Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason M
(Forest Park, Illinois, USA)

I feel like other adults knew I had been abused and they used it to their advantage. Whenever I would hear about another kid at school getting spanked I would wonder how it was any different than my stepfather beating me every day after school. And because I thought about that, I came to the conclusion that I would continue to be beaten for the rest of my life. There was never much communication between my stepfather and me, so him beating me was unpredictable. I couldn't make any sense of it. I thought he was crazy. This is getting hard to write. When I would wait until my mother got home from work before going home he would sit on the couch and stare at me in an insane way. He was staring at me, and I think he was furious that I didn't come home that day and give him the opportunity to beat me.

On another occasion my mom, me, my sister, and my stepfather were all at home in the same part of the house. Sometimes it seemed as if he would become a disciplinarian and it seemed like he was overseeing the worst children in the world. This occasion was one of those times. He started an argument with my sister about some ridiculous thing and he then dragged her like she weighed nothing across the floor into the bathroom and slammed the door. He did it like it was totally justified. It was the scariest time in my life. I was so afraid. I couldn't think about what was going on. I don't remember any noise coming from the bathroom, but my sister was crying and screaming and then it was quiet. My mother wasn't perfect but I didn't know why she didn't stop him. I thought he was going to kill my sister and me. Later on that day or possibly right after, he let her out of the bathroom. She yelled hysterically to my mother that she said he couldn't touch her. I thought, does she mean that my mother had told him to beat me that way.

I don't think that was the end of him beating me. My mom saw him drag my sister across the floor like an object and she never confronted him or said it was wrong to my sister. She never saw him beating me regularly, but she saw him beating my sister that day and he still lived in our house for a long time after that. The only time she ever had him arrested was when he hit her. Because of that I thought him abusing us was accepted and my life belonged to him. He manipulated me to think I belonged to him and that I should follow the way he lived his life.

I had a girlfriend that once told me that I frightened her. She told me about a friend she had and that her boyfriend was hitting her. She said she thought I could become an abusive man. When she told me this, I thought she knew about what had happened to me when I was a kid and that she was trying to control me. This goes back to me thinking that adults knew that I was abused and used it to control me.

I saw my stepfather when I was maybe 21 and my blood poured out of my body. I hadn't seen him in years. He didn't threaten me and he didn't seem to intentionally try to scare me. But I felt like I was 10 years old, and even though I knew I was older, I knew he could hurt me all over again if he wanted to.

I know have choices in life, but at times I think I don't have any control of what happens and the things I do. I considered suicide to avoid hurting anyone, but more just so I could stop being hurt. I don't know what to do. Life is so hard.

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Child Abuse Story From Jason Part 2

by Jason
(Forest Park, Illinois, USA)

Before my mother met this man my life wasn't good. I can say that when the abuse started it replaced the other parts of my life that were bad, but it must have gotten severely worse because it seemed to go on forever. That's the part of my life I remember. It started so fast it's all I can remember.

Before, my grandmother was always verbally abusive and physically abusive. She manipulated me and lied about me to other people. I also have memories of a time when I was about 5 years old of being beaten by a stranger in our apartment that only my mother my sister and I lived in.

I went to school hungry and no one ever made sure that I had something to eat.

I have to say that reading the stories here have helped me remember a lot of my life and helped me explain it.
The man that abused me and my sister became my stepfather. People will have a hard time believing this, but it happened. There are two times I remember him making me go to school late. He said to me that he wanted to beat me. He said he wanted to beat me for no reason at all. He went to the hardware store and bought a piece of wood specifically to beat me. I'm sorry that this has happened to other people. This just keeps coming back, and all I do is feel worse when I hear about these things happening to other people.

Every time I think I have some control over my life, just more and more bullshit keeps coming back to me. I don't know if I forget what happened to me or if I deny what happened to me, but it just tears me apart when I remember these things. My biggest fear is that I don't know how to live because all I can remember are all the things that hurt me.

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Child Abuse Story From Jason Part 3

by Jason M
(Forest Park, Illinois, USA)

I want to disclose something that weighs on me very heavily. That is the abuse I received from school administrators and law enforcement in my hometown. Because of my neglectful and abusive home life I had to repress other memories to cope with my life.

Systematically I was forced to drop out of school by neglectful teachers and dishonest school administrators that lied about my academic performance. Throughout my school years I was labeled as gifted although I was failing classes all the time.

My physical abuse was apparent at school and teachers did nothing. My fifth grade teacher saw that I wasn't able to sit down due to being beaten by my stepfather and he did nothing. Since when is it the child's responsibility to report abuse at the age of ten? I was asked in an insincere way if everything was alright at home and I gave no answer.

MY MOTHER WAS TOLD THAT MY DEPRESSION WAS DISRUPTING OTHER CHILDREN AND THAT I SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR NOT INTERACTING WITH THEM. I was pushed along through school and I learned nothing. I was put in gifted classes to make sure that I would fail. When I got to high school I had no understanding of any classes. Again I was called disruptive because of my depression. I was treated as a troublemaker and singled out every day. I was a white male at a school that was one hundred percent black. I was threatened by students and I was threatened by a teacher.

I want to add the abuse by police officers. On one occasion my mother was being beaten by my stepfather and I was hit. My mother comes out of her room and tells me to call the police. When the police arrive my mother denies telling me to call them. It was obvious that there was abuse at our house. The police officers tell me that calling the police is only for serious situations. The one police officer yelled at me, "...as a f**king child to not call the police if it wasn't an emergency." When I called them I told them my mother was being beaten. Is that a joke? Does that seem like something a child would joke about?

Later in life I was arrested for something. A police officer told me that he knew that I had an abusive stepfather and that it didn't matter. They had known all along. Why this weighs on me is that I see horrible things happen and I know these people will never be brought to justice. There will never be any justice for what happened to me.

All of these things happened to me. I have lied to myself and I have lied to other people to try to salvage some form of life for myself.

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Child Abuse Story From Jason Part 4

by Jason
(Illinois, USA)

My stepfather molested my sister. I used to hate to see it but I was grateful that it wasn't happening to me. He used to beat me. he was so angry at me. He is the reason I am afraid of people to this day. My mom knew he was molesting my sister but our life was awful before that. It was just a change. Things didn't get worse. It was more of the same. He would beat me because he could. He hit me in front of my mom once and she totally ignored it. I was so scared of him. I never went home before my mom got home because he wouldn't hit me when she was there. He only hit me the one time whne she was there. My friend grew to hate me because I would never leave his house. He must've betaen me everyday for awhile until I started coming home late. I can't get rid of this feeling. Why would he do that to me? I didn't do anyhting to him. He started beating me as soon as he moved in. People look at me and they know what happened. I was nine years old when he started beating me. I now know that he sexually abused me too. Things were missing from my room but he was never in my room when I was awake. He had to go in there when i was asleep. He was touching me on my buttocks when we were playing basketball and said something very nasty. It was something I'd heard before but I didn't realize it. I know he molested me. Just thinking back to him touching me that one time gives me a feeling that he had been touching me while I was asleep. I woke up and my anus was sore in the morning. It hurt really bad. I told my mom and she said why? She said why would it hurt? I think she knew. There is no other way it would hurt unless he was touching me. I'm 26 yeras old and i live with my mom. I don't have a job and i dropped out of highschool. I'll never be able to survive on my own. Just please don't hurt children. I couldn't do anything to save myself and be safe. I don't think I can ever get over what happened.

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