Child Abuse Story From Brianne
by Brianne
(North Carolina, USA)
When I was born, I lived with my mom and older brother. My mom had kicked my dad out before I was born. My mom worked a lot and was rarely home. My brother or grandma were the ones that watched me.
When I was 7, my mom married my step-dad. For the first few years after their marriage, things were great. He adopted me. We were a happy family, and I had many friends and a good home life. One of my good friends started taking me to church with them. I loved it! Not long after I started going to that church, an older, mentally disabled man started sexually abusing me. I was only 8 at the time so I didn't understand what was going on. He would constantly touch me inappropriately. He would try to get me to take my clothes off. He would stalk me and my best friend. He always gave me hugs and kisses and it made me really uncomfortable. He would follow me into the girls' bathroom and wait for me.
Finally, my friend's dad caught on to what was happening. He told my preacher, and the preacher took care of it.
Then when I was 14, my dad was laid off. During this time he started to physically and emotionally abusing me. It started out emotional. He would burst into my room and yell at me for the dumbest things, such as his sports team loosing or for being hungry. He would blame me for everything, from my dog barking to the computer being messed up. He always took everything out on me because he was scared of my mom. He would say that he regretted adopting me and wished I'd moved out with my brother.
Not long after all this started, I became depressed. I started cutting, first with a knife then a razor. I attempted suicide 5 times in 2 months. My best friend found out and told my youth pastor about my dad and about me cutting. She had an adult she knew I trusted talk to me about it. We talked for hours about it. She helped me more than I thought imaginable.
But then my dad started hitting me.
I'd come home from hanging out with friends, and my dad would be waiting for me. First he would yell at me and cuss me out, and then he would hit me. He never hit me on the face, mainly my arms and chest. I started cutting and thinking about suicide again. In another 2 month period, I attempted suicide 3 times. My best friend really started worrying about me. He would text or call every night to make sure I was still alive and that my dad hadn't beaten me too hard. He knew what I was going through because he used to be abused.
Then things with my dad got really bad. He started hitting me so bad. It hindered my movement. More people started noticing. I spent most of my night outside so I could run if he came after me. When I'd go inside, I'd run upstairs and lock the door. He kept me in one room all day. If I went downstairs at all, he'd get really mad at me. If I talked to my mom, I'd get in trouble.
I go to a psychiatrist because I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. He doesn't know about my dad because I don't want him getting in trouble and getting even madder. There are a few people at church that know, but won't call DSS because they know how scared I am of what could happen. I'm now 16 and it's still going on. As I get older, it seems to get worse. I'm just waiting for him to snap and either kill me or put me in the hospital.
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Child Abuse Story From Brianne Part 2
by Brianne
(North Carolina, USA)
I just thought I would update everyone on how things are going. Well, the abuse by my dad quit. But I learned some things about the past that I would like to share. Recently I found out my biological dad raped me when I was 4. I'd always wondered why he wasn't in my life after I was 4, but now I understand. Then in 7th grade, my bf's best friend molested me, in my bf's living room. After it happened, I went to tell my bf's sister, but her mom was in the room and I didnt know it. She was mad. She told the kid to never go near her son again. My bf broke up with me bc I'd told on his friend.
Just because the abuse from my dad stopped, doesn't mean I'm completely free of abuse. I'm constantly emotionally abused by people that are supposed to be my friends and the sad part is, I have to be around them bc they go to my church. But it keeps getting worse. I've tried telling people, but they don't believe me or don't care. Every time I'm around them, my self-esteem plummets. I don't fit in with them so they just look down on me. There's always an odd number of people, so I'm left out a lot. They blame everything on me, and half of the time I don't even know what's going on. They are always wispering to each other about me and they are really obvious about it.
We took a trip to the beach this summer, and I was always left behind with the adults. I have really bad asthma so I couldn't go in the ocean for long so they would just swim out as far as they could so they knew I couldn't make it. When I would get out, no one noticed or offered to come with me. I think I could have drowned and no one would have cared. The last night we were there, I attempted suicide, but I was caught and they told on me. When I was asked why I did it, I said i was tired of being ignored and treated like I don't exist. Nothing changed though.
In the past I've had everyone I've loved or trusted leave me. Even my brother left me. The people that haven't left, betrayed or hurt me more then they can imagine. Because of all of the abandonment and hurt others have inflicted on me over the years, I have a wall around me that noone can get through. At school I have like 4 friends, and I'm not real close to any of them. I can't trust people. I'm super shy and quiet. I can't talk to guys. I have severe anxiety and depression. I'm paranoid when it comes to adult guys bc I think they are like my biological dad or step dad. I cut, almost daily. I've attepmted suicide more times than I can count, and have almost succeeded a few times. The only reason I keep going it for my god-sons. If anyone ever lays a hand on them, they will regret it. My grades are slipping at school bc of my depression. I've questioned my faith a lot lately too, and now I'm just lost. My only way to escape the real world, is by writing, which i do a lot.
So basically, bc of the abuse sexually, physically, and emotionally, my life is falling apart and I'm only 16.
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