Child Abuse Story From Dawn
by Dawn
(Michigan, USA)
Child Sexual Abuse:
This is one of the hardest things to do. My first memory of sexual abuse was young, like 4 or 5 years old. The guy was a grandpa. From then on this issue has plagued my life. From then on it is all I remember.
My mother used to bring men home every time she went to the bar. One of my sayings that come to mind during this moment in my life is soooo many faces that abused me and sooo little names. When I asked my mother about this she said that she had a drug problem and setting us girls up for prostitution was the way she took care of our basic needs. This abuse kept on for many years that I ended up pregnant at 12 years old, and it was my uncle's child. I finally got someone to listen to me and ended up in foster care.
This was like my saving grace. The abuse ended for a while, until I went home again. I delivered a small but thriving baby whom I named Megan. She was adopted by my foster parents. She is almost 18 but is handicapped, so she will never know who I am; and for me that is ok. I can see her, and her name is Christy now.
The abuse then went on as I went home. My life got hard again and physical abuse started, almost to the fact that I needed out. This is when I met my first husband. He set me up for a gang rape. I finally stood up for myself and put him and others in jail for the assault.
This has gotten easier for me, but since I will never meet you it helps. My life is like a lifetime movie and it has been sad and full of terror and trauma.
I have moved on but can hardly feel emotions, which I am working on. In my life I went into foster care where I met Christ; that made all of the difference. I have become a foster parent, trying to help these innocent children in need of people that have been there and will support them no matter what has happened to them. I am also in college for a licensed preacher.
My life has been hard, and the safety of my 8 children is never far from my mind. I am in therapy and attend a survivor group which has made all of the difference.
I am married and still have trust issues from the attack, but have opened my heart to try and this has made me happy in life.
I wanted my abuse to be forgotten, but came to the realization that had I not gone through this I would not be making the difference in these kids' lives. I also understand that a healing from this is possible but appreciate that I will always remember the past. When I started the healing process I wanted to forget the past, but now I am a survivor who has flashbacks and understands I am safe and that emotions cannot hurt me.
Thanks,
Dawn
Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled
Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at
Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.
Child Abuse Story From Dawn Part 2
by Dawn
(Michigan, USA)
I have often wondered if I as a survivor carry a sign on my chest that announces I am vulnerable. The thing is that I feel helpless when it comes to stopping the cycle of abuse, and even as an adult the abuse is still plaguing my life.
Last week we went camping and my niece met a guy online. He was invited to go camping and pitched a tent on the side lot. The first night, things were nice. We met him, talked, joked, and even had fun. They went and slept in the tent and things were fine.
The next night we were having a campfire and roasting hot dogs, really having a wonderful time. The night went on and it was getting late and one of the kids went to the bathroom and never came back. My husband went to bed early this night due to a headache which left me and 2 other adults to find this child.
We split off and each took another way so that our chances of finding him were better. It was dark with the exception of lamp posts every so often. I went to the bathroom and someone came up behind me and started to tickle me, which at the time I thought was my husband. I was stunned and frozen in place when I saw it was this guy whom was a guest at our site. I really knew nothing about him.
He tickled me so much it got me down to the ground, mostly because of the total shock. I did not know if his intentions were to rape me, but I went into little girl mode and knew what was next. He tickled me a lot and I wet myself in fear, but am so angry because I made it easy access due to being in my pj's. I feel so guilty. If I had only had panties on and a bra there would not have been the temptation to rape me. I feel responsible because I called him honey and sweetie like he was just one of the kids and maybe he thought I was coming on to him.
He did penetrate me by pulling my shorts over. I did little to fight and said no but am not sure if it came out of my mouth. It was like history repeating itself and me betraying myself yet again due to not fighting.
I did not get help. I did tell my best friend but she said it would be best if I did keep it secret. He held me down by holding my chest. It still hurts and I am not sure if it hurts because of emotional damage or if I am really physically hurt.
I did not get checked out by a doctor, with the fear of my secret getting out and people judging my for being raped. However, a few days after the attack I started to have small complications such as a discharge and rash. Yesterday I went to the doctor's and await the labs result of what STD (sexually transmitted disease) I have. I was diagnosed with PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) which is associated with Chlamydia or Gonorrhea. I am so afraid and depressed with this finding, like my worst nightmare.
I feel so tainted, dirty, and full of shame, now more than ever with a std. I hope in due time to want to talk to someone about this. I just wish I knew why I am a target of sexual abuse and rape.
On another note, my niece knows nothing of this and continues to talk to him. He is on every day with her and when he pops up on the computer it takes me back to being on the campground. I see the determined mad look in his eyes and his large body over mine, breathing heard, red face, out of breath and then raping me, taking yet another part of my very being. Once my doctor gets the exact cause of the PID then she will report it to the health department. The health department will anonymously send her a letter telling her that she may have came into contact with an STD if she had sex with this guy so it takes that responsibility from me.
Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.
