Child Abuse Story From Kristyn

by Kristyn
(Location Undisclosed)

I was sexually abused by my father and brother as a child. It all started when my mother passed away. I was 10 years old at the time. My dad started coming into my room every night and touching me inappropriately. I remember trying to resist his touches but he would always beat me up if I did that. I lost my virginity to my father at the age of 13 and somehow I think he got addicted because he did it to me almost daily. What's scary is that he would not rape me before I'd say yes. He'd always beat me up until I'd say yes. Sometimes he even ordered me to beg for sex. Not long after that I learned to obey and do everything he wanted me to do. I never resist him anymore (now that i feel really really guilty about it). He would often bring his "friends" home who paid him money so that they could have sex with me. My brother knew what was going on and would always cheer me up. I trusted him. One day he came into my room and saw my dad raping me. I thought he was going to save me but he joined the act instead. I was really depressed and didn't know what to do, I felt like a sex toy. The abuse went on until I was 21 and moved out of the house. Until now I equate sex with pain, and I am always uncomfortable when men come near me. Yes, things are getting better and better in my life, but I just can't forget these horrible memories and have been feeling guilty until now.





Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kristyn

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Jul 16, 2011
Kristyn:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Let me be clear, you have nothing NOTHING to feel guilt or shame for. You were forced to say and do horrific things under threat of physical harm. That does not mean you consented. Always remember that, Kristyn. You did not consent. What you did what what you had to in order to survive. The shame and blame lies squarely on the shoulders of your father and all the men (and I use the term loosely, since real men would never do such despicable acts) who sexually assaulted you. And while your brother likely learned the behaviour from your father, he is still a sex offender. In all likelihood, all of them are still offending others. That's why it's so important to report what they did to you. There are very likely other victims. And just for the record, none of these child rapists had sex "with" you; they "raped" you. As a result, it's understandable that you have difficulty trusting men. Trying to forget the memories will not work. Circumventing what happened to you will not work; it will only serve to bury your emotions which in turn will adversely affect every aspect of your life. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with what you endured, as well your unfounded guilty feelings. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused, Kristyn. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 16, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Kristyn, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster of a father and allow him to beat, offend and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Where was she all that time? Her job was to protect you from that sadistic beast! If that pervert didn't want to be there, then he should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing and raping you. The path that he and even your brother chose is inexcusable. Oh, and did I mention that he also abused your brother by grooming him to offend you as well? That slimy dirtbag should be in prison with his slimy friends together for all those terrible crimes that he committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for his sadistic, disgusting behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that you're in a safe place now; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting that sad, tragic excuse of a man and his dirty, slimy friends and then throwing them into prison because, remember, abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

Jul 17, 2011
You are so Brave: I really belive this is a turning point for the good in your life
by: maurice

Yes, Things are getting Better and Better in my life truly begin to believe this statement of yours Kristyn: Your cry for help has been noted and etched on Darlene's loving good and great woman's heart: So from one womans heart to another much younger begin to take charge of your own life's journey: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: because I am WORTH it: Kristyn AWLAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Great you found Darlene's safe haven site: Your with one big family now who with Darlene empatise with you in what that beast of a father put you through, forced you to endure, heed Darlene's words to you: That beast bullied you out of total fear to obey and do all he did to you and allowing other beasts to abuse and rape you: even the brother that you thought would protecet you: All Animals and need to be rempoved from society: I always ahve to refrain from writing my gut feeling as to what I would do with such beasts; Kristyn, I am certain you don't want them to rape and sexually abuse other innocent and vunerable you girls they way they did to you: Please, oh please tell on them: have courage, be brave, stay safe, be safe, You are very intelligent so stay in education or keep learning for your own sake: Kristyn have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Regain the power and the beauty of your body: value and respect it, cuddle, caress, massage, hug it: by being gentle and kind to it and yourself: have comfort bath's and soothe your body all over with scented and loving smelling oils and creams specailly available for you to pamper yourself: I am bautiful: look in that mirror, think positive things about yourself and say nice things about that body of yours I have a beautiful etc etc not I don't like etc etc; ballance the positive and the negative and you'll find the positive with outweigh the negative: Now get out there with your friends and like minded people your own age and gender: Taking part in team sports sporting and cultural activities: You will open up a whole new world for yourself and you'll make your dreams come true: I will: I can: I must make this your motto for life: because I am worth it; In conclusion Kristyn: download Darlene's loving comment to you: digest it take ownership of it and act on it especially whre she encourages some form of therapy/counselling: My motto I will etc etc Krystin

Jul 17, 2011
your will survive
by: kathy p

kristyn i myself was abused by my step dad and my brother and i still havent been able to understand why this had to happen why me i was just a baby why did my mom send me into the bedroom every morning to give him coffee before i went to school and she never asked one time what took me so long... now that i am older i know now she had to have known what was going on then my stp brother and wife came up one summer and i was forced to sleep on the couch were i wroke up to him on top of me then my uncle was watching us one night he put his hand up my shirt i ran into my brothers room and they told me to shut up and go to bed it seems like everywhere i turned i was being abused like i was put on this earth as a toy i went to church evry sunday as a child tring to find answers but i never did i just pray everyday that one day i can get the night mares out of my head so far they stay will me then when i was 14 i ran away to just get picked up my a couple that raped and beat me and got brought back to my home and was told by a judge if i ran away i would be locked up no one once asked me why i ran away they just saw a child that didnt like to listed but one day i will get threw this one day i pray and you will to i know it :)

Jul 18, 2011
im sooo sorry for you
by: Anonymous

i know how you feel my life was like that too now im scared of men and where im gonna move next im in foster care

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Abuse Story From H

by H - Otherwise, Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

when i was in first or second grade a boy named j- put his hands down my pants at reading time and he would rub my back. it made me so uncomfortable and i would start crying but i never told any of my teachers what happened. in fifth grade i was the happiest kid in the world i had an awesome teacher who was so fun! but it all went downhill when j- came back to our school he left in 3rd grade but came back in 5th and he tried to kiss me i said no but he didnt listen and he stuck his hands down my pants and kissed me. then at recess one day he showed me his penis i was so scared as he rubbed it against my stomach and put his hand up my shirt then down my pants. after that i was glued to my teachers side and i stopped wearing skirts but sometimes i would wear dresses because if you wear a dress you got to sit on chairs during reading time and he couldnt touch me. now im going into 7th grade and i still havent told any one but one time in sixth grade he pushed me against a wall and kissed and humped me i was so terrified i spent twenty minutes in a bathroom stall crying before going back to class and during summer break i was riding my bike when i saw him i tried to ride away but he pushed me off my bike and got on top of me i dont even want to say what he did but when he finished he got close to my ear and whispered " i swear if you tell it'll be worse next time" then he stood up and said " clean yourself up and remember what i told you" then winked at me and rode away on his bike.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Abuse Story From H

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Sep 21, 2011
To H:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tell your parents! And keep telling until you get the help you need. This boy has gone from being what is called a sexually intrusive child to a sex offender, and he will not stop until he is made to stop. That means you have to tell. You are in danger of being repeatedly assaulted by him, but nothing can change until you speak up. Don't keep the secret, H. Your parents are there to keep you safe from harm, but they can't do anything to protect you unless you tell. This boy is deeply troubled, and he's a coward, preying on those who can't protect themselves. And there's a good chance he has other victims. But the most important person right now is YOU. You didn't say where you live. If you're in the USA, contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

If you don't live in the USA, but in one of the areas listed on my stories page, contact the appropriate hotline that is listed there in order to talk to someone confidentially.

You don't deserve to be mistreated. You most certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 21, 2011
Tell everyone!
by: Jill

H,

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this kid. I agree with Darlene, he really has a serious behavior problem. When people do this type of thing they see their victim as an object, not a person. Realize he's mentally in his own fantasy world and thinks he's like a god with magic powers. Of course you can see how silly that is because all people are equal, but he really can't when he's in this state. He's targeting you because since 2nd grade you've frozen like a stunned bunny in the headlights of an oncoming truck. My daughter just finished 7th grade and has trouble speaking up too. Being 13 can feel like you're under a microscope. Years ago I was a stunned bunny and was sexually abused from 1 to 20 because of it. I wasn't able to recall the abuse until later when I was an adult.

I'm so glad you are able to remember now and act on it while it's still new in your memory.

As awful as it feels, please be brave and tell everyone what this guy is doing. You have a fabulous memory and explained yourself in your story so well. So far you've shared your experience here and the people who support this site will be 100% behind you. Hey that's a lot of people!!! Imagine everyone standing with you when you report this guy. He has no right to touch your body, ever. No one does! If you stay silent, you are stuck in a prison. Validate yourself that this is real and it's your right to end the abuse. Adults will listen, and if some don't, don't let that stop you, keep telling. Your power lies in your voice. Meanwhile, don't go anywhere alone, be with people who can witness his behavior. If he comes up to you, yell, scream and name the behavior!

My daughter and I will be rooting for you.

Sep 21, 2011
Please Tell
by: Carrie

Hi H,

I was you, I had a boy tormenting me,sexually assulting and abusing me from the time I was 10-14 I did tell but no one listened. I wish I would have kept telling until someone did...if you do you will find relief...you will be able to have this guy stopped and you will get the help you need before it affects the rest of your life in a negative way. You don't deserve any of this and you didn't do anything wrong. It is very likely that this boy is doing it to others and just as likely that the same thing is happening to him by someone in Power in his life. We do all stand behind you here and you deserve better, your life is precious.

Sep 21, 2011
Please tell. You will get the help you deserve.
by: Aysiah (Asia)

Hey, H. This is horrible. I can't even imagine some of what you may be thinking...I want you to know your not alone. Im 13 and have problems some what similar to this. If you cant get anyone at home to listen, go to your school counselor. That is what they are there for. I am SO sorry you would have to deal with something like this. It's horrible and no one should have too. Please do know you have ways out. Good luck,


Love,
Aysiah.

Sep 22, 2011
You are so Brave: I really belive this is a turning for the good in your life
by: maurice

To H I am Beautiful both inside and out: I am brvae: I had the courage to search for and find Darlene's Safe Haven Site: A family of friends who feel for you, who understand and empathise with you in what that BOY did to you: He sure was a sicko, a molester, a disrespector of your person and dignity as a growing child in your tender years of innocence and vunerability: He was a naughy, bad, boy in the things he did to you: You were afraid to tell like most of us who were abused as children: Have courage NOW: share what you have written here with a true friend, a teacher, a counsellor, a family member who you trust: Who will listen and hear your story: Name him, so that other girls don't suffer at his molesting hands: He knew what he was doing so don't you be feeling sorry for him: Children can be very cruel to each other (some) do bad things to each other: H you are very intelligent: Stay in education: Surround yourself with at least 1/2 friends your own age and gender: (Important) This will enable you to talk out your true feelings to them (the intimate) stuff that girls share with each other: Read Darlene's comment: and indeed the other comments from Carrie and Jill both able to empatise with you as young women: Now H get out and about taking part in TEAM sports with your own age and gender: At school take part in the Physioal Education Program: This will deffineately help you to have a Healthy Mind in A Healthy Body: Be gentle and kind on yourself and with that body of yours: Look in the mirror and hug and cuddle LOVE into it: Soothe from time to time with those scented oils and soaps: H you'll be fine: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Read Darlene's comment and act on her loving, encourageing, affirming words to YOU from her heart: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: Simply because I AM WORTH IT:

Oct 02, 2011
COURAGE TO TELL
by: MICHELLE

Hello H,

I agree you must tell someone regarding this individual. He is becoming a full fledged sex offender, and you so need to be protected. You deserve to feel safe. He is bullying you and crossing so many boundaries. I can so relate to your situation. It happened to me when I was your age. Not just one but a few. Speak out about it. Share with a trusted adult. You deserve to feel safe and empowered. Speaking about what he has done to you will be a step in the right direction.

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous in North Carolina

by Anonymous
(North Carolina, USA)

At the age of 48, a single mom of 3 I finally got the answers as to why i was abused Physically and Emotionally. I was too strong and independent and had a mind that i could use and think for myself in other words was smart and had a brain and knew how to use it. Simple. And that is what bothered the hell out of my parents because they were not able to have total control over me. I was independent strong friendly and could take care of things had many friends and was well liked where ever i went. Now as a parent myself, my children are like me and I am So proud of them, it makes me so proud when strangers come up to me and say you are so blessed to have such well mannered children. Then why would my parents beat the daylights out of me when i was praised by a stranger....go figure! I did try asking my mother once at the age of 40 and she denied everything and made silly excuses. Its like hitting your head against a brick wall trying to make them see what they did.

They would find little excuses to beat me or abuse me, even if my siblings did something wrong, like smoking and cigarette butts were found, i was beaten with a leather belt because she could do no wrong and it had to me who smoked. Once i was beaten black and blue right before going to school because my best friend called to remind me to get a book for her to school. my father answered and then beat me because he didn't like her father who according to him he knew as a child and he was a spoiled rich brat. I tried explaining to him that she is not like that but my explanations fell on deaf ears. When one of my friends in school saw the marks on my arms and legs, i told her i fell down the stairs. I was only 10 years old.

I got divorced in 2003 and had to stay for a week at my parents house, i always wanted a happy close knit family and did everything for my parents, just to please them but i guess it was never enough. The straw that broke the camels back was when my father locked my children (ages 5 and 9) in 104 degree heat and told them to leave this is not their house. I was out looking for a job and found my terrified children huddled up together. That day i told my children to call 911 from the neighbors house if ever he did that again. My entire family turned against me for saying that to my children. I never spoke to my father again after that and then after another 3 years cut all ties with my mother when she stood against me in court and was representing the man that i was married to, who had abused me and raped me. That was the day i walked out of the court house and looked at my mother straight in her eyes and said "May God never give any child a Mother like You" and walked away from their lives and have no intentions of ever going back, i have no feelings for them, they have killed them all.

Lesson #1: Abusive parents will never change, in their eyes they have done no wrong.

Lesson #2: They will also abuse your children because they don't like you.

Lesson #3: Our religion teaches us to be good to your parents. But it also says give them the same love and affection they gave to you when you were a child. I don't recall any love or hugs.

Lesson#4: For your own sanity, one needs to break ties because the abuse will never end. It is not worth the stress.

Lesson#5: Know that you are a good person and loved by many. Yes it is gaping hole in your life, but it's not worth jumping in a hole that is filled with people that are not content with themselves and want to control someone, who is content.

Lesson #6: Now i feel it's their loss because i know i am a good human being with a heart of gold. And God takes care of his children and he has taken care of me by giving me the 3 most loving children who have made me very proud of them.

We are never alone God is Always with us. Have faith in Him and He will take care.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous in North Carolina

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Aug 27, 2011
To Anonymous in North Carolina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

These are such difficult "lessons" to learn. But when parents refuse to see that they were abusers, they often continue to abuse, even when their children are adults. And it's not unusual that they continue the pattern with their grandchildren, especially if they've targeted their child for abuse. Breaking off your ties with them was healthy for you and your children, as your children must come first, as you know. But you're a close second. You must care for your Self, which means not putting your Self into another abusive situation. You're a better parent as a result of turning pain into power. Not only can you be proud of your children, you can be so proud of yourself. You broke the cycle, and treated your children with the dignity, respect and love they deserved, what you were so cruelly denied. There's a tremendous catharsis in that, a catharsis that can help to nurture the inner child in you. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 28, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

You were given a raw, crappy deal because your so-called parents were so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they didn't even know how to take care of themselves, not to mention be parents to you. They didn't know how to love even themselves; all they ever knew was hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you. If they didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. They path that they chose is inexcusable. Plus, they were (and still are) truly sadistic brutes too and they should go to prison with your ex-husband for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling. I also hope that you look into reporting those sadistic beasts because abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

Aug 28, 2011
I will not rear my chidren the way I was
by: maurice

What an empowering statement this is when understoo in the light of the beatings and the physical, emotional abuse done to me by my Parents who seemed to know no better: Sadly generation after generation of Parents knew no other way except using the belt or depriving their children when they mis-beahaved in their minds: So many parents could never acknowledge their children were gifted and tallented children but in their minds were too smart for their own good and needed to be be kept in line: You were unlucky to have and still have parents like that: Old fashioned meant sore butts and bodies from the discipline they dished out on you: I am the winner over them: I knew then that I was gifted, I knew then I did'nt deserve such treatment and physical and mental abuse: You had inner-strength and one or two good friends who helped you cope: You were acknowledged you were gifted/tallented with so many frieds around you who looked up to you: A gifted leader: Now you are a gifted MOTHER, great you acknowledge your beautiful and gifted children in true love and in your cherishing of them for the gifted children they are: You are Amizing: The Archiect of your own destiny: All Darlene has spoken to you from her heart a womans heart to a womans heart: She's affirmed you, she's given you love, acknowledgement to love and appreciate yourself: Then your wonderful and beautiful children: Live well Laugh alot and LOVE much: Be gentle and kind with your self and that beautiful body of yours: Hug and cuddle it from time to time: I WILL: I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: You are one of many parents I know who has the courage of your beliefs and convictions: Be safe: Stay safe helping your children to do like-wise

Aug 28, 2011
Thank You !
by: Anonymous

Its 7.21 AM,I just read your comments and if you were in front of me would have hugged you and cried. One thing i have realized that that scar will always be there, and it will always hurt, no matter how old. And to find someone who understands...and has been down that road does help to confirm that we are normal good humans beings. Thank you again, im sure you have helped millions of children(now grown Up) and i hope children who are children are finding ways to seek help and not be abused.
May God shower you with his blessings Always!

Sep 01, 2011
anonymous from california
by: tanu

i am rly happy tht u hv been strong enough to make yourself what u are.its not easy.a lot of people are abused and most of the time they use their experience in a negative way.i completely agree with u when u say that people stress on the fact that parents should be respected by their children,but everytime people ignore that the same applies to parents too.

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Child Abuse Story From Anon

by Anon
(Location Undisclosed)

Tired of family: 
My mother and brother bully me all the time. My big brother always touches my butt, my thighs, my arms, my shoulders, and he usually spanks me. He's always bullying me and putting me down, and everytime I give my opinion about something, or even when I'm sitting busy minding my own business, out of nowhere he insults me. When I insult back my mom defends him by saying "I don't care, don't insult your brother." And she even said he's her favourite. She treats me like crap. She hits me too. When I was 13 she used to hit me everyday for about a month, and my dad joined it too. I remember she caught my arms for stopping me from defending myself, while my dad whipped me. And she once squeezed my face with her foot till I couldn't breath. I still remember that, but she doesn't seem to care. I brought it back to her about 2 weeks ago and she said she doesn't care at all, and I deserve worse. She called me worthless, limited, dumb, ****** today. I really am tired of this situation.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anon

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Sep 18, 2011
To Anon:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I gather you're female, but if you're not, I apologize for making the incorrect assumption. You didn't say where you live, so I can't point you to any specific hotline to call, except to say that if you live in any of the areas listed on my stories page, contact one of the hotlines there in order to talk to someone confidentially. If you don't live in any of these areas, please look into your local area to find women's groups and/or a child protection organization in order to talk to them about what you are dealing with. You ARE worthy of dignity and respect and love. Your mother is very twisted in her way of thinking, and so is your father. Your brother crosses the line and based on what you wrote, is at the very least bordering on being a sex offender. And your parents are doing nothing to stop it, which makes it neglect. Talk to someone you trust, someone who can help you. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. And always remember, what's happening is not your fault. Fault lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusers because they have chosen to abuse you. Don't believe the lies they are saying, because you are NOT those lies. I for one am delighted that you are here because I know you're making a difference in the world. The fact that you shared your story here is already making that difference. So hold your head up high, know that you are smart and articulate and worthy. I sure do. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 18, 2011
i know what you mean
by: Anonymous

my brothers both were my Mother's favorites and when my older brother molested me, my brother has since blamed me. I was seven. IKNOW how desperate it feels to be hit, to be molested...
Listen to Darlene, get some help... just keep reaching out to women's shelters and you will find help...
God bless you. YOU ARE WORTH IT... you are making a difference in MY world just by sharing your story...

Sep 19, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Anon, your so-called mom is wrong. You are not dumb; you are very smart and articulate. You are not a ******; you are not limited; you are a good person. You are not worthless; you are worthy of (and even still deserve) love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that this sadistic brute of a mother is spewing. The path that they chose is inexcusable. They should go to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because, first of all, something's seriously wrong with them; second of all, they chose to abuse, offend and berate you. You were the child. they were the adults; they had all the power (while relinquishing some to your pervert of a brother) and they, along with your "brother", only misused that power over you. I hope that you're in a safe place now, far away from those brutes...and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Sep 19, 2011
Please Oh Please Be gentle, kind, act now and get help
by: maurice

Anon: Male Female; I am beautiful: I am a person in my own right just as I was when I was born, a child, adolecent young male/female. Parent's do some have a clue how to love and cherish the beautiful baby born to them: Yours sure don't, don't seem to have a clue, ignorant, unreal especially allowing your older brother to even spank you: Weird parents. Not the best: Darlene, is asking you to seek help, advice, have a good and true friend your own age and gender: A friend whom you can realte your intimate feelings and stuff to: Who will trust you, respect and value for the great and good person ou are in your own right: Who am I ? I AM. Amazing: The Architect of my own destiny, Beautiful; Both inside and out: Dynamic: ever changeing and ever growing: Intuitive: Looking for answers from within: Darlene has given you a few to work with: Lovable: Exactly as I am. Optimistic Anything is possible. Resourceful: Obstacles are stepping stones. Trustworthy: Speaking from the heart. Unique: And unrepeatable: There is only one me in this world NOW. I am Special: Stay in education if you are still young enough to be a student: Don't Quit: Don't give up on yourself: Most important: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: I know this will be of great benefit to you in living your life to the full: So get out there with people your own age and gender (like Darlene I understood U to be of the female species) but my apologies too: You are just one great and good child of the Universe and GOD. Oh yes, before I forget, get out there taking part in TEAM sports and sporting and cultural activities with like-minde people: You'll know the benefit is a short time: Value and resepct that body of yours: I am Valueable: I make a differenc; Xcited: about living and loving: Zestful: Happy to be me. Wise: Open to all life's lesson: Now ANON; read Darlene comment and Anonymous one: Both want what is the best for you: I will: I can I must because I am WORTH it:

Jan 22, 2012
CALL HELP!!!!!!!!!!
by: Anonymous

sweetie call help ok. 911. report child abuse. stash food, money and clothes and RUN AWAY. probaly to a frends house, but tell someone. my prayers go to u tonight. god bless you

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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

by Jennifer
(England)

Healing from emotional neglect: 
As a child she was never there emotionally, just physically. I never spoke of feeling fear or sadness or wanting. I just waited for her to step in and say "Don't worry it'll be alright", she never did. At 50 years of age I was still going back waiting and hoping, but she suddenly died. My rage and anger buried so deep dipped me over the edge. A rage of loneliness and fear and waiting and not realising I'd neglected me like she did. Now, I try through therapy to understand and thought I'd be able to just let it go and forgive her, but I can't. Daily, like a ghost it reminds me of the pain and loss of never getting the mother I needed and she got away with it. My therapist said she can't change the past, neither can I, so I trudge on daily dragging this burden, I'm so tired and angry with her and life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 27, 2011
Jennifer:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Perhaps some of the anger and hostility you're feeling has a lot to do with the fact that your mother died before you had the chance to confront her, but also, her death represented the absolute end of the possibility that she would meet your expectations and tell you that all would be all right. You wanted and needed a mother, but you never had one. Something I learned for myself a long time ago: my mother was incapable of giving me what I needed, so I had to give my Self what I needed. In essence, I re-parented my Self by giving my Self the messages that I so desperately needed. A two-fold healing process began when I did this. One, I let go of the fantasy that my mother could actually be a mother to me. Two, I recognized that I had taken the torch of abuse from my mother and was self-inflicting it on me, which then stopped abruptly. I need to have both those realizations before true healing could begin. This is when I started taking care of my Self. You're there, Jennifer, you're there. The next step is to actually take care of your Self. Stay in therapy and continue the process, but let go of the idea of forgiveness. Focus on your Self. Allow the process to work, then everything else will eventually fall into place. It will be so liberating as healing and recovery enters into your heart. And you deserve that healing and recovery. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 27, 2011
neglect of a mother
by: Anonymous

I know that feeling of having a Mother physically present but not present emotionally. Both happened to me, with the death of my Mother in a car accident when I was nine. But before that, I could be with her in the house for hours and have no contact with her whatsoever. She would shower herself on my brothers, but me, her own daughter, she would block out.
Being 57 now, and not having had kids because I feared I would treat them worse than I was treated... I have come to pick and choose my friends who have children by how they treat their children. I surround myself with women who treat their children with conscious care.
What I wanted from my Mom was to feel that being a woman fulfilled her. It did with my brothers, and my older sister, but with me that feeling failed to materialize. i was the targetted child. I witnessed a lot of emotional abuse between my parents before the accident. Darlene has an article about that that is excellent, if that applies to you.

What I listen for in my friends with kids is that joy of having them! That they matter - everything the kids do matters to the parents.
It sounds like something happened with your Mother like mine with me. My Mother's mother died just before she had me, and my mother was taking care of my brother who was in a body cast for hip dysplasia when I was born. He was only nineteen months older than me. I was just ill timed, my birth, I believe. But I am still here! i think my Mother was overwhelmed when she had me and I was a God awful reminder to her of this great sorrow - her mother's death, the violence between her and my father, in her life. I tried to be funny around her, but things weren't funny. And our relationship suffered.

For me, there was alcoholism involved too. But mostly it was just this inappropriate vacuum of feeling that I couldn't overcome with her - is that what you feel, too? Like there is a vacuum of feeling? That is a HUGE feeling, to learn to overcome. I feel like I have a tornado inside me most of the time, this giant vortex of emptiness that I work hard to tame. And mostly I succeed. I married a very very kind man. And I trust that relationship very much. Not entirely, though. I still have my guard up that it could end. Adn Ihave been with him 25 years! Married 23!!!
I practice prayer, a lot, jennifer.
Finding that healiing is a life long work for those of us who never felt that connection with their mother. There is the concept of Mary in the catholic church that helps me somewhat, too. That she is the Universe's Mother... and I like learning things from good women, from good teachers.
Take a parenting class to LEARN the real relationship that a parent should have with their children.
Hope this helps. I empathize, I really do. I get it.

Jul 27, 2011
I can relate
by: Carrie

I have a Mother that has never been emotionally there for me. She spent all her time dealing with my Father's abuse and control. My Father also did a great job of turning her against me. I am 40 and my parents have nothing to do with me. I have been walking through the grieving process of that for the first time and I am 40. I went from years of anger (which is easier to feel) to what was underneath, the pain. With the help of a therapist she is helping me walk through that grief without becoming overwhelmed or re traumatized. They are not in my life (they blame me) but I am getting well and learning to see life in a different way. It is hard work, and a long process but possible. There is hope. Don't give up. I long for the times when I could call my Mom and tell here what is going on in my life and in me and I grieve but there is hope for a better life even if it has to be without them. Take care of you. You are not alone.

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Child Abuse Story From Aly D

by Aly D
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

Where do I start. Imagine being a child who always had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right. Knowing from as far as you can remember, you were an obligation. My mother didn't want me. She enjoyed the attention of having a trophy, warmly receiving all the oohs and ahhhs. But behind closed doors, she wasn't my mother. I barely remember her raising me. I'm the oldest of two, my sister is 5 years younger, so I had a few years of being alone. My father worked away as a construction worker, only to come home and party. So essentially I had a part time father who "baby sat" me when he had to. The days when he was hung over were particularly rough. I had a full time mother who only wanted to do her own thing. Work, continue her education, be social, anything but be a loving mother. She constantly fought with my father over his drinking, and his lack of "participation" in parenting. He on the other hand felt his role was to earn the bread and butter. My mother abused me so much, yelled, cursed, belittled, embarassed, hit me, and anything else she felt she had to do to feel better about herself after a fight with my dad. When my sister came, I was just starting kindergarden, at an aboriginal language school, and we just moved into our new house. The past five years had been rough and stressful for me. Unfortunaley for me, I had a lot of family members taking care of me, and they loved to feed me, and give me all sorts of treats and snacks. Food was comforting. So now, I'm a slightly chubby six year old, with a new school, and new neighbors. I had a teacher at my school who was a violent maniac that is rather reminiscent to the priests at residential schools. On a daily basis, he would physically abuse any child who spoke English (which I did a lot). I remember these events very clearly. The next thing I had to endure, was sexual abuse from my neighbours. I can remember a few isolated incidents, but flashbacks, and reoccurring nightmares tell me I have a lot of suppressed memories. I know there was a teenage boy in the house that would inappropriately fondle me, ask me to expose my genitalia, assault me with his fingers. What haunts me is that, there were three boys, and a a very fragile, timid, quiet girl in that house. So I'm sure she experienced similar horrors. I was a bad kid. I acted out all the time. I threw tantrums, I had fits of rage, I cried easily, I tried to run away from home several times. I would hide from my different caretakers for hours at a time. I didn't trust or feel safe with anyone.

Today, as a 28 year old woman, I feel like I'm nuts. Some days I feel good, or content. But most times I hate myself. I've done a lot of gutsy things, Finished college, started down a fairly successful career path, but I either sabotage myself or let myself think that I'm not good enough and back out when things get hard or stressful. So I've walked away from quite a few opportunities in the middle of all my hard work. My relationships with men are horrible. I've had too many casual sex partners, and haven't been in a relationship that lasted more than a year consecutively. A recent relationship with a criminal/sociopath and miscarriage crushed any confidence and courage that I had built up for myself in the last few years. Substance abuse has never really been an issue for me. I was addicted to cocaine in 2004, but quit on my own and never looked back. In regards to healing, How do I know where to start? As a very capable adult, I have a lot of issues with sex/relationships, money, and weight.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Aly D

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Aug 03, 2011
Aly:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've already started along the path of healing just by admitting that you have a problem. Then you took another step when you began to understand why the problem exists. And then you took yet another step by writing your story here. These are HUGE steps, Aly. Some victims and survivors never really get that far. The next step is to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured as a child. That kind of help would be the ultimate opportunity. When we face our demons, when we face what we keep telling ourselves about ourselves, when we bring light of understanding to what we tell ourselves and then reverse those thoughts, that's when we start taking major leaps along the path of healing and recovery. Consider the work of Byron Katie. Keep an open mind if and when you do. She doesn't advocate denial; rather, she advocates looking at our own personal truth, questioning that personal truth, and then turning it around. Others have commented that it is too intense. I would say that a person who says this is a person who hasn't tried the work, because I found it far less intense than any other form of counselling I've been involved with. But I leave it to you to make a decision, a decision that your worthy of making. You didn't deserve any of the abuse you endured. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And you're way too smart to allow your Self to stay where you are. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 04, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Aly, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you everyday...how dare he! His job was to protect you from that beast and he abandoned that job! If she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she, your dad and even the teacher and neighbors chose was and still is inexcusable. As for the teacher and the neighbors, they were just as sick and ignorant as that sicko of a mother. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse, offend and berate you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you, so please try counselling, tell someone you really trust (and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you) and please report those sadistic brutes (especially that sad, tragic excuse of a mother and even the teacher) to prison because abusers don't stop until they're made to stop.

