Child Abuse Story From Ace

by Ace
(Location Undisclosed)

Here is my story that I wish to share with the readers of this site. I am a 34 year old male. I came across this site from a Google search and read the stories of my peers on this site, and I was moved to tell my story.

When I was about 6, I was involved in an accident in my parents' home and my infant sister died. Well, to put it this way, I really don't remember it, but, I was playing with the baby and she fell off the bed and she passed away in her sleep. She died from the fall, or the effects from the fall, later that night.

Also, when I was 5, I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. All of this comes into play when a parent wants to abuse you emotionally and physically. My dad, who has since passed away 16 years ago, turned to alcohol to deal with the loss. Alcohol served as the catalyst for his abuse of me.

For many years, he beat me and said things to me that were not so nice. Yes, I lived in a hell, and I became more and more despondent and disconnected from the world. I never felt like there would be an end. What angered my father even more was that when he would beat me, I didn't have the capacity to cry or cry out in pain. After years of abuse, you become numb to pain. A person can get used to it. I know I did, and it only angered my father more.

My body has scars, all daily reminders of what has gone on in my life. The worst beating I received from my dad was when he came home from work, and his circular saw was laying on the garage floor. I didn't DARE touch any of his things, and he'd remind me not to, but there it was, circular saw laying on the floor.

Suddenly, I was jolted out of my room by his loud booming voice for me to come to the garage, and walked nervously towards it. The moment I opened the door, my dad grabbed me by my hair, threw me on the floor and demanded to know why I took his circular saw down and left it on the floor. I didn't answer him, because if I didn't take the blame for it, I'd get it worse. He wouldn't listen anyway. I remember looking up at him, and he was yelling and screaming at me, and I saw him pick up the saw. Wham, I remember the darn thing slamming against my left ear and I saw a flash of light and the next thing, I woke up and found myself lying on the garage floor. Thank god the circular blade had a safety guard, otherwise I would have had a huge gaping scar on my skull. Nonetheless, I was beaten up. At the time, I didn't realize he hit me with the saw, dropped it, picked up a winter window scraper from his truck, with a long plastic handle, and beat me with that.

My eardrum ruptured, my left ear was pretty much mangled and reminded me of hamburger. I had huge bruises all over my body, my body hurt, and my wrist was sprained, I think from trying to block the blows. I laid there for several minutes, trying to inspect the damage. I was so scared to look in the mirror.

My dad screamed out the door for me to clean up the mess before I could come inside. I cleaned the garage the rest of the day and evening before I came inside to clean my own self up. My 4 brothers and sister were out with my mother and I was the only child home, as I was always left home with my dad. A lot of it had to do with my being diabetic as well, and they would keep me home because they didn't want to deal with my blood sugar while they were out. This incident happened when I was 11 years old.

After cleaning the garage and rearranging everything all day, I could barely walk by then, as I was so dizzy from being hit in the head, my dad told me to clean up. He said it in this very sincere and caring voice. I knew he felt sorry, but, the damage was done, and I knew he felt ashamed. But I walked to the bathroom, cleaned myself up as best as I could. I checked my sugar level, snuck some food out of the fridge, and ate and went to bed.

The next morning, I awoke with my pillow, literally stuck to the left side of my head. I didn't realize I was bleeding inside my ear. I never asked to go to the hospital, because I knew it was my fault. Later, during the day, my oldest brother told my dad he took the saw down to use it and didn't put it away. My father said it was ok, that he had put it away, and explained to the rest of the family how he and I cleaned up the garage. Hiding the bruises was easy for me, but I couldn't explain the huge head injury I had, but nothing was ever said. As I said, I could deal with it, and I did. The recovery time for that injury was a few weeks. Thank god it was summer, and I didn't need to be in school.

I went through years of abuse, neglect, and yet I have the tools to get through life and move on, somewhat. I still feel bad at times, but with years, it is getting better. As a child, I truly believed my parents when they would tell me that I was nothing more than a burden to them. I am still dealing with that aspect of my diabetes, but, will feel better about it, any day now.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Ace" can be found below. If you do not see the comments I've written, please be patient, as there continues to be a system glitch—in spite of being posted and approved, some comments are not appearing live on my site. Ace, I replied to your story June 10, 2008, comments titled "No blame to shoulder..." Keep checking back to this page if you don't see those comments yet. I thank you Ace and my other visitors for your understanding while I work diligently at getting this malfunction resolved.]

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.