Child Abuse Story From Alma

by Alma
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

So many times I wanted to say something but couldn't, for fear of what would happen to my family or to myself if I told. My father had told when I was 7 years old that if I told he would have me put into a mental institute if he didn't kill me first. So I said nothing.

I suppressed those horrible times until the age of 11.
Then the sex would happen more often, sometimes three times a week. I fought and I fought. Most of the time injuring myself. The only way to cover it up was to say that I did it playing baseball or volleyball.

I was very withdrawn, and because of it my siblings thought I was a mental case.

I met my former husband when I was 16, and that is when I told my father I would tell my boyfriend if he ever touched me again. The abuse then stopped. Keeping that secret was slowly destroying me. Then I told my husband after being married for about 10 years. Then, our marriage started to go downhill from there. I couldn't bear to see the disgust in my husband's eyes and the hurt. He started to drink more than ever. Wanting to take my own life was the only way out; until, that is, when I decided that should I succeed in doing so it would destroy the lives of my children. I couldn't bear to scar them that way, having to put up with the, etc.

I then told my mom and my 3 sisters and my brother about what had happened. They didn't believe me at first, until my mom went looking for my father to confront him. He said snarkingly that yea he did do those things, so what. They called me up and told me to hang in there. Nothing was done for about another 20 years after that.

So, I left my husband (he was my one and only boyfriend). Since then, in order for me to start to go on with my life, I decided to take my father to court and have him charged with the abuse. Before doing so, I went to my siblings and asked if they were ok with me pressing charges. I wanted to make sure that their children (all grown up now) were ok with it as well. They all said they were. So I proceeded.

We went to court. He was sentenced to 2 1/2 years, and was up for parole in 6 months to a year. In the meantime, I am constantly going for therapy to help me through this. He died in June of 2008.

Trying to carry on has been a difficult chore. Why is it that the offender gets all the rights and the victim does not? The victim has to pay for their own therapy, medication, books on healing, any all other forms of wellness techniques just to be able to survive.

My sisters and mother were all witnesses. They all made their statements and were sworn in court. Since the verdict, just my mom and older sister have called me periodically to see how I am. The two younger ones have not called at all. They've only criticized me to other people. I have been making a great deal of progress, then someone takes it upon themselves to be really cruel to me. Even though my two younger sisters are distant towards me and try to make me feel like everything is my fault, it does not change the fact of my decision. Had I to do it over again, would I do it just the same? What changes would I make?

Very simple!!

Yes, I would take him to court. Yes, I would do it the same way. But, I would also consult with a physician and anyone else that would listen. I would also document, document, document.

Two of my sisters are constantly saying that I need help.
I have been getting help. I just wish that my two younger sisters would stop treating me like a mental patient. They are upset now that the town we grew up in is aware of this. If someone comes up to me and asks me if what they heard is true, I am going to tell them the truth. I am tired of hiding things, and pretending that our family was so perfect. That is what is wrong with society today. Kids are being frightened into keeping these sick secrets. After all, we wouldn't want to tarnish the family name now, would we? Who cares if that child is being destroyed inside or not, as long as all the rest of the family gets to hold their heads up high! That is one reason why there are people on drugs, why there are alcoholics and prostitutes. Because they didn't have the spiritual beliefs to get them through it, or a good friend to listen to them. The support I got from my friends was amazing. I didn't get any from anyone else. But, I still survived.

If I could only help one person, to give them guidance on how to get through the bad times without drugs, alcohol, etc. I would try my darnedest to convince them to take the step and have these sick people put away. Regardless of all the pain it puts your family through. Because in the long run, we as victims deserve to have a happy life.

I am sorry I couldn't go into detail of all the positions I was put into, but it is too sickening to mention, and I am trying to put that away forever.

It always feels so much better when someone listens and actually understands what you are going through, because of experiencing the trauma first hand. Please feel free to leave me a message here.

Thanks so much for listening.
Alma

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