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Child Abuse Story From T Part 1

by T
(Maryland, USA)

If someone were to ask, I would say I had an unhappy childhood. I am in my mid twenties now, and although I have come to terms with what has happened to me as a child, it still effects me in different ways. The truth is no one really knows what happened to me, sort of. And I still love one of my abusers, after all that has happened. I'm so afraid of what people would think of me, that I have never told my story. So here goes...

I was "the middle child". I have an older brother (by 12 yrs),an older sister (by 3 years), and a younger sister. Both of my parents worked full time jobs when I was a child, which in my opinion led to my abuse. My brother used to watch us while my parents worked until I was about 7. He was a teenager, I'm not sure how often that happened. I am not sure if my brother abused me or not. I have only one inappropriate memory of one occasion in which my sister and I was in his bed while he was naked. I don't remember what happened if anything at all-- I was 3 yrs old. I was told years later that my brother use to beat us, I'm guessing with a belt but I don't remember.
I don't really consider that abuse.

Around the age of 3, however, my older sister started molesting me. She,from what I remember, was the first person to molest me. From ages 3 to 14 my older sister and I had an inappropriate sexual relationship. When it started I was too young to understand what she was doing to me. I just went along with it. When I was about 7, I started having orgasms while my sister was molesting me. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and she would be on top of me. I never fought her off, a part of me welcomed it because it felt good sometimes. Some where in that year I think, my mom walked in on us. She yelled at us to stop and she took us to separate bathrooms to question us as to what we were doing. I was so afraid because until that moment I didn't know how bad/ wrong it was. I remember crying because I could tell by my mom's reaction that she was upset and I thought she was going to beat me, so when she asked what we were doing, I told her "making love". I have no idea what my sister said when she was questioned, and I don't remember any other part of the conversation that I had with my mom about it. What I do remember is that my mom never mentioned it again and she never talked about it or sex again.. ever. So the molestation continued.. only my sister made sure we were never caught again. After that incident it dawned on me that we shouldn't be doing sexual stuff but I was afraid of my sister. Although she was like my best friend, I looked up to her, I cared about her, and I was afraid of her at the same time. So whenever she came to me to do sexual stuff( humping, kissing, touching, and oral sex), I let her, I never told her no. When I was in second grade I started masturbating at home and at school. All of this went on until I was 14. The last time it happened we were both in high school. She penetrated me with her fingers, I told her to stop for the first time ever because it was hurting but she wouldn't, she told me that it should feel good and she kept going harder and faster. I finally pushed her away and left. We have never spoken of this or any of it since then its been 12 yrs. However, my sister and I still have a normal sibling relationship. I care for her and love her as my sister even after all that has happened. I do not blame my sister because I realize that she was a child too. I know that she was also a victim of sexual abuse and she was only mimicking what was done to her. And for that reason it is hard for me to blame her. Like I said earlier, my sister was my first molester, what she did to me opened the doors for others to do the same because I didn't have any boundaries when it came to inappropriate touching.

So, during the time of my sisters abuse, there were other incidents from different people. There was a boy in my kindergarten class who would touch my vulva in class.. I know this wasn't abuse but this attributed to my trust issues that I developed because I felt that my teachers were not more observant to what was going on. I wanted them to help me, I tried to get away from him. They didn't know what he was doing to me or the other girls but they should have.

My older male cousin molested me along with his sister, my sister, and another female cousin. I was around 3 or 4 at the time and he was 4 years older than me. I found out when I was around 13 that my grandparents knew about it because it happened at there house when we came to visit. I can't remember everything that happened though. However, when I found out that my grandparents knew and didn't stop it, I became very depressed.

When I was 6, another cousin who was 14 yrs old, started molesting me. I was afraid of him, but I craved male attention... my dad wasn't around alot. It started with touching and humping. He use to peep through the crack in the door when I would use the bathroom. Then one day he got me alone in my basement and he attacked me. He threw me on the sofa and tore at my clothes and tried to rape me. I don't know if he raped me or not, I can not remember what happened after he put his hand over my mouth. I only remember trying to fight him off and him standing over top of me looking down at me in disgust. I don't remember anything that happened before or after that incident. I never told my sister or anybody.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From T Part 1

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Jul 20, 2011
To T:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your sense of boundaries has been affected in more ways than you might realize. I feel compelled to say two things: one, your brother using a belt on you was abuse, and two, the boy in kindergarten who was touching your vulva was also abusing you. And while I can appreciate that you still love and care about your sister and that you understand that she too was sexually abused and mimicked what was happening to her, she was old enough to know better especially after your mother caught you both. She made sure you weren't caught again, so I'm not buying into the latter excuse at that point, T. It's an explanation, but it's no excuse, especially when she really did know better. YOU didn't, not at such an early age. As for your complicity, once again, you were too young to be able to consent. Just because you reached orgasm and enjoyed it (sex IS enjoyable for that reason) doesn't mean you consented or in any way "asked" for it. Enjoying it doesn't mean you weren't sexually abused. And as the sexual abuse continued, the dynamic between you and your sister deepened. That's common, indeed, normal for such circumstances. She took advantage of that dynamic and your vulnerabilities. What concerns me now is that little girls are not safe around her. She has never had deal with the consequences of her sexually intrusive and abusive behaviour, and is likely STILL abusing little girls. Sex offenders don't stop until they're made to stop, even female offenders. This fact is evident in that your sister did not stop despite getting caught by your mother; she just got sneakier. You're a caring and loving person, T, that's obvious. Just realize that others who cannot protect themselves are at risk as long as the secret continues. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 21, 2011
T...
by: Anonymous

T, I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of those sick monsters for brother and sister and allow them (especially your brother) to beat, offend and berate you...how dare they! That's not even babysitting; that's just torture and I'm sure that there were lots of babysitters out there who would love to babysit you guys. If they didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to leave instead of abusing you. The path that they and your parents chose was inexcusable. Oh, and I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From T Part 2

by T
(Maryland, USA)

So where were my parents when all of this was going on? Working mostly. My parents either left my sister and I with my brother, or home alone. They made sure that there was food in the house of course but being unattended at a young age just wasn't smart. After my little sister was born we pretty much took care of her, my older sister and I. We never had a babysitter, I was 7 and my sister was 10 when my little sister was born. We pretty much did what we wanted while our parents were at work. We ran the streets, hung out with friends, all the while toting a little baby in a stroller. I am surprised, now, looking back that we were never never harmed by perverts (besides family)-- although there was one incident of a man trying to lure us into his truck while we were walking to school one day. Anyway, when my parents were home my dad use to yell at us all the time for everything, he use to call us names (not really bad names though) my mom used to make us do housework and stuff. I was in charge of ironing her uniforms for work-- she was a nurse. We had to clean the house from top to bottom.. at least we were expected to.. my sister and I didn't listen all the time... the house was usually a mess.. and occasionally we would take a beating for it. One day my mom got fed up with our disobedience and she said she didn't want us anymore. she grabbed a phone book and said she was looking for an adoption agency to give us to. I was about 8 yrs old at the time. I was afraid, I cried and begged my mom to keep us, that we would do better but she didn't want to hear it. I know now that it was a scare tactic to make us do housework or whatever but I didn't know that at the time. I was a child who was being molested, who felt unloved by parents who were never home. So, I hid in the closet and called my brother and his girlfriend and told him that mom didn't want us anymore and that she was going to put us up for adoption. My mom was upset that I had called him and eventually the situation blew over. But the effects of the situation had a lasting effect on me. I felt in my heart that my mom didn't love me, I couldn't trust her.. I made my mind up that I would never tell her about the abuse... and i never did. My parents were not the affectionate type. I don't remember a single hug or kiss from either of them nor have they ever said "i love you". So what about other family?

My grandparents and relatives weren't the nicest people. When we visited them I witnessed my grandfather, aunts, and uncles beat on my cousins. I was constantly afraid that I would do something that would make them beat me too, so I became the "good child". I did what I was told when I was there. But witnessing my cousins getting beat was horrifying for me, I use to hide and cry hysterically sometimes. One time I was standing next to my cousin when her father/my uncle took a plastic toy sword and hit her across the face with it... because she asked him if we could watch cartoons.. we were 4yrs old. I remember crying and telling my aunts, older cousins,and grandmother what he did... they laughed at me... made it seem like it was normal discipline... I knew it was wrong, they wouldn't listen, and they didn't do anything about it... my cousin had a red welt across her face. I never trusted another adult after that. Also my grandmother, who was normally in charge of us when we were at her house, wouldn't feed us while we were there. she would cook food for everybody but my sister and i were not allowed to eat. she once gave me a piece of molded bagel with butter because i came to her and told her i was hungry... I ate it anyway.. She was a mean old woman.. and my grandfather.. a mean old man. We never told our parents everything about those years when we visited them regularly although we have told them some stuff after we became adults.

The sexual abuse from my sister and cousins, the neglect from parents and grandparents, and meaness experienced from other relatives as a child has effected me in a negative way. I became depressed at 13 yrs old and thought of committing suicide, I started cutting myself, I dropped out of school when I was 15 yrs old. I developed eating disorders at 16yrs old-- borderline anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, you name it. The past few years that I have been with my boyfriend, I struggle with anxiety, i guess, during sex. I don't know what it is. Everytime wwe have sex I feel like he is raping me even though he is not.. but those old feelings come back.. like i'm 6 yrs old again. Sometimes I feel like he can sense this in me.. he asks but I am too embarassed and ashamed to tell him.

My relationship with my parents and siblings, nowadays, is pretty much average, we are close but I still can not talk to them about the abuse I went through as a child. I wanted to get help.. like talk to a counselor when I was around 15 yrs old but my parents refused because they didn't feel like I needed to but they didn't know all of what i had been through. So i never got help. Now I don't really have a need to, I just want to forget everything and move on with my life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From T Part 2

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Jul 20, 2011
To T:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is no "forgetting" when it comes to neglect and physical, emotional and sexual abuse. You dealt with all types of abuse. You said "I don't really have a need to" as it relates to counselling. From where I sit, nothing could be further from the truth. There is no circumventing the effects of what you endured on so many levels as a child. Please seek out some form of counselling for yourself, T. You didn't deserve to be abused and mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And your relationship will not get better and enrich until you deal with what has happened to you. The secret will tear this relationship apart. Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 20, 2011
a change
by: Tim L.

I'm so sorry to read about your early life, surrounded by these sick people who neglected, abandoned, abused their children and allowed them to abuse each other. Darlene is correct in her other comment, though; while the explanation of your sister's behavior may be correct, your body still has an inner knowledge that she forced herself on you, repeatedly and over a long period of time, under the cloak of deception and your passivity. And your body suffered serious consequences as a result of this molestation that continue to this day, and can't be banished by an easy excuse for what she did to you or by maintaining the status quo. So, while that excuse might be worthwhile for your sister's potential therapist, it does nothing for you, the person you should be worrying about.

Moving on with your life and maintaining the silent facade of surface relationships with your family that is brimming over with profound incest (likely much deeper and further than you yourself know about), neglect, and physical abuse is impossible. You have to confront these issues, and be open about them in your relationships to reclaim your life from the lies and exploitation. The abuse doesn't go away, but the pretending and silence can and will if you take certain steps.

Jul 20, 2011
just a comment
by: Anonymous

T.,

What Darlene said is true, you didn't deserve any of what happened to you. You didn't cause anyone to abuse you. They as adults made that choice. The very best gift you could give yourself is to get some form of therapy. You can't (as Darlene said) just forget it. I am 40 years old now and I am in therapy for all kinds of abuses that I grew up with. It is amazing what I am learning. I am learning that the way I think about things and see the world and people are not normal or healthy. The way I see myself is not healthy and the way I cope has not been good. I am also learning that, there is another way and how to live (not just survive) in this world that has never been a safe place for me before. I am so so sorry you went through such horrible abuse as a child. Please take care of you now and the future could be a lot brighter place. :)

Jul 21, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

T, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your parents and even your relatives were so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they didn't even know how to take care of themselves, never mind be parents/relatives to you, your siblings and even one of your cousins. They didn't know how to love even themselves; all they ever knew was hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you guys. As for your siblings, they are completely misguided. Oh, and they also probably abused your siblings (by grooming them to offend you) and your cousins (by beating and teaching them to be anti-social to you) as well. Oh, and did I mention that your parents (especially that sad, tragic excuse of a mother) set you guys up for failure? That wasn't really even about housework and responsibilities; that was just all about power and control...and I am sorry to even believe that they really wanted you guys to fail just so they could keep controlling you. As for your grandparents, aunts and uncles, well, I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of those equally sick, sadistic monsters and allow them to beat and berate you and even your cousins...how dare they! Oh, and laughing in your face when you tried to disclose to them about the beatings that one of your cruel uncles forced one of your cousins to go through and even bragging and making jokes about it really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really were. That's not even discipline; that's just torture and abuse. The path that they chose was inexcusable. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because, first of all, something's seriously wrong with them; second of all, they chose to abuse you. You, your siblings and even your cousins were the children; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sadistic brutes to prison because, remember, abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

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Child Abuse Story From Alisha

by Alisha
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was about 8 years old the sexual abuse started...it started with me sleeping on the floor in the corner of my dads bedroom...(him and my mom were separated, so I lived with him for a long time by myself) he picked me up and put me on the big bed...and pulled down my pants and my panties...and started touching me with his hands...he would go inside me with his fingers...it hurt really bad...then he used his tongue...I didn't know what to think...at the time it hurt...but at points felt good...but I felt weird and didn't understand what was happening...he made me put my mouth on his wrong spot...and then asked if I wanted to play a game....he put a pillow over my head...and while I was on my back, drew pictures on my back with his wrong spot...and I had to guess what it was...when it was all over...he made me take a shower with him...and went inside me with his wrong spot...then when it was all over put me in bed like nothing happened...I felt dirty.....this happened night after night...until I was about 11 or 12...he told me to never tell...and I kept it in for a long time...he'd always hold me close...or come up behind me and press up against me...well...when I was at church one night when i came back to my mom...I told...and I didn't have to see my real dad ever again...then mom married a new man...and he messed with me...touching my breast...and one time my wrong spot...I kept that in for a long time (it happened with him when I was in sixth grade) I'm 17 and just now told my mom about 5 months ago...since my 7th grade year...it all hit how painful this all is...and I realized that it really was wrong... I started dealing with depression...and still deal with it...I started starving myself my freshmen year of high school to feel beautiful...it's been an on and off thing...starving...eating a lot...and throwing up...i have EDNOS(eating disorder not otherwise specified...because I'm not in the skinny range to be called anorexic)...and I cut for awhile...I have self esteem problems...but my friends tell me I'm beautiful...I'm trying to believe them...but it's like my trust is gone...and I don't think I'm pretty(I was also picked on a lot in elementary and middle school) now it's like I don't know what to think about my life...I'm guilty...ugly...lost my virginity...and not pure like all my friends...no matter how many times someone says 'i love you' I have a hard time believing them...it's like all the men in my life are gonna hurt me...is there really a guy out there who is gonna love me the right way and think that I'm beautiful when he finds out what happened? What happens when if the time comes after marriage for the s-e-x part? I'm scared to death...counseling never helped me...I'm still in this dark hole...I just want to be happy like other girls...I want to be beautiful and pure again...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alisha

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Aug 07, 2011
Alisha:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said "I'm guilty"...I fail to see what you're guilty of. You were victimized by the men in your life who you were supposed to be able to trust. That doesn't make what happened your fault. It wasn't your fault. Fault lies squarely on the shoulders of these sex offenders because they chose to sexually abuse you. Period. End of story. Even when it felt good; sex can and does feel good because it stimulates, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It means your body betrayed you. As for being ugly...you feel ugly because of what happened to you, but you are far from being ugly. The messages you tell your Self are not true, but as long as you keep telling them to your Self you will stay in this dark place. Understand that these are lies that are not to be believed. Something I learned to do a long time ago was to reverse all my negative thoughts. Whenever you tell your Self something negative, write it's exact opposite on a piece of paper. Then write it over and over and over again, until you start to believe the opposite. I also want to address the fact that you repeatedly use the term "wrong spot" when referring to body parts that are sexual. This is a damaging way to see these parts. The penis and the vagina and vulva are not "wrong spots". What these men did to you is whats wrong, not the body parts that were used in an abusive way. You do need more counselling, Alisha. You said counselling didn't work for you, but if you don't go into counselling with the understanding that you need to work through the process for it to take hold, then counselling will never work. Try another counsellor. And then keep an open mind to the process. You're worth it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 09, 2011
Never, never, never give up
by: Anonymous

Hi Alisha~
Thanks for sharing your story, I'm sure it wasn't an easy story to tell. I feel your pain and sorry to say, there isn't an easy answer or an easy fix. I think you should continue with therapy. I know you said talking to a counselor didn't help but maybe it wasn't the right counselor. Try different types of therapy; group, one on one counseling, even online - find what ever works for you. I to was abused, not by my dad but my brother, and step dad. I'm a lot older than you, I'm 48, and I didn't address any of my issues,not trusting men, no self esteem, eating disorder,etc or the source of my issues until I was in my late 30's. You're far ahead of where I was when I was 18. Just keep trying. Set some goals, maybe to stop purging or improving your self esteem. Thats for you to decide but some self help goals would be beneficial.
You don't have to be a victim, you can be a survivor. Winston Churchill once wrote; Never, Never, Never give up. Alisha, you are worth the hard work that is ahead of you.

Aug 11, 2011
Don't quit: Don't give up on yourself: Be a winner
by: maurice

Never Alisha stop loving the wonderful and beautiful you: You are wonderfully gifted, intelligent, loving, kind, gentle, sensitive: Darlene heard that brave cry for help from that loving caring heart of yours: She wrote from her heart to yours: Slowly ponder on her affirming words to you: Think positive thoughts about them: Begin to slowly regain your dignity and your power that those beasts took away from you when you were innocent and vunerable: They used and abused you: You let it all out to Darlene on her very safe haven site: She knows the pain, the hurt, the anger and the lasting effects of it all on your mind and yes on those parts of your body they made you feel dirty: It was all their doing, they took advantage of you: They sexually abused you: Now you take back your power by having good feelings about those precious and sacred parts of your beautiful body: They are and have been your beautiful parts since the day you were birthed: Bad, sicko of beasts made them dirty by abusing them and you: Counselling may have been painful and is pain ful: Be strong stay in therapy you'll be the winner, you are intelligent, you will put all they did to you in perspective when you were at a vunerable stage of maturing and growing: Alisha: I believe in you: Darlene's believes in you and wants the best for you for the rest of your life: You'll trust yourself: You'll trust men again: take your time, there are good men out there: You met the animal kind of them in what they did to you: It was not your fault: I AM NOT TO BLAME: IT WAS NOT MY FAULT: Alisha Always believe in yourself: ask the question sincerely NOW: who am I?? Then think positive: and say I AM: Amazing: The Archiect of my destiny: Beautiful: both inside and out. Courageous: wlling to take chances. Dynamic: ever changing ever growing: Enthuastic: about living and loving: Grateful: for each and every day: Intutive: looking within for answers: Kindhearted: reaching out to others: Now Alisha I am going to ask you to start TODAY having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Get out there with like-minded people, friends, fellow students taking part in TEAM sports: Stress on the TEAM Alisha: you'll open new avenues, new horizons while dreaming your dream to make the difference: MY MOTTO I will: I can: I must: because I am WORTH it: I am unique and unrepeatable: Valueable: I make a difference. Alisha through the lines I began seeing a determined young woman wanting to love and be loved: Darlene sure gave you loving, affirming words of support and encouragement: Act on her words: I'll be a winner over my two beasts who took advantage of me and abused/molested me: I will share my gifts, tallents and be a team leader so others will be all the better for knowing me:

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Child Abuse Story From Rockhound

by Rockhound
(USA)

I am fifteen years old. I don’t remember exactly when this started, but I know I have been in an abusive situation for around five years.

To begin, I think it is important to know that my parents are divorced, a not so friendly divorce to put it nicely. They divorced when I was less than one year old. For years they went to court, both trying to get custody of me. After about ten years my parents finally stopped arguing. They settled on the agreement of joint custody with my mom having primary.

When I was three, my mom got remarried. He was an alcoholic and verbally abused me and my brother.
He and I didn’t really get along. After about seven years with him, my mom filed a divorce with him. I don’t know why they split up but I know my mom blames me for it. I’m often reminded of how I ruined that marriage.

After my step dad was out of the picture, then the abuse started. It started out small. Verbally I was ripped apart. Nothing I did was good enough. She said I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life. She called me names and pointed out my every flaw.

As the years went by I learned to except it. I started believing what my mom was saying. By the age of twelve I had started cutting and thought about suicide. It was the only thing I could control in my life.

Mom got married yet again! And the abuse only got worse. If I didn’t want to hear what my mom had to trash about me I would just walk away. But she wasn’t going to have that “disrespect.” To make sure I was listening she would hold me down. She would either pin my arms back or hold my neck. And for added measure she would slap my face and punch me in the stomach.

One incident in particular was when I was arguing with my sister about something little. My mom heard me yelling and grabbed me by the throat. She held me against the wall and held me there for what seemed like forever. She let me go but I passed out. I don’t know if it happened from fear or lack of oxygen. But I woke up and my mom was gone. I went to school as if nothing had happened. She never apologized or talked about that ever again. With the help of make-up on my neck, no one noticed the bruises.

These beatings weren’t daily by any means, but they happened a few times a month. One night I was talking to my church youth leader on facebook. We talked for a bit and eventually she asked about a bruise on my arm. I had no explanation for it, but I managed to come up with a quick excuse. She didn’t buy it and that night I told her everything. She said she was crying and we talked for about two hours. Once I had about told her everything she said she had to get offline.

An hour or so later I got back on and my church leader told me she had contacted CPS. In that moment I was so scared, confused, betrayed, angry, ect. I didn’t want to be taken out of my house and away from my siblings. My church leader did her best to comfort me and said CPS might be around in the next week or so.

The following Monday I was called down to the counseling office. My counselor explained that CPS had contacted the school. She started asking me all kinds of questions. She asked if my mom had ever hit me and I denied everything. I told her I lied to my church leader. So the counselor eventually let me go back to class.

After school I called my church leader and told her what had happened. I told her I was sorry for lying to the counselors, but that I had to. I explained to her that I didn’t want my mom to find out I told someone. She understood and said if I ever needed to talk that she was there for me.

I went home and things were normal, or at least normal for me. There was only two months left of
school and I would be able to be with my dad all summer. (ninth grade, age 15 at the time) I was still being hit and treated like dirt but at least she didn’t know about the report.

I read other stories on the site and I don’t think it is common to still be physically abused at the age of fifteen. My only explanation to anyone who asks is that I get panic attacks. I get scared every time I’m yelled at and I freeze. I don’t know what to do, so I just take it. Every night I say that next time I will stick
up for myself but I never can.

One night my mom and new stepdad were arguing. My mom was yelling about divorce and I couldn’t
take it. I got so angry. I told her she ruins every relationship she has and this is all her fault. I ran downstairs but she followed me down. She hit me in the face and said I had no right to say that stuff. She pushed me to the ground and told me to get my phone and call my dad. The phone was upstairs so she grabbed my hair and pulled me by it the whole way up. I frantically dialed my dad and told him to come pick me up at the normal meeting location assigned by the court. He said fine and hung up. Upstairs my mom continued to push and hit me. We got in the car and she drove me to my dad’s. The whole ride (hour long) was spent with her yelling at me and saying I was a worthless person. I stayed strong the whole way and never cried. It makes me feel so weak to cry.

When we finally got there she let me out of the car and drove off. My dad had to work the next day and I had school so he brought me to my aunt’s that night, who lives by my mom.

I stayed there for a month. I went two weeks without my mom knowing where I was. When she found out where I was she started threatening my aunt. But it didn’t last long. School ended and I went to my dad’s. Dad filed another CPS report. This time they came to the house. I told the truth and explain what really happened. But by then my bruises had faded and with lack of evidence, CPS couldn’t do anything to help.

My dad tried his best to keep me out of my mom’s house. But he became very frustrated and said I was lying about the abuse. He didn’t have much money to fight this in court. Everyday he told me I was financially killing him and I was never going back to my school again.

For me that was a scary idea. I love my school and my friends. They are everything to me. I wouldn’t have lasted this long without them. One night my dad and I had an argument and he said I should just go back to my mom’s. That night I left and I haven’t seen my dad since. He says he doesn’t want to be a part of my life.

So now I am living with my mom full time. She has already yelled at me several times and has grabbed my arm once. It isn’t that bad but I’m afraid it’s going to get worse again. I don’t know who to turn to. I can’t communicate with friends because my mom is monitoring everything I do. I don’t want to leave my home but I want this abuse to stop before it gets bad.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Rockhound

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Sep 28, 2011
To Rockhound:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your church leader did the right thing. I applaud her. It wasn't a betrayal at all; it was necessary that she report what you told her. This was not a secret she could keep. The way she conducted herself before, during and after the call to CPS was commendable. There will come a time when you realize this for your Self. As for the physical abuse you're enduring, you couldn't be more mistaken about being among the few at 15 being physically abused by a parent or parents. Adolescence is THE most riskiest time for a minor to be physically abused. In part, because of the normal stage adolescents go through with independence. In part, because controlling parents continue to try to control during a time when the teenager may be testing limits and their own autonomy. The fact is, in your case, your mother has been abusive for a very long time. She takes out on you what are HER problems. And she blames you where she refuses to take responsibility for her own actions. None of this is your fault. Always remember that. As for your father, he's betrayed and abandoned you at your hour of most need. Both of your parents have serious problems that they need help with. But the one who really needs the help right now is YOU. You said your mother monitors everything you do. She can't do that when you're at school. Talk to your school counsellor about what you are dealing with. Ask the counsellor if you can use the phone in order to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) so that you can talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse yet again. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You ARE worthy of dignity, respect and love. You ARE lovable, even though your parents are too troubled to see that for themselves. See it for your Self. Treat your Self with the dignity and respect you deserve, even if they refuse to. You can't control what they do or say, but you CAN control how you respond. Do the best you can do for your Self. You're certainly worth it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 29, 2011
Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your abuser
by: maurice

Rockhound I know there is someone very special: Unique: Amazing, with courage and a bravery that will help to make you a winner over your Parents: Your abusers: You deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and LOVE: Hi you are very smart and it is great you searched and found Darlene's Safe Haven Site: you have become part of her very large family of visitors whom she empatises with personally: Yes: her comment was to you RockHound so read it carefully>>LOvingly and act on her advice, loving, supporting, affirming caring, trusting words from her heart to yours directly: To me indirectly because I get the benefit of them too: Some form of counselling when she asks her visitor to think about this she knows that is the best way forward for them: Have a HEALTHY mind in a HEALTHY body: ah now this is another way of opening up new and fresh horozon for you: Get out there taking part in team sports and sporting and cultural activities with your own age and gender: You'll make real and natural friends for life: Be gentle and kind with yourself and on your beautiful BODY: Say I am AMAZING The Architect of my own destiny with a little lot of help from my friends:

Sep 29, 2011
Believe in yourself!
by: Jill

Rockhound,
Darlene is right on about all this. You are far more mature than your parents in this situation because you have separated yourself from their behavior.

I remember when my parents fought over me for years during and after their divorce. Ugly does not even begin to describe what they were. There was a shining moment of self validation when I realized that I was actually more of an adult and they were still like children. The problem with this is that is so upside down from what you need at 15.

Telling your church counselor was the right thing to do. Now it's time for you to take responsibility for your own feelings. Turning into a stunned bunny was a safe way for you to get past the pain your mom inflicted and your dad ignored. I used to do it too. But stunned bunny keeps you from feeling your feelings and being real with yourself so you can solve your problems.

Your life's too precious to suffer, start by being compassionate towards yourself as you would be towards any other 15 year old in your shoes. It's challenging to know how to deal with your immature parents when you're not a legal adult yet. Listen to your inner voice, it's strong, positive and calming. Your voice is your inner parent and will help you know what to do next.

Validate yourself because what your mother is doing is abuse and even if no one witnesses it, it's real and it's not ok. A no more secrets policy in your life will free you from your family's cycle of abuse. Keep telling your story to mature, caring adults. Don't stop til you get results that really work for you. You are a person who deserves to be treated with dignity, you matter, and right now you have the right to live in a safe, loving, reliable home so you can finish school.

It's time to face your feeling of fear about telling on your mom. Whatever the worst thing you fear that she could do to you, that is the thing that is sabotaging your own success. Feel it and let it go. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Validate yourself! No more suffering! Believe in yourself. You can tell and people will listen and help you!



Sep 29, 2011
Take charge
by: Jill

Rockhound,
One very important thing I forgot to mention about your situation is that although your parents settled custody of you when you were 10, the fight never ended, it just went underground. It continues through your body. I had this experience too. Realize that you have been put in the position of the "missing spouse" or middle man. It's time for you to get out of that role and hand back their responsibility to them. No matter what they do with it, it's not yours and it never was.

They need to work things out between them, not through you and your body.

When you stood up and named your mom's behavior, she fought back and hurt you again. Your past doesn't define your future, just because she did this to you, doesn't mean she can continue.

You can understand why she keeps doing it and work through your nervous feelings. Break the cycle on your end by protecting yourself physically and emotionally. Take charge of your life and never be alone with her again. Surround yourself with other people who are willing to witness and validate her abuse. Your family can't do this for you, find people who will!

Sep 30, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Rockhound, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother (and even your good-for-nothing step-dad who thought nothing twice of berating you) and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! Something's seriously wrong with her...and if she didn't want to be there, then she should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she, your dad and even your step-dad chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she is wrong. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. Mothers who abuse their own children are one of the real abusers. Oh, and you are not responsible for her failed marriages. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and if she hurts you again, please look into reporting her as well.

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Child Abuser Story From Ivree B

by Ivree B
(Ohio, USA)



It all started when I was three. That's when all the lies, cheating, and abuse started. When I was three my Dad died from a sickness he got after the war, nobody knew what it was. He passed away at a party watching the movie Shrek.

I was a daddy's girl alright. When he died I was still little. But I was very smart. I remember going to his funeral, asking "Now what do we do, Mommy?".

Right when he died my Mother went ballistic. She set fire to his things so nobody could have them. She plunged right into relationship after another. Most were flings that only lasted about a week or two.

Cue S--. S-- was my Dad's arch enemy. S-- did drugs, got high every night. He got drunk a lot too. He had a son about my age (I was 4 and he was five at the time), his son was J--. They moved in together in some apartments. J--'s and my rooms were across the hall from each other. I remember S-- and my Mother screaming and fighting late at night about drugs. Sometimes I would get hit trying to see if my Mother was alright. I went out to get the mail one day (no one else would get it). So here I was a four year old doing the daily chores of a preteen. I noticed the mail had alot of papers with naked people on it. At the time I thought it was just something all adults had. I didn't know it was porn, I shrugged it off.

