Child Abuse Story From A B
by A.B.
(California, USA)
Emotional Abuse as a Child:
I didn't realize I had been emotionally abused, neglected until maybe two years ago when I read that this type of abuse existed. I have always felt inadequate, shy, low self esteem, worthless that nobody cared about me that i didn't deserve to be loved or cared about. I never told as a child or teenager to my mother if I felt sick or how I felt as I didn't understand but I knew she did't care; I wasn't important. I would have to warm a tortilla and put butter or mayonnaise and I would get hot water from the sink and make myself instant coffee. I don't remember but maybe two times her sitting me and giving me something to eat. I once went to the doctor I believe it was for a vaccine I needed. And the doctor saw me and said I was very anemic. My mother never gave me any iron or vitamins. In school I was always tired and would get some sores on my eyes. I think now it had to do with being anemic. I would have to hold my head on the desk because of being so tired. I never told her this. I guess I knew she didn't care. As a teenager I suffered from insomnia. The day I did sleep was on Fridays. I was very exhasted. I would have terrible headache every single day. I don't know how I got thru school. I would take lots of aspirins; they did't help. I remember when I was about nine and my mother was holding a neighbors newborn. I remember thinking I wish my mom would hold me like that. All this has affected me because people take advantage. They ask for al sorts of favors and I don't know how to say no. I am not the only one in the family of five sisters and one brother affected by this. One is bitter, another one is very unhappy with her life. And the others are about the same. My mother always complains why she has to call us and we don't. We don't communicate with each other as siblings either. I have been with depression for about 12 years. And these holidays it has gotten bad for me. I thought I was doing pretty good. And now I feel I'm right at the biggening again. I feel like avoiding my mother these days. I am 45 she is 70. Recently she didn't want to give me my uncles telephone number. I think she believes I was gonna let him know that I knew he is gay. My sister told me a year ago that he had a boyfriend. And my sister, I believe, got this information from my mom because an aunt told her. This aunt is the last person you would tell a secret. She tells the world your business. Somehow my mom thinks that my aunt is going to find out that my mom spread this information. I feel again that she prefers others like her over me. I have never given her a reason for her not to trust with things she tells me. I'm the one she always can get a hold of and I always call her. I thought we had done some progress. But I feel i'm back in square one. abandoned. I am sorry I have taken all this space. The only thing that I can contribute is that school perhaps should have pamphlets telling parent what abuse is and for school to be on the look out for these children that have low selfesteem and withdrawal. And, also, look at their physical appearance. Teachers should be trained to see if a child is malnourished or anemic and observe if they are holding their head in the classroom or if their grades are not good maybe because they are unhealthy.
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