Comments for Child Abuse - Clarifications of Rules on This Site

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Jul 26, 2013
 Jim:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. But I'm not sure what you've read that makes you believe you must be "kind" or "gentle" to your abuser when writing your story here. Clearly, you haven't read many of the stories on this site; contributors don't hold back. If you're referring to the rules of etiquette that are on my Child Abuse Stories page, you've completely misinterpreted what it refers to. It refers to "comments", meaning comments left for those who write their stories on this site (comments, as in what I'm writing here right now). I posted these "rules" because there are many people out there who keep trying to post comments to contributors that are far less than appropriate, comments that point the finger of blame on the abused, comments that make fun of the abused. It's the contributors that I protect with these rules, not the abusers.

As for naming names, it's your right to criticize (and my right to decide what I will and won't allow to be posted), but the reality of the world we live in makes it so that I am the one legally responsible for certain content on this site, a site that I've worked very hard to maintain a high level of integrity. In other words, if I allow someone's name to be placed on the site, accusing them of something they've not been found guilty of, I have to pay the legal consequences, not the contributor. Contributors are anonymous here; important to making this a safe haven for those who have been abused, but that means I'm the one at risk. Therefore, I use initials to replace names. My criteria for naming names is if the abuser has been found guilty in a court of law. I appreciate how important it can be for the abused to name their monsters, but this site can only be a place to start the process of disclosure, namely, disclosing the abuse. You've accused and criticized me without knowing all the facts. I have never expected contributors to be "kind" or "gentle" to their abusers, I've never expected them to protect their abusers, I've NEVER EVER blamed the abused...and I never will. What I attempt to do is strike a balance of what my contributors need and what I can legally do to provide that opportunity. I don't protect abusers; I protect contributors and I protect myself.

You're welcome to post your story here, if you still wish to, Jim. Either way, I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jul 28, 2013
 quiet deep breath of thanks
by: kristen

Hi Darlene,
I am in constant amazement of how you remain sane. The huge variety and number of stories. As a reader I find myself with a range of emotions but often I just feel wrung out. When I wrote though it was so necessary and scary. It was so nice to receive back gentle words.
I feel for you that the criticism by the poster must have been draining.
k

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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