I have never wrote or told anyone about the first time I was sexually abused. It was broad daylight and J-- turned six the week before. He came into my room and locked the door. He said, "Ivree look at this. I'm gunna try it with you." He handed me the porn magizene and pointed to a picture.

I tried to get away to tell my mom, but he was bigger and stronger than me. He pushed me down on the bed and molested me. I remember that it hurt alot. There was some blood too. I can't remember if he raped me, I think I blocked it out. He told me if I told, my Mother wouldn't love me anymore. He told me I was a weakling. But it saddens me that I could not be a virgin and not know for certain if I am. My innocence is the only thing I have left at this point. This went on for about a year.

My mom broke up with S-- and I was free. My five year old self was so joyed. I remember dancing around the truck when we were about to leave.

I'll skip to when I was seven. I was in second grade and almost eight. My mom and I lived with my Dad's brother, R--. They both got high almost every night and spent all their money on drugs and beer. If it wasn't them being high every night, it was them having sex. I went into the kitchen to ask if I could go play outside. My Mother was washing dishes and said no, so I asked why not. She pulled out a kitchen knife to R--'s throat and said, "If you don't listen, this should scare you enough Brat!" That was the first time I got slapped, hard enough to bruise a little. I spent alot of time in my room from then.

I thought if I was smart she would love me. So in school despite their screaming match everynight and four hours of sleep, I never got anything lower then a B-. When I was eight, Mother and R-- decided to have a baby. Enter B---: my brother. My mom slept all day from hangovers. So I watched after B--- a lot: Cleaned him, fed him, played with him. I acted like the mother he should've had; not like an older sister. I never wanted my Brother to be treated like me. Never. I got slapped every time I did something wrong, sometimes hit with a belt on my bottom. But I still protected my brother, he was the only thing important to me at the time.

When I look at 8 year olds and kids now, I realize I never got to be a kid. I was always so smart, so cautious. I didn't have time to play except when I was dumped off at my Nana's or Aunt's over the weekend.

So I told Nana of my Mother's drugs and hitting. Children services was called more than once. When I was nine and about ten, I told them finally but never about the sexual abuse when I was little. No one still knows of that.

I was placed with my brother at my aunt's house permently when I was ten. When I was 11 years old I went to stay at my Nana's for a couple days because it was Summer Vacation from School. I was excited because I got bullied at school and called 'Emo', ugly, fugly, and 'Goth', people called me a Cutter when they saw some scars. I didn't even know what that meant. But I just focused on school.

Anyways, I had a nightmare so I climbed in bed with my Nana and her boyfriend of a couple years. Her boyfriend, S, was on the other side of her. She trusted him, so I did too. My Nana was my best friend, I didn't doubt her. I woke up in a jolt in the middle of the night. I was frozen in fear becase my pants were being pulled down, underwear too. I was afraid he would hurt Nana if I woke her up. Tears where running down my face as he touched me down there. I knew people wen't supposed to do that, nana told me she was almost raped when she was my age. She told me to tell if anyone does something to me.

It was almost as if he knew I was awake because he whispered, "This is good. Don't tell little girl. Your safe." That made me cry harder because I knew I wasn't safe. It was Hell. I waited untill he was done and was snoring until I quickly pulled my pants back up. I just lie there and pretended to be asleep when he got up for work.

Now that I look back I realize he was always looking at my chest. I didn't want it to happen again so I convinced Nana to put a lock on my guest bedroom. It worked untill a year later when it was Summer again. Me and my cousin K-- were both staying the night and she accidently broke the lock the next morning. I didn't tell her why I just sat there crying and staring at the lock for at least an hour. I had to stay the night without her once again because I had to get shots in the morning. So I stayed on the couch that night pinching myself everytime I nodded off.

It was about 1 in the morning that I fell asleep by accident. I woke up in the morning to him with his hand in my underwear. My Nana was making breakfast in the room right next to us. He didn't notice me awake so he continued touching me down there for about five minutes. Then he looked up and met my tear filled eyes. He jumped and went in the kitchen really fast. When he left I'd had enough. I cried for my Aunt to come get me at 6 in the morning. I told her it couldn't wait and I'd tell her at home.

I played it off to my Nana as afraid of the hospital today. I didn't want to break her heart. I was afraid she would leave me. Or tell him. I was afraid she wouldn't love me anymore. So I told my Aunt everything he did at home. She told my Nana and she kicked him out and he's back in New Mexico.

It's been a year now since then and I'm almost 13 years old. I get all A's in school, I've been depressed and it was is the only thing to take my mind off of it. But now it's Summer. I've tried suicide, but decided not to try again. I won't let him win. Never. I'm still afraid that he'll come back for revenge. I've tried counselling but no one understood. They tried to put me into a mental hospital. The reason is I'm nervous around men. They told me my nurse would probably be a male. I declined, it would make it worse. Don't they see that?

So now I'm thinking about what is in store for the future. I'm really wanting to be a counselor or Social Services person to help Children like me when I grow up.

Who knows, I'm almost 13 and I've already got some pretty big dreams. Just know when someday, if you or someone you know faces tragedy like I have: You are NOT alone. This happens to more people than it should. But we all know it shouldn't happen at all. No one should have to go through this! I hate my mom so much that she makes me want to puke. I often wonder if my dad didn't die, would this have happened? But I know for sure if this still did happen and he was alive; he would be kicking some a**. He was a black belt in karate. I miss him so much.

I still freak when I see a car like my Nana's EX-boyfriend's. I never feel safe, and spend most of the time in my room reading.

So it's my brother's 4th birthday today. And I'm just so happy I protected him. He's so carefree and innocent.

The one thing I most regret is not having a childhood. Everyone should have a childhood. I always felt like an adult. But, I've lived to tell this. And hopefully I'll live to help many other kids like me when I grow up.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuser Story From Ivree B

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Aug 19, 2011
Ivree:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're a wonderful sister. Anyone would be proud to have you as a sister. And I'm so glad you are no longer considering suicide. What a shame it would be to lose someone like you. You're so right when you say that to commit suicide is to have your abusers win. As for your fear of this man coming back for revenge, it's highly unlikely. Molesters are typically cowards. Chances are, you'll never see him again. The sad part is that when your Nana kicked him out and didn't report what he did to you, he's gone away to molest some other child. Sex offenders don't change their ways, they don't stop until they are made to stop. But that's not on you, Ivree. I'm so proud of you for telling your aunt. And now that you know your Nana will step up to ensure you're safe, you can rest assured that telling her whenever something like this happens will not result in her dismissing you in any way. I'm also so proud of you for focusing on school and your education. You'll make a terrific social worker or whatever you decide you want to do to help keep children safe. Your experiences and you coped can make such a difference because you can turn pain into power and show other abused children how they can go from victims to victory. I do recommend you first get some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects of so much abuse. You deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Your mother betrayed and abandoned you; and for that you'll need some form of counselling. Just know that none of what happened was your fault. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. What I can say is that you certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And lean on your extended family. It sounds as though you have some very special people in your life, special people for a very special person. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 20, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Ivree, first of all, my condolences to your dad. Second of all, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your mom and those sick excuses for men are so twisted and messed up in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves; never mind be parents to you. Oh, and I can't believe that your mom would beat and berate you and even abandon you to the so-called care of one of those sick perverts and allow him to offend you everyday...how dare she! Shame on her for beating and running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from those brutes! I am just as disgusted by her cruel, uncaring apathy towards you; children should always come first. Oh, and terrorizing you into doing whatever she wanted by threatening to slash your uncle's throat for wanting to play outside is a really cowardly thing to do. You deserved so much better than what those sad, tragic brutes did to you and so did your brother. You are not to blame for their behavior (and neither is your brother); they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the children; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and the bullies at school are just as wrong. You are not ugly; you are not "fugly"; you are beautiful. Oh, and I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you talk to your aunt and grandma about it because they're here to support you when you'll need them. I also hope that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Katherine

by Katherine
(Tennessee, USA)

Sexual Abuse: 
When I was 10 years old my step dad started touching me. My mom was/is a drug addict and my dad was in and out of prison. It felt wrong but he had been in my life 3 years before and I looked up to him. One night my mom went out to get more drugs my step dad told me to go feed my cat, my cats food was in their bathroom. I fed my cat and next thing I knew I was on the bathroom counter and he was touching me asking me if he could put it in and I said no and he said I promise it won't hurt, needless to say I finally let him do it but first he took me to their bed. He molested me for 5 years and I finally told. I'm 16 now. I told 2 weeks after my Dad died. My Dad was always telling me to do what's right and staying pure and all that. So after he died all his advice flooded through my head and I finally decided to tell. I told my mom on a Monday, that was a school day. She cried and wanted details but I didn't want to talk about it. She let me stay home that day so I went to my room and then she woke my step dad up and was asking him about it and Of course he lied. My dad had a girlfriend before he died so I texted her and told her and she came over and picked me up after my step dad went to work. I stayed with my dads girlfriend for 3 days and my mom had not kicked my step dad out and she hadn't called the police either so my dads girlfriend did I gave them my story and I was put in a foster home until they could find someone in my family to take me. My papaw took me 3 days after I was put Into foster care. It has been 6months since I have told and the police haven't done anything they haven't even questioned my step dad. My mom chose my step dad over me. She doesn't believe me. In a year I have had a rough year, my dad died and my mom chose my step dad over me so I was separated from her. I keep my head high though.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Katherine

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Sep 24, 2011
Katherine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

My deepest condolences on the loss of your father. It sounds as though he was a big influence in your life. And he would be so proud of you for being courageous and disclosing what that sick excuse of a pedophile did to you. Be very proud of yourself for telling, Katherine. The next thing I will say to you is that you didn't "let" your stepdad sexually abuse you. To be blunt, get that out of your thought process. That's not the reality of the situation. HE sexually abused you. HE took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. HE took from you what wasn't his to take. You could not consent. You did not consent. HE chose to sexually abuse you, which means the fault is all on him. Don't ever forget that. The man is a pedophile, among the worst kind of sex offenders. As for your mother, she's an enabler and she is twisted in her ways of thinking. Any mother who would chose a pedophile over her precious daughter is a mother who doesn't deserve to have that daughter in her life. I know you want that relationship with your mother, and that you want everything back to the way it was before your dad died and before the stepdad was in the picture, or at the very least, before he started to sexually abuse you. If you live your life thinking in this way, you will do so at the expense of realizing what you have in your life NOW. Within the foster system I do hope you have access to some form of counselling, and that you're taking advantage of that. You deserve the best, Katherine. Keep your head held high, and live your life, not in the shadow of what you were forced to endure, but rather, in the light of Who You Really Are. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 25, 2011
Such Horror
by: Anonymous

Katherine, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pervert of a stepdad and allow him to offend you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that sicko! I'm really disgusted by her reaction towards you trying to turn to her for help; Children should always come first. Oh, and kudos to your late dad for telling you to tell because that's what you needed to do (and I'm also glad that you told!). I'm also glad that your adoptive dad is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

Sep 25, 2011
Keep on standing up for what's right
by: Jill

Katherine,
Your mom is not only choosing a pedophile over you, she's been choosing drugs over you for a long time. The abuse started while she was out chasing her addiction. Drug addicts don't see their children as people, they think of them as possessions. It hurts to know that she didn't care. She's never protected you because she's avoiding seeing herself and taking responsibility for her life. Understand that she's actually a child in an adult's body, as is the step dad who saw you as an object. They're both acting like they are 3 years old, and 3 year olds can't think responsibly or take care of a 10 or 16 year old.

Though your dad also avoided his responsibility to you as a parent by being in prison instead of with you, he did take the time to validate you. When he died, your grief awakened your decision to care enough to end your abuse. You used your power by telling until you found mature people who listened to you. You separated from your mother and stepdad's behavior and you were being the mom (and dad) you needed inside for yourself! Be proud of yourself for being there for you, it's such an important and healthy step to becoming a mature adult.

Keep validating yourself all the time so you can be strong and sure for the rest of your life. People respect a person who can always stand up for what they know is right.

Depend on your inner voice to keep yourself out of harm's way. Others may be there to help you but you will always be there for yourself 24 hrs a day.

Always remember that your mom is sick and can't be the mom you needed because if this. It was never anything you did.

Continue to validate yourself as the only person who ever has the right to your body - ever! No matter what a future guy in your life says, you never have to make him happy with your body even if it means losing him. Don't be afraid to walk away from that. It's his job to make himself happy - not yours! You will always respect yourself.

Keep working out all the confusion you may feel about what they did to you. You will recover and find peace within yourself because you care. Keep standing up for yourself!


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Child Abuse Story From El

by El
(Location Undisclosed)

My first memory was cowering underneath a desk while my dad was yelling at me to get out. When I didn’t come out, he grabbed me out enough so that he could hit me over and over and over. This happened because I didn’t want to waste time sitting down and eating when I could play.

I remember spending time with my dad going out to movies and diners. My mom was never home and when she was, she was always talking on the phone or sleeping. Sometimes I would hear her talking to my older sisters but she never had time to talk to me. I felt jealous and always tried to get her attention.

I guess my story is about how my dad abused me and my sisters and how my mom turned a blind eye.

In the beginning it was all physical and then the verbal set in mixing with sexual abuse later on.

We got a puppy when I was 8. The dog would pee everywhere and my dad would put her in the basement and hide her behind a ton of boxes so she wouldn’t be able to get out. In the day he would put her on a leash outside. My mom decided to take the dog inside and she pooped. My dad found out and my mom told him that I did it. He started yelling at me and hitting me and kicking me until I was cornered in the kitchen cabinets cowering in fetal position. My mom and sister were laughing. (I would bring this up often and my mom would tell me “how do you remember that? Can’t you just leave it alone?”)

In elementary school, he would ask to see my homework. When I had questions I would ask him what to do. He would tell me how to get the answer and when I didn’t understand he would hit me in frustration until I had stinging red marks on my arms. I would run up to my oldest sister’s room and cry until she made me feel better. I always called her mom because I grew up with her taking care of me (walking me to school, bringing me out to buy toys, cooking food and hugging me when something was wrong).

When he got mad, I would wake up to him in my bed shaking me and hitting me.

When I look back, I can see vivid memories of him hitting me and my sisters. The worse was when my sister ran away and he and my mom screamed and hit my sister. I could hear the slaps in my room and I ended up falling asleep to the sound.
He started patting me and my sisters on the butt. When I was sitting on the couch, he would pretend to tickle me by running his fingers up and down my body. I would yell at him to stop and I would tell my mom but all she said was “he’s just kidding”.

I ran across my sister’s journal and I was surprised to see records of my dad abusing my sister, yelling and hitting her and doing acts that hinted of sexual harassment.

My dad and sister moved to California. My mom stopped cooking and I ended up not having any food to eat. I was 12 years old and didn’t have money to buy groceries. My dad brought me to California when I told him. It would rain a lot and there were blackouts. At one time he ended up kissing me with tongue and everything. I moved again, the whole family together. He didn’t kiss me anymore.

He started calling me a sl*t when I hit high school and would call me stupid all the time. He hid my skirts (handed over by my sisters) and threw out my shoes. When I yelled at him, he ran after me into my room and in the process gave me a bloody lip. Whenever he hit me it would only leave a stinging sensation that disappeared but never bruises. He got angry at me one day and chased me to my room where he took a wired hanger and repeatedly tried to hit me and ended up leaving a huge welt and bruise on my thigh.

I had enough so I called a helpline that suggested I call the police. That night, my dad was arrested and put in jail. When the police called, my sister answered and pretended to be me so they would let my dad come home. We ended up moving while my dad was still in jail. I went to the mental hospital shortly after where I was diagnosed as bipolar. I had a restraining order against him but one day he showed up with no warning given to me by staff. It really shook me up.

I eventually left the hospital and my dad came back to stay with me and my mom. My oldest sister had moved to another country and my middle sister cut us off from her life. I was alone with my mom working most of the time, leaving me alone with my dad. He would call me a dumba** and call me stupid and fat. I confronted him and he told me to shut up. When I told him about him hitting me, he had no memory. He only remembered shutting me up in the bathroom in the dark.

He asks me everyday why I put him in jail. I tell him its because I was crazy when inside I was thinking that I didn’t put in jail, he put himself there. The reason why I’m writing this is because I have no one to talk to. My mom tells me he’s just kidding or tells me not to make him mad. My sisters don’t live with me and its hard to communicate since one sister cut us off from her life and the other lives in another country.

Today he told me he wished I never came home. He tells me im turning manic every day. There’s supposed to be a hurricane in my area tomorrow morning. I heard that people filled their tubs with water to use for hygiene because of power outages. I filled the tub with water and my dad got angry. He called me a stupid dumba** and told me he’s going to send me to the hospital. Right now, I’ve locked myself in the bathroom because im too upset to be in the same room with him.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so broken. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had an outlet. I would rather he hit me then talk to me like that. I take my sickness very seriously and it hurts when he uses it against me. I feel like I’m reminded of my sickness every day when my dad speaks to me about me going crazy. All my relatives live in another country and I’ve had so much anxiety where I live that I don’t have anymore friends. I’m terrified of being in public and am anxious about my weight which my dad comments on constantly. I basically have nowhere to go and my dad said if I put him in jail again that he would never let me live with him again. I have to live with him or else I will become homeless. At least he doesn’t sexually harass me anymore or hit me. Although id rather take the physical abuse rather than the verbal.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.



Comments for Child Abuse Story From El

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Sep 24, 2011
El:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm not a doctor, nor do I know all there is to know about your medical condition. What I can say is that what you described about your family life and the way you've been mistreated by both your father and mother could easily be misdiagnosed as a mental condition. Society is so quick to put labels on people, and they often do so without knowing all the facts. You're living with emotional abuse. And emotional abuse leaves the deepest scars of all. What you must remember is that you've done NOTHING wrong. You ARE worthy of dignity and respect and love. You are NOT the lies your father calls you. Just because he says them doesn't make them so. I know that's difficult to accept, but it's the truth. HE doesn't know what the heck he's talking about. Both your parents are seriously disturbed. They need help. But the person who needs the most help is YOU. You DO have people you can talk to, people who will listen. You called the hotline once. I'm not sure which hotline, but if you're in the USA contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

If you don't live in the USA, but in one of the areas listed on my stories page, contact the appropriate hotline that is listed there in order to talk to someone confidentially. You deserve so much more than what you're living with. You're not alone. You don't have to keep this to yourself. Call one of those numbers. You've done it before, do it again for the sake of your own mental health. You're too worthy not to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 25, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

EI, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a father and allow him to beat, offend and berate you and even one of your sisters (the eldest one, to be exact) 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! I am really disgusted by her sick, cruelly insane, deluded apathy towards you as well as her reaction towards you trying to turn to her for help; Children should always come first. Oh, and beating and blaming you for the dog pooping in the house is a really cowardly thing to do because only cowards would do such things like that to such an innocent, defenseless little girl you once were. Oh, and they're wrong. You are not fat; you are not a sl*t; you are beautiful. You are not stupid; you are not a dumb***; you are smart and articulate...and you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that those sickos are spewing. Oh, and laughing at you for being beaten to a pulp really shows me how uneducated and ignorant they really are. You deserved so much better than what they did to you; Oh, and did I mention that they also abused your other sister by teaching her to be anti-social towards you as well? You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting those sadistic beasts for parents to prison.

Sep 25, 2011
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM 1
by: tasha

Dear El,
I am so so SO very sorry you are going through all that in your life! I know that it's hard to believe another person when they tell you "it's not your fault, you did nothing wrong" because a little voice in our heads goes "they dont know me, they dont know anything about me". But that is not true!! You see El, all of us children (or adult children) of abusive people not only have common incidents to share,but also common "feelings" to share!We all tend to have the same "thoughts" and it kind of like makes us "brothers and sisters". So you are NOT alone. I do understand that you NEED someone physically over there to help you out, BUT emotionally and mentally I want you to know that I completely, 100 per cent UNDERSTAND what you are going through!!!
You shared some incidents that have happened to me also! My dad used to drag me out from under the table and hit me. The dog incident...my dog Hamond used to cause him to blow his top and punish me...my mother not being there!! The accidental touching while watching TV...you name it.
I would like you to pay attention to what Darlene has said. You parents are probably suffering from some mental health problem! Their behavior is not only DANGEROUS but also ABNORMAL and they need help. And the worst thing is that they dont admit it and they dont ask for help. You see its hard to make people comprehend that their lifestyle is hurting their children and their actions are causing so much PAIN to them. El, chances are, they'll never see it! Or admit it. So they end up labelling YOU as the one who has the problem, the "issue" and they go on living life as they please.
But because these people are our parents, and we feel love for them, we cannot "see" how they destroy our hearts. We want to find reason, we want to offer excuses, and we end up blaming OURSELVES for our troubles.

Sep 25, 2011
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM 2
by: tasha

I obviously believe you when you say that you are bipolar. Nevertheless, being bipolar and DOING someothing about it, does NOT make you elligible for abuse. Just because you are working on THAT it doesnt make it ok for others to label you, hurt you and treat you like so.
The more you live in an environment like that, the more pain and terror you will experience. And you need help. The help of professionals. The help of people that KNOW how to deal with that type of abuse. You cannot deal with this alone. Its not safe to tell your parents "go get therapy". No. You need the ADVICE of a helpline, of someone who can show you the way and HELP YOU get OUT.
I know its very hard to feel that your sisters are not helping you out. But in abusive families, sometimes unfortunately, every family member is trying to "survive" and look after themselves. The anxiety and the abuse is causing people to want to distance themselves and so the "last one" in line, is left to deal with the situation alone. My sister never helped out even though she was 12 years older with a job and place of her own far away so I know what it feels like...
Which brings us to today. YOU are in a very dangerous situation and YOU need to protect yourself. And in order to do this you need to call the helpline!
Your father or mother might terrorise you in order for you NOT to do this. That is what your dad is doing. He is scaring you so that you go on living at home. And when you fear that there is NO WAY OUT, that NOBODY is ever going to help, that you will end up homeless, you feel helpless and scared.
Dear El, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. And when I was at home, anxious and alone I also felt that I had no options and there was NOBODY to help me. But it is not true!!!
Call the helpline. They will listen attentively and talk to you about your options. They DO care.
I hope everything works out for the best. We are all here for you!!!

Sep 26, 2011
You need to survive this.
by: Sandra

I know your going through a tough time but please believe me when i say things will get better some day. You first need to love yourself and accept that you are beautiful. Respect yourself and never give up on your dreams. I believe in you.

Feb 04, 2013
So little love shown...
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you, El. All those years of trying to please your parents and not experiencing love; all those years of also worrying about your puppy and one of your sisters out of love and still not receiving love. I don't really know what to say, but I'm sorry you had to go through all that. You're in my prayers.

Feb 04, 2013
Seriously, get out of that house!
by: Anonymous

Please try to get out of that house as soon as you can, El; you've suffered enough. Your parents are mentally ill, violent people; they probably won't change until someone makes them stop. As soon as you get away from them, your healing can start in earnest.

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Child Abuse Story From AnonymousAD

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents never cuddled us or kissed us. My father would beat me, I remember having bruises and being afraid to pull my sleeves up at school in case someone saw the bruises. My father would put his hand around my throat and slide me up the wall, I would be gagging and afraid I was going to die hanging there. When he beat me I would try to get away and sometimes crawl behind the sofa, my father would grab my feet and drag me back and beat me more. My father had a sort of split personality, sometimes he would beat me and another time he would give me money for sweets and perhaps even say that he loved me. He would always deny that he ever hit me. I remember praying on my way home that he would be alright today!

Once I wrote a children's story book, a teacher told me to get it published, I was so excited when I told my father, he told me not to be so silly that if it was any good the teacher would have got it published, he told me to throw it away which I did.

My mother left home when I was 12 and left me with my father. While my mother was at home I remember her being cold and unloving. She did not beat us but in some ways the mental cruelty was worse. My mother made me feel I was useless and incapable of doing anything. This has made me lack self confidence and very often I give up before I complete anything as if I have to prove that she is right.

My father is dead now and my mother is old. I guess they were treated the way they treated their children when they were children themselves.

I always feel too ashamed to tell anyone about this as if it was my fault in some way.

The strange thing is I now feel like my husband is starting to be abusive to me, he now knocks my confidence and says that I can't do anything. He always seems to want to be against everyone, the neighbours and any other person who crosses his path and he pushes me into sending numerous emails to the police, council and anyone else in a position of authority to complain about neighbours etc.

I feel as if slowly I am being pushed back into a mentally abused situation. My husband has now started telling me that people say he must go through hell living with me, but we have no friends and I don't see anyone really, so I don't know who the people are who have told him this. He also said that some people stay together even though there is nothing left between them and they are just waiting for the right moment to end the relationship; I feel like this is a hint for me that he is waiting for the right moment to leave me. I cannot handle things very well and get angry which does not help. I try to talk but when I do my husband goes even further and I end up either really angry or in tears. If I cry my husband shows no sympathy he looks at me as if he is in some way pleased that I am upset.

I was ill and ended up in hospital twice a while ago, my husband stood over me to give me the paracetomol (the doctor told me to take) even though the tablets were making me vomit. He even counted the tablets so he could check I had taken them and at one time while I was actually vomiting he stood over me with the tablets and a glass of water. I felt like he was getting some sort of pleasure out of my illness. I had to phone my doctor and ask for his permission to stop taking the paracetmol to stop my husband giving me the tablets.

I wish I could see light at the end of the tunnel. A way to improve my situation. I wonder what is wrong with me that I allow myself to be abused in this way.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From AnonymousAD

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Jul 03, 2011
To AnonymousAD:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There's nothing "wrong" with you. What's happened is that you are repeating in adulthood what you lived in childhood. It's familiar. Plus the fact that you weren't given healthy messages about yourself. You didn't learn what a healthy relationship looks like; only what an unhealthy relationship looks like. You learned that you had no power. That the "man" of the house has all the power. You learned to believe the lies that you were "useless" and worthless. Let me repeat that these were—ARE—lies. Yes, your self-confidence and self-esteem were crushed by both your parents. You had no power as a child. As an adult, you now have that power, but you must now take it back. Start by contacting a local domestic violence hotline. You didn't state where you live. If you're in the USA, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.ndvh.org/ If you're in another country, go onto your Internet browser and type in the keyword phrase "domestic violence hotline" (without the quotation marks) and add where you live so that you can find out if there is a number for your area. You're worthy of dignity and respect. Start by taking care of your Self in a way that no one ever has. You deserve to be treated well; and it starts with YOU. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 03, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

AnonymousAD, your so-called parents and your equally so-called husband are wrong. You are not useless; you are not incompetent; you are smart and articulate. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. Most people who treat others the way you were (and still are) treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you really are. Oh, and forcing you to take the pills that actually make you vomit is a really cowardly thing to do. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it.

Jul 04, 2011
How Brave, How courageous: YOU deserve all the love that can be showered on you
by: maurice

Yes, Anonymous AD: LOVE is all you need: real love but you must begin to love, value, appreciate, respect that you are the most important woman on this planet: The best child ever born: sadly/unfortuneately you were dealt as Anonymous put it in her comment a crappy deal: Not your fault so you must not blame yourself: Live for the NOW time of your life: Read Darlene's encoutrageing, affirming, truth full from her heart words to you: I am a big girl now, I am a real adult, I can take my power back: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT; Believe this wonderful and beautiful you: I am reading in between the lines and though you are anonymousAD There is one very special woman, highly intelligent, who searched for and found this safe place to make your cry for real help out of the place you find yourself right NOW; You must be strong, brave, courageous and act on the advice Darlene from her woman's huge heart gave you to begin with: Your Motto: I WILL>I CAN etc: You'll be a winner over all of those who abused you unjustly, humiliated you, took your dignity and self esteem away from you: Regain both now and you'll live your life to the full: Anonymous AD please have at least two women your own age as your companions, buddies, friends that you can share what you wrote here on Darlene's site to: They will be your Angel Guardians and you'll all have a great life together while you get some form of counselling especially how to get out of your domestic violence life: That husband of yours: I can't say but please free yourself from him: You have a life to be lived so get on with it: listen to your doctor, take control of taking your own medication as he directs you: Or get one of those Angels I suggested you need to have: I sure want what is the best for you: I MUST WANT IT FOR MYSELF That you do AnonymousAD.

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Child Abuse Story From Susan

by Susan
(South Carolina, USA)

My sister and i were both raped by my mother's brother and neither of us ever told a soul. Later in our 30's, we both discovered the secret about the other. I was 15 and she was 12 at the time. We were sent to his house for part of the summer to babysit a cousin while my aunt was in the hospital having chemo! Neither of us ever told our mother (his sister). Now both he and my sister have both passed away and there is no one left but me who knows the story. I hated listening to my mother and her sister singing his praises when he was nothing but a child rapist. I actually told him once that I hated his guts for what he did to me and my sister. Odd that he died of an abdominal cancer. Still can't tell my mom. She's in her seventies and not in the best of health, but it would kill her. Besides, there is no one left that can confirm what happened. Screwed me and my sister up big time. After that summer, we were both into alcohol and drugs for quite a while. Keeping the secret eats me up sometimes.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Susan

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Jul 23, 2011
Susan:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

How we define "keeping the secret" can make a huge difference in our ability to begin the healing process. You don't want to tell your mother for fear of how the news would affect her already failing health. Others are no longer here. And it's likely made so much worse that your sister, who suffered and endured as you did at the hands of this perverted sex offender, is now gone. Today, you've told a LOT of people what happened to you; and though we are not your "family" per se, we share in what you endured and the effects of what that sex offender put you through. Susan, I believe we are all connected. No one is alone and separate from anyone else. And as a result, we can both feel your pain and send healing thoughts and messages. The secret is out now, Susan. You no longer carry it alone. It's with us all. You've eased your burden today. Ease that burden even more by seeking out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the betrayal and abandonment issues. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And always remember that your sister lives within you, in your heart. Her memory can be a true source of strength for you; your healing will be for the both of you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 23, 2011
Thank you
by: Carrie

Darlene said it all. I just wanted you to know that I too read your story and am sorry to hear all the pain you went through. You are not alone! It is so worth it to get help. Thank you for finding the courage to tell your story on here.

