Child Abuse Story From Kara

by Kara
(Grand Junction, Colorado, USA)

What Made Me Who I Am: 
Most of the people who know me see a happy 19-year-old girl. They don't know what I've been through. Or even think "she's been abused." Well I have both abused and neglected. My mom was the one who was the abuser. She didn't care that I was only a child.

My grandparents wrote down most of what happened to me and only told me enough to write this. They wrote down every time I came over with some new burn or bruise. Mostly it was burns from an iron. My mom would say I grabbed it or something, but most of the burns would be on my back. I remember one time she made me mac and cheese, but when I wouldn't eat it she turned the bowl over on my head, then tossed me in the shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go. She wouldn't let me out til it was ice cold.

Another time she broke a plate 'cause I wouldn't eat plain hamburger meet for dinner.

Most of my memories of both my mom and dad involved them fighting, both getting physical. My dad only ever hit me once but I won't go into that.

My life was ok after our family moved to Grand Junction, Colorado. My parents still fought but they left me and my sister alone. After they spilt and my dad took us with him to Denver is when the neglect started. He and my step-mom were having problems and he became depressed. This is in no way a good reason for him to neglect my sister and I, but he did.

There was never any food in our house. I had to wear the same clothes for weeks before they could be washed. And in the winter we didn't have heat cause he never paid the bills.

When he went to jail for abusing my step-mom I called it quits with him. That summer I moved in with my aunt and uncle in Grand Junction. I wouldn't go back, and without me there my sister is very well taken care of. Now that I live with my aunt and uncle I have graduated high school with a 3.1 GPA. But the biggest change is I have become a Christian. God has a plan for my life. I won't be my mom or my dad. I won't repeat the cycle. After 4 years, I can tell my dad I love him and I forgive him, the same with my mom.

Many of you reading might not understand this but the way I look at it this was that it was the worst part of my life and I don't want it to rule me. And the only way to stop it from doing that is to forgive and let it go, but no one should ever forget. I know I won't. Only by remembering can I help others. So if you've been abused don't hide it, share it and let others know they are not alone. I can't say it was easy the first time I told this story, and it still isn't, but it must be done.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Child Abuse Story From Kara Part 2

by Kara
(Grand Junction, Colorado, USA)

The Full Story: 
After reading the response to my story I thought that I should maybe tell the whole thing. Beginning to well now I won't say end because it hasn't ended. I still have days where I feel lost and alone. I think I may have been scared of what people would say. Mine isn't as bad as some.

I was born in Vail Colorado two week premature. My earliest memory of my mom was when I was 3. I asked her for some water because I was thirsty. She went into kitchen and came back with a beer. She wouldn't let me drink anything else till I finished it. I also remember her being very mad when I finished it.

From there I remember the time my dad hit me. I was 6. This is something I said I wouldn't go into but I feel for some reason I must. He and my mom were fighting and he had her backed into a wall. I just remember the yelling becoming too much so I grabbed my backpack and hit him in the back with it. He turned around and back handed me so hard I slid into the wall on the other side of the room. Later he said he was sorry and took me to Safeway to get a toy.

The next memory I have is the night he went to jail for hitting my mom. The cops came. My little sister and I were in the bath tub. The water was cold by the time my dad was taken away. My sister was crying but I wouldn't let her get out till my mom came in to get us. Thing got worse with my mom after this.

I already told the part about her getting mad over me not wanting to eat the Mac and cheese but I'll retell it too. That was all she had fed me all day for breakfast and lunch. I didn't want it again for dinner. So she turned the bowl over on my head. She tossed me in the shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go and wouldn't let me get out till it was icy cold. The whole time she yelled at me telling me I should be happy I even got food. She also broke a plate when my sister and I wouldn't eat plain hamburger meet for dinner.

My happiest memories from before I was 7 were at my grandparents' house. Later on they told me that in their basement were notes on every time I came over to their house with burns or bruises, mostly it was burns. My mom would tell them I fell or got a hold of the iron. Most of the burns were on my back.

My family moved to Grand Junction, Colorado when I was 7. It was a little better here. My mom didn't hurt me anymore but she and my dad would always fight. I would sit up late at night holding my sister's head while she slept so she wouldn't hear them. When my dad was working my mom would tell me I couldn't do anything right: I was a mistake; my sister was the only good thing in her life.

My parent split up when I was is 5th grade. Two years later my dad, sister, step-mom, and I all moved to Denver. Things got bad again. My dad and step mom started having problems. My dad was really depressed and spent all his time sleeping while my step-mom went out. There was never any food in the house except corndogs. I still can't even smell a hot dog without having some kind of bad reaction. We never had clean clothes so I'd end up wearing smelly clothes to school. People thought I had an eating disorder because I never had lunch money and I was very skinny.

