowing that it would have made things worse for the children and the punishment harsher. As it was one of the ongoing expressions the father used was "you three against me". To this day I feel I did not do a good job as a mother, although my children tell me I did. I thank God that things have changed these days and that there are laws to prevent this sort of treatment of children, there are places for women to go, to go with their children to keep each other safe, there is counselling to help to get over these traumas. I can only say to anyone who is reading this story if you, or your children are being abused in any way, don't excuse it, as I did, don't put up with it, fight back, get out, there is help out there for you. Talk to people, those people who think you have a wonderful relationship and are shocked when you leave, tell them HOW IT REALLY IS, don't pretend, yes, life is a stage and we are the players, but how much acting do we have to do!!!!!!!!!! To my children, they will never know how badly I feel because of what happened. Every time I speak with my son and hear his anger, frustration, unhappiness, depression, who do I blame, not his father, I blame myself for not protecting him, because I was afraid of how badly he would be treated if I did step in. How I wish I had picked up my children when they were 7 and 4 and walked away, but I had nowhere to go, my family was in the UK, I had no cash to leave, but these days, do the right thing both for yourself and your children. I hope this story helps someone who reads it and who is in the same position.  Note from Darlene: I welcome you to follow me on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I hope to hear from you there!Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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