Jul 24, 2011
Such Horror
by: Anonymous

Susan, I can't believe that your mom and your aunt would abandon you and your sister to the so-called care of that sick pervert of an uncle and allow him to offend you guys...how dare they! Shame on them for singing praises about his actions and running away from you guys all the time instead of protecting you and your sister from that brute! I am disgusted by their apathy towards you guys; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. Oh, and my condolences to your sister because I know what it's like for you to have such a caring, loving sister. Anyway, you are not to blame for his disgusting behavior; he is to blame because he chose to offend you guys. You and your sister were the children; he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you guys. Oh, and I hope that you are in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Jul 24, 2011
dream your dreams and make the difference: make them come alive in you
by: maurice

Susan: Don't you quit or give up believeing in YOURSELF: You were brave: You had the courage to find the Relationship Lady Darlene: Her heart went out to you personally in all she wrote to you in her comment: Carrie affirms you too by letting you know her heart when she said Darlene said it all: We are all young at heart no matter what age so change your pattern of living: Darlene was a winner, a victim of abuse into victory over it: She took back her power and is now turning her pain of abuse into empowering YOU Susan: Me Carrie and all Darlene's visitors whom she values and respect as family per se: Susan having spoken to my female friends about Rape: All said it would be the worse thing to happen them: That sicko, beast of an UNCLE ruined you and yoursister at the most vunerabale stage of your adolecence: Took away your dignity, self-respect and value: Awful act of abuse on your most precious parts: Susan, be a winner over that Bad Man, who does not deserve the name or be part of the male species: He is of the Animal Nature; Don't be hurting yourself anymore about not telling your MOM: I am sure she would have loved and cherished you both equally if she knew: My mother never knew of my abuse maybe because of the same reason: I nver wanted to upset her: Susan, please get on with living your life to the full: Be gentle and kind on yourself especially on your beautiful body: Counselling will help you Darlene know that: It helped her: She knows there is a full life to be lived even after being abused: empower yourself so you can empower other's: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Susan never too old to get active and alive with other women taking part in sporting and cultural activities: where possible in Team Sports: Next time you look in the mirror: ask yourself Who Am I ?? say I am Amazing: The architect of my own destiny: Beautiful: both inside and out. Courageous: willing to take chances: Dynamic ever changing ever growing: Spiritual: having a human experience Unique: unrepeatable: then hug and cuddle that beautiful body of yours: be gentle and kind to it: I will: I can: I must because I deserve the best in life:

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Child Abuse Story From Milly

by Milly
(USA)

when i was young, about 6 or 7, my mom started drinking alot and she divorced and got a new boyfriend, at first i was happy because that would mean that she would stop drinking, but one time, mom was out and i was outside playing, when he told me to come inside so he could search for "ticks" he made me undress and sit on my bed and spread my legs and kept sayin that he is cheking for ticks and had to check all over my body, the he started touching my vulva and i was so scared and it went on for so long and he kept repeating that he was cheking for ticks. and then when i wasabout 12, he always told me that it was his job to bath me and he alwaysed rubed my private parts for an expecially long time. and he used to waked me up every morning by pulling my shirt right up and rubbing my private place. later on, he didnt bath me any more, but he'd wait for me everytime i finish and told me to take my towel of and give him a hug, in the end i felt so scared and i ran away, but i didnt have enough money and later on, i went to live with my auntie.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Milly

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Aug 21, 2011
Milly:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you were able to get away from that sex offender and from a mother who seemed either unwilling or incapable of keeping you safe from harm. I hope that you are still in a safe place. Just remember that what he did to you was not your fault. Fault lies solely on the shoulders of this sex offender because he chose to offend you. You did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve it. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect; you received neither. If you haven't already, please consider some form of counselling in order to deal with what happened to you, and in order to deal with the betrayal and abandonment of your mother. Stay safe, Milly. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 22, 2011
the vunerability of a child/adolecent
by: maurice

Oh Milly: you were so beautifully innocent yet aware that you were being sexually abused by that beast of a man and had mother who did not love and cherish you and protect you from his molesting hand and doings: You are one very brave young woman to have searched for and found Darlene: Read her loving comment to you personally Oh yes Milly she wants you to be the winner over those sicko's of adults who made your tender years of innocence unreal: un-natural: Your growing up as a child was taken from you: You are a big girl now and I sincerely hope you are in a safe place to begin living your life to the full: Start with the advice from her heart to you in her caring, affirming words especially when she tells you: It was not your fault: I am not to blame for what that beast of a man did to me: Taking away my precious dignity: Stay Safe: Be safe: One sure way Milly is to surround yourself with friends and loving people: Having a healthy mind in a healthy body will empower you to think positove thoughts about yourself and your beautiful body: So get out and about with like-minded people your own age and gender: taking part in TEAM sports and sporting and cultural activities: I have seen this being empowering in so many young people lives that I know it will do you a power of good too: Team sports are where you can share your gifts and tallents with others in a safe surrounding and build up your own self worth by helping others to likewise: Value and respect your own body and that of others: Be gentle and kind with yourself milly: Look in the mirror: hug and cuddle that beautiful ME looking out at you: my new motto will be I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Milly read Darlene's comment to you: Take action on her words of loving advice to you: I will I can etc:

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Child Abuse Story From Leslie

by Leslie
(Location Undisclosed)

i was sexually abused by my step father when i was a child.it went on for about 6 or 7 yrs till he died.i finally told my mother years later about the abuse and she replied good people can do bad things.i don`t like how she stuck up for him instead of trying to protect me. i`m also upset that this person will never be held responsible for the pain they have caused to me.it`s now been 10 yrs since the abuse and i have a 2 yr old. and since i have had my daughter i have been a lot more parnoid and untrusting of everyone.i dont know what i can do to overcome the pain and parnoia. i`m still way to nervous and scared to talk to anyone face to face.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Leslie

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Jul 29, 2011
Leslie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I learned a very long time ago that the only way to deal with what happened to us as child abuse victims is to go through the process of dealing with what happened. I know that sounds simplistic, but there is no circumventing the process. No way to just say to oneself, I am going to forget what happened and move on with my life. And it's not at all unusual for paranoia to enter into the picture when one has a child to care for. After all, it's now your job to care for this little person; and given what happened to you, there is fear that you might not be able to. The difference however, is that you are aware and you will not repeat the mistakes that your mother made with you. You WILL stand up for your daughter. You WILL protect her. You WILL believe her if she ever discloses that something happened. Keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. Keep the talks you have with her calm and relaxed. A good way to talk to young children is to do it while colouring. This opens up the side of the brain that allows for easy communication, and sets a relaxed atmosphere. Talk to your daughter on an age-appropriate level about good and bad touches. Tell her that you will always be there for her to talk to you. And then, ALWAYS be there for her to talk to you. And understand that there is no one talk; it's an ongoing discussion that will change as your child matures. And for your Self, please consider some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the abuse you endured as a child, but also to deal with the betrayal and abandonment of your mother. These two issues are definitely tied together. Getting help for your Self and getting mentally and physically healthy are the best gifts you can ever give to your child, and their mother. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 30, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Leslie, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pervert of a dad and allow him to offend you everyday...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! I'm just as disgusted by her uncaring apathy towards you; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. Her job is to protect you and she abandoned that job! You are not to blame for their disgusting behavior; they are to blame because they chose to offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Alex GL

by Alex
(London, England)

I'm 22, male from London and my story is a little embarrassing for me to tell but I don't know where else to go. my father R-- abused me all my life, right up until I moved out at 17. I live on my own now and work and everything's pretty normal except for my sex life.

I'v been in love with a friend for a long time now, and recently we got together which I'm delighted about but when we go to make love I find it so difficult and I think its to do with what I suffered through growing up.

my father abused me both physical and sexual and I'v had a hard time dealing with it. I did therapy from 16 to 19 and though I was over it, it helped a little, making me feel I'm worth more than my father thought, and the lady was nice, but I got too embarrased to go into detail about what exactly happened and I thought she just felt sorry for me so I gave it up.

my father had drinking problems and would often beat me with his fists or more often his belt leaving some scars. but a few times I'm ashamed to say he raped me from behind and forced me to give him oral. I'm not proud of anything and I use to feel little worth in me, but I try to move on since I'm free of that. he has disowned me and I want nothing to do with him either.

my girlfriend was always there for me and knew about beatings and abuse and hugged me when I cried over it, but I never told her about the sex part of it, I was too ashamed to tell her, I don't think I could bear her knowing.

I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I feel about her and surprisingly she went on a date with me. I couldn't believe my luck and was so happy. A few months in everything was great until we slept together, I started feeling nervous and sick and almost cried myself to sleep after it was over it was so humiliating. I though it was a once off until we did it again.

now when we make love, I find it hard to.. you know, get it up, when she touches my penis I feel dirty and I tremble (not in a good way) and when we climax I cant help but picture my father in my room, drunk and gripping my hair as he violated me. it hurt so much and he tore me open inside that I bled and now I cant even have sex with my girlfriend without these feelings re-surfing. its not her, shes amazing and I do love feeling her body, its just when she touches me, that's when it starts.

she understands I had a bad upbringing but I cant keep this going, I have wanted her for so long that I cant mess this up, I cant lose her I love her too much and soon she will figure out something is up, I'm too ashamed to tell her. I don't want to think of my father everytime I have sex!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alex GL

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Jul 05, 2011
Alex:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

First and foremost, you have nothing, NOTHING to feel shame or embarrassment for. The shame and embarrassment is not yours to bear. Shame, embarrassment and blame is on the shoulders of your father because he chose to sexually offend you. You were the child, a child without power. HE had all the power. HE had all the control. And he used that power and control in a heinous way. You were vulnerable...he took advantage of the vulnerability. Secondly, I'm going to address something here that may or may not have happened to you, but it is worth mentioning. Understand that it is perfectly normal for a young male to experience an erection when he is anxious, scared or nervous. And it is equally normal for a young male to experience an orgasm when he is being sexually assaulted. When this happens, most males cannot forgive themselves. But what they don't realize is that their bodies betrayed them. They were still sexually assaulted. Thirdly, you need more help than anyone here can provide, Alex. You need the help of a professional to help you to put things into perspective, and then to replace the horrible memories, memories than invade you when you're trying to make love to the woman you love. What happened to you will likely never go away. When I say "replace", I mean just that; focusing on the loving, beautiful act that lovemaking is. The number one sexual organ of the body is the mind. If you can get help with your thoughts, you can overcome this. And lastly, when two people really love each other, secrets such as this one will destroy the relationship. Your partner has to prove to you that she's trustworthy, and trust does mean taking a risk, but you must decide whether or not the risk is worth it. If this continues, chances are, without knowing why things are happening as they are in your lovemaking, she will either blame herself (which you likely don't want) or she will decide to leave the relationship. So now you have some choices to make. Just remember that you didn't deserve to be sexually assaulted. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And you deserve to be in a loving and healthy relationship. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 05, 2011
i have a different way to look at this than moderator traditional way but see what you think
by: Anonymous

ok so dont lose her , and i am sort of different i have a different idea , why i just think this would work better for you instead of working on the past what he did fix that why dont you find some way to work on your relationship with her change the theme i mean make it about how are you going to do stuff with her sex an other stuff her not fix thought s past keep mind focus on her an you even new relationship ideas stuff what couples do make relationshps better how there so many things couples do now young yoga i know sound stupid just example but what do guys do anyone ones not abused make it better do this think hard, work on your new real life make that better the thought will fade eventually for good why i know you can do this an if you have capabilty to love then you can do this at leat what you said how you wanted relationships i feel you can do this , just waht you said is why how you say it, the moderator she ok but her way is

Jul 05, 2011
i really think alternative way to heal work on life realtinshps now an learn facts about sex an thinking stuf vs doing compare it to anyone life read books you see what i mean
by: Anonymous

its not always like that ok couseling dosnt have to be same old stuff i think you be better do this new life what would you do make this relatinshp better would it be activivites you bond with her an what is sex with out love anyway ,, she an you love each other it work it up to you if you tell her i wouldnt do that right away or at all depend on what you feel but see if you can work on bonding with her so you feel trust when you intimate is what you need to feel then you be ok do everything you can think make you too close and all, i am old i dont know what kidn of person or sex wise she is everyone different too young though i dontknow but i do relationship ideas help about her an you

Jul 05, 2011
faith!
by: jess d

I completely understand. U r strong.I would go back to therapy. Also knowing u love her n she loves u. .maybe sharing details wit her or Therapist will help. U made it this far don't give up. U have gone through alot n im sorry for all your pain. Be strong n say ur complete story details .....ALL of it!!!! God b with u n make u strong.

Jul 06, 2011
Don't Quit: YOU be the winner: Always believe in yourself
by: maurce

Alex GL you'll be fine: You are a courageous young adult with plenty to live for for: You have employment: You have your own independence: You are safe: You have a loving, caring, respecting, understanding Girl Friend: You have been so honest and this will help you broaden your horizons: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: A bad, Bad Man not worth the name as being part of the male human species abused you: Alex Gl: Darlene's site is that safe haven site where each of us can begin letting out and letting go our true gut feelings about what our abuser did to us in truth and in detail: She is one very special woman: Her vision in setting up her site was in no half measure to empower you, me and her now many visitors to make new beginnings and move on: I want you to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: This will mean Young intelligent, gifted, tallented young adult with leadership qualities (Captain) taking part with like-minded young men in team sports soccer/rugby to name a few: This will open up a whole new world of thought for you: You'll healthily begin to appreciate that beautiful body of yours: Be gentle and kind to it: Darlene has given you her time in the lengthy comment she has loving wrote to you from her heart: Be re-assured by her words: That beast did you an injustice, You were never to blame: It was never your fault, you were so beautifully innocent and vunerable as a child>adolecent: he was in control: It was humiliating enough for me to have my bottom exposed for a spanking/beating: I cannot imagine being raped: The effects that would have on a young boy child: Hi if you can and be brave seek out some form of counselling NOW putting an adult mind on the value of it for you:
Darlene and all who leave comments for you want to be your friend but also want what is best for you: So yong matcho young man be gentle and kind on yourself and your body: Hug and cuddle love (real) back into your own beautiful body: Stop being ashamed of it, that man did the dirty acts to it: Not you: Stay with the moment when you and your girl friend are together: It is natural, real, etc: You'll be fine Alex GL: massage your body with soothing body lotions and cream: You'll feel good: value and respect yourself and your body: I WILL I CAN I MUST; ALEX GL SAY BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: read and take ownership of Darlene's professional and a womans heart empowering words to you: You are as normal as the day you were born: Be the winner over that sicko, beast, brute, of a so called drunken father: No excuses and I would never condone what he did to you in his drunken state: Stay safe: be safe; live well laugh often and love much: My motto I will I can etc

Jul 06, 2011
To Alex
by: Anonymous

Hi Alex, I totally agree with Darlene and you are a very strong person to have told your story to us, thank you. I believe that hypnosis may help to retrain your mind.

Jul 06, 2011
its not your fault, you are beautifull, dont be ashamed!
by: Katie

Alex first of all you are so strong and brave for telling this story,I cant imagine how it must feel for a young man to admit these feelings, espically having problems when it comes to sex.

I know you are in love with this girl, but try to accept the fact that with love, no secrets should be kept, if you told her and she left you in disgust or shock, then your better off without her because nobody with a heart could turn you away after telling a secret so personal. If she truely loves you back she will be understanding and love you, and be patient with sex.

Just because your a boy does not mean you have to rush into sex, I know it would be hard to tell a girl this, but if you keep this a secret longer she will think it is because of her, if she only knew the pain you are going through then she might understand why you find sex difficult.

In regards to your father, I dont think he even deserves being called that. he treated you cruelly, violioted you sexually and often beat you. he has no right to call himself a father to you. Do not blame yourself, you didnt mention any other reason other than him being drunk, but even if you did make him angry or whatever abuse like this is wrong.

you have nothing to be ashamed at either about getting an erection [if you did] when you were abused. Guys can have them anytime in the most inappropiate moments, you can't control your body, so dont feel ashamed about how your body reacted to this abuse.

you sound so sweet, like you really love your girlfriend, I think you need to be very relaxed before you make love with her. I know this wont make all your problems dissapear, but try some relaxing candles, maybe soft music, remember you are with her, alone, NOT WITH YOUR FATHER. remember he cant hurt you, just in the the moment with your girl. tell her to talk to you when she touches you, just so you remember who your with.

take your time, dont worry about not getting hard straight away, girls love it when guys play around first. when you do feel ready, look into her eyes and remember your safe with her and your father cannot touch you.

and when its over, dont cry, be as strong as I know you can be, dont feel dirty or ashamed, sleep beside her knowing that you are loved, and having sex with her was natural. you are so brave and such a sweet guy, I hope everything works out for you!! take care.

Jul 07, 2011
You are strong! So very strong!
by: Anonymous

Alex, you are an incredibly strong person. ALL survivors of abuse are because trust me, some people didnt make it through the pain and even ended their lives! I know what it feels like to have those images imprinted in your head and not being able to shake them. Sexual abuse of any nature doesnt just go away, unfortunately. You think you have it all "compartmentalised" and you are over it, you do your best to move on and live a very successful life otherwise and then SOMETHING happens and it brings you back to the nasty memories. What you are experiencing is actually pretty normal. I mean think of it this way, havent you heard of people that they had an accident or their health was bad and even though they got better it took them very long to start living "normally" again because they couldnt trust their bodies? Physically they were fine, subconsciously they were STILL afraid and self protecting and ended up having various psychosomatic reactions??? The body has the tendency to remember even when the brain goes "nope, I wont go there". The PHYSICAL sensation of closeness is what brings everything back. Your body is reacting as it should! It remembers the horrible times and it reacts.
YOU are not a dirty person!! You feel dirty because a very DIRTY man, a sick man, a man that has NO RIGHT to be called your father did those vile things to you! But its going to take a while Alex before you process what happened, deal through the pain properly and eventually moving on...Alex, I so wish I could give you easy answers you know give you a "fact sheet" of what you do to get over this...

Jul 07, 2011
YOU ARE STRONG 2
by: Anonymous

We all wished for that "fact sheet" but it doesnt work this way mate! What you experienced with your therapist is again very normal. I sort of held back with my previous therapist because I was too embarassed to tell her things. She did make a difference to my life but couldnt work on the sexual abuse issues just the physical and emotional abuse and I always felt like something was missing you know? It took me many years to address the problem and surprise-surprise I started dealing with it when I first started dating my boyfriend. And I was terrified that he would leave me. But you know what? He didnt! He was very understanding. There is no easy way to breech the topic you just take a leap of faith. If you DO feel that this is the one and you do love her you need to let her know. I just sat him down and went "P...this is my family like, this is what they put me through...that's why I act thus and thus...Im just telling you because you deserve to know and because I trust you fully". Girls are more emotional than guys and so you've got a high chance she'll be your most avid supporter! Its a fact of life. Most guys just go "let me buy you a beer then" but girls are ok with external displays of emotion so dont worry about that :D She might get livid at your dad but thats ok!
Nevertheless I do have to tell you that you cannot deal with this alone. Its the nature of the situation that one simply cannot go through with and solve alone. Self help and good friends go only that far! You need a good therapist to walk you through the stages of healing. Especially if you're experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder you definitely need someone to help out cause it can get daunting. Can you get free counceling on the NHS? I know its expensive but you NEED to do this for YOU. It will be the greatest investment you will ever make cause you invest in your soul and it ALWAYS pays back 1000fold! I have every faith in you Alex that YOU ARE going to make it! You sound like such an intelligent, vibrant, alive young man! You are a fighter. Never forget that. We are ALL fighters. But even fighters need some rest comming back from war!!

Jul 10, 2011
keeep your head up
by: nicole

just know that theres more to you than being a sexual abuse victim, you're a human being with a right to feel safe and comfortable.

TAKE HIS POWER

<3

Jul 18, 2011
To Alex
by: Anonymous

Alex, Darlene is right you need much more help then reading the words of wisdom written here. You need the help of people trained to help you. I was much in your situation and would never have fully told my story because of the shame and guilt that I placed on my own shoulders. I have never posted my story here, maybe one day i will. I sat down for months with a therapists before i finally screamed in his face that my father had actually been raping me since i was 7. The clever part was that he had planned the whole thing because i was going no where just sitting and talking quietly. Seconds later i was crying in his arms, he wanted the truth and when i finally released all my secrets thats when he started to help me. I still see him even today it is not a short and easy journey. All my love. David

Jul 18, 2011
Hearts speak to each other even from a distance
by: maurice

Alex GL let all the love from these hearts who have written you caring affirming words: You can see they all want the best for you: Darlene's set these hearts throbbing to write what they did to you: Darlene's comment is the one to act on so that the others then re-assure that you will do what is the best for yourself: Stay in Therapy it may be pain ful at times but no it will put all your suffered into perspectiev in time: Be brave stay with it

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Child Abuse Story From Siobhan

by Siobhan
(Liverpool)

I was physically abused by my mum from a really young age, she was trying to get a good job and studying to feed me and my younger sister, but it reversed because she was soo stressed she beat me, but never my sister? my earliest memory is of her dragging me up the stairs by my hair after i snipped it a little. Then a minute later she sat me on the counter and put a bag of frozen veg on my eye. I always remember racing up the stairs trying to run to my room. hiding under the quilt before she came and just started punching like crazy & ragging my hair.

I was a misfit at the time of the sexual abuse, the teacher when i was 7 always treated me different, because i acted different, all adults hated me because i was always attention seeking. One day my dad asked me and my sister to go with him to the canal, which we jumped for joy at, but when there, he took us into this bush, deep into the bushes where he asked us both to remove our pants, my sister was only 5 and immediately just did it, but i said no and told her to pull them back up, i remember looking at the fence we just climbed over and wanting to just run and jump over, but my dad pulled his down, i was terrified, i'd never seen anything like that before,and he said "go on, touch it, it's not a monster, it won't bite" and he grabbed mine and pulled mmine down and i pulled on him once or twice.

Other than that i dont really remember what else happened there other than asking my dad what a "mary" as we used to call it was really called. It only really leasted for a few days, but there where signs earlier i feel my mum should of picked up on, like i have a memory of him pulling my skirt off and throwing it into the garden in front of two teenage boys, and he kept doing it again and again. and when i had chicken pocks, he insisted on putting the cream onto my vulva. and he had previously pulled my cousins towel off when she was really young. but my mum did nothing?

I knew it was weird and one night when my mum went out, he was left looking after me, he tried squeezing his finger in, it hurt and he stopped, he just sat next to me masturbating with a jacket over us both while my sister sat in front watching tv. And i remember him getting her involved, and doing things, which scar me, but she doesn't remember anything. i told my mum after that night, and she was going through a lot herself, but she carried on, she beat me until i was 11 or 12 even now, i still see glimpses on how her temper switches, but she always does the most she can for us now, and proclaims she always has, she always had a job, but she blocks out the facts she beat me, after she knew what i was going through and whenever i try to discuss it she says she was mentally ill and suicidal and leaves the room.

I was badly bullied in high school over my nose, called pinochio EVERY day, and all the teachers ignored it, same in primary i was made to go to stupid clases when i wasn't, i never was, i just left school with great grades. Most of my friends wonder why i dont have a dad, because i do seem quite well off compared to them now. A girl who i used to hang out with envied this, and the only thing she knew was that i didn't have a dad, and she did, so every day she would say stuff about her dad, saying my dad did this n that she deliberately would say "my dad" as many times as she could, because she is from a poor family, i dont brag, and she was compulsively lying to me every day. i never raelly was bothered at all about not having a father, but she mentally tested me too much.

I now have a really big problem with stalking people, this woman from spain, i save pictures of her from facebook, its nothing sexual, i thnik i kind of subconsciously envy her. She found out, i was discussing her with people she knew and blocked me, its crazier because she's my spanish tachers cousin. I only saw her profile picture, and out of nohere got really obsessed, but i've learned spanish from it, i'm taking it in college, and would say im pretty fluent. I feel crazy, but i can't stop, i want to. I'm gonna move and start a new life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Siobhan

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Sep 08, 2011
Siobhan:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You didn't say what happened to your sex offender of a dad, but what he did to you and your sister was steal away your innocence. He took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities. And I agree with you, your mother could not have missed the signs. She simply ignored them. She has much to answer for. The terrible abuse you endured as a child has likely left you with effects that are dangerous. Stalking is wrong and it's illegal. Stalking terrifies a person, even if you don't plan to harm that person. You must stop it. It could land you in prison, where even more abuse would go on. Siobhan, you're smart...you already know this, but your lack of boundaries and your obsessive behaviour will eventually get you into serious trouble. Please get yourself the help you need. You said you're in college...reach out for any and all resources that are available to you in college. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 08, 2011
I stopped
by: Siobhan

He only got 6 months maybe even less, because i was only 6 and was scacred to say anything and really embarassed, i have stopped stalking now...it was stupid thing to do. I think i kind of just envy other people with normal parents who love them and tings, and she was one of them people!

From Darlene - Webmaster: I'm proud of you, Siobhan! I still believe that some form of counselling would help you deal with the effects of the abuse. You're certainly worth it.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 08, 2011
Your cry for help has been noted: You have found a safe place to share:
by: maurice

Oh Siobhan: Your response to Darlene's heart comment to you gives hope to all us and to many who will avail of this Safe Haven Site: Brave and good Woman: This will set you free to live your life to the full from the NOW time of your life: Hi, you are one very brave and strong woman: My respect for you (even love) is affirming of you for heeding Darlene's LOVE comment for you is truly making you a stronger woman: Please, be gentle and kind on yourself: Celebrate You: I am Worth Celebrating: Siobhan: Darlene spoke her heart to you in her comment; You read, heeded and acted on her loving words to you:

Sep 09, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

Siobhan, something's seriously wrong with your mom because she has serious problems and she needs help. Oh, and I can't believe that she would abandon you and your sister to the so-called care of that sick pervert of a dad and allow him to offend you 24/7...how dare she! If they didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to get as much help as they needed instead of abusing you guys. The path that they chose is inexcusable, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

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Child Abuse Story From Missy

by Missy
(USA)

I was about 7 when all this stuff started going on. My mom and dad were seperated and i lived mostly with my mom, my mom was dating a guy who soon became my stepdad, my stepdad was a nice guy, he would buy me alot of things and prety much spoil me but he had a totally different side to him. My mom at the time was working at night and didn't come home untill early in the morning. Which left me alone all night with stepdad, he would get me ready for bed which started with him undressing me, he would touch me, sticking his fingers inside me, after a while of him doing that he would put my pajamas on and then take me to bed with him. It got even worse when we went to lay down, he would start to touch me again and lick me down there, after that he would get me to touch him by beating me and slaping me in the face untill i said ok. All at the time i didn't know whether it should feel good to me or feel bad. He would tell me never to tell anybody "our little secret" and if i did he said that bad things would happen or that he wouldent buy me anything if i told. I never told because i was scared of what would happen. This all went on untill i was about 10 years old and my stepdad had been out of my life. I had never told anybody about what he did to me even though i knew he was out of my life. My mom had quit her job working all night, and would spen alot of time with me but every once in a while she eould send me to my dads house, my dads house was very small and he would smoke alot. At my dads house the only people there were guys, my uncle and my dads friend, they bolth lived at that house. At night i had to sleep in the queen size bed with my uncle, he would do alot of the same things my stepdad did to me, but one thing that really hurt me was when he would penetrait me, it really hurt but he covered my mouth and told me not to scream. By the time i 12 all this had still been going on, keeping it a secret from my friends and family members. The only good times in my life was when i was with my mom at her house. I was scared for life bolth phisically and emotionaly. I would cry myself to sleep every night and i felt like i needed to say somthing, i thought, what would happen if i told my mom what happened and if my uncle or stepdad found out?? But i didn't care, i told my mom and she was shocked, first of all because she felt like she had let it happen and second because she had brought these into my life not even knowing what they were doing to me. Right away she got the police involved and i kept tellin her i was scared about what was going to happen, she told me dont be scared your going to be safe now. My uncle had got 12 years in jail and my stepdad had got 10 years, im 14 now and i really dont know what to do, i go to my mOm for everyhing but i still have issues. At school i havent told any of my friends and i think its a good thing i dont, i have always been uncomftorble around guys and i've really never had a boyfriend because of whats happened to me. Im really scared about telling a guy whats happened to me, and what he would think if i told him. All i want right now in my life is to be pure again and i really wish that i can be a virgin again but i know that u cant take back what happens in the past...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Missy

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Sep 05, 2011
Missy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's true that you can't take back the Past, but what you CAN do is embrace the Present. Your abusers are in prison for the crimes they committed against you, where they belong. But now you need help for all the effects the sexual abuse had on you. Don't think in terms of boyfriends just yet. That will come in time. Right now the most important person is YOU. You said you talk to your mom. That's a great thing to have in your life: the support and ear of your mother. Be honest with her. Tell her the effects all this has had on you. It's her job to ensure you're well cared for; and that means getting you counselling when you need it. But if you're not honest about what you're feeling and thinking, that won't happen. You didn't deserve to be abused, Missy. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. And always remember, none of what happened was your fault. Fault lies squarely on the shoulders of the sex offenders, because they chose to sexually abuse you. They were the adults; you were the child. They had all the power, and they misused that power and took advantage of your youth, your vulnerabilities and your innocence. As for "purity", what's important is purity of heart; and that you have in spades, Missy. That you have in spades. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Heather S

by Heather S
(Wisconsin, USA)

