Child Abuse Story From A Girl
by Name Undisclosed
(USA)
I was probably 11. I have a deaf cousin who is 5 years older than me and his mother, my aunt, had a drug addiction; she is dead now. Sometimes I would spend the night there. I think it's when my mom went out on dates. I would sleep on the couch and my cousin would pull my panties down and touch between my legs. I would pretend to be asleep and try to roll over, kick him off, in a 'sleep' way, but he would wait until I settled down and go back to it.
I don't remember how many times. I don't remember telling my mom, but I do remember my grandmother saying something like- she didn't want anymore of that hanky panky going on. She said it with a look like it was my fault. There was a lot of protecting my cousin, because he had it so bad. I was afraid to make a big deal about it because my cousin had a troubled life of his own, with his mother strung out. He lived with us on and off, when she couldn't keep it together. He was living with us when she died.
It was like I was supposed to let it go, there was enough trauma all around, don't make an issue out it. Much of my life as a child revolved around my aunt and cousin's problems. Whenever I complained, I got an answer like- 'did I want to trade places with him?'
I had never thought about those times until about 7 years ago, when my therapist asked if I had been sexually abused. I think it was the first time since that I had thought about it.
I haven't considered myself a victim of sexual abuse, but I was asked again today by a marriage counselor if I had experienced any physical or sexual abuse. When I replied that I had experienced a little bit of sexual abuse, she said 'a little bit', is that like being 'a little bit' pregnant. She wanted me to tell her about it, but I didn't want my husband to hear it. We see my cousin at the holidays and it's too weird.
I have forgiven my cousin. I know he has deep-rooted psychological problems from his own childhood. But what I don't understand is why my mom kept having me go over there, and why my grandmother didn't step in.
I know many people have had far worse happen to them, but I have never told anyone this and just wanted to put it down somewhere. Just stumbled on this site, and figured since it was drudged up today, I'd share.
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