Child Abuse Story From Allison
by Allison
(Michigan, USA)
I'm 14 years old. I have never told my story to anyone. No friends, other family members, or anyone who would listen. I'm not exactly sure of the reasoning behind it but I think it's mainly because I was always told to keep it a secret. Even my family members who knew about the abuse and neglect, would constantly tell me to keep a smile on my face and not to show that I'm upset. Everyone thinks my life is perfect because I've worn a mask for as long as I can possibly remember.
It all started when I was just a baby. My father would abuse my mother and I would sit and watch and listen to the screaming and cursing while sitting in a corner crying, trying to not let my dad know. If he saw me crying he would tell me how worthless I am, that my mom doesn't love me and that's why she was never home and I have no reason to be crying.
As I got older the abuse got worse and worse from my father. When I was 7 I realized my dad was into drugs. I thought this was my fault so i would cry myself to sleep without anyone knowing. A few weeks after knowing why his "friends" would always come over and he would lock me in the house with his friend's son, while he would go outside with his friends to "talk" another problem developed. On one of these days my dad's friend's son D raped me. I was 7 and he was 13. To this day, I see him walking the halls in my school and it turns my stomach to think about how he betrayed me and used me, and my father never cared.
From 7 years old to 12 years old, on a regular basis I would have knives thrown at me, be beaten by belts, and be mentally and emotionally abused every day of my life all day long until I laid down in my bed at night and listened to the cries of my mother and the screams of my father coming from their bedroom.
When I was 12 my mother finally got up the courage to divorce my dad. This would have happened earlier but he constantly threatened our lives if we ever left him. For some reason I was devastated and was extremely mad at my mother for this. My father had brain-washed me for 12 years that the reason my mom was always gone was because she didn't love me and my brother, she was sleeping around with other men, and she hated us. The real reason was because my father didn't work and my mom had to work full time and also go to school full time at the same time to support a 4 family household while my father did nothing but sit at home and do drugs.
When my dad left our house he was homeless. I felt extremely bad for him so I decided to run away from home and live with him in the woods. All we had was a few bottles of water and a loaf of bread to last us 2 weeks. I felt lonely and depressed inside because of how he must feel. I stayed in a tent in the woods for 2 months until school started back up. By this time I would get 3am phone calls from my father, telling me how depressed he was and that he was going to kill himself and he was sorry but he had nothing else left in life. These would come every other week at least. I would sit up the entire night before I had to go to school and console him and try to talk him out of killing himself. When I got so depressed from these constant occurrences my mom put her foot down and said i could no longer console my father. When this happened, my dad neglected me and abandoned me. He would not talk to me or if he did the abuse would still go on. My mother left the house with my brother and I and we lived in a camper for the next summer while school was out while my dad stayed in our house. I decided to stay with my dad for a weekend in the house because once again' i couldnt stand the pain I had caused him. He decided he would blow out the pilot under the stove and he fumigated our house in which he was trying to kill us both. After this happened my mother called the police after finding out what had happened just in time before I died. Before the police arrived an hour after we had called them my dad's mother tried to kidnap me and they were trying to take me away. I had bruises from being pulled back and forth like a rag doll between my mom and my grandmother. The next few months passed and the same things went on. the "routine" of abuse.
While these next 6 months passed, I had been holding another secret, I had been being sexually solicited and raped by my best friends father for over 6 months. To this day i am still stalked by him because the police will do nothing about it because there is no "evidence". A month after the rape situations, my father found out that my mother had a boyfriend (they are divorced by this time) And he broke down my door through the dead bolt lock and then came in and wrecked my house and choked and almost killed my mothers boyfriend. He finally sad he would leave if I would give him a hug first. I walked over to him, put my arms around him and he pushed me back and broke a glass vase over my head and then left my house.
Because of my past, I have been self-harming myself for almost 5 years now. Most people put labels on people like me who cut and burn themself but I dont think its right. If people knew how I was feeling on the inside I dont think they would be so nasty about me hurting myself. Dealing with the physical pain to release some of the pain in my heart is just easier. I watch the blood flow down my arm to know that i'm still alive and breathing. This problem hasn't gotten worse since 3 of my friends have committed suicide within a year and I recently have found out that my friend that died May 8th of last year was actually killed by another one of my friends. I've been trying to stop for many reasons but none of them are the right reasons. I've been doing it for people who really don't care if i do or not but they pretend to care. The reason I cut or burn myself that always haunts me is that I feel like even though my dad lived with me for 12 years of my life he never was. It was like he was there but he never really was. No one knows who my dad is because he would never go out in public or even walk outside with me. I wasn't allowed to have friends come to my house because I was scared he would do something in front of them or my story wouldn't be a secret anymore. My father didn't want me to have friends. So I didnt at home. School was my escape from everything. Even when he stopped doing drugs as much he started drinking. He is a major alcoholic and he has left me, abused me, lied to me, cheated me over, and denied me in life. When I want to see my father he says he has plans with his friends so he doesn't have time for me. He always put something before me and he always will.
My name is Allison, 14 years old, and this is my story of abuse.
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