I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I kept my secret from everyone for four years. I was only nine years old when it first happened. (To this day I believe that was why I kept it a secret for so long.) I finally told a science teacher in seventh grade, while we were learning about human growth and development. I only told my teacher, principal, parents, and police of three times that it happened. I really don't know why I didn't say the others, but I was only fourteen when i told. I was scared and afraid of what I said would do to my family. Two months before I told, It happened to me again. I was at my grandmother's house and my uncle (the abuser)and aunt came over. He followed me into a bedroom and he tried once again to touch me. I got away from him before he could get too far, but I remained silent. The first time it happened at his house, when my mother's side was having a family reunion. This was also the first time that I met my uncle, beccause my aunt just got remarried. He is actually my step-uncle. All us nieces went down stairs in the basement to play hide-and-go-seek. One time when I was trying to find a place to hide, he followed me. There basement is actually carpeted and has a living area and two bedrooms and a large bathroom. He told me to hide under the covers while he threw pillows on top of me. I started feeling his hands come at me and he touched me in places that he should not have. The police told me that if he would be convicted for this one; he would be sentenced for rape of minor. So he went a little further than what I wrote. Just writing this makes me sick to my stomach, but I want others to read my story and understand that they are not alone. The second time also happened at his home, but in his garage. I believe that we were having some kind of family get together again. The adults were all playing some weird ball game with sticks. I forgot what they called it. (Sorry) I asked my aunt (my godmother, but also married to him) where the toys were, and she told me in the garage in a box. My uncle followed me and I thought nothing of it. I thought he was going to show me where they were, but no, he wasn't. He tried to touch me again and did it while hugging me. I wasn't very big back then and still aren't. So I wasn't going to be able to get away from him. He let go when someone came in. She didn't see anything, or that is what she says. Other times were right in front of everyone's faces. He would sit by me and get really close and touch me without them seeing. I still remained quiet. I tried to tell my school counsler in fifth grade about it, but I wasn't sure what to call it. For that was why I didn't say anything, either. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I was to afraid to say anything. I went to pliminary hearings in the beginning and middle of my eighth grade year. The first one was three days into school. I had no idea how court worked or if I would have to say anything. I was scared, likewise. Two of the incidents were in one county, so that was where the court date was set. The other incident was in another county, where I went to another court house. Everytime that I went to court, he would stare at me the whole time. The first time I was in court, I didn't know what to do, so I got really nervous. His attorney was hard and mean to me, screwing me up several times, confusing me many times. She got me to mix up the dates of the incidents, which I guess was s'pose to make me look like a liar. The second time I corrected her in court and I felt my confidence rising. I really had no idea what I wanted my uncle to get as a punishment because I still didn't believe in prison time. I just wanted him to acknowledge what he did wrong. The court dates came when I was in my eight and ninth grade summer. I was going to start high school that year and I was extremely scared of what life was going to be like being a freshman. It had been just over a year that I told my teacher and I was overwhelmed. Everytime that I went to court I felt sick; the emotions and sights all overwhelmed me after the effect. One thing that makes me feel horrible today is that I told on April 1st. His lawyer used that line about how I could be lying because of the day I told. That was bull crap. No matter what day I told, they would have some kind of explanation of how I could be lying. Yet, I am not. The court date was cancelled because my uncle took a plea. The plea wasn't much, but it was something. That was all I wanted. The plea was: four years of no contact (phone or in person contact), sexual assualt counsling, and community service. The court date in the other county came in freshman year. I was having enough trouble in school as it was, so court made it worse. I wasn't able to sleep desent and even stopped eating. I was forced into counsling agian and got back my confidence. The court date was in October that year. I was not ready to face my uncle and his evil lawyer again. Right before I was to leave school on the day, I got a phone call telling me that our lawyer decided to cancel. I was more upset than happy that the court date was cancelled. Now my uncle was going to get away with everyhting that he did to me. I had lost everything. My grandparents on my moms side, everyone thought I was a lier on my moms side, including my aunt. She was like another mother to me and we used to be very close. I may never forgive myself for telling and destroying so many people's life. I lost my connection with my grandparents because they took my uncles side and even helped him pay his lawyer. At that time my grandfather was very ill and I wasn't allowed to see him, which made me grieve even more. I hadn't seen my grand dad from my 7th grade year till 10th gradde year. My parents were fighting with my grandparents for that long, and finally my dad wouldn't even allow calls. We were cut off completely. (I cried all the time and use to tell myself that if my grandfather would die before I could see or hear from him one more time that I would never forgive myself!) Yet, in my 10th grade school year I met up with my grandparents. It wasn't like anything I would have exspected, but I was glad to see him. Two months later he would be placed into a nursing home. Still in 10th grade I had more problems I could shake a fist with. My dads side of the family had gotten worse and his brother went too far with something. He suffers from major depression and it was getting to him. For awhile we couldn't have any family gatherings because he was so sick. The medication he was takingg was helping, but made him tired and gave him stomach aches. He also took so many different medications that each of them just intesified his pain. He took about 14 pills each morning and 12 more at night. To this day he takes them, but is doing better. It was the beginning of 2011 and my life was getting a lot better. I was sticking with a small group of two friends. I made it through a hard break up with a friend who tried getting me on drugs and with her boyfriend threatening me on the phone. People consider me a strong willed woman. It was earlier this year when bad things started to happen. My Great-Grand dad on my dad's side, went to the hospital and got into a car accident. He was 90 years old and his liscence was pulled. Within two weeks he was sent to a nursing home. It was on Good Friday that we got a call saying that he had died. It hit me really hard and I couldn't get thhrough the fact that he wasn't going to be playing cards at our house anymore. We had been playing cards at our house for fours years, every Friday; just for great-grandpa. I went to school on Monday and sat crying in pupil services (counslers office) and couldn't stop. The funeral was at one so I left school early and went there. My great uncle was there and the way that he cried made me feel horrible. And how another of my great uncles said goodbye to his dad. It is summer now and I biked up to the cemetary two miles away from our home. I wrote him and great-grandma a letter saying that I'm doing better and I will stay here to help others like me. I do not regret telling on what my uncle did to me. I thought I was alone, but I wasn't. I went to a sexual assualt counsling support group up twice. I met amazing girls and boys my age who had went through the same things. The people there were so much help that I still communicate with them today when I have problems. If you are reading this and know someone who has went through this or any other kind of abuse; tell them or yourself that they are not alone. I found support and survived. I turned out to be a stronger person in the long run. I have even decided to become someone who helps people who have been through what I have. Always remember: You are never alone. Thanks for reading. I feel better writing about my experience.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Heather S

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Aug 02, 2011
Heather:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I was delighted to read at the end of your story that you do not regret disclosing what your uncle did to you, though earlier you said you'd never forgive yourself. I do want to address the latter. By telling you may well have prevented another child being sexually abused by this man. Secondly, YOU didn't cause any breakup of your family or the resulting disconnect; that was HIM and your family. When he put his hands on you HE caused the family discord, not you. When your family decided to side with a sex offender, THEY caused the rift, not you. You did everything right, Heather. Don't ever forget that. You were the brave one. The family members who refused to see what was right in front of them were the ones with their heads in the sand. YOU can hold your head up high. They cannot. Be proud of yourself for doing what was right. And be proud of yourself for going from victim to victory. I KNOW you'll find even more ways to reach out to others, and use your experience to help those who have suffered as you have. You already reached out to the people who visit this site. Keep holding your head up high, Heather. You have every right to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 12, 2011
Continue to be strong: Be brave: Always believe in yourself
by: maurice

Heather S: Celebrate you: I am Worth celebrateing because I searched for and found Darlene's safe haven site for me to re-assure other who are sexually abused they are not alone (ever) Tell some-one that they really trust like you did: Not to feel guilty because of breaking up the family: Darlene in her loving, understanding way has given you words of affirmation, support and encouraged you to Live your life to the full: Hi one sure way to make real natural and life long friends is to Have a Healthy Mind in a Healthy Body: Oh yes, Heather I am going to ask you to be part of a Team taking part with others your own age and gender in sporting and cultural activities: It will open up a whole new world for you and make all your dreams real and you'll be successful in all you want to do: You have Gifts: Tallents: and I have no doubt leadership Qualities that when you share them with others thay will be all the better for knowing you: Value and respect your beautiful body ever so naturally: Be gentle and kind with yourself and with your body: soothe away the not so nice thoughts you may still have about your abuse: Hug and cuddle love into yourself and then relax with good feelings: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: I WILL: I CAN:
I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: That you are Heather I'M SPECIAL: I LOVE ME: GOOD ON YOU HEATHER

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Child Abuse Story From Depressed Girl

by Depressed Girl
(Location Undisclosed)

i am 14 years old, i have been abused since a child. I told my highschool teacher last year, and the police got involved. They stopped the full thing, he sexually abused me since i was a newborn, he got jailed for 6 years, that is not even HALF of what he has took from me. Even now the abuse has stoppeed, the memories live on, i cant consentrate, i dont like school, i dont like home, i dont like going anywhere. I think i dislike school because its the first place i admitted too, and i cant stand being there, i feel physically sick when i have to go. Theres nothing i can do about my life now, ive lost my childhood and many years to come. One day i hope to get back to my normal self, dont know when or how but i hope i will. The person who abused me, was my grandfather, utterly disgusting. I hate my life, i hate my face, i hate my body, i hate my past, i see a counsilor and loads of self eestem people, i skip school and get treated like a dumb kid. Just because i dont go to school and get told off alot, im not mouthy or anything im smart and im good in school but i get looked down upon because i skip. i dont think its fair that i get treated like the naughty kids when i have an issue that i cant RESOLVE.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Depressed Girl

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Jul 21, 2011
To Depressed Girl:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There comes a time in every young person's life that they must choose the kind of person they're going to be. Are they going to be the kind of person who makes excuses for not doing things, or are they going to pull up their boot straps and overcome what has happened to them in favour of becoming the shining example of their own potential. Are they going to be the kind of person that would rather make excuses about the way they behave, or are they going to recognize that the power that was taken from them is now theirs to take back. Are they going to be the kind of person that will take the torch of abuse from their abuser and self-abuse and sabotage their own future, or are they going to realize they deserve to treat themselves with the dignity and respect and love they were so cruelly denied. What your grandfather did to you was criminal. And yes, the effects are devastating. The difference between now and when you were being sexually abused is that one, you are no longer being sexually abused by your grandfather; two, you are maturing and becoming more of an adult; three, you can now choose to do the work required through counselling to gain control and power over your own life. That's what survivors do. And you ARE a survivor. I understand the downward spiral, I really do. That doesn't mean I accept that that's the only direction you can go. I don't accept that...because you survived the worst of it. It's what you tell yourself now that must now change. But only you can make that choice. I have confidence that you'll make the choice to survive and thrive. Go to your counselling sessions with an open mind to the process and with the attitude that you will overcome the abuse. I'm sending you positive energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 21, 2011
i get it
by: Anonymous

Be careful with yourself. I know the feeling of hating everything about yourself. I even had a counselor who made me feel worse about myself, if that was possible.
But I married a kind man and I don't have the right to not feel loved anymore. I AM loved.
My older sister taught me two things that have stayed with me. And it DOES help to have an older sister, eight years older, who lived with the same parents and SAW what was happening.
She taught me:
1. you can never treat anyone the way our parents treated each other( beatings, alcoholism, terrorizing behavior)
2. marry someone who is happy

OH, Little Depressed Girl. I KNOW your story. I kept doing things to keep depressed. It felt RIGHT, like I DESERVED to be depressed... and even counseling wasn't enough.
I hate to say it, but finding Christ helped me. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING about you.
I found a church where people KNOW suffering of all kinds, but especially sexual abuse. It is a miracle to find people who can talk about it as openly as one of my friends - who has SIX children with a seventh on the way. She was blessed with a set of parents who loved Christ first but that didn't stop sexual abuse in her family. It took her almost thirty years to tell HER MOTHER that she and her sister and her younger brother all molested each other... crazy, isnt' it? And they were surrounded by Christian love! So sexual abuse springs up ANYWHERE And EVERYWHERE.
MY problem was the opposite of hers. I hated Christ. I desecrated my crucifix sexually when I was seven going for my First communion in the catholic church. I didn't TRUST GOD AT ALL...

so. I don't have the answers, just the HOPE that you will question yourself, and those taking care of you... I abused myself right up to the time of my marriage. I was - I am - still sick from it all, at age 57, but I still have HOPE... I have witnessed great healing... it is a mystery...
I hope this helps you in some way... find ONE person - try Alanon, get a sponsor you can talk with about everything... find a sister in the catholic church, they are wonderful, usually, the nuns I have known.
I really don't have the answer, but I try.
And I have been happily married to a wonderful friend, a wonderful man, for 23 years. I nver had children, I was too shaken by my bad relationship to my father... THAT"S a LONG story... for another time...

Take care. I hope this helps you in SOME small way. I "GET" your story...

Jul 21, 2011
You Deserve the Best
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry you went through that. I don't know if anyone has told you but, you didn't deserve what happened to you. You didn't do anything to cause it and you don't deserve a horrible life from here on out. You certainly don't deserve to die! You deserve to live, you deserve a good life with people who care about you. You deserve to give yourself what he didn't give you, the very best. I know it seems impossible but it isn't. Please give yourself the very best and get help. I am 40 years old and although I have gone to therapy in the past, it seemed no one could really get it and help me. I didn't give up. I am now finally seeing a therapist who is helping me, and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. It takes a lot of commitment and hard work, but it is worth it. You are worth it. Like Darlene said in different words, don't take up the torch and do to yourself what your Grandfather did to you. You will never forget what happened but, it is possible to live a happy healthy life. You deserve that. I wish you all the very best life has to offer.

Carrie (some of my story is on here too.)

Jul 21, 2011
From: Little Girl Lost
by: Anonymous

Dear Depressed Girl: Reading your story really hit home. I was sexually abused as a child also. I suffered from Depression and Panic Disorder. I had no self esteem, felt shame and sometimes even wanted to die. I agree with Darlene and the person who found God. I did go for councelling. I'm in my late forties now, my dear. I'm healing slowly, but surely. Darlene also has been a great inspiration to me and my faith in God got me through. Please remember that none of this was your fault. Please, please go get councelling. Not only will it save your life, you can help others who suffered through the same thing we both had. So hard to do, I know but I believe you can do it. Also remember we're not alone. So many of us have gone through the same turmoil. May God Bless you and help you to go in your healing journey. Someone who deeply cares what happens to you. Hugs.

Jul 22, 2011
Don't quit: Don't give up on yourself: Be a winner
by: maurice

I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUE I AM WORTH IT: Great you had the courage to search for and arrive here on Darlene's safe place, safe haven, she has welcomed you with a very loving comment: Her words are re-assuring, encourageing, will empower you once you begin taking action and take charge of re-building your self worth: your self esteem: Let your motto be I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: The other two people ahve given you encourageing loving heart words too to build up your self confidence: I can change things for the better for myself: I don't need to stay in the morass I find myself in because of those bad people who took my innocence, my dignity, my self worth away when I was vunerable and weak: I am not to blame: I did nothing wrong: They were the adults, they were my abusers: the blame is all with them: up to now they have ruined my self confidence but I will prove them wrong: I may be feeling I am at a low ebb in my thinking about my self but I am going to rise from this place and get on with living my life to the full as a teenager and young thinking adult: Follow Darlene's heart words in her comment to you persoanlly: get some form of counselling: special, besutiful girl with gifts and tallents look in the mirror and say I love me: I am going to be a winner: change your daily/weekly routine Get out and about with your friends and fellow students taking part in TEAM sports plus sporting and cultural activities: Then in a short time you'll be a changed person: Have one/two real friends your own age, special ones that you can trust with your most intimate secrets and all the girlie stuff that girls go through in their adolecent years: Taking part in TEAM sports will help you make real friends and you'll be surrounded with many aqauaintances (Girls) your own age who will help you share your gifts and tallents with them: There is safety in numbers: making friends with the opposite sex will come naturally and you will be helped by your tam mates especially your friends to be safe and to value and respect yourslef and your beautiful body: so that you will expect others to value and respect you for the special person your are for them: You'll be fine: Don't Quit, Alwyas believe in yourself: Have ahealthy mind in a healthy body: TODAY I WILL I CAN I MUST: BE GENTLE AND KIND TO YOURSELF; LOOK IN THAT MIRROR SAY I LOVE ME: SAY NICE AND POSITIVE THINGS TO THE ME' Who am I: I am. Amaizing, the architect of my own destiny: Beautiful both inside and out: Courageous: will to take chances: Dynamic ever changing and growing: Enthiuastic about living and loving life. Lovable exactly as I am: Optomistic Anything is possible: Spiritual, having a human experience: Okay Now stop feeling depressed: My motto: I will etc: counselling will help:

Nov 03, 2011
God is with you
by: Anonymous

wow hey you dont have to be so depressed just pray to God. he can solve it for you. he can also let you forgive him. I know that there is most likely a lot of pain. most of my life i have grown up my dad was not around alot. so that is my advice please think about it.

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Child Abuse Story From Kath

by Kath
(York, United Kingdom)

My eldest son abused his brother. This is not easy for me because i still love him. He raped his brother, there is no other term for it. He is being punished for what he did and will not be release anytime soon. P-- is still suffering though, counsellors and therapists just are not helping. I fear for him, i love him and i would die for him. What his brother put him through is unthinkable. I still have issues with the details. I love P-- but i am afraid i am losing him.

P-- is quiet and scared, no matter how much i love him he still remains the boy who was abused. He is angry and scared and acts out his anger. Sometimes i have to hug him for hours till he calms down. I need just as much help as P-- does. I have lost one son who i still love. Holidays are here, a change in counsellors maybe. I do not want to lose P--. I will hug him for an eternity if that is what it takes.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kath

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Jul 01, 2011
Kath:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Of course you still love your sons. That's what a mother does. You said you would "die" for P--. But would you "live" for him. Because that is most important. I agree that you need as much help as P-- does. Please consider seeking out some form of counselling to help you deal with all the turmoil of what happened to your son, and of the guilt you're feeling. You cannot help your son when you yourself need help first. The best way to help him is to get healthy yourself, and then you can be there as a support for him. Because in the end, Kath, that's all you can be for him: a support. HE has to make the decision to take his power back, the power his brother stole from him. HE has to make the decision about whether or not to allow the process of counselling into his life. HE has to make the decision about whether or not he wants to move forward in his life. You cannot live his life for him. And you cannot always be there with him. But when you're in a healthier place you can help him by example, with supporting love, and by being open to HIS process for healing and recovery, whatever that might look like. Thank you for sharing yours and your sons' story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 01, 2011
Support is great, but
by: Tim L.

You can't erase what happened, and it can take a very long time to heal from traumatic situations, so it would be best not to make any demands of him. If the sexual abuse was hidden away for a time(?) perhaps he needs you to recognize the situation and that he was abused right under your nose more than to desire for him to move on and no longer be "the boy who was abused." It's possible that the therapists he's seen haven't gained his trust or just aren't giving him what he needs right now.

Things need to go at his own pace, in his own direction. Darlene is right that you should seek help for yourself so that you can handle his truth and his emotions for what they are.

Jul 06, 2011
Don't Quit: YOU be the winner: Always believe in yourself
by: maurice

Kath: A real mother's pain, A real mother's story Darlene's woman's hearts has spoken to you in her very loving, supporting honest empowering words: Who needs the help more: I do right now: I need some form of help through counselling: I need to clear my head, put what happened between my two lovely boys into perspective: A tradgedy that should never have happened: I have to accept it did: I am not to blame for my older sons actions: He choose to brutally rape his younger brother: He is living with that now in prison: Your younger boy must face up to that reality I was raped; I was abused; I was the innocent and the vunerable: My older brother was wrong: I had no control over what he did: Kath: you are a good mother: the best: if you truly want to help your sons then you will get your own life in order and free your mind of the negative feelings: Put positive thinking in place: I can't live my child's life I can only make the best of living for both of us: Encourage your son to get out and about being active and alive taking part in sporting and cultural activities with young men his own age: Once he starts, you'll know the difference: Re-Assure him your love will always be there for him: You may have to be firm, fair on him show him that you really love him by telling him get on with your life: Try some form of counselling and you will begin to live again and put what your broether did to you into perspectiev: Darlene has given you the means for you to live your life to the full Kath: Some form of counselling will be a start: Be gentle and kind on yourself don't blame yourself: You are a good mother:

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous64

by Anonymous
(California, USA)

im gonna talk about my physical abuse story. okay it starts with the age of 10. My mom will always hit me,kick me,punch and threatened me for such little things.I hate my mom she cares about my older two brothers and not me. I HATE HER. but some times i loved her. She called me a retard and stupid and a ugly b***h. Some times i go to my room and cry about her sometimes i hear her mocking me meanly. I cant talk to her about getting help for me and stuff. My mom and dad are divoriced my mom married already along with my dad. i had bullying problems at school cliques at school would tourcer me and i lash out.

i lie to everyone i know and im scaried to be caught in the act. most of the times at school i help kids with problems i can relate to. I thought 0f running away but changed my mind. at times my mom will beat me until i throw up.12 and she still beats me and threaten me. now she stopped because we had a 2 hour talk and now we have picnics and and watch movies together. and never did those horrible things again.

im 13.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous64

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Sep 13, 2011
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that the abuse finally stopped at the hands of your mother and that you seem to be getting along. But you still need someone to talk to, someone you can share your experiences with because the effects are still there. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. As for the lying, you're already halfway to dealing with it since you've admitted that you do lie. There comes a time in every person's life where she (or he) has to decide what kind of a human being they want to be. Do they want to be the kind of person who lies and cheats, or do they want to be a person of integrity and moral character. Its a decision we all have to make at some point. It's so easy to make excuses for continuing bad and potentially destructive behaviour, particularly when we come from such dysfunctional and abusive homes. It's so much more challenging to rise above it all and BE the true person you were meant to be. Make a deal with your Self that you WILL rise above it all, and then be true to Who You Really Are. You're too smart to do anything but be true to your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 13, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! She's a really sadistic brute. The path that she chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she's wrong. You're not ugly; you're beautiful. You're not retarded; you're not stupid; you're smart and articulate. You're not a b****; you're a good person...and you're worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of the lies that she was spewing. Oh, and I'm sorry to even believe that you must've been born into such a house where that sadistic beast of a woman didn't want you to be a girl when you were born. Oh, and making jokes about abusing you really shows me how uneducated and ignorant she really is. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. Plus, something's seriously wrong with her. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you. If she ever hurts you again, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Sep 14, 2011
I AM AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny
by: maurice

Get my loving, kind message to you wonderful and beautiful human being behind anonymous: Darlene sure gave you a comment to ponder on: How right she is when she tells you: YOU are too SMART (intelligent) to do anything except be true to yourself: At still a very young age you have endured abuse but thankfully your mother seems a good mother: Why she targetted you above your brothers is the big questian: Abnormal behaviour for a mother to beat and kick her child which is physical abuse: Hi, you be aamzing and be the architect of your own destiny: Stay in education, tell someone in school about the bullying: They are cowards so don't you be: Don't be afraid tell on them, you'll be helping them as well as yourself: I am sure there is an understanding and kind teacher you can relate that to and still remain anonymous: Now start today having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Get: take part in all school sporting and cultural activities especially team sports: You'll make real and natural friends for life: You'll enjoy your growing up years and hopefully you wll be part of sporting and cultural activities in college: Stay in education: You'll be a winner in life: speak with someone ( a school counsellor) if your abuse keeps you from blossoming into the young adult in a wholesome and natural way: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it:

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Child Abuse Story From Melanie

by Melanie
(Location Undisclosed)

When i was about in the forth grade my half brother would come spend the summer with us thats when the abuse started. I remember one time he made me take my pants down and try to have sex with me. I remember the pain like yesterday i got up and ran to the room with my mother. The second time my parents were outside and he kept trying to get under the cover with me and kept showing me his penis. He died when i was 13 he drowned and i have never told anyone about this it has caused alot of issues with my life. My mother has emotionally and physical abused me i have nothing to do with her i hope that no one would do to my children this way or hope that i never come to that point where i would abuse them




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Melanie

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Jul 01, 2011
Melanie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The beautiful thing about being grown up and mature is that we can choose who and what we're going to be. We can choose how we're going to act and react. The fact that you came from abuse does not mean that you have be abusive as a parent. The fact that you were abused can be the catalyst for NOT being abusive, as you've learned what it feels like so you don't want to repeat it to another human being. The fact that you say you hope you don't abuse your own children tells me that you are equipped with awareness and understanding. What is important before you have children is to learn how to deal with your own anger in a positive and healthy way, how to impose discipline in a firm but loving and kind way. These are the earmarks of a person who is ready for positive parenting. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 02, 2011
SEEM THATYOU SINCE YOU FEEL OK NOW NEED TO MOVE NEXT STEP TELL SOMEONE
by: Anonymous

I GUESS TO ME ITS SAD THAT YOU KEEP SECRETS ABOUT THINGS AN DDNT TELL THAT KID MAYBE BEEN ABUSED DROWN EVEN DIED FOR SOME ADULT ABUSE HIM AND TO SAY MOM ABUSE ME THAT WAY IS BROAD TERM PEOPEL ABUSE YES AN THEY ALSO ARGUE NOT GETTING ALONG WITH HER WAS NOT REASON TO NOT TELL SERIOUS STUFF LIKE THAT WHY IS YOU A PART OF BIGGER PICTURE IN LIFE NOT JUST YOU YOU ARE IMPORTANT YES BUT YOUR LIFE CAN EFFECT OTHERS SAVE OTHERS TOO AN YOU HAVE TO BE CLEAR WHAT ABUSE IS AN MEAN TOO BUT NEVER KEEP SECRETS LIKE THAT YOU SAVE SELF AN OTHERS MAYBE EVEN DEATH HE COULD BE OR BEEN IN DANGER YOU DIDNT KOW WHY HE DID IT NORMALLY KIDS DONT LEARN THAT BY THEMSELF THEY DO EXPERIMENT
BUT IN SEROUS SITUATIONS WHERE ADULT COULD BE DONIG STUFF IS WHY I SAY TO TELL , YOU HAVE CHOICES YES MODERAQTOR SAY THAT BUT WHAT ABOUT CHOICES COME UP SIMILAR YOU GROWN HOW YOU HANDLE THAT , I GUESS I THINK YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THOROUGHLY NOT TO REPEAT HISTORY IN YOUR OWN ADULT LIFE IS WHAT I MEAN, AND BE CAREFUL TO KNOW FACT WHAT ABUSE IS AN ISNT AND LEGALLY TOO AND WHEN PEOLE DONT GET ALONG THERE IS WAYS TO SOLVE THAT WITH OUT ABUSE POSTIVE BUT THERE CONSEQUENCES TO NOT TELLING ISNT THER AND TO ALSO KEEPING SECRETS HOW DID THAT EFFECT YOU IT BE YEARS I TELL HER OR WHOEVER NOW OR IT STAY WITH YOU BETTER GET IT OVER WITH TELL THIER PARENTS HIS OR YOURS OR ANYONE CLOSE

Jul 02, 2011
I REAREAD THIS AN THIS WHAT I THINK
by: Anonymous

I RECOMENT AGAIN YOUR NAME SIMILIAR TO MINE SO WHY I DO THAT BUT I REREAD YOURS I SEE YOU SAY YOU RAN TO YOUR MOTHER FOR SAFETY YET YOU SAY SHE ABUSED YOU THEN I THOUGHT DID SHE LIE AN DAD LIE THEY KNEW AN WHOSE SON HALF WAS THE BROTHER CAME SUMMER TOO I WONDER AND IF THATS WHAT MADE HER ACT OUT ATE AWAY AT HER OR THE DAD AN HER ARGUE THEY DID KNOW , BUT YOU SAID IT YOURSELF I REREAD HOW KEEP SECRET EFFECT YOUR LIFE NOT GOOD I GUESS FIND OUT MORE IF YOU TELL SEE IF THEY KNEW AND IF THEY ADMITT IT ASK WHY DIDNT THEY DO SOMETHING WHY HE DIE TOO DROWN HOW , I DONT KNOW SOUNDS VERY HARD ON YOU AND YOU NEED TO PUT IT ON THEM THE ADULTS NOW FIND OUT MORE ASK TELL AN ASK THEM BETTER NOW THAN WAIT

Jul 06, 2011
Always believe in your self: Get help: You'll be fine
by: maurice

Melanie: Let go: read Darlene's comment: take ownership of them into your loving, caring, concerned positive thinking heart: Know her words are from a womans heart to you: empathy: She sure wants what is the best for you: I want what is the best for me: Good on you melanie: We'll You'll never know if that cousin himself was acting out abuse that was carried out on him: He did you an injustice he was wrong: You are safe: he is safe too from further abuse: You be in charge of your own destiny: Live the NOW time of your life to the full: live well: Laugh Often LOVE much: beginning with your wonderful and beautiful self: Look at that ME in the mirror: be gentle and kind to that beatiful me and that exquisite body of yous: Erase the memories of what he did and tried to do and the scars your Mother left on your body: Let Go: some form of counselling just think about it: It will do you a power of good should you try some form: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Before long Darlene will have so many fit and healthy visitors from my encouragement that we'll all feel good about each other: Melanie, get out there with like-minded young women your own age taking part in sporting and cultural activities: Team sports, Melanie you'll make real and natural friends for life: It is great Darlene stewards her site keeping cell nums and emails off: it allows each of us to have a heart to heart sharing naturally, openly, which in turn benefits each of us individually: I learn alot from the heart of another in knowing we are all so unique and special with loads of LOVE to share in emapathy with each other know ing the pain and effects that abuse can have on one: Melanie: Thank You: Darlene's site is a gift, a blessing, a stepping stone to healing from our abuse: she wants each of us to be a victim into victory so we can each love and cherish each other in our hearts:

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Child Abuse Story From Nicole D

by Nicole D
(British Columbia, Canada)

- a father is suppposed to be a daughters first love, well, not for me. i will never know what a father-daughter relationship feels like.

from what i can remember, i was molested by my father between the ages of 7/8 - 12-13. My birth father.

i dont like to call him my father or dad, so ill call him marc. Marc would drink on weekends, and probably every other day during the week. I beleive that he and my mother had done drugs in the past.

My mom was a server at night, so she would "close-up" meaning she wouldnt be home untill 2-3 am in the morning. Marc would drink, make sure all his kids ( my two other younger sisters) were sound asleep in all of our beds.

He would call my name around midnight, and make me crawl into bed with him. He would make me touch him, he would touch my private area, he would use his fingers to penetrate me. It hurt soo much, but i didnt want to say "no" or "stop" because he was my father, and what father said, goes.

Marc would also call me into the shower, and make me wash his genitals, and make me touch him, and he would also touch me everywhere.. when he would take a bath he'd do the same. And this all happened when my mom n sisters went out and did stuff, i would stay home.

i remember him after work, when we'd (me and my sisters)get home from school, he'd make me take my top off so he could observe my growth.

from my knowledge, my sisters were never touched.

one time, i was home alone and marc came home from spending a few hours at the bar, i was watching tv, he came beside me, and asked me how my day was etc..
he told, not asked, told me to take my pants off. i did as i was told. he inserted his fingers in me, made me explore myself. he later brought me to his bedroom and told me to lay down. I was scared to say no. I layed down and took my pants off as he told me to do so.

He told me to enjoy what he was about to do. He touched me everywhere. he started putting his lips all over my body. and then he put his mouth on my privates. he started to abuse me ORALY. he told me i should enjoy this and that it should feel good. Thats when i lost myself.

When marc stopped, he said i shouldnt tell anyone and that i should goto 7/11 and get candy with him.

thats when my life changed.

i ran away from home, i moved into friends houses's at the age of 14-15, i didnt tell anyone. Everyone just thought i cried out for attention and that i wanted to be the center of attention.

i started drugs. drugs became my friend. drugs numbed the pain. all the pain he had inflicted on me. i ran away to another province (still only 15) with a young man ive never met before. He took me to edmonton and thats when i started using streetdrugs.

im not going into detail of my life through drugs. i slept with many many many men in my time, im 21 and ive slept with over 100 men.

