Child Abuse Story From Aly D
by Aly D
Where do I start. Imagine being a child who always had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right. Knowing from as far as you can remember, you were an obligation. My mother didn't want me. She enjoyed the attention of having a trophy, warmly receiving all the oohs and ahhhs. But behind closed doors, she wasn't my mother. I barely remember her raising me. I'm the oldest of two, my sister is 5 years younger, so I had a few years of being alone. My father worked away as a construction worker, only to come home and party. So essentially I had a part time father who "baby sat" me when he had to. The days when he was hung over were particularly rough. I had a full time mother who only wanted to do her own thing. Work, continue her education, be social, anything but be a loving mother. She constantly fought with my father over his drinking, and his lack of "participation" in parenting. He on the other hand felt his role was to earn the bread and butter. My mother abused me so much, yelled, cursed, belittled, embarassed, hit me, and anything else she felt she had to do to feel better about herself after a fight with my dad. When my sister came, I was just starting kindergarden, at an aboriginal language school, and we just moved into our new house. The past five years had been rough and stressful for me. Unfortunaley for me, I had a lot of family members taking care of me, and they loved to feed me, and give me all sorts of treats and snacks. Food was comforting. So now, I'm a slightly chubby six year old, with a new school, and new neighbors. I had a teacher at my school who was a violent maniac that is rather reminiscent to the priests at residential schools. On a daily basis, he would physically abuse any child who spoke English (which I did a lot). I remember these events very clearly. The next thing I had to endure, was sexual abuse from my neighbours. I can remember a few isolated incidents, but flashbacks, and reoccurring nightmares tell me I have a lot of suppressed memories. I know there was a teenage boy in the house that would inappropriately fondle me, ask me to expose my genitalia, assault me with his fingers. What haunts me is that, there were three boys, and a a very fragile, timid, quiet girl in that house. So I'm sure she experienced similar horrors. I was a bad kid. I acted out all the time. I threw tantrums, I had fits of rage, I cried easily, I tried to run away from home several times. I would hide from my different caretakers for hours at a time. I didn't trust or feel safe with anyone. Today, as a 28 year old woman, I feel like I'm nuts. Some days I feel good, or content. But most times I hate myself. I've done a lot of gutsy things, Finished college, started down a fairly successful career path, but I either sabotage myself or let myself think that I'm not good enough and back out when things get hard or stressful. So I've walked away from quite a few opportunities in the middle of all my hard work. My relationships with men are horrible. I've had too many casual sex partners, and haven't been in a relationship that lasted more than a year consecutively. A recent relationship with a criminal/sociopath and miscarriage crushed any confidence and courage that I had built up for myself in the last few years. Substance abuse has never really been an issue for me. I was addicted to cocaine in 2004, but quit on my own and never looked back. In regards to healing, How do I know where to start? As a very capable adult, I have a lot of issues with sex/relationships, money, and weight.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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