Child Abuse Story From Stacy Lynn

by Stacy Lynn
(USA)

I'm not sure where to start. When I was 5 my parents divorced. I don't remember a lot of the reasons why they did except that it was my dad's fault: he used to beat my mom. I have a decent relationship with him now but that's not why I'm writing.

My story is the typical mom meets guy. Guy is nice and then a stupid 5th grader comes home after sex education and asks her stepfather about it.

I thought I could trust him to explain it. He said he could show me his parts to explain it better so he slipped off his pants and pointed and told me the function of each part. He then asked me to take mine off. I did and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried about getting in trouble. The whole situation was just like any other conversation we ever had.

After that I don't remember a lot of how it progressed. I remember it happened all the time though, the fondling, usually at night after my mom went to bed and after school before she came home. Eventually it progressed from oral to vaginal to anal rape. I don't ever remember it hurting. I think I just disconnected from myself. I have vague memories of different occurrences but it seems odd I don't have clearer recollections. The abuse happened everyday for 6 years. I don't think I was ever drugged or anything. I think a lot of it's just blocked out.

The only things I do remember are things that are related to the abuse, like I slept on the floor for the 6 years it happened I had a perfectly good bed but I assume I didn't want the noise to wake up the rest of the family. I also remember a jar of Vaseline in my sock drawer. I also remember a blue blanket that he used to covered us up while we watched TV so none of the rest of the family could see what was going on underneath.

He also did things with my sister. She is 2 years younger than me, and from the effects of the abuse, she was completely uncontrollable. So the summer she turned 14, my mother sent her to live with my aunt. While she was there she told. I still don't remember a lot of the trial. I know I was the only one who had the charges stick. Nothing from my sister's abuse was ever punished, but he got 8 years in jail for molesting me.

I haven't really scratched the surface of what went on, but I guess I'm writing this to tell everyone not to protect your abuser. I was never threatened and never told not to tell, but on some level I knew it was wrong, but I had to make sure Mom was still happy and that my new dad was happy. That's just who I was then.

I am really glad my sister told. She was an amazingly strong person to do that. I have always felt guilty that I could not protect her, and in the end her abuse was never handled correctly. I got all the counseling and all of the charges against him and basically all the attention. I'm pretty sure that this happened because she was never penetrated.

None of this is fair. My sister is the one who was strong and told, and she is the one who is still suffering.

I am a full-time married college student thriving in my double major and starting my third major in eight months. I have everything I ever wanted. My sister is a stripper and a drug addict. She has 4 wonderful kids that my mom raises. My sister lives in the basement at my mom's and sleeps all day and goes to work at night. I have no idea how to get through to her. It's just a sad situation. My sister doesn't have the money to go to counselling or get help and I don't know where to find the resources to help her. If I just had some way of helping her remember who she was I know she would thrive also. She's a beautiful person inside and out when she is clean.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Child Abuse Story From Stacy Lynn Part 2

by StacyLynn
(USA)

I'm having a bad day. Sometimes I feel like I contradict myself. I have never allowed myself to use my abuse as a crutch not to thrive. I am the type of person that tell my friends that there is a season for everything. Days like today I wonder when the season of mourning and anger will end. When is it going to be ok.

My abuse ended 11 years ago and I have glimpses of normal. Why can't it be normal all the time.

I am currently on break from college and I have been catching up on all of my responsibilities. Lots of busy work. Today I stayed in my pyjamas. I sat in front of the television for hours. I'm afraid I can't remember if I have ever done this before. I questioned myself all day and wondered if I was getting sick, but I'm confident I'm healthy. It's been months since I have even had any uncertainties about my feelings. I have not had to use my support system except for trivial things like getting my first C on an essay I wrote. It's kinda funny to think now how that rocked my world considering everything we (the abuse survivors) have been through. I guess the bottom line is I'm not used to feeling the way that I do right now. It kind of feels like the beginnings of a breakdown. I'm wondering if I am living in a façade. Like I'm using school, friends and my relationship with my husband to cover up something scary and ugly that I'm not willing to deal with. Am I truly as happy as I think I am. I'm not sure.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery from StacyLynn Part 3

by StacyLynn
(USA)

Wow, I havent been on here in awhile. The last installment of my story was from a dark time a one day lapse from our ultimate goal...Happiness. I am so excited to announce I am finally happy. Life is full of lapses there is no way around it I am graduating with a 3.1 accepting my second degree from college. Yeah its not the 3.8 that I had last time but thats ok. My husband just got diagnosed with cancer that definitly does not make me happy but he has an excellent prognosis so I am at a point in my life that I can take all of these small victories and apply them to my goal. I know as a survivor that we can sometimes dwell on the not so good things that are happening in the right now and it brings us down and makes us remember our abusive memories and and fuels our anger and sadness and all of the feelings that result from abuse. I am actually at a point where I can say my abuse has made me stronger it has made me the person that I am and I am happy with that. I can only pray that every other survivor can get to that point. I am not giving any credit to my abuser he doesnt deserve it but im in a place where I am indifferent about that person. I have come to realize that until I was able to say that about my abuser he still had control over me, over my emotions and over my feelings. I feel like I have graduated I am not a survivor but I am a Thriver. Thankyou Darlene for this site, you're incredible.

StacyLynn

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Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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