Marc would also emtionally abuse the rest of the family, calling my mom "a bitch" in front of us, be-littling everyone in the house. Telling my sisters and i we were useless and nothing and couldnt wait till all of his kids would move out.

i have never told anyone untill the age of 16. i tried reaching out to my mom, she wouldnt beleive me, i was a 'drug-addict' and 'drug-addicts' lie.
i came out again with it when i was 19, she still didnt beleive me.

there was maybe one friend in my life that beleived me when no one else did.. she witnessed the physical abuse first hand, by being over at my house one time while still living with my parents (age 12) and Marc was drinkin and threw my head into the wall for no reason.

my littlest sister beleives me. i owe her my life. my boyfriend is very supportive as well, even though he doesnt comprehend or understand completely, i still praise him for the support.

throughout my life, my parents have tried to get me back home and try to "fix" me. they got me an appartement, money and food. At the time, it was a nice gesture, BUT its not what i needed help with.

ive always wanted my mother to beleive me, she and my middle sister think its all lies. ive learned how to let go, because i wont get the response i want from my mom. Stress eats at my mom and slowly kills her, i can see it, she doesnt eat, sleep or smile. . so for survival, ill leave her alone. I also dont want to talk to her because shes a tie to him.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nicole D

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Jul 26, 2011
Nicole:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What's happening with your family is not at all unusual when sexual abuse victims speak out and disclose the truth. Sadly, it's not unusual for family members to take the side of the abuser. In part, because it tears at the fabric of what they thought the family was all about; they can't cope with the idea that the abuse really happened. To accept that it actually happened is to accept their role in it, especially an enabling parent, even when that parent enables unknowingly. Sometimes the family members knew or suspected, but they'd rather bury their heads in the sand than to admit what they know, because it means destroying the family dynamic. It doesn't matter to them that the family dynamic is dysfunctional; it only matters that it's familiar. It all serves to re-victimize the person who was abused; and that can be crazy-making. It's understandable that you don't want to speak with your mother under the circumstances. She's part of the problem. A big part. It's true that you'll never know what a father-daughter relationship is; but look at it from another perspective: neither will Marc. He lost that privilege when he sexually abused you. And though you believe you were the only victim, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that Marc sexually abused others. Right now what's important is to get help for yourself. Please seek out some type of counselling in order to deal with the sexually abuse, as well as the betrayal and abandonment of your family, especially your mother. You didn't deserve to be abused, Nicole. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 27, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Nicole, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster of a father and allow him to beat, offend and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! I am just as disgusted by her apathy towards you; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. If that sicko didn't want to be there, he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that he and your mom chose is inexcusable. Oh, and they're wrong. You are not "nothing"; you are a good person. You are not worthless; you are not useless; you are worthy of love, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. You are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior nor are you to blame for your mom's uncaring behavior towards you; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that your boyfriend is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting your so-called parents because abusers don't stop until they're made to stop.

Jul 28, 2011
thank you
by: nicole

Thank you for your supportive comments and advice, I will be reporting marc and possibly my mother as well, but I will get through this, thanks again <3

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Child Abuse Story From Anonynon

by Anonynon
(Location Undisclosed)

From cousin and neighbor: 
I'm guessing I was about 3-4 when it first started. I was in my room with my cousin, lying on the floor and he was touching me, it's very faint, but I remember my mom walking in and telling him to stop. I was 3, I didn't know. And that's possibly where/when it all began. When I moved to a different city, my cousins would visit a lot. The one who sexually abused me was almost a year older than me (boy) . I can't remember if it happened at the first house, or the second where my cousin abused me, but I think both. Then there was this boy who lived in the same cul-de-sac as me. I know for a fact at the first house he sexually abused me (same age) as well, It happened in my room, his room, and there was this really tall bush outside in between my old neighbors house and ours it hapened at as well. It was like carved in a way, so you could go inside of it kind of. But mostly it was like a wall, but enough of a barrier as to where you could hide in it. I can't really remember a specific time it was there, but it did happen in there. And there was a code word we would use when we would go and do that..I remember we were at school one time (3rd grade, although it started with him in either 1st or 2nd) and it made me really uncomfortable. He looked at me with that brattyass face of his and said, "Hey, "code word"" and then laughed. It really made me feel gross and ashamed. It happened by his bed in his room, one time (possibly more, I forgot a lot) we attempted to make out, but I remember feeling uncomfortable. I remember one time in my room, next to my bed near the foot-end we did, and I remember getting a feeling down there I never had. And I made like a face and sighed because my body felt it was good. And he was saying ow. And once I think I told him my cousin did the same stuff and he got mad and was like "no, no!" Then once at school, my friend (a girl, who I think was sexually abused) and I went to the back of the field where it goes down a hill, and I think she sucked on my breasts, and possibly vice-versa, I don't remember. Then at a different friend's house once, we were sleeping in the same bed, and I think were touching a little but then she said she wanted to stop. Also with the neighborhod boy, I remember one time being oustsde near like a play house type thing, its possible it happened in there. And we sometimes played in those yellow tube like thinhs that fold back down, anyways, I dont know if anything happened with that, I just remember it. So after 2nd grade we moved, the same city but to live with my grandma (it was previously me and my mom, her boyfriend, then they split). That was when my cousins and aunt came over more. I remember one time me and him went in the living room closet and I touched his penis and remember saying it felt like bubblegum, but I think after that we didn't do anything that night, but I dont remember. I have sort of a vision of seeing it happen in the bigger living room, but I can't remember a specific time. I remember it specifically happening in the smaller living room. We were sleeping on the air bed on the floor and he took his arm and ran it down my vulva. I think I remember one time going under my bed and trying, but it was too difficult or something. Then my cousins and aunt moved in with us, all this stuff would happen yet it's like we'd never talk about it. A little after, when 3rd grade ended, me mom and grandma moved to Washington. My cousin was just visiting while we moved, and I remember we were in the living room on the couch, and were about to do it but were afraid of my mom walking out, so we went downtairs to our grandmas bedroom (she wasn't at the house) and I remember keeping my underwear on that time while he did that. Then about half or or earlier into the school year, again they moved in with us. I think that is when it stopped. I don't remember why, we never talked about it. I also remember being really young, going to my mom's ex's and being in his daughters room (my age) and humping the stuffed animals.
And lastly, I remember being out in the rain behind the cars, but in front of the garage with my friends and I think we pulled down our pants, maybe shirts, I dnot rememebr. But thats is what I remember. A few weeks abut 4 weeks ago is when I finally told my mom (I'm 15 now). It is SO worth it, I knew she wouldnt be mad at me, I was just so nervous. I'm getting therapy and so ready to move on in my life and that sh*t past :)

Wave badbye to sexual abuse!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonynon

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Aug 04, 2011
To Anonynon:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so glad you told and I hope you'll stay in therapy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 08, 2011
:/
by: Paige

You know when I was reading this is made me think so much of myself. I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was really young & so was he. Then it got worse when my step dad did things to me. But I just remember I was always very sexual, like acting out on it very very young. Truth is I know it's not your fault, the way you were touched & treated is why you do & did what you did.
I'm now 16 with a 14 month old daughter, so again I get where you're coming from

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Child Abuse Story From Gemma

by Gemma
(United Kingdom)

well it was when i was 2years old my mum met my step dad he stared calling me really nasty names when i truned around 4 years old i was sat in a chair he give me a pen he put it to my mouth and pushed it down my neck i was so scared of him when i turn 5 years old i was in bed crying because my ear was hurting me he came up stairs and drag me out of my bed he hit me because i was crying and wanted my mummy but he would not let me go to her he yelling at me calling me really nasty names thats my story that evil man is dead now so i dont have to be scared no more now i am 25 years old getting on with my life but i can not forget what he did to me




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Gemma

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Aug 27, 2011
Gemma:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please consider some form of counselling for what this man did to you as a little girl, but also for the fact that your mother enabled the abuse to continue. She must have been aware it was going on. She owed it to you, her precious daughter, to ensure you were kept safe from harm, but she chose to continue to live with a man (and I use the term loosely) who continued to abuse you. This makes her just as responsible for the abuse as he is. As your mother, it was her job to protect you. Instead, she put you in harms way, and then did nothing to stop the harm from continuing and escalating. Counselling can help you deal with the betrayal and abandonment, as well as the memories of abuse at the hands of such a sick individual. You didn't deserve to be mistreated, Gemma. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Getting that kind of help can also help you with trust issues, and possible relationship issues. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 28, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Gemma, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a stepfather and allow him to beat and berate you everyday...how dare she! If that beast didn't want to be there, he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that he and your mom chose is inexcusable. Too bad he died because he should've gone to prison for all those terrible crimes that he committed against you, since abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop. You are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior; he was (and still is, posthumously) to blame because he chose to abuse you. You were the child; he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Aug 28, 2011
I am very special: I am highly gifted: Always Believe in Yourself
by: maurice

Gemma: Good on you for finding the courage to search for and find Darlene's safe haven site (home) because she has on very large family of visitors and welcomes you NOW too: Yes, Her comment to you is so personal she is gifted at speaking from her woman's heart in her knowledge, her trainging, and turning her won childhood abuse into empowering you and me and all her many visitors into believeing in themselves and get on with living their lives to the full: She suggests some form of counselling, don't be afraid of it Gemma it will benefit you and put what you have shared into total perspective for you: I notice you are only 25 years of age: Young enough to change your weekly sheduling to begin having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Yes, as the counselling will work wonders for this sure will too naturally: So up, begin to take part in TEAM sports with like-minded people your own age and gender: You'll make real wholesome natural and good friends for life with loads who will say hello when they meet you among your TEAM mates: I am sure you are gifted>tallented with leadership qualities to share with others and become a a captain of the team: You are Amazing Gemma: The architect of your own destiy: You are beautiful: both inside and out: You are Dynamic Ever cahnging ever growing: LovableL: Exactly as I am: Kind-hearted Reaching out to others: Optomistic: Anything is possible. Powerful: beyond imagination: Resourceful: Obstacles are stepping stones: Spiritual: Having a human experience: Zestful: Happy to be ME: Look in the mirror and say that to the ME LOOKING OUT AT YOU: Happy to be me: I'M SPECIAL and I LOVE ME: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: That you are Gemma: Act on Darlene's love words to you from her heart:

Aug 29, 2011
Wishing you a Happy life!
by: ML

Gemma, I'm sorry this happened to you.
Gemma, you suffered horrible pain because of this that sick man.
But, Gemma, now that this man is dead. Bury those memories of abuse with that man.
What happened to you as a child cannot be changed. Thank God you made it.
Gemma, try hard to forgive that sick man. So that you can go on with your life.
Gemma ask God to help you. I believe and I hope you will see too, that God has a purpose for your life. You are young, turn to God for happiness and a good life.
As you grow in your faith, you will find the peace & understanding that you need. May God Bless you always. Have a happy life, you deserve it!

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Child Abuse Story From Simply Surviving

by Jay W
(Florida, USA)

6 years ... That's all it took to damage and scar a little girl for the rest of her life...i am a survior of sexual assault and sexual abuse. i was molested by my uncle for 6 years as a child. everything innocent and pure was robbed from me at the age of 4 and continued till i was 10. this is our family secret... i was treated like a grain of sand, the situation was never resolved, no punishment for the "man" who did this to me... it was simply "swept under the rug" ...my WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY KNEW AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER THAT IT HAD HAPPENED, my mother,my father, my grandparents and even close family friends..and nothing was ever done about it. I was expected to "deal" with it.. and to be honest for many years i "thought" i was okay, i thought i had made peace with it, i thought i could live my life like a normal person. and for many years i put a smile on my face and pretended that i was strong enough to forget it happened. i met my husband, fell in love and he made a promise that he would love me no matter what. and to this day he has kept that promise. we found out 6 months after being married that we were going to have our beautiful daughter...it was when i held my beautiful daughter for the first time 2 years ago that i came to realize that i was definitely NOT okay. i looked at her precious face and knew that i would do anything to protect her. i have lived with this secret for many years and i will always be haunted by what happened to me... but justice will be served. this family secret was just that, a secret for many years... but im done being quiet, im done pretending it didnt happen. i know ive hit rock bottom on more than one occasion, ive done my fair share of wrongs, ive cried myself to sleep and i know at times i will crumble... but know this... I HAVE SOMETHING TO PROVE, A WRONG THAT MUST BE MADE RIGHT, AND I WILL STEP ON ANYONE'S TOES TO MAKE SURE I AM HEARD!!!!!!!! i am not a victim ... i am a survivor.. so please do not feel sorry for me. the point im getting to is just this.... when given the chance to right your wrong... i strongly suggest you do so in a timely manner. at least then you have some say in the outcome!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Simply Surviving

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Aug 10, 2011
Jay:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You ARE a survivor. You are now taking the pain you suffered and turning it into power. And no matter the outcome of speaking out and insisting justice be done, you WILL keep your precious daughter safe. Of that I have no doubt. Thank you for sharing your story and your all-important message with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 11, 2011
ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:
by: maurice

I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: Because I am WORTH it; as is my beautiful girl: My husband: You are amazing The Architect of my own destiny: Courageous: willing to take chances to prove yourself right and to Nail That Etc Etc for taking away your childhood, self respect, dignity as a vunerable and innocent beautiful little girl: It is unrepeatable what I would do to him out of total respect For Darlene and all her wonderful visitors whom we all can empatise with you: Thank You: You are a winner; A victim in to victory over your abuser: Good on you: Be Brave: Be strong: persevere at getting justice for your lost years because of this sicko and all your family who stood idly bye: Live well: Laugh Often: Love much: beginning always with yourself and then share it about:

Aug 15, 2011
UPDATE
by: simply surviving

I am currently awaiting to hear when the date of the trial is. And my therapist said that my progress "is an inspiration" to her. I strongly believe that happiness is a choice so many of us victims forget we can choose... But I am choosing to rise above.. beat the statistics, and be my own person. I will not be defined by what happened to me, but instead try to be a light for others who have suffered like myself. I am strong! And I can/ will achieve everything I am aiming to do! I will update throughout this process ... And hopefully i can help someone too.

Nov 09, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

thankyou

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Child Abuse Story From HRT

by HRT
(Location Undisclosed)

Mommy why are you ignoring me? when i did nothing wrong? all i was doing was laughing so why wont you answer my questions? why wont you acknowledge my presence? Mommy please don't shut the door in my face. Mommy please don't grab me your hurting me! your hurting me! mommy i don't deserve a spanking i don't even know what i did. why am i a brat? why am i careless? what did i do? why am i a stupid little thing? mommy i thought you loved me! why are you always screaming? over nothing absolutely nothing. mommy why are you chasing me? hurting me? screaming at me? mommy i love you. i love you so much what are you doing? one minute you tell me you love me the next you are smashing glasses. breaking doors. pulling hair. mommy why are you so angry all the time? why are you hitting daddy? why are you doing this? why are you calling me a liar? why are you slapping me? why are you washing my mouth out? why do i have to hide all the time? why do you always have to find me. why are you tearing my family apart. why did you steal my childhood. why cant i remember. why do i feel like a liar. look what you have done. Every time you hurt me mommy i feel pain. my childhood drowned in tears. every time you ignore me, and leave me, let me down and deceive me, every time you yell at me, or spank me, or hit me, or yank me. every time you pull my hair and sometimes even throw me down and as i am looking up at you your spit comes raining down. mommy why are you telling me i am nothing. a stupid liar and abuser. mommy i didn't hurt you. you hurt me. Mommy i am 15 now. why do you do this to me and dad, mom? it is hard to love you. i am writing this as your slamming into my door. i better go face you now. mommy i love you. and i remember when this wasn't you when you were the best mother. i also remember those first times you hurt me. its funny how no matter what that sting never goes away.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From HRT

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Jul 04, 2011
HRT:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

These are the questions that every abuse victim asks him/herself. Just always remember that the abuse is not your fault. Fault is on the shoulders of your mother because your mother chose to abuse. The fact that your father hasn't stepped up to protect you means he's enabling your mother's abuse, even if he's being abused by her too. The fact is, your parents are the adults, you're the child. As a little girl you had no power, no ability to control what was happening in your life. You didn't say for certain how old you are now, but implied that you might be 15. If you are still a minor child and still in this abusive environment, please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially about what you are living with. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You deserve help for the fact that you were, and possibly still are. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 04, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

HRT, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you and even him everyday...how dare he! Shame on him for running away from you instead of protecting you from that sadistic brute! I'm pretty sure that there's plenty of people you can talk to. The path that she and even your dad chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she is wrong. You are not careless; you a a caring person. You are not stupid; you are smart and articulate. You are not a brat; you are a good, beautiful person, so never believe any of those lies that she is spewing; remember, lies are lies. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because, first of all, something's seriously wrong with her; second of all, she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she still has all the power and only continues to misuse it over you, so the sooner you tell, the better. Darlene's right! Please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 05, 2011
be brave: Be Strong: Love your beautiful Sell
by: maurice

HRT: Let today be the new beginnings you wish for and hope will happen for you: Stay in education: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: You are precious, you are gifted, you are tallented, you are intelligent, you searched for and found Darlene's Safe Haven Site: She has written on very special comment to you alone just for you to make real sense of it for you: YOU will HRT: You'll attmpt to find all the answers for you to make a sense of the WHY? your mother is so abusive, so hurting, so uncaring, so unloving, having birthed you: It will for along time remain a mystery as to why a mother abuses the child she carried for 9 month being knitted together in her womb: Birthed, yes with all the pain attached out of true love for that child would cherish those immediate moments after child birth and hold her preciousness for the first time: A few years later then is cruel, abusive, hurting, ridiculing, even humiliating, spanking that preciousness: It will remain a mystery: Sadly HRT all of us who were abused in one form or another can empatise with your story: The effects are there: But thanks to a site like Darlene's all of us have been helped by her personal heart words to each individual visitor as if she was having a one to one conversation: HRT that is why you should read her loving, encouraging words to you, from her heart to yours at 15 years of age: Hi you'll be a winner, you'll succeed: stay in education: HRT Start this day after reading Darlene's and all other friend comments to you: Put on your Physical Education gear, track-suit and get out there being active and alive taking part in TEAM sports and sporting and cultural activities: You could be a world champ one day: This will help you HRT to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: TEAM sports are one sure way of making real and natural friends for life with plenty of others to cheer you up each time you cross path's it will give yo a natural appreciation of your body: You be gentle and kind on yourself and your body: Look in the mirror: I am beautiful; I like this and that about my body and myself: Think positive thoughts HRT: Now while there is no one looking hug and cuddle that beautiful ness: Era go, it ain't a silly thing to be asked to do: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: HRT some form of counselling as Darlene's suggests will empower you to put all that happened to you into perspective: I want what is the best for you: it goes without saying Darlene wants what is the best for you: HRT say I WANT WHAT IS THE BEST FOR ME: Stay safe: Be safe: STAY IN EDUCATION: my motto: I will etc HRT

Jul 05, 2011
never know miricles happen family maybe get couselor s maybe an listen to that taylor swift fifteen i used to listen to that song remind me of you
by: Anonymous

yes i hate that i hear that out of my daughter to her dad and it broke my heart and i never hit kid any time he even went to hit i stood between an yes i got in trouble ok me not him an well its very hard , they needed couseling it maybe never work or help but it guides the victim i made my family go oh get this one they lied too when my kid has school issues say i didnt beleive in couseling i just sat there look like ok liars thiking i had to keep mouth shut due to a abuse investigation , lie about who saw my kid but it was dometic violence an the other one abuse a doctor why but see they need help not your fault
couselors tell you domestic violence meetins or other would help we did that yet history repeats now i dotn know why after all that work and times i tryed to stopit help it if you remember her a good mom try to litterally figure out time an a place when that all stoped her bein a good mom an why who around what changed couselor could figure it out is she on medications is she bein abused also maybe the behavior is it medical is it biological why is way you said it is weird and i think it could be drug induced someone give her or her chemistry hormones that too for women doctor can run tests for that too blood and hormone help give releif i seen people come off drugs act that way you too young maybe they lied to you about it who knows but i never hit my kids
and i protected them from not even that bad just a slap or grab so i feel this is serous

Jul 05, 2011
maybe things change and you have a miricle or they go to domestic couselors you go if nothing else
by: Anonymous

i feel this is serous how you portray what she does to you slam into the door what does that mean but no i didnt hit or that an even her dad he didt do that but he said mean things just hard to me it was and well i hope you be ok you need domestic meeting go to the local one they got kid programs helpyou learn what to do deal with it an the whole family need couselors even best familys need that time to time these days if you in danger now you need to find help , meetings couselor domestic they help thy give help even money thins resources too but no i never did that but the dad he did some of it why i well worked so hard to make life happier here for them my

Jul 05, 2011
just remcomment here when you need too and remmber things get better but try stuff to help you
by: Anonymous

but i had this time to time too not the hittin the emotional on parent end i dont knowwhy i beleive now it was the medications why is when he off them he is normal person. you be ok right now you dont think so but you will i can tell, and life get better you dont need to revolve whole life aroudn mom an dad soon right now it be hard to beleive that an feel sad but later you growin you understand an keep that nice feelin memory for that growin up time so you keep your history the good part too to guide who you really are thats the half full life vs the half empty an for a kid its so hard to say life is hard but it is anyway, just keep the good memories for when things get upsetting when you older its your life an history cant take that away, the good dont forget that part it keep you goin when things seem impossible and thing s change too nice part about life , in a perfect world we all be together family and only have those good memories i dotn know why people get separted from each other an from their real self an reasons to waste life on fighting too but legally too you can do what you need to now your age each year childrens rights cousel and pas foundation too where they aleinate maybe your parents about you an visa versa brainwash her against you or your dad too against you too who though is that your real mom an or dad too i always think ask on this type story too. i dont know i just can feel good feeling about you in way you say it poetry type you be talented sucessful in life

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Child Abuse Story From Arhena

by Arhena Big Heart
(Florida, USA)

I WAS BORN WITH ALCOHOL SYNDROM !MY SO CALLED MOTHER WAS A DRUNK!! She threw me inthe garbage didnt want me at the age 3 .My grandma heard crys of a baby she searched for the crys an found me in a garbage bucket beside the road , grandma FOUND ME ! Nobody but grandma wanted me! So my dad ended up with me he said i could use her for a lot of good stuff.SO DAD got me, I turnded the age of 5 old enough to do chores so i did as my years went by i did nothing but work ,ilived with my stepmother she was very meen to me ,she would slap me an tel me you are a freak from some wacked out woman an i dont have to love you! your no good for nothing .By the time i reached 9 yrs.of age i wanted to go shopping an go to the movies , iasked she slapped me across the face an said go do the laundry an you can go , so i went down to the cellar started laundry 2 hours later i was done. so i ran upstair to get ready got to the top of the steps an she pushed me down the steps breaking my front tooth bleeding all over she started laughing at me telling my half blooded brother beat me repeadedly, then they all left she sai d clean this s-- - - hole up before your father gets home .so i did i couldnt stand any more i hated everyone except grandma i want to run away ,years of beating an bruises i just wanted someone to love me . I turned 12 i was bleeding down there thought i fell an hurt myself, so i jumped in a tub of cold water , my grandma said cold water stops the bleeding if you cut your self,so i just rememberd that saying , then in walked my stepmother she started laughing at me repeadedly, then she beat me so bad made me clean the tub as i was bent over cleaning she pushed me in the tub hitting my head, when your done retart go to your room no supper.she locked me up for3 days no food or water ,then when i came she had threw a piece of bread at me an you can get your water out of the toilet , she drag me to the toilet an let her son shove my head in the toiletI was 14 yrs old my uncle came to visit took me for a walk then rapped me repeadedly, you can tell who ever nobody will lisen to a retart later that day i kept it yo myself . I HURTnobody but GOD could hear my crys And one day stepmother she drag me to the kitchen shaved my hair told dad i was messing with your shaver my dad made me stripp then beated me till i bled ,.TILL THIS DAY I DONT SPEAK TO NOBODY WHO PUT ME THROUGH LIVING HELL! IM 50 years old now an NObody will hurt me again................. also i married men who was very abuisive they about killed me thank GOD for childhood abuisie it made me tough but not tough enough because he cracked my skull broke my nose threw hot grease in my face bashed my teeth in just because i was sick an could not cook........TODAY I HAVE A WARM HEARTED MAN THAT IS MAKING ME A BETTER PERSON I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES IM POSTTRAMATIC PLEASE NEVER LOCK ME UP !! I WILL LOOSE IT! I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR YOU ! MY HEAD DOCTOR SAID AFTER ALL40 years of tourcher pain PAIN IM SURPRISED YOUR NOT A KILLER !I SAID WHY I HAVE MY FREEDOM THANK FOR LISTENING ........................P.S. i get hugs i never had a hug growing up




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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Arhena

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Sep 08, 2011
Arhena:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I agree with your doctor...very surprised that you didn't turn into a killer after all that abuse. It shows your amazing strength and resilience. I'm delighted that you are seeing a therapist and that you are now in a marriage with a man who treats you well. You certainly deserve that. You did NOT deserve to be abused in any way. And it certainly wasn't your fault that you were. You deserved, and still deserve, to be treated with dignity, respect and love. You ARE lovable, Arhena. Always remember that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you only positive energy and loads of virtual hugs!

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 08, 2011
We are family with darlene on her site sitting at a woman's heart table:
by: maurice

Arhena; You did not lower your dignithy: You were so brave and so strong not to: Darlene's comment to you speaks all our hearts feelings for what you lived through: You are one remarkable woman:Words fail me to express my true feelings it is so horrific what you had to endure at the hands of beasts with animalis tedendies for the ferocious abuse they perpertrated on you: I truly hope you have one/two friends that LOVE you and YOU them: With such friends you will make the best of your life: You are Amazing: The Architect of your own destiny: Beautiful: Both inside and out: Always believe in yourslef: I love you: in total respect: understanding: Valueing you to be a very courageous and determined Woman not to lower your self-respect and dignity: to attack the anilmals: That makes you a woman of great humanity: A sense of a superior being allowed you to be so: Call it God or who ever: I admire you: Darlene admires you: Live Well: Laugh Often: LOVE much:

Sep 09, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Arhena, I can't believe that your dad would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a stepmother and allow her and her slimy son to beat and berate you everyday...how dare he! You were given a raw, crappy deal because those people are so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves, not to mention be parents to you (even your biological mom is no better than those sickos). If those sadistic brutes didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to give you up for adoption or even at least let your grandma take you in instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that they and even your ex-husbands chose is inexcusable. Oh, and they're wrong. You're really smart and articulate. You are not unlovable; you are not "good-for-nothing"; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that they were spewing. Oh, and shoving you down the stairs and then laughing at you for crying in pain (and even taking pleasure in torturing you) is a really cowardly thing to do because only cowards would do such things to such an innocent, defenseless little girl you once were. They need to go to jail for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that your current husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sadistic beasts to prison. Oh, and please erase all those awful memories, especially the memories about that sad, tragic excuse of a woman destroying your beautiful long hair. I'm hurting for you.

Sep 27, 2011
Wow!
by: Anonymous

This story brought tears to my eyes :'( Im very sorry this happened to you. Much love and respect to you and may God bless you and keep you xx..

Oct 15, 2012
So many bullies and abusers, so little help
by: Anonymous

Arhena, I gotta' say that your story is the most disturbing story I've ever read.

Your stepmother, along with your dad, stepbrother and even your uncle (and even your ex-husbands), were all bullies. What a sad, sorry bunch they are, just for grabbing for a victim who will give them whatever they want, just so they won't have to take care of themselves. Their behavior must've sent a strong message that they refuse to help themselves/change their dysfunctional lives for any reason at all, no matter how nice you were to them. Even if they might pretend at times, they just didn't seem to care. Help yourself, not them; they're adults who need to help themselves and if they refuse to help themselves, that's their problem.

Your idea of reaching out to your stepmom (and her son) about going shopping (as well as going to see the movies) is just like entering the same lion's den over and over, hoping you'd see different results each time. You might want to recognize their unhealthy behavior and where it still can happen in your life with others in order to get out of the cycle of abuse and helplessness. For starters, never be alone with abusers again.

I'm glad you're in a safe place now; I just hope you try counselling and that you talk to your current husband (and everyone else); no more secrets can and will end the cycle of abuse and helplessness.

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Child Abuse Story From Amna

by Amna
(Kuwait City)

I was 6 years old and it was a Saturday, and we all woke up early in the morning to visit the local beach and I also got my plastic bucket and shovels with me, I planned to make sand castles with my younger brother, I was a strong willed child filled with joy and determination… When we got there my mother decided we should all walk with her and of course I opposed and said I'm here to make sandcastles with my brother, he left with her and I was alone she told me to go to he'll and wait or go home…home was far away though so I just sat on the bench with my little plastic bucket and waited, 5 minutes later a white Cadillac parks and some 30 something guy gets out. I've always loved animals my whole life, I even chased cats and dogs around.So he tells me there's a cat with her kittens behind the bushes and I follow, my mom isolated us from the world as children she was all we knew and a couple if kindergarten friends, I easily trusted him as I would my mom and followed the guy then I asked where is the cat I see nothing he then replied keep watching the bush she'll come back he then asked me to close my eyes and suck on a pink thing he got from under his jeans yep you guessed it it's his penis…so I did like a little innocent obedient girl would…after that my mom showed up she kept calling me so he freaked out and left my mom asked me about it later and she was afraid so I started crying, after that she cried too when I told her what happened and I felt like I did something wrong because she was screaming No No No!! She then told me he would take my pants off and pee in my mouth…(not a nice thing to say to a six year old eh?) since then I have turned from the joyful willful child to a grumpy hateful person, my mother says my eyes are filled with hate and animosity…everytime they look at my baby and child photos my mom says I was different and nice and now she hates me because I am who I am…I always wish I could just be the old me see whos the real Amna but I can't…




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Amna

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Sep 05, 2011
Amna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What happened was not your fault. Your mother put you in a risky situation. it was her job to ensure your safety...she failed to protect you. Common sense is enough to realize one never leaves a 6-year-old child alone. This pedophile took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities, and without a parent or grown up to ensure he couldn't do anything, you were lured into what most children would be lured into. Just don't ever blame yourself. What's left now is the residual.

Most of us have endured life-altering moments. And when these happen in childhood, they often leave us with lasting effects that we carry well into adulthood. What happened at the hands of this sex offender is in the Past, Amna. It's not happening any more. You can't change the past...what you CAN do is decide how you will live in the Present moment, and how you will deal with the effects of the Past. But you need help dealing with what happened to you, the betrayal, and the repercussions. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 07, 2011
Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your abuser
by: maurice

Seek out some form of counselling: Amna, they are from a womans's heart to you as is her loving words in her comment to you personally: Read them, heed them, they are encouring words for you to act on so that you can live the NOW time of your life to the full: and take charge of your own destiny in life: You are highly intelligent, stay in education, take back you own beautiful nature of being happy and strong willed from feeling not do nice things about yourself: Build up your Self Worth/Esteem: Darlene has shared her true feelings with you: Stop blaming yourself for what your Mother did by leaving you alone and isolated and vunerable: That Bad, sicko of a paedophille was given an easy target to do what he did to you: Your Mother should have protected you but failed in her duties: I AM NOT TO BLAME: IT WAS NOT MY FAULT: Believe what Darlene has shared with you in her comment: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Amna, make natural and true friends by taking part in TEAM games with your own age and gender: Be active and alive in Sporting and cultural activities: Oh yes Amna: TODAY and come alive sharing your giftedness, your tallents and your leadership qualities with others: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: You will notice the differnece it will make in your attitude towards yourself and to living your life to the full: Value and respect your beautiful body: Stay safe: Be Safe: Stay in EDUCATION: build your castles still of self worth. self esteem and live your life to the full: Seek out some form of counselling Darlene's heart words to you: She wants as we all here on her safe haven site want what is the best for you: I WANT WHAT IS THE BEST FOR ME TOO: Good on you Amna:

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Child Abuse Story From Sara

by Sara
(Argentina)

well....I don´t even know where to start.....(I´m from Argentina so I apologize for any mistakes I can make by writing in English).....when I was 14 years old my parents had to sell the apartment in which we were living and decided to move to another city because of work. As I was in the 2nd year of high school I had to stay in the same city for some months to finish the academic year. So, I had to stay with my grandfather - my father´s father- alone in his house. I don´t remember clearly how it all started but I do remember him coming at night to the sofa where I was sleeping and trying to touch me. If I tried to get him away or push him, he would hold both my hands and prevent me from moving and touched me as he liked and kissed all my body. I didn´t shout or cry or did anything, my body was there for him but my head was somewhere else- like in a parallel world... I hated him, i hated me for allowing him to do that but I was terrified he would do something worse. Then, one day he turned me over and I just remember myself crying and telling him it hurt and begging him to stop but he wouldn´t. he was penetrating me......he did that more than once but I honestly can´t even remember how many times or how often, I just remember the pain.....I felt so so hurt and bad and dirty that I jsut tried to forget all that, especially this last part. Fortunately, after living with him for some months I finally finished the school year and moved with my mom.he then died a few years later and i felt relieved....anyway, I haven´t told this to anyone for 14 years. I lived half my life with this awful secret!!! i suffered many consequences for this abuse: I have anorexia/bulimia cause I hate my body, I have post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, I self injured, I have many difficulties and fears whenever i have sex with someone- luckily, i have a boyfriend I really love but i still can´t enjoy having sex with him..... A few months ago I started a new treatment - I have recovered and relapsed many many times- for my eating disorders and for the first time in my life I was able to tell my psychiatrist about this abuse. It was really hard but I am finally starting to heal myself and began my true recovery from both the abuse and the EDs. I could also trust my boyfriend and told him about this and he is being so supportive and caring that he´s helping me feel better about myself! I believe that my healing process will be hard and long but I really want to get past all over this; until now I had only wanted to forget about this part of my life but that wasn´t possible and I was just killing myself....




