Child Abuse - My Daughter Still Affected as a Teen

by A supportive mom - Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My Daughter's abuse by her father is affecting her to this day: 
He was abusing her even as an was escalating by the day and so I had to leave when she was a newborn. He filed for divorce and for custody. The courts didn't care about the abuse. Father's have rights and so I had to let her go with him for visitation. When she was only 4 she came home from an overnight visit and said that she wanted to would never be good again. My new husband at the time and still to this day was by my side as we took her to a therapist the next day. We told her that she could say anything to the therapist because she was a "life fixer" and she could help. My daughter then disclosed immediately to the therapist that there was abuse. Physical, emotional and no one was more shocked than me when she told of sexual abuse. I'm so thankful that she was able to come forward and she stood up for herself at such a young age. She expected an apology from him and a promise to never do that again (something she learned in preschool). He never apologized and he continued to deny all of it and the courts kept trying to repair the relationship. She was forced to go to supervised visitation and I was forced to bring her. This went on for over 2 years. When it was finally going to trial he got scared and gave up.

The prosecutor thought she was too young and the judge said that she had a daughter the same age and couldn't imagine a child could be as bright and excellent at communicating as my daughter. It was always assumed that I had been feeding this to her all along. So crazy. I could never do that and I can't imagine how that would work for me now as I have a daughter that is 13 and remembers everything and unfortunately even more than she ever disclosed back then. She remembers and tells some things but refuses to talk about the sexual abuse that has caused her to attempt suicide and caused her to scar herself by cutting.

My stunningly beautiful daughter has been changed forever, inside and out by this disgusting man and we have to witness her hating herself even as people marvel at her beauty and bright talent. Thousands of dollars in therapy and medication and horrifying hospitalizations. I promised her that she will never be hospitalized again. Her father doesn't know any of it and he goes on living a life when he should be in jail. He should be tagged as a child sex offender. So, I have some extreme anger that I've never dealt with out of needing to be in the supporting and calming mom role. Thank you for letting me leave this resentment and outrage here so that I can continue to be Mom

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse - My Daughter Still Affected as a Teen

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Jan 27, 2012
To A supportive mom:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The system let your daughter and you down. This is what happens when we live in a world where children really and truly do not have rights. And while I commend and applaud your support of your daughter, I also realize that you both need help. Yes, you've spent money on therapy, etc, but you seem to believe that being strong means putting up a facade for your daughter. Not so. Yes, you need to keep her routine normal, but when you deny your Self the help you need in order to deal with the anger and hostility and outright rage, you send the message to your daughter that she too must keep it in. That doesn't mean you have to show her all your rage about what happened to you, but what it does mean is that she needs to know that keeping a "stiff upper lip" isn't necessary. Whether you know it or not, she's reading your body language, she knows how you feel. Being "mom" does not mean hiding behind your rage, it means getting the help you need to deal with your rage. In that way you can be an even greater support for your daughter. Keep building her self-esteem. Listen, really listen to her, and show her that keeping it in will only serve to create more rage and self-destructive behaviour. She needs to see YOU model the appropriate avenue. I send you both love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your daughter's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 30, 2012
Very brave
by: Anonymous

Your daughter was a very brave little girl. I too have experienced abuse and it still affects me. I wish you all the best.

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