Child Abuse Stories by Jess D

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Child Abuse Story From Jess D

by Jessica D
(Fitchburg, Massachusetts, USA)

I grew up in Leominster, Massachusetts. I want to share my story because I have been quiet for most of my life. I was raped over and over again by a man who was supposed to be my father! He was my stepfather. I was 6 months old when he started raising me. It was him, my mom, 3 sisters, and my brother. He had 2 daughters with my mom, which were the youngest.

I remember I was about 4 years old when it started to happen to me. I was afraid, scared, lonely. I never knew what it was, never knew it was happening to my older sister or my brother until years later when he did it to me and my sister at the same time! He touched us, put his privates in ours! He always said we were playing a game. He always gave us money to keep quiet. In the middle of the night he was always in our beds! I had to change my underpants every time 'cause of what he left on them.

When I was 8 years old my older sister decided to tell someone. She went to the school and told them. They got me out of class to question me. I was so scared, so terrified that they were gonna take us away from our family! So I said it never happened to me! My stepfather was kicked out of the house, left for about a year, and then came back and now he was my neighbor! It still continued to happen because I was still scared and it continued until I was 13-14 years old.

Now I'm 28 years old and still struggling with it. I just confronted my mother, which she said she never knew. I guess I will never know if she did or not. Please, if you have a big secret like this, tell someone. Press charges! I regret not saying something sooner. Now it affects my life as a woman, wife, and mother. Reach out for a hand and it will make a difference!!! Thank you.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Jess D Part 2

by Jessica D
(Fitchburg, Massachusetts, USA)

My story started when I was 4 years old. My stepfather molested me and raped me for over 10 years. Not just me but also my siblings. I never knew how to come out. I was so afraid of people thinking I was a freak for letting it happening for so many years. I guess I never knew right from wrong. He would lock the door of the bedroom and keep me there for hours. I was his favorite, according to him. I did everything for him and to him. He raped me so many times. I knew it wasn't right but yet I guess never knew how bad it was either.

I always thought my mom knew, I mean how couldn't she? Same house, next room over, siblings sometimes with me while it was happening. He made me do oral on him. He made me do a lot of things I hated and cried about. Playing games and saying it was ok to do these things. In my bed at all times of the night. He was always drunk! At least the times he did it to me. He did it at least 1-2 times a day. So it adds up! Over 10 years! Locked doors or in bathroom when no one was there saying lies like he was using the bathroom. Or just in his bedroom like I said so many times so many different ways with all the same ending!

My sibling tried to come out with the truth but because of her mental state of mind, in and out of foster homes, no one believed her. But little did they know that she was like this because of what he did to her. To me! Now is when after so many years I have the nerves to say something. I'm highly depressed, on meds and see a psychiatrist! I have thought of suicide. Now that I'm a grown woman to have the guts to come out, I passed the statute of limitations. I went to the police station and filed a report but that's the ends of that, too late. So again, many years of crying, thinking of what happened to me, us! Nothing can be done. He walks as a free man. Why? He lives just minutes away from me. He lives life like nothing ever happened. Why I have to suffer and he is enjoying life? Why can't he pay for what he did? One of my siblings' own daughter of him thinks I'm lying! Thinks her father would never do such a thing! But yet he did it to the 4 of us. Raped and molested. This has also been beating me up because this is a serious case. I wish I can go back in time and change everything. Go back 20 years ago and back up my sister. He would have been in jail now. But I was scared. I was only a little girl trying to be a kid.

The things this man did to me would never want anyone going through it. My next step in my journey is to confront him. Yes! I guess I need closure. I need to know why me? Why us? Why not let us be kids! This journey is very hard to do but I need it. I need to move on and now that I came this far I need to finish it. I will never forget but at least if he knows the way I felt. I wasy I feel ask him why? Why? Why? Let my sister, his daughter come with me and know who her father really is! I hope and pray that I can get through this. I feel so alone. I don't know no one personally who has gone through something like this. So really it's hard.

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Child Abuse Story From Jess D Part 3

by Jessica D
(Fitchburg, Massachusetts, USA)

Its been about a week since part 2 so i wanted to let some things out.i started to talk bout my story 11/2009 because for so many yrs i was quiet i figured it will help me heel, well i still feel the same i feel disgusted, lonely, embarrassed, ashamed! All of these things. I have a cousin, b-friend that i talk to alot bout wat happened how offened n try to let it out. Well ive been wit my husband for 12 yrs now n feel like i can't open up to him as i want to. He is the best but im so ashamed for letting it happened to me for so long that i just can't talk to him as much as i want to. My best friend has done alot, n my cousin too. I have this emptiness inside of me cuz my lil sis. (the rapist daughter) which is also my best best friend has been avoiding me eva since i sat wit her n told her details! She is embarrassed for her father but damn i need her. I need to let everything out n can not do it cuz she will not listen. So i guess im writing so she and yourselves can read this and listen to me.