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sara

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Sep 19, 2011
Sara:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

So many abuse victims never realize what you've now already realized: that you will not forget and that trying to forget will ultimately kill you. Certainly, trying to "forget" (in other words, burying what you endured) will kill Who You Really Are. Congratulations, Sara! You are well on your way along the path of healing and recovery. You're taking the steps you need to take to follow that path; you can be SO proud of yourself! It takes great courage to enter therapy, even greater courage to allow your Self to feel, truly feel the emotions of what you endured. Therapy is a grueling process, but one that is so worth it. When we bury our emotions they come back to haunt us. But when we shine the light of understanding on those emotions, and then allow our Selves to feel every aspect of them, they let us go. And when they let us go, we are free from the prison that keeps us locked up from joy and trust and love, all of which is yours for the taking and giving. Stay with the process, Sara. Keep being true to your Self. Continue to walk the path of healing and recovery. You won't regret it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 19, 2011
Comment moved from this thread to story submission page
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To the commenter who wrote "Child Abuse Story From Kristie" in this spot, I have moved your story to my child abuse stories submission page as this thread is exclusively for comments to Sara about her story. I currently have 80+ submissions in queue, therefore it may take upwards of 3 weeks for your story to go live on the site. When it does, it will appear on Child Abuse Stories with the title Child Abuse Story From Kristie. There is no way for me to contact you when it does go live. In the meantime, I hope you'll consider being an active contributor to the site by leaving encouraging and supportive comments to those who post. But if you're not comfortable doing that, that's fine too. Just go with your heart.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir




Sep 20, 2011
I am healing: I am in a loving safe place: Always believe in yourself
by: maurice

Sara: Bad, Bad Grand-Father: He destroyed your beautiful innocence at the most vunerable years of your development as a beautiful Adolecent: He was a beast,:I am Amazing: I am now taking charge of my own destiny with the loving assistance in love of my Boy-Friend: Please be safe, Stay Safe: This you will do Sara if you with the help of your B F read and soak into your heart and mind the loving words of Darlene in her comment to you: She's a professional to her toe nails with a big woman's heaert for you: A mothering heart for all her many visitors: She has written supporting, encouraging, affirming, caring, trusting words to you: She knows you want to live your life to the full, be happy, and at peace with youself for all that Beast did to you: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Yes, teraphy is tough, or grueling as Darlen put's it, She knows, but look how it benefitted her: She took back her own power that was taken from her in abuse: Now she truly is empowering all of us but in her comment to you (YOU especially) I am amzing: I am Beautiful both inside and out: Courageous: Willing to take chances. Dynamic Ever changing and ever growing. Enthauastic: About living and loving. Grateful: for each new Day NOW. Healthy: full of energy: Sara have a healthy mind in a healthy body: I am sure with the help of your B F who I hope is not the lazy type both of you can take part with other like minded people your own age and gender in sporting and cultural activities: Argentina is good at soccer: Good at Rugby and I am sure there are many team disciplines of Sport that you can take part in: I am Joyful: Garteful for all that is: Kind-Hearted reaching out to others. LOVABLE Exactly as I am. Optimistic: Anything is possible. Resourcesful: Obstacles are stepping stones. Spiritual: Having a human experiance. VALUEABLE I make a difference. Xcited. about living and LOVING. WISE: open to all LIFE'S lessons. Intuitive: looking for answers from within. Zestful Happy to be me: Sara: I am UNIQUE and UNREPEATABLE: Stay in terapthy, be gentle and kind with yourself and yes with that beautiful body of yours> Your english is good, very good, don't be apologising.

Sep 20, 2011
You're right...
by: AnonymousT

...Forgetting is definately not healing. I'm so glad you've started the process of healing, good for you!!
I also wanted to mention that your writing/translation may be better than most Americans, so no worries there.
I'm so sorry your grandfather betrayed you in such a horrendous way but I am so proud of you for trying to make a difference.
T

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Child Abuse Story From Wild Sprite

by SH - Now Here
(Location Undisclosed)

I was born to a mother who was unable to care for me adequately. She would neglect me by locking me in closets for extended periods of time and not feeding me nutritiously. By the time I was five I was placed in different foster homes and had the cognitive ability of a two year old. Plus my baby teeth were rotten and had to be pulled out by a dentist. I have memories of sexual abuse during those years, but I have not told anyone but my wonderful husband. The memories of sexual abuse include feeling a man's private parts as well as lying on a bed while different boys took turns to lie on me. When I was six I was fostered into a wealthy family home and eventually adopted by them by ten years of age. Overall they were a nice family and provided all my material needs. But my adoptive mother never became close and I have never had a mother-daughter relationship. She was very controlling and would verbally and emotionally abuse me on occasion when my adoptive father was not there. She would call me a stupid little girl and go into rages that would sometimes end with a slap on the face or a fist to the head or chest. She would restrict me from making friends. If I did bring a friend home, she would find some fault in them so eventually I became a social recluse. The only solace I had was when I was around animals. Eventually I had enough and ran away from home with a guy. I only knew the guy for a week, but he made me feel wanted. I married him but he became abusive physically. He would strangle me, put a pillow over my face, and hit me. This usually happened when he was drunk. The police came to my home 3 times because a neighbor called, but I always lied to protect him. (Most people do not understand why a victim of domestic abuse would lie, but the abuser also psychologically scares the victim.) He would hold my dog in the air with my dogs neck in his arms and said he will kill the dog if I said anything. The only thing I had ever loved in my life up to that point was my dog. He also told me if I ever left him he would kill me. I ended up running away and mailing him divorce papers through my lawyer. I did not disclose where I was, and after a year of waiting - he signed the papers. I went through 3 years of post traumatic stress where I would be terrified to think he was around the corner. I put myself through college and received my Bachelor of Science degree. Finally after 27 years of life lived in misery, I met my 2nd husband who I have been with for ten years. He has never once hurt me verbally, emotionally, physically. He understands me and has almost broken down the wall that I have built around my heart. He treats me like a queen and says I am the most strongest and resilient person he has ever met. He has met my 2 "other personalities" - the little girl and the warrior who guards my heart - and has accepted them. He has shown me how beautiful I am, and we have 2 beautiful little girls who have only known love, love, and more love. They will never ever hurt like I did. I broke the cycle.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Aug 14, 2011
To SH - Wild Sprite:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You broke the cycle...such a powerful message. You chose to break the cycle of abuse, and instead, chose to show only love to your children. That makes you amazingly strong, as well as resilient (I agree with your husband). You went from victim to victory, and then turned pain into power. You also broke the cycle within your Self. You accept who and what you are, multiples and all. You are choosing Self love; and that's a beautiful thing. Keep up the great work! Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 14, 2011
A Pitcure of Courage
by: jwc

Wild Sprite you are an inspiration for all who have been abused. The strength you have shown in overcoming such adversity comes from a special place that only an abused person can understand and appreciate.

Aug 14, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Wild Sprite, your adoptive mom is wrong. You are not a stupid girl; you are very smart and articulate. You were given a raw, crappy deal because your abusers are so twisted and messed up in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves; not to mention be parents/caregivers to you. Most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. Oh, and as for your ex-husband, threatening to kill your dog for even wanting to speak out is a really cowardly thing to do...and after you ran away from him, I hope that you took your dog with you because women and even animals are at risk if they're ever around him. You are not to blame for your abusers' sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that your 2nd husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you will try counselling.

Aug 21, 2011
your powerfull.
by: Anonymous

you broke the cycle, thats the most powerfull thing to say. and im 10 years old. your mom was completely wrong your not a stupid little girl your a queen. and your husband is wrong. good timing you ran away i would of done that. and i hope the children are good and the husband.

Sep 01, 2011
wild sprite
by: Anonymous

proud of u dear.n rly happy u found a grt guy.:)

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Child Abuse Story From Susan

by Susan
(United Kingdom)

My older Sister didnt tell anyone what happened to me when she walked in the bedroom and seen. What dad was doing to me. Then i was 24yrs old when she told me. I found out bout 8 yrs ago that my older sis and her boyfriend walked in and seen what dad was doing to me i was bout 7 and we was at my sis 4 a hoilday. I can't rember all my life no one seemed to care what was going on my dad beat me sexual abused everthink eles i can rember 1 nite i had a bad dream and went in to mum and dads bedroom and mum was asleep or she didt let on coz what my dad was like my dad told me to get in his side and so on and i can rember my dad peeing in my mouth and said if i spit it out he beat me it happned more when my mum ran away for weeks on end and then we left my dad when i was 11 ( july 1991) then my older brother moved in then he tock over my dads places hitting me bout and raped me.then i started to stay out past 12am just so he didt hit me bout then my dad made my mum have his bestfriend to live with us i was bout 12 when he started to be everywhere i went he was nacked in the loo when it was time to get ready for school it went on 4 weeks so in the end i waited to here the school bus horn outside then ran from mums bedroom to the bus dieing for a wee and nothink to eat (mum never got up with me for school) and then mum got him to take me swimming so she could get her leg over then it started from then so i beleved that it was what my mum wonted to happen mum was allways in the same room and where ever i set in the livingroom he sit by me with his hand down my jogers that went on 4 a long time then it got bad 1 nite we just got in and he was in my mums bed waiting 4 for me he called down to me then mum told me to go up there i just looked at her then ran out the house i never come home into early in the morning then i got kicked out of school then i really new that my mum hated me coz most mums would have grounded me for how much troble i was in i was wonding the streets when i was 13 thats when i feld alone so i never spoke bout what happend to me into when i had my son at 19 i went down hill i fell out with myboyfriend i tock a nife to him 1 nite my sis keeps telling me to go and talk bout it i cant rember my past (dont know why i cant rember) mum wont talk bout it i think its coz my stepdad dont knw anythink bout what happend to me my dad and my brother died now (dont know why i cant rember my past why it seems to blank)




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Susan

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Sep 26, 2011
Susan:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Based on what you wrote, you remember plenty. Maybe not everything, but that's not uncommon. When there is trauma in a person's life, the mind sometimes protects the person by blocking out what is too painful to remember. But that doesn't meant it will never come to the surface. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Just understand that the mind is a wonderful thing. As we go through the various ages and stages of our lives, circumstances may well trigger us, which in turn may bring about the so-called lost memories. That's the mind's way of telling you that you are now ready to remember and deal with the trauma. Not all trauma is recoverable; and to force it is to do so at the expense of living your life now. The best way I know is to deal with what you DO remember. What you ARE affected by. If it's at all possible, please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects of what you lived through. Your mother was an enabler, and she betrayed and abandoned you at the most needy time of your life. Your sister and her boyfriend did not act when they saw what was happening. If they were adults at the time, they have much to answer for. Others sexually and physically abused you. That's a whole lot to deal with already. Consider contacting a women's shelter for resources that may be available to you. Do this for both you AND your son. You didn't deserve to be abused, Susan. You definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 27, 2011
I AM AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny
by: Maurice

Susan: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it
I AM WORTH IT: Susan, you are brave, you had the courage to search for and find The relationship Lady Darlene: Her commnent to you is just personally for you: Read it, read it slowly because you are a gifted, smart young adult thinking woman: I am beautiful both inside and out: Hi Susan you are amazing NOW you are going to be the architect of your own destiny: Once Darlene writes seek out some form of Counselling then she wants what is the best for you: You'll be fine: You'll be the winner over those inhuman animalistic thinking and abusing beasts with your mother enabling them: Deal with what you remember and recall: Don't be stressing yourself out wondering about other stuff that may never have happened: Again read what Darlene wrote to you SUSAN regarding that: NOW: TODAY get out there with your friends and like-minded women your own age taking part in team sports, sporting and cultural activities: TODAY Susan: after a few sessions of coaching and training you'll be a new thinking woman having a healthy mind in a healthy body: You'll make real freinds for life Susan: The best kind: Value and respect that beautiful body of yours: Be gentle and kind with yourself and yes with your body: Hug and cuddle it: Soak oils and creams into it from time to time: You deserve the best Susan but only you can give yourself the best of loving, caring, kindness etc:
I WILL I CAN I MUST
BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT.
ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Susan: say, I am DYNAMIC: ever changing: ever growing: Enthuastic; about living and loving: lovable: exactly as I am: Intuitive: looking for answers from within: Hi Susan, remember Darlene's words some form of counselling to help you with all you wrote so truthfull what happened you in abuse:

Sep 27, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Susan, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster of a dad and even his slimy friend and allow them to beat and offend you 24/7...how dare she! The mother who would choose a pervert over her own daughter is the mother who did not deserve to have said daughter in her life. Oh, and did I mention that they also abused your brother by teaching him that it's OK to beat and offend you as well? They should be in prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, disgusting, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sad, tragic brutes to prison.

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Child Abuse Story From Heather

by Heather
(Houston, Texas, USA)

Living Hell: 
"Wish you were never born!" "Why are you still here if it's that bad?" "Stop complaining!" These are the famous quotes I've heard through out my life. My mother was an alcoholic who had me and my 5 other siblings on "accident", she claims and makes it clear that she never wanted one of us. I was hit, slapped, locked up in the attic, closet, basement, etc; I was burned by cigars and abused - physically and verbally - my entire childhood. I later got into multiple types of drugs that kept my mind off of the abuse, but when i wasn't doing drugs to deal with the pain - i was cutting myself. I remember one day when i came home from school; my mom changed the lock and she wasn't there so my siblings and i were locked outside on a school night. We ended up sleeping on the trampoline - all 6 of us. None of us could really sleep - i got about 2 hours in when my mom finally came home at 3 o'clock in the morning. She yelled at us and forced us inside. I couldn't sleep, but i made sure my little sister - 7 years old - and my little brother - 6 years old - got more sleep. That same day after i was finished getting ready for school, i packed up a bag and left with my older sister. I haven't been back home since and i doubt my mom even knows i'm gone. I have somewhat recovered from the abuse, but the scars are still there. I promised to myself that my children won't go through the same abuse by anybody. Without the support from my friends, i would probably be dead today. That is my story - I am child abuse victim that found a way out and survived.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Heather

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Jul 28, 2011
Heather:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted you are no longer in that abusive environment and that you survived the abuse and the self-harming behaviours. And I'm SO glad that you were born. If you hadn't been born, we wouldn't have met through this website. And I venture to say that many others are very happy you were born as well, like your siblings and your friends. You are a caring and compassionate person and sister; that comes through your story loud and clear.

Recovery from abuse comes in layers. The scars are still there, as you mentioned, but as you mature and go through the various ages and stages of your life, you may well find that some of the pain will come back to haunt you—pain you may have thought you were done with—at a time when you may least expect. That's why I strongly recommend some form of counselling. A counsellor can help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured, and s/he can help you with the tools and resources you'll need as you get on with your healing and recovery in a healthy and well-adjusted way. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 28, 2011
Escape...
by: Stitchface

my only wish to escape but it's so hard with a rope to your legs. i wonder how you escaped.

Jul 29, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Heather, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your so-called mom was so twisted and messed up in her own ways of thinking that she didn't even know how to take care of herself, not to mention be a mother to you and your siblings. She didn't know how to love even herself; all she ever knew was hate, so she should've known better and loved and cherished you guys. Oh, and she was a sadistic brute too...and she should be locked up in prison for all those terrible crimes that she committed against you because you and your siblings did nothing wrong. If she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she chose was and still is inexcusable. Oh, and where was your dad? Anyway, you are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because, first of all; something's seriously wrong with her; second of all; she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you and even your siblings. Oh, and I'm glad that you are in a safe place now; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting that sad, tragic sicko of a mother because abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

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Child Abuse Story From Cori

by Cori
(Location Undisclosed)

Craziness: 
Well, I think it all started when I was apx in grade 6 or 7.. that would be about age 12? I have no memory of before that time...I sometimes wonder if i could be hypnotized to remember? but that perhaps there is nothing TO remember. I do recall having a wierd desire for one of my favorite male teachers to be my father...I was the oldest girl with one younger sister. my stepfather repeatedly touched my chest/breasts in the form of giving me back massages. He peeked in on me in the washroom several times and once feigned sleep in an excuse to fondle my genitals...over my underwear thank god. after that worse incident I finally began to hate him... before that i had extreme self doubt. my friend telling me he had touched her breasts spirred me to believe in my own experiences as being true and not my own doing or imagination. I remember being afraid of him mixed with loving him because he was the only dad i really knew. my own father being only a two week visit each year.

I told, tried to protect my youngest sister...who one day long after revealed she caught him peeking in on her too. she has her own story and it is complicated. suffice to say we are not now close and though i tried to support her there are strange effects on her that have made her a promiscuous odd sort of woman. I love her but have little to do with her.

I had children two beautiful boys fairly early and love them to death. i remember feeling uneasy about them being around my stepfather ... i thought he would only offend against girls but wasnt certain... so made my mother promise to always supervise him.. she failed and i went to my supervision only.. when i had my own daughter did the protective instinct kick in full force and i swore he would never get close to her. i have never let him meet her and she is now 9. my mother and myself are very strained but im not a horrible person and have allowed her in my life for my kids. they love her. she blames me for the abnormal relationship we have and the fact we cant come to her home... he is still there.

my oldest is 18 and has become a rebelious boy and has met up with nana and papa together now for the first time and although he knows the issues has chosen to start up a relationship with him. it crushes me. i wish i had had support and guidance and been protected when i was young. my mother should have charged him i know... i wonder if perhaps i should now... so many emotional issues.. counselling sessions...effects. i hope someone will identify with this story...as there is much more to it but if i helped anyone then that is good. we have to believe our experiences were wrong and not our fault.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cori

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Jul 04, 2011
Cori:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can certainly understand how you're "crushed" by your son's decision to develop a relationship with your abuser, especially after you worked so hard to ensure your son's safety from the possibility of being molested by your father. Especially when your mother already chose her sex offending husband over her daughter. Especially when your mother already enabled a sex offender to gain access to his prey. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to deal with what happened to you as a little girl, as an adult, and now as a loving mother. You didn't deserve to be mistreated, and you didn't—DON'T—deserve to be betrayed. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were, and have been. On a positive note, you DO understand that what happened to you was not your fault. That's huge, Cori, that's huge. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 05, 2011
a mother's heart: A mother's prayer:
by: maurice

Oh Cori: your story evokes the real question for my Why? Fathers abuse their children: Why? after all your loving, caring, valueing, cherishing, protecting your own child from the hands of this beast that your son would want to begin to want to be part of his life: He is 18 years of age rebellious but that does not answer my Q or the mystery as to the Why? You are and have been a great and good mother: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Each child is unique and different as you well know: I pray and hope all three will help each other to know abuse is wrong: Those who abuse are bad people needing loads of help and yes punishment for the pain they have caused to the innocent and the vunerable: Cori: Darlene knows a woman's heart, knows a mother's love for her child; please read and seek out the counselling she suggests would be good for you: You need professional help as well as the love of your friends: You'll always do what is best for your children: You are a good mother and your children will value and resepct you for that: This maybe a difficult thing for you to do, but should you find out your son abuses after being with your molester and abuser tell on him immediately: For his own good and out of your total love for him: He may learn for himself what you shared in trust and love abiut your abusive father that he is not a good man to be hanging around: That is my prayer: Love yourself, value yourself, think positive: act positive and be positive in all you do and say: You are a good mother: Please read Darlene's comment ever so slowly and then you'll do what is right for yourself and your children:

Jul 05, 2011
i dotn know family dynamics you need to keep kids busy be too busy for that man abuser an i charge him it be up to you
by: Anonymous

no clearly your mom is wrong why would she stay with him she knows this about him seriously she knows cause no one would stay if they knew with a pedofile if they knew for sure so she think lies what an yes dont doubt if you charged him so what go ahead yes , why your son be around him god no he your step dad so not real grand dad anyway remind your son of this please he not blood related right, grose i flip out my grandkid ba around a male pedofile grose, you are thinking correctly , but you have to also hav sister envoled why you cut her out of your life sister i wish my sister older one alive that s not easy but she can help if you have a case too, but kids none around him its your mom life she chosse that but why she didnt beleive it i guess , you know its true so you need to decide with husband or self lawhyer rainn site womens law .org has help too legal you need to break ties here why too example my son dated a girl in a pedofile family they lied about who was later the foster care kids she raised as babies ok babies became peodfiles or someone allowed around them teach them stuff they ended up abusin each othera as kids and as adults one later my son i didnt kow say he didnt want to be in a abuser family hers i was what you mean later i found out they broke up i am very upset over this too one of the boys little ones went over there too i dont know why they call my house tape it i heard it all cops came too i didnt call they did an called my house when it happen on tape even an i was convinced then someone left over abuser still around kids there see he maybe has friends you got to be careful and no be firm mean just keep repeateing the part he not blood related thrwo it in there and the part he knows he dostn care see i be scared waht about keep him in colleage or business or busy a girl you invite over keep around y9our house i be upset my grandson man even aroudn pedofiel you need to stop it some way diplomatically work around it some way.

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Child Abuse Story From Jay

by Jay
(China)

Just for the record, I am a girl, just with a boy name. I have been physically abused by my parents since I was young. First was clothes hanger, then it went to wooden sticks and golf clubs and bamboo sticks. People knew, my neighbors, but never did anything. They heard me cry, heard me beg, heard me scream. But they never did anything. Then we moved to China as I got older. I'm now a sophmore. The beating hasn't stopped. Sometimes when my mom or dad gets mad for no reason, I get beaten, slapped, hit by things that they are able to reach. Just today, my dad held a knife in front of my face, it wasn't even an inch apart from hurting me. I couldn't do anything. If I told anyone, no one would believe me because I don't have scars to prove. I don't have bruises to prove it. But what they did to me emotionally is what I think I won't get rid of for my whole life. All my life they have been comparing me to other kids. Straight As weren't enough, it had to be A+. If I didn't meet their expectations, I'd get beaten. I try so hard. Drama, music, guitar, drums, piano, singing, volleyball, badminton, swimming. Trying to prove to them that I can do it. But never once they said "Good Job". All the words that come out of their mouths are cruel cold criticisms. Telling me that I'm always not trying hard enough, that when I grow old, I will be a janitor working at the streets and die of hunger. Because I hang out with guy friends, they call me a slut when all I do with them are chat and skateboard. My dad said that I'm hopeless and that he wishes he never had me. When I did nothing wrong, he always threatens me that he'll throw whatever comes in handy at me. I hold the thought that I could be killed every single day when I'm home. That if I do something wrong, everything will be taken away. That if I don't do good enough, my parents will hit me until I die. I have tried to live with it, I keep telling myself in 3 years I'll be in university. But what my dad said keeps ringing in my head, that I won't make it out of here. "Even if I break your leg or punch you until your face is deformed, I won't get sued and I won't get arrested. Because this isn't America. They don't arrest people that do this outside of the states." Ever since I heard that, I fear for my life. 2010 December, I just couldn't bear some things they said about me. Saying I'm throwing myself at guys, when I haven't even made out with a guy before yet, they think I would go around and have sex with anyone I find. I picked up the scissors and slid it across my wrist. It didn't bleed of course, but there was a slight moment of pain. And I just somehow started to rely on it. I could see and feel myself getting deeper and more addicted to it. Moving on to craft knife and now eyebrow razors. Cutting myself until I bleed just a little, not enough to have people notice it or cause a huge scar, but then I would cut a lot of times all over my arms so I can feel the pain. Just to get away from all this. Now I have anxiety attacks sometimes, I start panicking thinking what would happen if I done something wrong. Honestly, my situation isn't bad. To me, people out there have been raped and beaten till they went into the hospital. Even committed suicide. I'm not at that stage yet but I really think that someday I will be beaten to death or I would walk out that balcony myself. Deep in my heart I want to report them to the counselor like my friend told me to. But I can't. Because I KNOW that no one will believe me. They would think I'm making it up for attention. I don't know how much longer I can handle this torture before I end my own life.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jay

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Sep 02, 2011
Jay:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Try not to compare your abusive environment to that of others. It's not about how "bad" the abuse is as much as how badly one is affected by the the abuse. The fact that suicide is on your mind, the fact that you are self-harming by cutting, the fact that you have anxiety and panic attacks makes what you're dealing with "that bad". You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. You don't deserve to be mistreated. And you certainly didn't deserve to be told what your father told you. Your parents are lying to you. They are troubled and misguided. They may think that by saying these terrible lies to you that it will motivate you to do so much better, but what they're doing is writing a script, they very script they don't want you to follow. But you have a choice, Jay. You can decide to recognize the nasty comments for what they are: pure lies. You ARE smart. You ARE a good person. You WILL make something of your life. And I for one am so glad you were born and that you reached out here by sharing your story. Talk to your school counsellor, like your friend suggests. Also, please consider contacting the Taiwan Fund for Children and Families at 886-4-22061234 (hopefully the number is current). You deserve help, Jay. Nothing will change unless you reach out for that help. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 03, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Jay, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your parents are twisted in their own ways of thinking. They are sadistic brutes too...and the path that they chose is inexcusable. Oh, and they're wrong. You are a good person. You are not hopeless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. Plus, something's seriously wrong with them. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you, so the sooner you tell someone you really trust, the better. Darlene is right! Please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Sep 03, 2011
TELL
by: Kristina

Hey jay I am SOOO sorry you had & still having to go through such hell, I was sexually abused to matter a fact I posted my story on this website too "Kristina J" I was just like you scared to tell because the fear of no one believing me I didn't tell for 5 years but I knew eventually I had to tell so I took the risk of telling some believed me & some didn't . But I feel alot better that I don't have to go through that anymore because my Abuser is going to be in jail for very long time . I strongly encourage you to tell !! Stay strong ' I hope things get better :)

Sep 07, 2011
Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your abusers
by: maurice

Jay: You are highly intelligent: Special: Unique (unrepaeatable) Your plea for help has been heard by Darlene: You were so brave to search for and find her safe-haven site: That took courage: well done: NOW read slowly her loving heart comment to you: She has affirmed you by telling you You are not to blame: It is not your fault that you have parents who are sicko's uneducated regarding loving and cherishing you as their beautiful child: Jay you will be the winner over them: Keep being active in all the sports and cultural activities you mention: Stay in Education: Don't ever give up on yourself: I am so empathetic with darlene and the others who have left comments telling you their feelings: Real Heart feelings for you Jay: I believe and know hearts speak to each other: You know we care: we were abused too but we must not compare: My abuse is personal to me and I dealt with my way as indeed all individuals of abuse do: Darlene is our hope: Our respecter: She has overcome abuse and is now trained and qualified to empower you (us) to get help: So please read her comment and you will find hope to keep living your life to the full: Hi: don't you be harming your body: Your Father is harming and abusing it enough the beast of the man he is: I know you are intelligent: I hope you have a friend your own age and gender that you can relate your intimate stuff with: Most important Jay to have a friend or two: They will love, cherish, respect, value for the wonderful and beautiful teenager you are: Yes, you can even trust showing them your body with all the abuse marks: They will help you to get the help Darlene advises you that is important for you NOW; Fear is keeping you from telling on your Father/Mother but tell you must at some stage: Find the courage to be strong enough in yourself to share with a counsellor or some-one who will discreetly know how to safeguard you from your abusive parents: Jay: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Take part in team sports: sporting and cultural activities: You find great support there: Love that beautiful body of yours: You respect yourself: You know how to care for yourself: You'll make natural and real friends among your team mates: There is safety in numbers: Stay safe: : Jay: celebrate YOU: Say I am worth celebrating: I am worth everything: Live well: Laugh Often and love much: Hug and cuddle that love into your body: Look in the mirror and say I'M SPECIAL AND I LOVE ME: BE GENTLE AND KIND WITH YOURSELF JAY: Be gentle with that beautiful body of yours soothe it from time to time wit nice oils and creams: It will give you good feelings all over: Jay: Don't quit: Don't give up on yourself:

Sep 23, 2011
Thank You So Much
by: Jay

Thank you so much. For all of you that commented. Darlene. I'm so happy that i found this website and could write everything that I kept in my heart. I might not any of you that commented but you've been the kindest people I've met in my life. I'm just being driven to the edge of insanity. I know i should tell someone. but it just terrifies me because if they go to jail, what's going to happen to me??

i just want all of you to know how much i appreciated your comments. I cried when i read each of those comments. To know someone understands and cares.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed102

by Name Undisclosed
(Washington, USA)

