Child Abuse Story From Alissa R

by Alissa R
(Florida, USA)

To this day I still only remember snippets of my abuse, but even so, it haunts me. I started remembering what had happened about a year ago when I was fourteen. I had a dream that I was a child, and I was laying on a bed. I saw an older boy standing above me, and he started touching me. The dream usually stopped there. As time passed I started having flashbacks during the daytime. The flashbacks were of the same boy. Soon, I started having memories. I realized that the boy was the son of one of my mothers friends. We were paying them a visit that day, telling them the news that my mother was pregnant. I wandered off away from my mother and her friend, and ended up going down the hallway into her son's room. He had friends over and they were playing video games. I walked into the room and sat on the bed. They closed the door...they locked it. One of the boys started touching me. When I started crying, they laughed and called me a dirty baby. After they were done the boy leaned close to my face and said, "Don't tell." I didn't tell anyone. I hid it from everyone, including myself.

My mother mentions to me that when I was two and a half, my behavior changed, drastically, for the worse. Now I know why. It just kills me that she just thought I was a bad child. She didn't even consider the fact that children don't change so drastically for no reason. It didn't help that afterword, with my behavior and the stress of being pregnant, my mother started hurting me too. She would ignore me for a day at a time if I cried or threw a tantrum. She would lock me in a room for hours. There was even a time that she laid me down on the bed and laid on top of me so I wouldn't get up and try to unlock the door. She called me names and hit my legs until welts appeared. This continued until I was 8 years old. When I complained that she was mean and hurting me, she would tell me that it was my fault, and that I was a bad child and deserved it.

I am fifteen years old now and she still refers back to my 'bad child' days, telling me that I ruined her. I've tried to tell somebody that I trust, but people who know my mom think that she wouldn't hurt a fly. Which is true, but I'm not a fly.

Now that I'm older, things are better. I am a headstrong person, and I don't let anyone ruin me. I make up for it by making perfect grades, being in advanced classes, and following my dreams to become an actress. But, I know that nothing makes up for a childhood that is lost, especially at the hands of someone who is loved.

Child abuse hurts. Stop it. Remembering is not easy, but there is nothing I can do. The memories are now a part of me. I'm changed. The only thing I can do is unlock and lift away the cocoon that has kept me from life. And let myself, scars and all, dark and light, hoping and hurting, fly away, to an uncertain future that is full of promise and wonder. To show the world who I am.

I'm free.

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