Child Abuse Comment From Another Thread

by Darlene Barriere – Webmaster
(Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada)


What follows below is a comment that came through my page titled Can Childhood Spankings be Administered Because of or Lead to a Spanking Fetish? I've decided to post it here in order to give it more exposure. Also, because of the space limitations within the comments sections (3,000- vs. 10,000-character limit on full-page submissions) I felt it was best to address this issue as its own topic.


Comment by: Anonymous
Why do you only display answers that agree with you


Youe story sounds a bit far fetched, Possibly the produst of your own fantasy...

Reply from Darlene: Interesting that you feel the need to hide behind anonymity, and yet accuse me of fantasy when I print what is true under my full name.

What I don't post are comments that promote or advocate violence against children. Period. End of story. There are plenty of places on the web that allow that; as a Violence and Abuse Prevention Educator, I do not and will not permit such comments to go live here.

Whether or not you believe what I posted doesn't concern me. I know what I know. I know what I saw in my mother's closet. I know that my mother used bondage and fetish on her own children under the guise of discipline. My mother was the one with the fetish. My mother was the one who used her children to enact those fetishes. My decision to post this truth was to address what was in the title, in part because fetish is a child abuse effect, in part because by disclosing what happened to my siblings and me, I've in essence given permission for others to also disclose such terrible crimes committed against them by the very people in charge of protecting them: mothers, fathers, caregivers, and people with authority over them. At least three such visitors come to mind. Believe whatever you must, Anonymous, if that's what justifies such truth in your mind, but the fact that you are so willing to brush off the truth makes me question your motives for coming here.

You are obviously not here to learn anything about child abuse or its effects; rather, I suspect you are here to do what so many have done for seemingly millenia: discredit those who are sharing the truth about what child abuse did to them. Or perhaps reading the truth about child abuse and its effects (my mother was a product of severe physical child abuse herself) is too painful for you to admit to or comprehend. Perhaps it rips apart the fabric of your belief system. It's people who refuse to acknowledge that even mothers are capable of heinous crimes against their children—including sexual crimes—that allow it to continue. When we put on blinders to such crimes, we enable them. By accusing me of posting something that is all about my "own fantasy" as you call it, only shows your own ignorance, your own willingness to perpetuate the problem.

And just for the record, I don't ask my visitors to give answers. I invite my visitors to offer validating, supportive and encouraging comments to other visitors who are brave enough to disclose the abuse that happened to them; those are the rules of conduct on this site. Visitors who don't want to abide by those rules, but instead post degrading and non-supportive comments, are deleted and often times banned from commenting further. I reserve, and have that right, as creator and webmaster of this site.

This is a safe place for child abuse survivors. It is NOT a free for all for those who continue to ignore what has been going on under their noses for ages. Child abuse is rampant. Child abuse has severe and life-long consequences. Child abuse survivors are finally speaking out; and I for one—a child abuse survivor myself—will do what I have to do in order to ensure they continue to have a voice and a soft place to land through this site. Anonymous, since you don't seem willing to be a support for such people, I suggest you move on because you are not welcome here.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Comments for Child Abuse Comment From Another Thread

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Mar 27, 2009
Great informative and supportive site
by: Mrs. R.

i agree with you wholeheartedly Darlene. This site is not here to Glorify abuse, try to shock people, and/or degrade others. I feel you do a wonderful job of running your site it cannot be easy continually reading about other peoples pain. You have to use discretion because this site is about Human Sufferings not about machines. Also if you did not keep a tight reign chances are the site would crumble.

Mar 27, 2009
good on you Darlene
by: Maurice

Thank you a million thank you's. Your site is a gift and a blesing for survivors like me of child abuse. If I could have read the mind of my abuser I might have a clearer understanding of his motives. I don't know if he was abused as a child, I know he was army trained when he was in charege of me and the boys at the school I attended. A diciplinarian of his own making as to how we should be discipled. He maintained and said it a number of times to us as boys that our bottoms were ready made to be spanked or whatever for correction reasons to make us better boys. I know now there may have been an ulterior motive in this claim of bare bottoms for a beating of his choice and at his whim. Darlene You make it quite clear that your site is to give the opportunity to the abused child to have a platform to share with other genuine real life stories of what happened to them. Very well watched over by you so that I (each abused) is supported and benefit from the telling of their story. Again thank you.

