Child Abuse - Predator in Your Backyard

by Name Withheld
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm outraged, yes, been outraged for a long long time. My abuser killed a child in front of me and won't see a day in jail because I was too young, suppressed the memories of his abuse and murder(s), and only remembered during flashbacks. Ugh! How can this happen? Because my Mom didn't know the signs of a dangerous man. Because her upbringing told her it was ok to be treated like a punching bag. Oh he was so "manly", Ugh.

Women, single women, with children. Ya really love your kids? Then forget about romancing till their grown. That's the only way to keep them safe, unless you've had therapy and know the signs. Unfortunately women who've been abused themselves (even if they too don't remember), don't know what's healthy in a relationship, and unfortunately also tend to jump into relationships prematurely (way too soon), with seemingly "normal" men.

These men happen to try to present themselves to you as "too good to be true", it's true, they are, it's a mask. They volunteer to babysit, often if your strapped and they know it, for FREE! Nothing's for free, chances are your child has been abused, your free babysitting just cost you your child's innocence, childhood and sanity. Your unknown predator's own home reflects childish crap, if he's a divorced dad he'll say it's for his kids, if he's single BIG RED FLAG. He'll often have hobbies that reflect the age-group he's most attracted to (model car collection, ugh worse-Barbie dolls) He tends to the children (his and yours), like a mother hen, you think he's great, He often wants to give you "time off", so he can be alone with the children, sometimes he favors one over the other. Don't think that only one is being abused because of this, this is often a ploy to keep the children from confiding in each other, let alone you. If you're together you will find yourself feeling like a 3rd wheel, because he tends to pay toooo much attention to the children.

You think he's a regular Mr. Rogers, but he's not. He touches the children too much. He watches them when they talk, this he doesn't hide from them, it's a method of control, He needs them to see him watching them cause they mustn't ever tell.

He loves your daughters to wear skirts and dresses, Why? easy access... He can rape your daughter while you take a shower real quick or even when you're doing dishes in the next room. He likes to be in control, if not outright, then covertly with manipulation and passive aggression, you'll find yourself "punished" for doing normal things that unfortunately for him, separates him from his rape agenda.

Then there starts the psychological separation he creates between you and the children, behind your back he tells them you don't care, You'll know he's doing this cause he'll point out any behavior of yours that can be twisted into "she don't care" right in front of you. "go ahead go to the beauty shop, I'll take care of the kids, take the food from their mouths for your hair",You'll find yourself feeling guilty just for being you.



He's a master manipulator, if not the charming narcissist, then a Passive -aggressive, who often displays signs of depression and will accuse you often of not caring for him, especially in front of the kids.

Have your alarm bells ringing if he ever decides that he'd rather sleep with one of the kids than you, (your fault of course, cause you don't care),If your dating, you can't get too close to his children, he don't want them to talk, soon you'll find yourself having fewer and fewer contacts with them, especially if they like you.

If during sex he compares you to some strange "unknown", RED FLAG, He won't give you clarity if you ask and then he'll make it a fight and an excuse to sleep in the living room (where you know he won't stay). He'll try to tickle you during sex, he wants you to giggle like a school kid. He'll ask or tell you to dress in a manner way to young for yourself. He has a treasure trove of kids films, whether he has kids or not big RED FLAG if he doesnt have kids that are with him 6 mo or more. After sex, he goes down on you to "suck the juices out" BIG RED FLAG!! HE DOES THIS HABITUALLY WITH HIS VICTIMS TO HIDE EVIDENCE! He might have a collection of antibiotic ointments, he may be using this (especially if you find it in the bedroom), as a lubricant and crime cover-up.

He treats the children as younger than they are, he needs to help an 8 yr old get dressed. He helps them bathe way beyond the time they need help for this. He turns the children agiainst each other. He laughs when they fight. To him this is safety, they won't confide in each other. If there is a computer about, you won't have access to it or he has his pc stuff under a password you don't know.

He's secrative. He doesnt talk much of his past, unless of course he's telling you how Horrible his ex was, he's evasive of his childhood, or his childhood sounds too good to be true. He for sure wants to be with you with your children wayyyyyy tooo soooon, and tries to quickly make them like him, not like the regular dork you date, but he brings gifts and puts waaaaay to much effort into getting close to your children. And there's so much more to tell suffice it to say, If you have children and are a single mom, ....DON'T DATE




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse - Predator in Your Backyard

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Jun 03, 2010
Disturbing but accurate points to consider...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing your perspective about this issue with my visitors and me.

One more thing, I would very much appreciate that you use the same name if and when you contribute more than one submission. In this way, it will save me a lot of work, and I can merge them onto the same page.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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