Child Abuse Story From Ally

Child Abuse Story From Ally

by Ally
(South Africa)

I emigrated at the age of 6, but from the age of 4, I had a psychotic stepfather. You learn to not lose anything, break anything, make any noise (not even cry, or he would give you something to cry about). A few of the times that I remember, he would beat me so bad I couldn't go to school. When at school you can't tell the teachers because you don't speak the language and you have a sense of fear that lasts for 5 long years. You start to think it's normal and you learn to show no fear. You watch him break your mom's nose and beat her up.

Eventually he leaves your mom with 3 kids, whom she does not look after. You have to teach yourself to brush your teeth and brush your hair and look after your younger siblings. Then she starts dating men. Some are nice, but don't last long. Some turn out to be evil in disguise. One molested me for 2 years whenever my mom was at work, which was all the time. She's a workaholic. She believes if she provides food, money and a roof over your head, she's done her job.

One day when I was 11, this man hit her. I called the cops, and he moved out the same day. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Eventually you learn to just do what needs to be done. Just when you think it's going to be fine, she marries again. This time to a man younger than her, a man that has never had kids. So he doesn't know how to act or talk, so he tries to put you down and calls you stupid. He soon leaves.

When you are 13, all this bombards on you at once and your mom tells you that you were a mistake, and denies that her ex could have ever abused me. And you start rebelling and doing dangerous things because you figure "How much worse can it get?" Then after a year or two of going in a downward spiral, you realise it could get a lot worse. Eventually, I figured out that it's not anybody's fault and I had to move on and stop sulking.

I've been happy for a few years, but now I can't stop worrying about meaningless stuff and I freak out when I loose anything and it's all coming back to haunt me. It's not fair. I thought I got over it. But then again, life is not fair. What can you do?

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Child Abuse Story From Ally

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Sep 20, 2007

You're worth getting help for yourself
by: Darlene Barriere

What you are now dealing with, Ally, is not unusual. Many adults believe that they "got over" the abuse they suffered as children, when what really happened is that they in essence set the memories aside. But at some point, those memories and the emotions attached to them are triggered by a certain event or a series of events. In your case, perhaps you lost something, causing the flood gates to open.

Have you considered talking to a counsellor? Someone who can help you sort out the feelings and worries? I went to a therapist in my twenties for the memories that haunted me, and it did wonders for my mental health. I don't know what you would have at your disposal in South Africa, but do consider this as an option. You really are worth getting help for yourself.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Sep 20, 2007

hey
by: katherine

hey girl was up , look i have never been in your shoes so i cant say i know what u mean but i have had alot of friends that have beeen . look i know is gets ruff when you think about it but don;t let it get to you , my mom was abused all the time when she was little and her mom never blived her , one day she cant take it anymore and she called the cops at a nobors house and got away from it , she still gets kind of sad when she talks about it bout it , but she got alot of self adstem , she figuerd why live you life in shame you are just giving them what they want , keep your head up and dont let anybody put you down and don't be afraid be STRONG !!

Sep 20, 2007

IT SUCKS
by: Anonymous

HI IM JOSH I WAS ABUSED TOO IT SUCKS!
BAD IM STILL SCARED......

Sep 20, 2007

I can recognize this
by: Steph

I suffer from depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. I also thought I was doing fine until another similar traumatic event occurred. I fell apart emotionally, the anxiety increased where I was so jumpy and the fear of injury or death loomed over me. I went to a doctor and got on medication so I could cope better. I also made a lot of changes in my thinking-perspective. I had to tell myself, "he is not going to come here, he is not going to hurt me because I have a safety plan." I had to work hard at telling myself, and believing that I was safe. The past was another time and I am living in a new and different time where "walking on egg shells" is no longer necessary or productive in my life. Reach out to others and professionals to help you cope. It can make a world of difference.

Sep 20, 2007

you have nothing to fear but fear itself
by: Brian Hill

i was abused and molested by older brother he would beat me sometimes for no reason at all. it started at the age of 4 till i was 8 when i was 4 years old my mom put me into karate it tought me to fear nothing and no one for 14 years i studied i learned discipline respect for me and for others anyways what those men did to you and your mother was horrifying it wasn't your fault i had no one to look up to no one to help me i had to learn stuff on my own take it from someone who's been there you can try to forget about the past but you wont because its always going to be with you. you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Sep 23, 2007

A sad story
by: Allie and Jackie

This story has made us feel sad. I can't ever imagine this happening to us. Ally, it was the right thing to do to call 911 when things got out of hand.

Oct 01, 2007

very good
by: suresh

Hie Well when a mom has been a workaholic and judt think of she have done enough by giving money,shelter and also food and have done it then it is something bad for her to do it, because in every family although the dad doesn't play a big role, but the mom have to play a big role and that is love and when a mom doesn't show enough love towards the kids then for sure the kids can lead to a bad life as when the mom is out on a date with alot of different mens then it is something bad that towards to a relationship between the mom and the man she is dating with and when she have gone dating with this mens then it is good for her to try to talk to the husband ( if alive) and sought things out and not just going with other guys and she gets the bashing from them and when this happen then it is something bad that she can also been bash to death too. As when you are in school then it is something good for you to tell the teacher although you have been molested and you have been warn not to tell and when you have tell them then for sure the teacher's in school or the counselor could help you by making a report to the police and when this has happen then it is something good. But good for you the things you did not get is hunting you now and it is good too that you are happy.

