Child Abuse Story From Aj
by Alannah (Aj)
My story starts when I was a baby and my real father was on the run. My mother was 18 and a factory worker, she wanted to have a life like when she did in high school before me. So she did she told my grandparents she didn't want me and she was going to put me in a foster home, she had the papers filled out and everything. She was truly done with me ,my grandparents said no and took me in, I lived in the same house as my mother and I guess she tried alittle kinda like a 8 year old trys to help a 7 year old. She'd come home and I'd ask if she could play with me and say I missed her and loved her and she would say she can't that she's tired. 5 minutes after that I'd hear her get in the shower and then the blow dryer and smell her perfume. That was a sure sign that she was not coming back till morning, she was gonna go out and party and she might come home or not. When I was 5 my mother saw me cry, slapped me and said I didn't need to cry that I was 5 going on 6 and 6 year olds didn't cry and that I better quit being a baby. When I was 10 my grandfather died and my mother started hitting me and pushing me more frequently so I started drinking so I didn't have to feel it so much, so I didn't let it get to me. she would tell me I'm stupid and a little kid, that I was usless or I needed to grow up, that I wasn't her daughter and she couldn't belive she ended up with . That I was a mistake. By 12 she started choking me and whenever my grandmother defended me she'd threaten my grandmother. A lot of death threats were thrown and my mother said that I was her kid and until I was 18 she could do whatever she wanted with me. And she did, she made me move into an apartment with her and her boyfriend T--. THAT was worse! He clouded her judgment and she would say I'm a embarrassment, that she didn't want me and I was worthless, he would say that he gave up on me and would threaten that I would be picking myself off the floor soon. I woulda left but I had a little brother to think about, I'd rather get hit and screamed at then it happen to him so I took it, it hurt but I didn't want him to get it so I kept my mouth shut. My mother let her boyfriend put me down and my lil brother. I started getting into drugs when my grandmother passed away when I was 14, I didn't want to feel anything. Not my mother hitting and screaming at me, not my mums boyfriend screaming at me not teachers lecturing me. Nothing. I started cutting myself and led myself to think that its my fault for all this, that I deserve it because I'm a bad kid. I kept saying I'm a bad kid, they really do love me. At one point I convinced myself that they're love for me was measured on how much it made me cry and how much it hurt and how dark the mark was afterwards and how loud they screamed and said I was nothing. I always wore sweaters to hide everything and wear makeup and act out of control or happy so people wouldn't think anything. Then when my mum started choking me real bad I'd go to school crying, terrified to go home, I'd make myself throw up at school because I cried so much I convinced myself that I'd be better dead so I tried getting hit by cars, making it look like a accident. But nothing worked I'd never get hurt. It didn't help that my teachers looked at the signs and knew but didn't help at all. When I was 15 my mums boyfriend T-- started getting really mad at me and he'd slam crap around, my mum threw a dictionary at me while he would scream how dumb and useless I am and that no guy will ever want me. My mum started throwing my to the wall and choking me till everything got blurry and I almost passed out. She would throw me on the table and put a knife to my neck. T-- would throw stuff and he would get so mad he'd go to the basement and start beating the wall, and my mother would tell him " hit her she aint gonna do nothing, just hit her, you hit her hard enough she'll keep her mouth shut". I got so scared that I would sit on my roof. Around 12 I got used to everything so I taught myself not to cry and to be strong, to keep everything deep down inside so I didn't cry when she hit me or said something no matter how much it stung. About 2 months before my 16th birthday I got mad and started crying and broke down and cut my long hair to my shoulders. And I started talking back, instead of cutting I screamed back and hoped they hit me so much that I'd get taken out of the house. I couldn't take it anymore, I dared them to kill me or kick me out because if they did, they would never see me again. I drank and pressed anyone to make a move and I'd make one that hurt. I still hid when my mum and T-- got into a argument about me though. I still drank and smoked. I have nightmares about them killing me. I'm 16 now. My mum still hates me as her daughter, I have a boyfriend that makes me feel safe, and I'm still hiding. I fight back now, alittle, but a couple weeks ago I gave up on fighting back. In a year I will be getting emancipated and moving in with a friend. Hopefully I will be able to get my little brother out soon, he is going to be 6 this year and they already yell at him :( but I protect him. I'm Aj and that is my story.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
|