He would make me put his thing in my mouth, make me play wit it and tell me that it was a game. I had to do it right cuz if i didn't i would have to start all ova! He would play cards wit me and leave his thing hangin out from his shorts, i would always see it and close my eyes and pretended like it wasn't there. When it was time for bed usaully round 8ish he would come to my bed late late at nite no tv.s were on everyone sleepin including my mom, he would pull my pants down slide it in"sayin ssshhhh! Its only a game don't move" but in spanish. After he was done rapin me he would pull up his pants kiss my forehead or back of head and go to his room. I would than get up change my under wear cuz i would feel wetness and thought i peed! Than i would go to sleep cryin. Neva new it was semin til yrs later. I con't on for so many more yrs. He was my neighor for a few yrs and it cont there too. I was called up to the 4-5th floor and again same thing in his bed. Kids were outside playing while i was on his bed getting raped. I didn't kno wat to do or wat not to do. I was scared of talking cuz of my siblngs. Afraid i was neva gonna see then again. After he was my neighbor he moved away bout 5 mins down the road thats when i thought it would stop cuz now he wasn't really around! Well i was wrong again! I was at a summer program n my supervisor was takin all the teens to the park to play ball etc. Well the supvr. Knew the rapist n wanted to stop n get water since they were all thisty. Myself n her went up got water she went downstairs give it to them as i was getting more. Well he called me in yes it happened again. She was done wit the water and called me and he yells "shell be right there". I was so ashamed that day i felt dirty, like a loser, i had no idea wat to say when i left. She asked me if i was ok and of course i said yes. After that day at the summer program everytime the supvr. Asked to go to the park i would just say no. No in the mood. So i would stay behind. I have lots of ugly thoughts in my mind. I just want them out so i guess everyweek i can say a lil and see how i feel.

I wish my sis can read this n kno wat ive been through n that im still strugglin. I'll always strugglin but need the most important peopple to understand me and love me before its too late. Im trying to stay strong for my hus n kids but i fallin more each day that goes on. N yes im seeing a therapist but don't feel like its helpin. My meds don't help either. I want this man this monster to pay for wat he did to me to my siblings and who knos who else. I rather him rot in jail than dead. I wish the worse for him. He is not human. He made us suffer so much and is still makin us suffer. Why do i feel like people look at him like the victim? I should be the victim and people in my family think otherwise. I want the world to kno wat im goin thru and want people in my family to kno the truth. I want him in prison. I will cont to do everything i can until he suffers for the rest of his sorry life. Please help me out on how i can beat the statue of limitations. Ive called the senator, mayor, gov. And others. But still not much more my next step is the newspapers so the people the family can really know how serious i really am. Help me please. Thanx again for listening.

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Child Abuse Story From Jess D Part 4

by Jessica D
(Jessica D)

Ive confronted my enemy! The monster that did this to me. I finally had the guts after 28 yrs to say something. It was not easy, I acutully prepared myself to say what I had to say, do what I had to do!!! I went to his house wit my mom setting up the (APPOINTMENT)!he said he did not remember, he never denied he was too drunk, or too f***** up ) to remember! I said detailed, I said spcific s**t about the things that happened and he sat theresaying"if I was too drunk sorry I don't remember"I felt like s**t. I felt like y lie? Y say things things? He ended up in the hospital that nite n again in the hospital 3 times witin 2 wks! He was neva in the hospital eva before. So y now? Well to my conclusion he felt scared! He felt terrified!he did notknow what to do becuz I confrontd him! He knew wat heppened so many yrs ago and knew that now that he is (54yrs old 12/10) wat can I say!

I told him detailed about all the things that he did too me, the things I still think about, the things I will never forget....yet he still sat there and said he does not remember!! I said things over and over and he just kept saying the same!

I mentioned a case of a women of 2004 and he said he does not remember anything! But of course. He was accused of rape just 5 yrs ago and still not locked up??? So what the hell is wrong with this f***ing system? You got away once!!!!You got away twice!!!!!! And yet again 3 times on 2004??? Y? What the f*** makes you so luckly? I am so grown now but yet pissed off that he got away more than once. I have written to many people of the state and I get a call back and now they are working on the case but what if its too late? What if my guts came out too late? What can I do next?

I feel so alone he did so many bad f***ed up things in my life that I can never forgive him! My sister the best friend I spoke about in the past will never be the same. I lost someone who I thought was there for life,...someone who I could go to if I needed something. But because of who he is and she is his daughter she will never look at me in the same picture!!!I feel like a piece of s**t! I fell like he made me a women before I was even thinking of it or even before I was even ready! My first real woman expirence was with him! As f***ed up that that was no was knows what I went through! I life was always suxed and my lifewill never be the same because he tooked my soul! I was never trust a man in my my because he tooked that from me and and no one will ever get that back! (sorry for those of u who r inocent)!

I just want him to pay for what he did. He ruined my life! I really with all my heart want justice! Its not easy to sit here and pour your heart out, its something that I have tried before and was unable to do something that many people will never do! I ask that if you have a story (talk) say something to someone you trust or say something to this site!!!

This site has acually saved mylife in alot of different ways... I still think of suicide.... Its not a easy way out but I say more now than I have ever said before in my whole life!

Thank you again for reading my story... Contact me.. Leave me a comment to know what you are thinking!!

I really need help before I do something stupid... Help me write to me I need a friend! I feel alone! F my guts came out too late?

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