Child Abuse Story From Angelina1

by Angelina
(Stony Brook, New York, USA)

I was physically abused by mother since as early as I can remember. Actually, I think my earliest memory is her beating me out of my bed as I slept. Apparently I had played with her jewelry and she noticed, and flew into a rage. All of her anger was taken out on me, not my brother, but me. She had grown up with abusive parents, and she just continued the cycle.

My father would stand by and do nothing, as she split my chin open requiring stitches, as she broke a spoon over me, or bashed my head into a heat grate. All of this suffering, I am almost sure, only led to delinquency in school and society.

At 13 I was arrested for theft, and subsequently per my mother's request, was placed into a residential treatment center. There I met kids who like me, didn't know how to function socially. Being there didn't help me with how I build relationships. Probably because I was socially with children, who like myself, didn't know what appropriate behavior was; basically, feeding the monster. However, I did have a good social worker, who tried his hardest to mend the relationship between my mother and me.

While I was there, I met a boy. He was the first person, to me at 16 it seemed like at least, that loved me because he wanted to and not because he had to. I loved him so much, maybe not the kind of true love fairy tale stuff, but I think I cherished him for what he represented. HA! I can have someone care about me.

On the weekends we had home visits to our parents' houses, and we would usually hang out. That summer, he got discharged, we broke up, and I went on vacation with my mom to Boston with the permission of the facility. Apparently, the night I left, he got drunk with his friends, decided to steal his dad's car keys, and go on a joy ride. He crashed into a tree and died. My mother got a call on her cell phone from the facility I resided at, and they told her what had happened. She knew I was having a wonderful time in Boston, and figured she wouldn't ruin it by sending me home to my ex's funeral. Her intentions were not bad. However, when I found out, I was furious and devastated. I never ever cry when people pass away. My favorite uncle was murdered, and I didn't cry. My grandfather, the epitome of strength in my opinion, passed away and I faked the tears. But when he died, I felt like a piece of me went with him. I was alone and confused.

I was finally released at 18. I went back to my parents' house. Apparently, I put on a good show, and somehow became productive and obedient in my final year in treatment, so they accepted me back into the home. Things got volatile again between my mother and I, and it became obvious that I could not live with her for extended periods of time.

After 5 years of bouncing back and forth between my parents and other relatives, I decided to go off and complete my bachelors. I'm pretty intelligent, and determined to make something of myself, so I got accepted to a phenomenal school, and left my home 10 hours away.

Now that I am here, I feel isolated and alone. I can see how what happened to me as a child has had an affect on me now. I am impulsive in any relationship. I yearn to be loved, and am often intense when I first meet a new friend or guy. Usually though, some conflict occurs and the relationship ends. I'm volatile. I go from the extreme of loving you so much, to hating you. I want to stop pushing people away, and address this. I want to find out who I am, and be happy. And I will.

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.