Child Abuse Story From Alex R
by Alex R
I will be honest i'm scared to do this...i've never told anyone, or even put much thought into this at all. So why should i start here? i'm afraid to tell, and don't want to though ever since High School i have felt uncomfortable with myself, and what was happening to me. I'm 17 and from what i can tell i'm a normal kid,i'm captin of my soccer team, and i have a decent amount of friends, and i try hard to please all of them. One month ago was my junior dance at my school, and i went like any guy with my girlfriend, everything was going well i guess then she started kissing me which wasn't a problem, the problem began when she kept trying to move alot faster she was touching me, and i enjoyed it i'm not gay, but then i freaked. This sounds so dumb and it sounds like i'm gay but i'm not, i tried to cover it up with oh i don't want to right now. She was so confused, and all i could do was leave..i got to the bathroom and just broke down, it felt like i was younger all over again. I won't lie i don't know when it started though i know it happened, Uncle Scott was a good friend of my fathers they worked together, or my dad was working for him i don't know. Uncle Scott had begun a youth soccer team in our area, and my mom was friends with his wife whom encouraged my mother to enroll me for tryouts, and two weeks later i was apart of the team. i loved it, though Uncle Scott said i could use some extra practice. I just remember him sitting on his desk pushing my head into his lap, i swear to god i wanted it to stop though i wasn't strong enough, he unzipped his pants and put himself in my mouth. My whole stomache felt nasty,i wanted to throw up but he wouldn't let me. You'd wonder why didn't you bite him, it just never came to me. For months and years this would go on, when my parents went to Peru for six weeks who did i stay with? Uncle Scott, at night he would tie my hands to the bed frame and while i laid on my stomache i could feel my dinner coming up as he went into me, it hurt like hell and when he was done i was told to explain in detail what he did. On nights that he would lose it he would open my legs wide and my bottom and lick me, sometimes i would bleed and mess up my uniform the school would ask and i'd find myself lying for him. I jump now thinking about that now, but on special days he would pick me up from school where i got to pick out of our carpool who got to sit in the front with him..i feel bad saying i'm happy it wasn't me at every red light he'd put his hand in one of my friends pants. And all the while my parents pratically let him live around me, they were friends with my worst nightmare my grades fell, i had nightmares and i used to pee on myself. Which made me feel so pathetic, i was afraid of my own mothers embrace, and like i've said i'm afraid to sleep with my own girlfriend. I reached puberty right when i should've, one night he made me ejaculate untill i was light headed and then he played some porn he said that if i responded that i was getting to old. And like an idiot i did, i couldn't help it...i know its weird but i didnt want him to stop i hated it so much..though seeing how easy it was for him to stop hurting me made me feel used and worthless, in terms i felt that we had a connection, that he loved me in this unhealthy way. I was 13 when that happened, and i'm 17 now so for the last 4 years i've been trying to convince myself that what he's done to me and that i owe him nothing, but i see myself so dependent on his care to help me feel cared for. I know i need help, but i need to tell someone how i feel, and how this has bothered me, without feeling bumbarded. Before i can face my parents and family, and friends.  Note from Darlene: I welcome you to follow me on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I hope to hear from you there!Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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