Mar 27, 2009
To Mrs R and Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank YOU both for your kind words and support. You are both tremendous assets to the success of this site with your encouraging and validating comments to other visitors. You share of yourselves within those comments, but not at the expense of over-shadowing what the visitor experienced. I treasure and honour people like you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 06, 2009
shocked by comment
by: Anonymous

I was really shocked by the "possibly product of your own fantasy" comment.

Maybe this sounds a little daft, but I kind of wish that he/she was right, that stuff like this only exist as fantasies...that none of us had to live through, and then remember stuff like that.

Thank you for your website. You've got my respect.

From Darlene: Thank you, Anonymous. I agree with your comments. When I first read what this person wrote, I wondered if s/e would have the same response to a person who disclosed being sexually assaulted by a parent; something so many of my visitors HAVE disclosed. And then I realized that I was getting a comment from someone who must be in a great deal of pain to be so quick not only to brush off such information, but to accuse me of something less than honourable. I too wish that such things were only in fantasies, because then it would mean much fewer people in such pain. But we live in the real world. Again, thank you for taking the time to comment.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 07, 2009
knowing you daily use your professional stewardship over your site is my guarantee that I am safe to share my abuse reality
by: Maurice

Abuse is real, it happens, it takes all forms, from birthing to adolecence. Innocent and vunerable children/human beings are traumatised by it when it happens to them. Many of the abusers were in most cases abused by someone themselves but never sought help or shared there story until their abused were forced to tell on them. for their own peace of mind and self preseveration. Great your site is there for people to share their pain of abuse. It is the beginning for most to accept, acknowledge that they did not deserve to go through such abuse, that it was never their fault. Each human life is sacred and deserves to be treated with Respect and dignity. Our society in general is a good and caring one. 80% of family life is perfect and loving. Parents/Guardians of the innocent child in the rearing treat them as such and love abounds. But the other 20% sadly ruin many lives until they seek help and support beginning here on your site. That is a blessing from on high. I know and all the visitors to your site know you are genuine. I knowing from you having shared with us your own abuse effects and story. Yes, your site is a stepping stone for the abused to Grow into having a great sense of their self worth, which enables them to bulid up their self esteem and confidence to know their own beautiful self. You Darlene give them hope in the help they seek with your loving words of encouragement. It can be expensive to seek counselling and I'm sure each of your visitors is aware of that as I am. So your site is a haven for us all to begin tellng our story. Yes, finding a true genuine friend is a must for everyone of us. I know that for every one who abuses their is an honest, genuine caring human being all around me. around us who care, respec whom we can trust to share our abuse story with. There are loads of genuine listeners around us. your support and advice makes us aware of that Darlene.

Apr 07, 2009
To Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Once again, Maurice, I thank you for your encouraging and supportive words. As I've said before: you are a gem, both to me and to the many visitors of this site.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 08, 2009
Happy Easter
by: Mrs. R

Hallo Darlene, I believe that you have done a wonderful job with your web site. There is so much information you do not need a link to go elsewhere. I have recommended your site to a few people even our sons partner who is in University studying to become an elementary teacher. She also takes Psychology so this site is very informative for her.
As a Survivor of all abuse I know how a person can feel all alone and believe no one will believe them and/or really listen to them. Here on this site a person quickly realizes "hey I am not alone there are others out there too". Also from reading other peoples life stories we all try to point out that we are not to blame, it was not our fault, the adults crossed that sacred LINE that they had no right to cross and were never invited. They are to blame not us. We all need to hear this over and over, it takes a long time for some people to come to terms with that. Even after all these years for me I still occasionally like to hear "IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT"
Here I hear that, Thank you everyone.
HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!

Apr 09, 2009
To Mrs R:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Once again, thank you so much for your kind words and your support, Mrs R. You too are such a valued contributor here on this site. People like you keep it interactive; a lifeline for so many child abuse survivors, survivors who have always felt alone in their unbearable pain. You honour me by spreading the word about the site; thank you.

I wish you, and all here on this site, a Happy Easter.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Sep 09, 2009
Thankyou
by: StacyLynn

Darlene and Maurice,

Thankyou so much for your comments. I truly appreciate the positivity that radiates out of both of you. To be in the places that you are in your lives is truly inspiring and definitly a goal to work towards.

Darlene,
An eternity of thankyous for providing a safe place to share our stories. Good luck on your new book and my prayers are with you.

StacyLynn

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