Child Abuse Story From Alexis

by Alexis I.
(Maine, USA)

Sexual Abuse - I'm Scared: 
My name is Alexis and I am 15 years old. When I entered the sixth grade I was being sexually abused and I didn't know why. I was very confused. I was confused because when I first met this man he was loving and caring and so very sweet. I considered this man to be part of my family. I was being pulled into a trap that I couldn't get out of. When the events started to happen, I was scared to tell anyone. I often thought that it was a dream.

The first night it happened, I was in a nightgown and my stepdad came in my room and started touching my private parts. I quickly woke up. He ran out of the room so I wouldn't see him. I then fell back asleep, thinking that I was only dreaming. It kept continuing, and I didn't know what was going on. I kept asking myself, why is this happening to me, what did I do wrong? I didn't know the answers to these questions.

As the days went by, I tried to prevent this from happening. I started to wear different clothes. I always wore pants and jeans. When it was night time, I wore layers of clothing to prevent myself from getting abused. It didn't work. In the summertime I would die of heat because I would wear so many different kinds of things. Layers and layers of clothing. This was getting bad.

Months went by and I still hadn't told anyone. I didn't know what would happened if I told anyone. The only thing I thought was that I wouldn't be believed. I also didn't want to tell anyone because my mother loved this man and my little sister was a daddy's girl. She was very young at the time and she was not harmed at all. I protected her. He didn't go near her at all. Thank god.

As this tragic story went on I was entering the 7th grade. I met this wonderful girl my age, Abby. We were best friends instantly. She came over my house all the time. I felt like she was my protector. I usually wasn't abused when she came over, and I was so thankful.

One day we were sitting in my kitchen and we were laughing, having a great time. Then I just started to ball my eyes out. She knew what I was crying about. She had figured it out. She asked me if I was getting sexually abused by him. I said yes and she just hugged me and let me cry. She didn't know how I felt, but she felt really sad for me and she was there for me whenever I needed her. I asked her to not tell anyone or else I would be mad at her and I wouldn't talk to her ever again. She promised. This hurt her. She wanted to tell someone but she feared the loss of her best friend. Abby and I were best friends. She was my sister.

After that, it got worse. He would then start to get drunk and would abuse me all the time. When I wanted to do something I would ask my mom, but she would always say go ask Kevin. I did not want to do this but I did anyways. Every time I asked him to do something he would have to touch me or I would have to touch him. I knew this was wrong, but I craved to go out so I would be safe with my friends. Sometimes when my other friends would come over, he would be drunk and he would hug them and touch them but they didn't really know, they just thought he was playing around.

Kevin would come into my room every night. He would stand there and touch me and I would cry and cry and say leave me alone. But all he would do is say, "Relax, it's ok." He would always make sure my mother wasn't around or that she was sound asleep. I still didn't understand.

I tried killing myself numerous times. I tried suffocating myself a lot, but I just couldn't do it. Something was holding me back. It was some type of sign. All I wanted was for this to be over. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me. I always thought that it was my fault that it happened. I would cry and I would hurt myself and hit myself and pull my hair. I didn't want to be in the world anymore. I felt like it wasn't worth it. I wasn't happy and I wasn't telling anyone that could help me stop this. I needed this to stop, and it needed to stop soon.

It was the summer, going into eighth grade. I was turning 13 years old. I had a huge birthday party that year. I had a bunch of friends at my grandmother's house for a huge pool party. Thankfully, the monster wasn't there. Then after the pool party, we all went back to my house. Tons of my friends showed up and we had a huge cookout and played games and did what we wanted to do. Then Kevin arrived. He was acting nice toward everyone at my party. When it was night time, there were a lot of boys and tons of girls. All of the girls were sleeping over in tents in my back yard. Then something happened. He got mad and made all of the boys leave. It was then just my mother my friends and me. It was scary. It was getting late and all of us girls were sitting in the back, talking and having fun. Then the drinking started. This is where the bad things start to happen.

He started to get "nice" with my friends and started to touch them. I didn't like that so I invited some of them inside. There were a couple of girls outside in the tent just talking. All of a sudden my friend came running in crying, saying that Kevin was touching her in places she didn't want to be touched. I knew something bad was going to happen. No one knew about the abuse I was dealing with besides Abby, who was there. She ran in and told my mom. My mom didn't know what to say. She ran downstairs and asked him what was going on.

Meanwhile, my friends and I ran in my room and locked the door. We listened to the screaming of their voices. Then we heard someone running up the stairs. It was him. He pounded on the door and told us to let him in. Of course we didn't. As soon as we said no, he broke open the door and all of the girls started to flea out of my room. I tried to escape but he threatened me. He said that I'd better stay upstairs or something bad was going to happen. I ran in my room and started crying really hard. Then Kevin started yelling at my friends and told them to all leave and go home. They didn't take any of their stuff. They booked it down the street. Abby came back for me. She literally dragged me down the street. As I dropped to the ground crying she told me that it was going to be ok and that it would be over soon. All of a sudden we saw a car pull out of the driveway. All of us ran and hid behind the Boys and Girls Club. My friend then called her mother and told her to come get some of us. The others ran to Abby's house.

When I was in the car with about six of my friends, we told them what was going on and then I confessed to what Kevin had been doing to me. I told the mother every thing that had happened.

We then arrived at my friend's house and she called the police. I called Abby crying and saying all I wanted was her and she was crying too. She came over with six of my other friends. They had all known what had happened to me. I was greatly supported.

When the police arrived we all had to write statements of what happened. All the parents were there and they were all comforting me and hugging me. When my mother arrived with a police officer, I had to go in the police car and tell my mom what was going on. She didn't believe me. She couldn't believe it. She kept asking me why I hadn't told her and she said that it couldn't have been true. It was though.

We then had to go to the police station. Kevin was in the other room talking to another police officer while I was in another room telling my whole story. My mother sat in the same room, listening and crying. She didn't know what to do. I was at the police station until 2 in the morning. I then got picked up by my aunt.

I wasn't allowed to see some of my friends after that. I didn't know why. I think it was because most of them were at my party and my mom didn't really wanna hear anything from anyone. We then quickly packed up our stuff and moved about a half hour away.

We got news that Kevin had killed himself. After that my mom had believed me. I don't know why it took her so long. She believed me because why else would he kill himself, he must have been guilty of something, right?

I had to do counseling for that whole summer. I didn't like it at all. I didn't know the woman and I was not comfortable talking with her. We then stopped the counseling. I moved and went back to my old school with my friends. My mom still felt weird around other parents. She wouldn't go near them.

It has been two years since every thing has stopped. I am a lot happier than I ever was. I get very offended when people make rape jokes. They don't know the pain of that. I do. I know how it feels to be molested. It's the worst feeling ever.

I still have dreams and visions that he is here and I'm being hurt and that he's watching me. I am happy that he is gone, that all of this pain is gone. But I will always remember. This is a huge story in my life. I will also always remember the one friend who got me through while it was happening. Thank you, Abby.

Please, if you are being abused or you know of someone that is being abused, tell someone right away. You may not feel like you are able to, but you should. It's the right thing to do!

Thank you for reading my story.

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