Child Abuse Story From Amanda8
by Amanda
(Location Undisclosed)
I am currently 16 years old. I don't think I've ever told anybody my story. My parents know, but they don't do anything about it. I'm still forced to go by his house for dinners. My mom tells me to do it for my grandmother, and in the end I feel guilty so I go. I've been sexually abused by my grandfather more times than I can remember. The first three years he did it, I only remember bits and pieces. The rest was full of blackness and secrets.
The first time I fully remember. It was when he had to take his camper to the storage unit and told my grandma I was coming with him. We got to this place and it was just us. He told me to climb into the compressed camper. I remember it was hot and I felt sticky and cramped. I couldn't stand up or turn around for that matter. All I remember is my pants were being pulled down and something hard going into me. It hurt and I wanted to cry, but I didn't.
He kept asking me how it felt, and I didn't know how to answer. It was an awkward question to me, it still is today. When he was done there was wetness. He made me clean it up with some paper towels he had. He asked me if I loved him and I thought, well, he's my grandpa. I'm supposed to love him. Right? I told him I loved him, and he told me I couldn't tell anybody what he was doing. If I did, he'd go to jail and I'm not supposed to want him to go to jail.
I didn't understand any of it. I didn't know that what he was doing was wrong. I thought it happened to everybody and it was a part of life. I thought it was a big secret that granddaughters and grandfathers were supposed to keep and telling people would be breaking the law. He told me I would get in trouble if I told anybody.
I remember a couple times when he pulled me into a bathroom or crawled in my bed in the morning. He told me to make it count because this was the last time he was going to do it. I asked him what it was called, what he was doing to me, and he told me it was love. He was loving me.
I'm 16 years old and still have nightmares. I wake up from them, crying and in pain. I can't go back to sleep and it takes hours before I can be around a male and not be afraid.
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