Child Abuse Story of Healing and Recovery From Cassie1
by Cassie
(Pennsylvania, USA)
I'd like to say that many things happened to me. I never thought I would make it. Suicidal thoughts would pop in my mind, and that scared me to death. I did not have the heart to actually hurt myself, but I understand the want to.
I was home alone many nights, and I did use some things to calm down. Including stepping outside. I would lay down and look at the stars. I would talk to my sister because I knew she understood, and I knew she saw what was happening. My sister passed away two years ago from cancer when she was 10 and I was 13. I'm 15 now, 16 in November.
I found that shivering in the cold often calmed me down. It wasn't really hurting me, and it wasn't at a point of hypothermia or anything, but it was a harmless way to calm down. Just sit there and hug your knees, listen to the quiet of the night, and shiver it out. That's a method I used, about a year or so after my sister passed away and everything. I knew before this that my parents had become alcoholics.
I started going to church again, and a couple months into that I got saved. I found that God took a lot of the weight off my shoulders, and I knew that I wasn't facing anything alone. Now, as the problems are still here. My dad still being an alcoholic, and my mom sorta being one. I don't break down every night. I pray when I'm upset. I still step outside and talk to God, and my sister, but it's different now. I know I'll be ok. I know that everything that happens, happens for a reason. I know that the problems will leave on their own, and I have to stay strong and fight through them with my head held high. I can't shy away from the things that face me. I know that these things will change me, and I have to make them change me for the better and not the worst.
I won't let anything that happens hold me back. I will live life as it is: life. I'll do activities no matter the problems that are at home. I'll go to church even if my parents don't believe in it. I'll talk to my parents.
I've found that God has given me more strength and courage to talk to my parents about their addictions. He's not really given it to me, but He has helped me to find it.
I hope this is help to anyone that has been abused. I know this is probably a different way of looking at it because it is religious, but I don't know where I would be without God standing beside me. I know many people will disagree, and that is fine. We all have our beliefs, but this is what has helped me, and I hope it can help others.
Thank you so much for listening :) Take care and God Bless everyone :)
~~Love~~ Cassie
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Child Abuse Story From Cassie1
by Cassie
(USA)
I'm not really realizing how hard this actually is to write my story until I started typing. I was abused since I don't know when. I don't remember when I wasn't abused. I was abused all the ways except for sexual. I'm 14 now, and I'm still in the same family. My gram lives with our family. My brother is 23 now, and he's been in the navy for over 4 years. I don't know if this same thing happened to him because my dad is his stepdad. So he wasn't home all the time.
Life has been tough since I was 5 or 6. Because then my younger sister, who was almost 3 at the time, was diagnosed with cancer. So I guess that started all the stress. My mom would be at the hospital, which is an hour away from our home. I would be home, mostly with my gram, until my dad came home from work.
A normal day would be #1 getting up in the morning and getting yelled at constantly by my gram. For every little thing. #2 my gram driving me to school. With more yelling. #3 getting picked up by gram 20 minutes early so she could get to work on time. Then I would be at my gram's work for a lil over an hour (or more than one hour if my dad worked overtime). My dad would pick me up.
That was kind of when he would be physical. Hitting me across the head. Or threatening me with this HUGE wooden paddle. My gram hit sometimes. And she almost broke my arm once. She was the person who did the emotional abuse. Telling me that she never wanted to see me again. That sorry's won't help anything. And all of that sort. But mostly emotional abuse has just come with it. (She's not that old yet.)
The physical abuse stopped about 2 years ago. But you still always have that fear that you're going to push a button and make them mad again. My mom wasn't much of the problem. When she was home she would yell at my dad for hitting me across the head or being too violent when playing. Now I'm starting to realize that some of that playing that still goes on now is inappropiate...for example...uhmm hard part) him pinching my behind...which really hurts by the way. There is other stuff but nothing sexual I promise.
Last year on May 4th at 10:55am, my sister finally passed away from the cancer. She was 10 years old. Her birthday was April 14th, so it was really close to her birthday. That was very difficult for my parents and myself. What is worse, my mom still can't deal with it. And she looks up to me. 'Cause I'm able to talk about her (my sister). I'm able to talk about her 'cause she is my hero and I look up to her. Which I wish I could say that for my parents.
After my sister passed away, my parents started going out more than they used to, to this club downtown. They would leave at 8pm and be back AFTER (maybe wayyy after) 1am...that's when the neglect started...I would be home alone a lot then...because this is going with my parents work schedule. This is still going on now. And child services have come before. But I wasn't completely truthful with him. I was really glad when he was gone for good. My mom made me tell my dad everything I told the child services about what my dad did to me. Of course, he denied it...but I realize now they used me. My mom told me to tell him so they could go against them so they wouldn't lose me.
Some of my friends will get mad at me when I say that I will not say I hate them. When I say they still love me. But I am sure they do. That they care. They just don't know how to share that they do. I do wish they would show me how much they care. Before I started talking to a friend about this, I thought I had a normal life. That I was actually doing wrong. That I deserved all of it. Right now I'm working on getting the courage to call that child services number.
I'm really sorry for writing so much. (I talk a lot haha.) But this really did help...but it brings back a lot...and it reminds me of everything that you try to hide. I guess there is more that I probably should have put in this but I really didn't feel comfortable...or right for doing it. I'm going to stop before my dad comes in and sees this...he'd be really mad. Don't worry I got it all handled!
Goodbye everyone!
Cassie
P.S. Thank you very much for the site! It's an awesome help.
Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Cassie1" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.