Oct 15, 2007

WHY
by: Anonymous

WHY WOULD PEOPLE DO SO BAD THINGS

Oct 27, 2007

Things happen for a reason
by: Elaine (UK)

Your story is very sad, but I can identify with some of it.

My mum had mental health problems, and I can remember the effect that it had on me, trying not to upset her. My mum's illness also affected my dad. It made him stressed, bitter and argumentative. My dad became a workaholic too. I think it was so he could get away from my mum. My parents used to have big stand up fights, always shouting at each other, and at their kids. My dad was physically aggressive. I still hardly speak to him now (and I've been living away from home for over 10 years).

Parents are strange things! They are also individual people - people with needs, feelings, beliefs - people who can get things so right... or so WRONG.

I get the impression that your mom is someone who desperately wants a happy relationship with a man. But it sounds like her judgement isn't great. Perhaps she has become used to poor treatment. I see from your story that she has been abused by her male partners - maybe she feels that this is all she can expect.

Many people have an idealized picture of how things might be. Your mom seems to think that each time she meets a new man, he might be this ideal. But she has put her desire for a male partner in the way of the safety of her children.

I think your mom may be trying to do some things right, but she's messed up herself. Perhaps she thinks she should have a husband who goes to work, so she can look after the kids at home? But she has to work, to provide a home and food etc. I think your mom is so mixed up in her own emotions, that she cannot look after your emotional needs, so she has become a workaholic providing the only practical support that she can. I reckon also that work may be "escape" from her problems, the way it was for my dad.

So you've been left to cope for yourself. It's not easy to bottle things up. I dealt with my abuse for years by hiding from it, trying to pretend it hadn't happened. But it does come back. I think your rebellious behaviour was a first "cry for help". But because people didn't see this, you tried to get on with things.

It's good that you can be happy at times. But until you truly get help, memories of the abuse will come back. I think it's your body and your mind trying to make sense of things; trying to tell you that you can find a way to turn things around for good. All your life so far, you've had to live a certain way, just to survive. You know there are other things out there, other ways of living.

If you can face it, think about getting Counselling. You sound like you may be ready for this. Your mum may need help too, as she seems not to be coping. But focus on yourself first. You have a very practical, sensible approach to your life, and from your story, you seem an intelligent person. You can use these skills to start making things better. They helped you survive the abuse, to be strong, but you can't do everything alone. Talk to someone who can begin to help.

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Oct 27, 2007
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Submitted by: Elaine (UK)

Title

Comment
Your story is very sad, but I can identify with some of it. My mum had mental health problems, and I can remember the effect that it had on me, trying not to upset her. My mum's illness also affected my dad. It made him stressed, bitter and argumentative. My dad became a workaholic too. I think it was so he could get away from my mum. My parents used to have big stand up fights, always shouting at each other, and at their kids. My dad was physically aggressive. I still hardly speak to him now (and I've been living away from home for over 10 years). Parents are strange things! They are also individual people - people with needs, feelings, beliefs - people who can get things so right... or so WRONG. I get the impression that your mom is someone who desperately wants a happy relationship with a man. But it sounds like her judgement isn't great. Perhaps she has become used to poor treatment. I see from your story that she has been abused by her male partners - maybe she feels that this is all she can expect. Many people have an idealized picture of how things might be. Your mom seems to think that each time she meets a new man, he might be this ideal. But she has put her desire for a male partner in the way of the safety of her children. I think your mom may be trying to do some things right, but she's messed up herself. Perhaps she thinks she should have a husband who goes to work, so she can look after the kids at home? But she has to work, to provide a home and food etc. I think your mom is so mixed up in her own emotions, that she cannot look after your emotional needs, so she has become a workaholic providing the only practical support that she can. I reckon also that work may be "escape" from her problems, the way it was for my dad. So you've been left to cope for yourself. It's not easy to bottle things up. I dealt with my abuse for years by hiding from it, trying to pretend it hadn't happened. But it does come back. I think your rebellious behaviour was a first "cry for help". But because people didn't see this, you tried to get on with things. It's good that you can be happy at times. But until you truly get help, memories of the abuse will come back. I think it's your body and your mind trying to make sense of things; trying to tell you that you can find a way to turn things around for good. All your life so far, you've had to live a certain way, just to survive. You know there are other things out there, other ways of living. If you can face it, think about getting Counselling. You sound like you may be ready for this. Your mum may need help too, as she seems not to be coping. But focus on yourself first. You have a very practical, sensible approach to your life, and from your story, you seem an intelligent person. You can use these skills to start making things better. They helped you survive the abuse, to be strong, but you can't do everything alone. Talk to someone who can begin to help.

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Child Abuse Story From Ally

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Child Abuse Story From Ally