Child Abuse Story From Ame

by Ame
(Location Undisclosed)

I've thought about writing my story many times...in fact I have started once or twice before, just haven't managed to go through with it. I was sexually abused by my half brother, who is 7 years older than me, for about one third of my life. I don't remember how old I was when it started, I think maybe around the age of 7, but I'm not really sure about that.

The abuse started with him showing me pornographic magazines in his bedroom, which was located in our garage. He also had his own bathroom. He used to ask me what I thought about the pictures. He occasionally enticed me with fun secrets like the kittens that he found in an alley in town or letting me play games with him that I really liked. He was my older brother and I looked up to him.

The abuse moved on from the magazines. Next came show and tell, then touching. I don't really remember much from the early stages except him making me hide whenever he thought someone was coming. We were nearly caught a number of times before one day, Mum walked in. After that my brother was shipped off to live with my grandparents. I have recently learned that my family was told a number of different reasons for the move, but that's a whole other story.

The abuse didn't end there though. Every weekend my mother would take both me and my little sister to visit my grandparents. Every weekend we would play a game of hide and seek. My grandparents lived on a farm and there were a ton of places to hide. My little sister would always be the one to be in first and my brother and I hid. No matter how hard I tried to have my own place to hide, we always ended up in the same place. The abuse progressed from looking to touching to oral sex and intercourse. I never told anyone about the abuse; he had threatened to start on my younger sister, and I wasn't going to let that happen. I wasn't going to let him touch anyone else.

About 8 years ago, however, he sexually abused my younger cousin who was 8 at the time. I blame myself for this. I believe that if I had have been there it wouldn't have happened, and she wouldn't have to deal with all the emotional turmoil that goes along with being abused.

The abuse stopped for me around the age of 14-15, not really sure. I sat through child protection lessons all through school, going through how to say no, about good touching and bad touching, about telling someone if something has happened to you. Did I say anything? No...to me I wasn't being abused. He was my brother, he told me he loved me, and I don't really remember a time when the abuse wasn't happening. It was until I was about 15 that I thought that I was being sexually abused, and that was thanks to an article I read in a magazine. I didn't do anything about it. It has only been recently that I told my parents and my sister about the abuse. Since then my dad has been very supportive and my mother has moved to the other side of the world. I see it as if she is running away from the truth, as she knew about the abuse but didn't stop it. It hurts that she's not here. I'm angry with her all the time, but very thankful that I have my dad.

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