Two weeks before school ended on May 9 2005 my dad and step-mom got into a knock down drag out fight in which things were thrown out the window. The cops were called and my dad went to jail. My aunt came up to Denver to say she would take my sister and me in while my dad tried to figure his life out. On May 12 we came back to Grand Junction to live with her and my uncle. It was just supposed to be a summer thing, and for my sister it was. But I couldn't go back. I have been living with them for 4 1/2 years now. In that time I have made some lifelong friends. I graduated high school on May 12 of this year with a 3.1 GPA. Not supper good but compared to the 1.2 I had in middle school it's really good. I have also found Jesus and rediscovered God. My boyfriend helps me a lot too. I still have panic attacks and he's always there calming me down telling me how special I am, how beautiful I am. At first I couldn't understand why he would say such thing about me.

I'm back on speaking terms with my dad and can tell him I love him again. I haven't seen my mom in about 3 years. Someone told me she came to my graduation but I didn't see her. I'm afraid of seeing her. I know where she works but I can't bring myself to go see her. I still love her but I can't trust her.

I have forgiven both of my parents because I don't want the years I lived with them to rule my life. I will never forget what has happened to me. I will not be my mom or my dad. I will be me, who God has always meant me to be. I don't know what His plans are for my life but what I have been through will be part of it.

If you are like me and you've been hurt don't hide. Tell others. Help those who have also been hurt. It's not easy but helping others will help the pain go away a little at a time.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Child Abuse Story From Kara Part 3

by Kara
(Grand Junction, Colorado, USA)

Poems I wrote to, about, and for my mom: 
I don't know if she'll ever get to read them, but they convey my feelings. The first I wrote just a few minutes ago.

Was It Me? Or Is It You?

Would you listen if I cried?
Would you see the tears behind my eyes?
Would you understand my pain?
If I lay out straight and plane?
What did I ever do?
Why didn't you want me too?
Was I really that bad?
What if I just disappeared?
Would you be happy then?
What did I ever do?
Why did you push me away?
And never care for me the same?
How could you hate me so much?
Was I never worthy of your love?
What did I ever do?
Was it me?
Or is it you?

It's not the best, but I couldn't get the idea out of my head after my boyfriend wanted to hear my whole story. He's only heard bits of it before today.

This second one I wrote a little over a year ago for one of my classes.

The Rug

The lies you weave,
Lay like a rug upon the ground.
But this rug can not cover-
Who you are.
You told me I was special.
You told me I was your baby.
Like all of it meant something.
Like what you said was true.
I don't hate you,
                                     Not any more.
But to trust you again?
That I will not do.
You say you're sorry-
You didn't mean to do it.
But this I've heard so many times.
This lie, another thread-
In the rug,
You weave upon the ground.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Child Abuse Story From Kara Part 4

by Kara
(Grand Junction, Colorado, USA)

Life's path changes: 
I wrote a while back that i could say "i'm ok" and mean it because of my boyfriend. well he dumped me over 3 montha ago. it put a big road block in my path of healing. i couldnt believe this guy i care so much about that told me i was so beautful and special would walk away to create a video game. i felt so low lower then dirt. the day after he dumped me i had to work so i stoped by the pretzialmaker at the mall like i always do to get a drink. well i wasn't crying but the tears were in my eyes. and there's this guy who's the assistant manger there his name is Cache. eery time i see him i just remember the look on his face when he saw me. at first he was happy til he noticed i was on the verge of crying he asked me what was wrong i could only shake my head. now keep in mind we would only talk when i went to get a drink so i didn't know why he cared. little did i know at that time he liked me, alot. well when i saw him a couple days later he asked again what was wrong and i told him. the strang part he said he was sorry and he really ment it. even though he liked me he was sorry i got dumped. i still didnt know he liked me at this point. we started hanging out more and more then about 3 weeks after i was dumped we started unofficially dating. we stayed out til 1 am one night. we started officially dating on thanksgiving. that was the night he first kissed me. the really funny part he treats me better then my ex. he paies for almost everything and doesnt try to push me into phyical stuff. when i got dumped i couldnt see myself with anyone else it phyicaly hurt to think about it. but then from out of nowhere this new guy comes along a takes the pain away he truly is someone special i dont know what i did to deserve him but i'm glad i can call him mine and that he calls me his. the road of healing is full of twists and turns sometimes the brigde is out and you have to try and swim then just when you think your not going to make it theres someone pulling you to safty in a life raft or throwing you a rope frome the other shore.

---

Note from Darlene: I welcome you to follow me on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I hope to hear from you there!

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.