This child abuse story from 4Kristen page was created May 23, 2007 and was originally posted to my child abuse stories page on May 14, 2007 as story #120.
4Kristen is from Flagstaff, Arizona, USA
The following child abuse story from 4Kristen depicts: sexual abuse
The child abuse effects on 4Kristen: feelings of betrayal, teenage pregnancy and marriage, divorce by age 22, submissiveness, relating sexual encounters with love, extreme protectiveness for her now 8-year-old daughter
After reading these stories, I don't feel alone. I always wish there was someone out there I could talk to besides therapists. Someone who has been there too.
My abuse started when I was 4 years old. It started with a molesting adopted brother. Then he raped me when I was five. But I didn't hate him. That’s the part I felt ashamed of. I liked the attention he gave me.
Soon after, I started being molested by a former cousin. From the age of 5-10 he would not leave me alone. He touched me, fingered me and made me give him a bj. I felt I showed enough signs to be protected. I know my older brother and sister knew what happened to me. At the time, after I walked out of my parents’ bedroom, barely walking and dried tears on my face, they looked at me like I was the bad guy. They gave me the coldest look. Granted, they were only 6 and 9 at the time. But they knew, and they even told my mom something happened to me in the room. My mom did ask me about it, but I don't remember telling her what happened. So the abuse continued.
I read the statistics of abused children. I still fit the profile. I was a teen mom, married at 18, divorced by 22. Today I struggle with the long term effects.
When I was married, I was very submissive. Even though in my mind I knew I didn’t feel like having sex or being intimate. We divorced after I started to get help. And the reason why, was because my daughter had reached the age of when my abuse started. It just came racing back to me. I hovered over her. She never stayed with anybody besides me and her father. I even began to watch out for him. She’s 8 now. I've talked to her about sexual abuse, and I am sure she has not gone through it. But I still don't feel like we’re out of the woods yet. After she becomes a teenager, I plan to teach her self-defense.
After I was divorced, I began dating and jumping into bed on the first date. I still felt like I had to be naked or having sex to feel loved, just like with my ex-husband. I realized this a year ago. I’ve been single ever since, and made a vow not to enter a relationship until I returned to therapy and have healed.
As for my daughter, I don't think that’s a bad thing; protecting her so she can have a normal life and normal adulthood.