I think I am currently being emotionally abused. I was born in India, my parents got divorced when I was 10 and when I was 12 I came to USA along with my dad and grandma. I am 15 now. We live with my aunts and uncles. The abuse is mostly from my aunts and cousins, not even once from my uncles.
I HATE living with my aunts. I agree that I have made some mistakes and it was okay for them to scold me but that doesn't mean that I am the one always to be blamed. And then they are always making comments like i am too dumb, slow, stupid, etc. Whether it is vacuuming, doing dishes, cleaning or any other chore, they will always find faults and make me feel bad about myself for the rest of the day. If they would say it nicely, I would try to not repeat that again but the way they say it makes me feel like crying and that i can't do anything right. Why should I even try when i know it is not going to be good enough? It is always negative, never even once they have said thank-you to me. Since this has become a daily routine, I am actually trying to feel worthless, unloved, no-good, etc. I have terribly low self-esteem because of that.
My uncles have tried to defend me when my aunts get on my case, but most of the time they are not home. I can appreciate that they at least tried. And there is no way I would ever tell them the whole thing. I am not at all close to any of my uncles or my older cousins. My younger cousins hate me. I have not made any real friends in USA and i don't feel like I can trust those who would be somewhat considered as my friends. My best friend is in India and if we ever get to meet each other again, share every single thing that has happened since the past 5 years.
Now come my cousins. I get treated differently, but again i kind of expected that since I am the "outsider". When my cousins do something wrong, they get in less trouble but I get in more trouble. It's all because they have their parents right there with them but I have nobody to talk to. I have no family to speak of. My mom is in India, I heard she remarried but I have had no contact with her for 5 years. My dad and my grandma are not strong enough to stand up for themselves (or for me), so they take some abuse too. I don't understand why the daughters would treat their own brother and the mother who gave them birth like garbage. My grandma is a weak person and yes, she does know that whatever is happening with us 3 is not right but she can't do anything,(not her fault though). My dad has some kind of psychological disorder so he is unable to do every day things that are normal for others i guess. My grandma is always telling me that I should just live through this without fighting back because they are providing food, shelter, education, etc. for me. But I don't want all these favors from them if they are going to abuse me too.
According to my aunts, just like I suck at all the other things, I am also the worst babysitter they will ever find. My cousins bother me on purpose and then they tell on me and they love to get me in trouble. Sometimes they would just lie to their parents that i hit them. By now they all hate me because they say I am mean. So, they always band together and annoy me even more. They keep calling me names and saying that everyone hates me. It is hard to believe but my little cousins are hurting my feelings deeply. I dislike all my cousins but i absolutely HATE one of my cousins. Sometimes i like my other cousins but the one i hate can do nothing to make me change my mind.
One day my 6 year old cousin (now 6, 5 at that time] was on the computer with his 9 year old friend. i just went to check on them since i was babysitting but when i got there they closed the internet window real quick. I had a feeling that they are trying to hide something so I checked the browser history. It turns out that they were watching videos of NAKED GIRLS having SEX. A 5 year old is not supposed to be watching that kind of stuff, even I don't and i am 15. I had to tell his parents because he and his brother have been doing other inappropriate things as well as saying bad words a lot lately. The day I told my aunt about this was the 6 year old's birthday. It was his present from me. Instead of punishing them, my aunts blamed me instead for doing inappropriate things on the computer and playing games instead of doing my homework. I do play games but obviously I can't find time when I have about 5 different projects from different classes due in the same week. I don't even remember the last time I checked my email or went on face book. Of course my aunt said that my cousins are grounded, not TV/ computer/ video-games, etc. but only about 2 hours later, the 8 year old was on face book and doing bad stuff again. My uncle wasn't home when they got busted. Otherwise I am sure both of them would have been beaten up and grounded for good. My aunt always says she will punish my cousins but never really does. My uncle still doesn't know about this incident and I will never ever tell on my cousins again because only I am to be blamed for everything.
Just like I hate one of my cousins in particular, I also hate one of my aunts in particular. She is the one i live with most of the time, and also, she was the one who blamed me for doing inappropriate things online. But she is not the mother of my cousins who watch inappropriate videos online. She just happened to be at my other aunts house when I told on my cousins. Some of the other not so common reasons I hate my aunt so much is that she has some "issues" with anger management and reading. I don't know why but whenever I read a book, she gets mad at me. She is like I could be doing something else like cleaning the house, reading my school textbook than wasting my time on a book. And it is not even that I am failing any of my classes because I have mostly A's and B's in all subjects. Or she will say that I am reading inappropriate books. First of all, the books shouldn't be inappropriate for me because I check them out of my school library. And even if they do have little bit of romance or any other thing that could be be possibly considered inappropriate, somebody needs to tell her what PG-13 is. My teachers are trying to encourage reading books for fun but my aunt is stopping me. I am part of the Book Club at my school, and she is threatening me that she will stop giving me rides on the meeting days. But I don't want to quit it. I had to join a club because it would give me about 45 minutes to stay away from my aunts but I also love to read. Also, I can talk about other things to the book members. For those 45 minutes, I don't have to think about my family problems. About her anger, she gets mad for even the simplest little things. She would beat my cousins( her daughters) for little things like they are making too much noise, making too much mess, broke something, not going to sleep, don't know how to do a homework problem, etc. I sometimes feel sorry for my youngest cousin (5) but I love it when my other female cousin(8) gets beaten up. I hate her and watching her getting beaten up gives me pleasure. But still if I ever hit that same cousin that i hate, I get in trouble. Can someone please explain what is going on in my aunt's mind? Even my uncle is not that happy with his marriage with her. My cousins can tell if they are about to get beaten up so they stay close to my uncle who doesn't beat them that much. And my aunt is also abusing my cousins' grandma. I am always scared to ask my aunts for anything I need for school or other stuff at the store.
I am not sure if I am being abused because we are Indian and Indian parents can hit their kids & can be strict.
I would love to get out of this but I have lot of what if questions popping up and i am really confused. I have heard of many worse cases of child abuse and mine is nothing compared to sexual or physical abuse. If I do chose to tell a trusted adult like a teacher at school, I don't know what would happen next. I know that school staff is required to report to child support agencies and then the case goes to the court and the court will decide if a child can be put in foster care. But the thing is that if I do report it but then the court decides it is no big deal and i have to live with my aunts again, it is going to be worse. Everyone would hate me for sure and they will ask me all sorts of questions. Also, my aunts have specifically told me "not to get too close to a teacher". They will continue hurting my feelings even more. If I do report once, I can't go back to living with my aunts. If i don't report then i will continue living as I am currently living. But if I do report and I am put in foster care, I don't know what would happen to me, my dad and my grandma. i have heard that I can only stay in foster care until I turn 18. I don't know what would I do when I turn 18.
I am so confused and for the last couple of things I have been thinking if I should talk to a teacher at school or not.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed102

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Jul 13, 2011
To Name Undisclosed - Part 1:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Firstly, you are not all those terrible things your aunts call you. You are a good person. You are smart and articulate and worthy of dignity and respect and love. It is because of how smart you actually are that I am going to address a couple of things that you wrote.

One, no one, and I do mean NO ONE, deserves to get beaten. The fact that you glean pleasure from seeing and knowing that your cousins are getting beaten for a wrongdoing tells me that you are terribly, though I do appreciate your honesty about your feelings. Just know that regardless of what others are doing, when you stoop to that level, you put yourself in the role of abuser. I don't believe you want that. Two, you have no right to hit your cousins. Period. End of story. Even when their parents hit them, though I disagree with that form of discipline. The fact that you are an Indian family does not give you or their parents any special "beating" rights. Again, you're misguided in this area. I CAN understand your feelings toward your cousins, because your aunts have made the situation much worse. But to turn that against your VERY young cousins is wrong. They are children, young children, who are being groomed by their parents. It doesn't make what they're doing to you right, but when you as a maturing 15-year-old put the light of understanding to what's happening in yours and their lives, then and only then can you see things in a way that might help your own personal situation. You are being emotionally abused; and that's not your fault. But that does not give you the right to turn that around toward your cousins, who are a product of what they're learning from their parents.

See below for Part 2.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 13, 2011
To Name Undisclosed Part 2:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

No one who visits this site can tell you what to do about reporting, we can only give suggestions. What I will say is that children are not removed in the way you believe, and certainly not for emotional abuse unless it's extremely severe and there are other types of abuse happening. I DO suggest you talk to a school counsellor in order to help you deal with what's happening in your home, and for some techniques on how to cope with your feelings. Also, I suggest you contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You are a good person, a good person who doesn't deserve to be mistreated, a good person who deserves to be shown love. Always remember that. Show love and kindness to others; you'll get it back in ways you might not realize. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 13, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Your aunts are wrong. You are not dumb; you are not stupid; you are not slow; you are smart and articulate. You are not a "no-good person"; you are a good person. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, dignity and respect. Something's seriously wrong with your aunts. As for your dad and grandma, they are completely misguided. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you have been treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. The path that they chose is inexcusable. Oh, and it's equally wrong for them to try to stop you from joining the book club. Don't worry about what they have to say to you, let alone about reading books anymore; just be happy and keep living your life. Anyway, you are not to blame for their ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they have all the power and only misuse it over you, so please tell someone you really trust (yes, you can even try talking to your uncles about it too!) and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 13, 2011
something more
by: Anonymous

You are living in a very abusive household; it was wrong when you were emotionally abused, degraded, used, and beaten; and it is also wrong when these things happen to your relatives. The way you are treated is not good; other people, whether your cousins or otherwise, should not be held to the horrible standard of the way you have been treated. You and your cousins et. all deserve a kind, stable household without violence, favoritism, yelling, insults, or harassment. You deserve to have such a home with your own parents, protected from your indifferent and cruel aunts. Please try to imagine a different, more just world outside of your family. There are other things out there; try to reach for them any way you can.

Jul 14, 2011
I am taking charge of my own life's destiny: I can: I will: I must because I am WORTH it:
by: maurice

You are one very special, gifted, beautiful, caring, understanding, knowing teenager: You are unfortuneate that your father and GrandMa are so uninterested in themselves and therefore you: You'll be a winner; You are all that Darlene writes you are from her woman's loving, caring, trusting truthful and honest heart: You will fully understand her words to you: You'll make real sense of them for yourself: By searching for and finding her site: Safe Haven to tell your real feelings to you've become part of her Family of visitors who can empatise with you in all you have written: Darlene's comments to each one personally has empowered each one to the level that they acted on her loving supporting and encourageing words to them: Beautiful one; You will too: Yes, I do believe you are taking charge of your own destiny under trying circumstances: Be safe: Stay safe: I hope and pray you are availing of the education program where you live: Stay in college: make one/two real friends your own age and gender who will stand by you, help you, make natural and real sense of your feelings: Will protect you when you begin building realtionships with the opposite sex: It is really important you have such friends so you can talk the talk around what is right and wrong in such friendships: Girls care for each other alot more than the boys worry about: So have friends your own age and gender: Then, with them live your teen years to the full, Have a Healthy Mind in a Healthy Body: This will mean getting active and alive with other teens friend students taking part in team sports and sporting and cultural activities: It may be easy for me to encourage you but I do believe you will benefit from same: Your circumstances may not make it easy but realize a whole new world will open up for you: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed103

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

At a loss: 
I have had my daughter who is 10 come to me and inform me she has been kissing girls at school i asked her if it was curiousty she said she wasnt sure.
she then burst into tears and told me when she was around 5 my neighbours child who would of been 10 asked her to suck his rude part i asked why did she did it she said i was just little i didnt know
This is breaking my heart i wanna help her so much i feel like her innocence has been stolen.
she then told me she has been humping her friends and sometimes they touch eachother but she doesnt want to do it any more i wonder if this is all stemming from what happened with the neighbour i dont know who is the best person to see to get help she now feels ashamed for what she has done to other people i feel she is a victim and needs support right now




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed103

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Jul 16, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. When it comes to processing this, you need help as much as your daughter does. And she DOES need help, both for the sexual abuse she endured and for the fact that she is exhibiting sexually intrusive behaviour, which may be as a result of the abuse she endured. The good news is that she feels comfortable sharing with you. It's so important that the lines of communication stay open, and that she does not feel judged for her actions. After all, she was a little girl, and she still is. If she does feel judged, she'll close down; and that's not what you want. I suggest you speak with your pediatrician and the local authorities to learn what resources are available for your daughter, and for you. If you are in the USA or Canada, contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are facing with your daughter. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who can offer information about support services. They are not a reporting agency. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Thank you for sharing your daughter's story with my visitors and me. I wish you both continued healing.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 17, 2011
a mother's heart: A mother's prayer: you'll be a great MoM
by: maurice

Oh, the good feelings I got reading Darlene's words to you: You'll be a great MOM, you and your daughter will work it all out together: You'll do always what you know to be the best for your daughter: I am so proud of you because your daughetr trusted you and was not afraid to share her pain: A mother's love is a blessing and you are a good mother: Your cry for help has been noted by the great realationship lady herself Darlene: Two womens heart have met, I would neary go to say two mothering hearts have met: Darlene's comment to you will be the beginning of real LOVE between you and your daughter: cherish her as I know you will: respect her trusting of you and the age she is: encourage her to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: encourage her to take part in team games/sports with girls her own age this will help no end: she'll naturally have around her children who will help her to grow and mature valeing her own body through childhood into adolecence in the company of her team mates; She'll make real friends who'll help her as she wlll help them to be safe and to understand their natural having boy/girl relationships: Yes, some form of counselling: maybe she has a school cousellor, as counselling will benefit you when she sees this then your counsellor will help her too: You'll be a great Mom: have no fears; Listen to Darlene's heart and her loving words for both of you

Jul 21, 2011
what goes around comes around: what my abuser told me
by: Anonymous

Your daughter's story is my story, but I had no mother to talk to about my behavior. I also had oral sex with my perpetrator at age seven.(He was also my older brother) but I began acting out with girls after he also masturbated me with his penis and rubbed my clitoris to the point of orgasm when I was nine. But nine I was acting with little girls. My age. I had had three partners by the time I was twelve. Then, I decided to tell my last girl friend that I was done. I wanted to become a woman.
My father and Mother had violence between them. My Mother was killed in a car accident in which my father and mother were arguing while it was raining and she was killed when he lost control of the car. He told me all the details. Later I went crazy, years later, thinking it was not an accident.
That's a whole other element to the my relationship with my father.
My father caught me the very first time I slept with a little friend. That changed our relationship forever. I was considered a pervert, a lost soul.
But that didin't stop me from acting out again and again.

I think your daughter is lucky she can tell you. I am a registered nurse just getting class work on human sexuality. I go to counseling and my counselor tells me it was not normal for me to even BE orgasmic at age seven, as I was. That my family was inappropriate towards me. There was a lot of telling dirty jokes adn me laughing hysterically at the dirty jokes. I loved them, in fact.
But my counselor rightly tells me that that acting out was symptomatic of problems.

I don't know what I would do as a parent if my child were sexualized and acting out. I have one good clue about it: a friend of mine, who was a great grandmother had a child adopted by her granaddaughter. The adoptive father began to treat the adopted child as a sex toy - putting make up on her, putting her in bed with him while he watched porn. It went to court, they lost custody of the then eight year old and everyone was sick about it. They said they wanted the eight year old to "get back to being eight". She is doing really well now, a beautiful young teena ger of age 13. They succeeded in getting her back to age appropriate feelings, I think and she has, if not forgotten the abuse, at least feels she is loved and cared for as a girl, not as an abused girl.
Of course, when a child acts out sexually and becomes intrusive, I don't know what to do for the child. it's one of the reasons I wrote my story the way I did. Darlene gave me some good tips for the domestic violence I witnessed (terrorizing).
Let me know what you do about it. I will pray for the appropriate response. I need that too.

Jul 22, 2011
LOVE will be your winner: You'll be fine because you want to be loved
by: maurice

Thank you undisclosed 103: You gave anonymous the courage to tell her story which in turn will help her get help: Get some form of counselling which will benefit her and empower her to get on with living her life to the full after all her wanting to be loved and cherished by parents: by some-one who cared for her: Anonymous you'll be fine; You were brave, you had courage to write your feelings to the mom of that 10 year old daughter: They both will be okay: Now you start being safe, being true to yourself: I hope you are in a safe place now surrounded by loving caring people who wll safeguard you: You are intelligent: so stay in education: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body; I wil I can: I must because I am worth it:

Oct 19, 2011
We are doing great
by: Anonymous

Thank you Maurice and anonymous for sharing with me you will be happy to know my 10yrold and me are doing great i booked my daughter into a psychologist who specialized in sexuaul abuse she was amazing she taught my daughter how to let fake thoughts go and with alot of practise she is getting really good so good in fact the psychologist thinks she doesn't need to see her anymore but I'm not ready just in case
It's so good to have my happy girl back and I love
her with all my heart and soul and I'm so proud
Of her coming to me as I will always be there for
her and to my best to protect her and never judge her It still breaks my heart that this has happened to her and as a mother feel like I should of been there so it never happened but all I can do is be there for her now thank you so much for your love and support xxx

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed104

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

He said Don't Tell: 
I was 7 years old, doing what most 7 years old do, running around, playing, making lots of noise whatever. I ran into my stepfather's den one day and yelled "Play with me!" I interrupted him watching a porn video of course at 7, you don't really know what porn is, and the only thing is saw was kissing. I apologised to my stepdad for interrupting and was about to walk out when he grabbed my arm and and told me to sit down. He'd pressed pause on the remote and went on to explain to me that he was just watching people play a game. He then asked me if i wanted to learn how to play. "OK" I said. I had no idea what i was in for. He asked me if i'd ever been kissed. i shook my head. He told me to close my eyes and then he kissed me on my mouth, like i'd seen him kiss my mom. When he stopped he asked me if i liked it. I nodded. It hadn't bothered me, it was just a kiss. He did it again and then again. And then he told me i was playing well and i needed to learn how to play the next level. He told me to close my eyes again and then kissed me again. Suddenly i felt his tongue rolling around in my mouth. It felt strange and i wasn't sure i liked it, but when he asked me if i did i nodded. He kept kissing me like that for a while until my mother called me. "best go see what mum wants" he said. I got up to leave until he grabbed my arm again and said "Don't tell. Its our special game". I nodded and he let me go.

Nothing happened again until a few days later he picked me up from school. We stopped on the way home and he asked me if i remembered the game we played. When i said yes he said he wanted to play it again. "OK" i said. So he kissed me like he had kissed me that last time, his tongue rolling in my mouth. he told me we were at the next level and i should kiss him like that too. So i did. Ten minutes later he told us we should go home. When we got home he stopped the car and then told me again "Don't tell". After that, the kissing games became regular, whenever he got me alone. One day, i was alone at home with him and he told me he wanted to play the game. He told me id reached a new level of the game. He didnt say anything else after that and just kissed me. As he was kissing me i felt his hand go down my backside and suddenly i felt his hand on my bottom. he kept pinching it as he was kissing me and i felt his finger touch me inside my bottom. It felt weird. It didn't hurt then it just tickled. When he stopped he asked me if i liked it. I nodded. He took my hand and led me to the sofa where he made me lie down and continued to kiss me. Suddenly he stopped kissing me and pulled my skirt and underwear off. Then he began kissing me where my privates were. he asked me if i liked being tickled. I said yes. He then touched me on my private parts. I didn't like it it hurt, it didnt feel like being tickled. But i didn't say anything, even when he asked me the usual question - did i like it? We heard my mom's car drive up and he told me to put my skirt back on. As i did he said those words again. "Don't Tell".

My stepfather played this game with me for years, sometimes he would pretend with my mom that he was just going to tuck me in bed and he would play the game with me then. The other times were either when he would pick me up from school or whenever he got me alone at home. Unusually i wasn't afraid of him then. I was 10 years old when i realised that these games, weren't games. I didn't know exactly what they were i just knew they i weren't right. I was older and started learning things which was at the point i knew it wasn't right. But for some reason the games continued, i didn't know how to stop them. i tried saying i didn't want to play once but he didn't listen. i started to hate him then. But i couldn't escape him. After my 13th birthday he'd come into my room and did what he usually did but that soon followed with him taking my virginity. When it was over he told me i was a big girl now, and the games were going to stop. Then he said those words before he left my room "Don't tell". He never came into my room again, and he never touched me again either.

So what happened after that? Well i couldn't live in the same house as him after that, and i made a story to my mom about having done research on high schools and i wanted to go away to a really good school. So i did, and i tried to avoid going back home over the holidays but i had to come back for some and i felt dirty everytime my stepfather looked at me.

I'm 19 now and i'm in college but i have a boyfriend who i can't enjoy having sex with. Everytime we do i see my stepfather and all i can do is cry. He doesn't know what happened to me. I told my steptfather i would never tell. today is the first time i've said anything.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed104

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Jul 24, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What this pervert did to you was not your fault. Fault lies squarely on HIS shoulders because he chose to offend you. He had all the power. He took advantage of your vulnerabilities as a little girl. None of this is on you. You've taken the first step by telling here. I commend and applaud that you've taken that necessary first step. Now you must take the next step and tell someone who can help you, someone who can help you deal with the repercussions of being sexually abused by someone you trusted and how it's now affecting your ability to be intimate with your boyfriend. Please seek out the counselling that is available to you in college, and look into other resources available to you. Your college counsellor should be able to help you with that. And report what he did to you. He's a sex offender of young children; and it's very likely that he's still offending. The reason he stopped with you at 13 was likely because you became too old for him. As sick as it sounds, his preference is for little girls. He won't stop until he's made to stop. Children are not safe around him. And you have the power to make a difference in the life of another child by telling. "Don't tell" was his power over you; reclaim your power and Tell. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 24, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pervert of a stepdad and allow him to offend you...how dare she! He might be offending other little girls as well, so the sooner you tell, the better. Darlene is right! Please tell someone you really trust (yes, you can even tell your boyfriend about it too!) and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 24, 2011
What Courage
by: Carrie

You have such courage for telling your story on her that is huge. Thank you! I really hope that you will be able to find it within yourself to get some help. You are so young and this could affect you more and more in the future if you don't. The very best gift that you could give to yourself is getting help. You are so worth that in every way. I know it is easy to suggest to you to tell someone but if you can find strength please do. This person as you know is so dangerous and that aside he needs to reap the consequences of his actions.

Take care of you. There are people who can help you and there is hope of a good future.

Jul 24, 2011
it can get better
by: Anonymous

The way your step father went from kissing to more involved "games" reminds me of my so called therapist who talked to me about my brother having oral sex with me and me swallowing the semen. I never told her that happened, she just guessed, after doing some tests on me like Rorschach tests. She groomed me for further abuse, because she had a daughter my same age who by the age of fifteen had had an abortion. She called having sex "playing games." I have had to come to terms with her so called view of me as a girl who acted out sexually with my older brother, that I was the perpetrator. I wasn't.

So thank you for your sharing your story with us all. I am glad you are TELLING it now. I hope you will find an appropriate therapist = someone who knows about children's real needs and recognizes that you are a child still about sex. I still feel like a child when i make love. And I am 57.
And I have had tons of therapy. But the best people I talk with are women at a women's shelter, the sexual assault program directors. They have FACTS in hand and can help you KNOW yourself. It never goes away, not really, but it does get livable. And forgive yourself AND the idiot who did this to you. I know that's hard, but don't build a life on hatred. It will only hurt you. I have a friend raising six children who was molested by her sister then she in turn molested her younger brother. She talks about the events of her childhood with her own Mother - who said the right thing to her : that she should have known it was happening and been there for her children to stop it. It helps to talk about it, believe me. But you have to choose carefully who to talk about it to.
Keep us posted on your progress in life. It does get better.

Jul 25, 2011
I am taking charge of my own life's destiny: I can: I will: I must because I am WORTH it:
by: maurice

You have begun another chapter in your life's journey by telling truthfully what happened you at the hands of that sicko, pervert, big offender in his abuse of little girls: Darlene has affirmed you: shared heart words with you for you to move on in your life: You'll do what you know to be the best for other innocent little girls as you were and safeguard them from this beast: You will be okay, you will be the winner over your abuser now that you know he took away your innoence and your virginity: He was very wrong: did you a terrible injustice: I am not to blame: He was: Don't tell as Darlene's tell you was his power over you: Now, you take charge of your own destiny: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it; Be gentle and kind with yourself and on your beautiful body especially your preciousness of parts: Make them as beautiful by being ever so gentle with them: care for them with tender love; Respect and value you your body so that your boyfriend will love, value and respect where you are at when it comes to love making: You'll gently let go of the bad memory and effect he left in you: Counselling will help and put all you wrote into perspective for you: At college you have a great opportunity to speak with a counsellor or one or two tutors that you trust: Have a female friend or two your own age so you can confide in them your intimate of feelings and they will listen to you, love, you, respect you< for the great and good person you are at 19 years of age: Now special one behind Undiclosed 104 ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: This will mean taking part in team sports and sporting and cultural activities: You will broaden your seeing of yourself and open up new horizons with a renewed, re-energised thinking and being: So think poistive Be positive: Act Positive forgive my vulgarity but Pee etc away the negative letting go is a huge breakthrough in healing from abuse: Look in the Mirror: Who am I? I am: Amazing the architect of my own destiy: Beautiful: both inside and out: Courageous: willing to take chances: Of with you: Live well: laugh often: LOVE much beginning with your great and good self: hi and cuddle that beautiful body of yours: I will etc:

Jul 25, 2011
You are so brave
by: Anonymous

I know it takes a lot of courage to tell your story....but don't wait like I did. I am 35 and 2 weeks ago I told my children and husband of 15 years about my step-father sexually abusing me from 4 to 10 yrs old. I have actually pressed criminal charges and possibly civil charges. Trust me, the longer you wait to tell the people you love, the more the effects of the abuse will shatter your relationships. My Mother chose to stand behind her husband after I broke down and spilled my guts to her. I was not expecting to have to deal with her reaction.....because I thought, "how could she NOT hold me in her arms and comfort me when I tell her what he did"....but not everyone will react the way we think they should. It's something I am struggling to understand, but day by day, I am learning that I need to surround myself with my supporters and not worry about who believes me and who does not. Be strong...You will get through this so keep your head up!!

Sep 01, 2011
undisclosed
by: Anonymous

i understand what u r going thru.i feel sorry for whatever bad things happened to u bt at the same time m proud that u finally managed to speak about it.its just the beginning my dear.m sure u wl b happy in future.God will help u overcome it.i will pray for u.i know u hv been thru a lot n it surely will take some time to get over it.its a long process but trust me u will heal.n if its possible for u then talk to ur bf abt it bt make sure he doesnt take advantage of it.if he loves u m sure he wl b supportive.just be happy sweetheart :)

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed105

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

my mother allowed people to molest me like my step dad. he really scares me. i guess i dont know where to start. the first day i met him him and his friend grabbed me by my hair and drug me into the room and told me to take my clothes off. i thought he was being wierd and didnt relize what was happening to me. then they took there clothes off and it really scared me. i just wanted them to leave me alone. then my mom came home and said i deserve to be molested. i lost respect for my mom. then she started beating me and told me to do what ever they said. then i blacked out. but later that night they said come into her room and they raped me. that was the first time i ever felt a broken heart. they never stopped sexually abusing me. i was abused by everybody they knew. i dont know how to get over it. i just want somebody to tell me they were wrong and i am right




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed105

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Aug 04, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

They were wrong, and you KNOW you're right. Tell someone, or contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. What your mother and these men have done to you is criminal. If you're still around these people, you're in danger. You don't deserve to be mistreated and abused. You deserve help for the fact that you have been. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 04, 2011
So Wrong
by: Carrie

Hi,

I just wanted you to know that I was told I was in the wrong for years. YOU ARE NOT WRONG, YOU ARE RIGHT! They are the adults and know better. So sorry this happened to you. Please know it's not your fault. You are not alone.

Aug 04, 2011
such tragic neglect
by: Tim L.

What a sick, cruelly insane and deluded mother you had to walk in on this scene and claim that you "deserve to be molested." How dare she! You deserved love, protection and security, and that is still what you deserve. I hope you are far, far away from those people now; if not then please tell someone what is happening. This isn't your fault at all.

Aug 05, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Darlene is totally right; I can't believe that your so-called mom would beat and abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster of a step-dad and his slimy friends and allow them to rape and offend you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for beating and running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from those beasts! I am just as disgusted by her sadistic antipathy towards you; I really hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. If they didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that those animals chose is inexcusable...and they must go to prison for all those disgusting, terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. Plus, rape is rape. You didn't deserve to be raped nor abused in any way; you deserved so much better than what those psychopaths did to you; they certainly didn't deserve you in their miserable lives. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. You are not to blame for their sadistic, disgusting, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse, torture and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now...and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting those sadistic beasts to prison because, remember, abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

Aug 11, 2011
Please Oh Please Be gentle, kind, act now and get help
by: maurice

What a brave, wonderful, courageous, absolute, tender, gentle kindhearted beautiful woman behind undisclosed 105: Beasts all them: Animals all them: Not deserving the name human: A Mother that enabled them to humiliate, degrade, sexually abuse, hurt, her own flesh and blood beautiful child: You guessed right don't call her Mother: Please put yourself in a safe place as far away from them as is humanly possible: Give yourself hope and a fair chance to begin to live your life to the full: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: all because I am WORTH IT: Darlene's words to you are loving, affirming, supporting and encouraging and true: Her woman's heart has arrived at yours: Now be brave, be strong seek out some form of counselling she knows that will be your inner power and strength to act on her comment: All other comments with mine empatise with you: We all want what is the best for you, I want what is the bets for me too: Good on you: that is the spirit: So get out there being active and alive with like-minded people your own age and gender: I believe this to be the surest way to build up your self esteem, self worth in the company of team mates taking part in sports and cultural activities: You will make true and natural friends for life and have many aquaintances to cheer you up each time you meet: Value and appreciate your beautiful body and have total respect for it: Be gentle and kind with yourself: also be gentle and kind with your body soothe from time to time with scented oils and creams: Hug and cuddle it and relax fully feeling good about yourself: You'll be a winner: over those who took advantAGE OF YOU: Live well: Laugh Often Love much: always beginning with yourself:

Oct 31, 2011
Yes
by: LP

They were wrong and you are right. That's the truth and that will always be the truth. No child ever deserves to be abused in any way. And for your mother to throw you to the wolves like that is pure evil. I deeply hope that you either are now or soon will be SAFE. You are in my thoughts.

Oct 31, 2011
Sorry
by: Carrie

I am so very sorry this has happened to you. You are RIGHT and they are WRONG. Please give yourself the very very best and tell someone until you are believed. I know it is insult to injury when you are not but don't give up telling until! Please get help. You are not alone and need to know you are not. You deserve the very best. You did not deserve to be abused so horribly. Take care of you.

Carrie

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed106

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

my story begins when i was a child (around 5-6) it all started when my step dad started making me eat on the floor and after that he tied me up took off my clothes and punched me until i was black and blue thats all i can remember.(6-7) years later my mom started to drink lots. after she fell asleep and woke up she would make me clean up and when didnt do it right she would punch me and pull my hair and call me useless. this would go on until i was 15. on my birthday she beat me up till i was in the hospital she said i got in fight on the street after that she sent me to my room i tried killing myself but could not do it after that she called me down stairs and tried to beat me up i pushed her away she snaped tryey to pull my hair i snap as well and pushed her harder she fell, she told me to get out (it was winter and it was cold) i grabed my stuff when to my friends and stayed there called my real dad and told to come pick me. its summer and i have thoughts of killing myself make my life much happier i dont know whats the point of living.

(there are lots of grammer errors hope you can read it and im a boy)




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed106

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Aug 22, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You don't want to die, you want to be out of pain. Pain you don't deserve. Pain that is made so much worse when it comes from the people who are responsible for your safety and good health. It's such a huge betrayal. But it does get better in time. You can't change how your parents act toward you...you can only change how YOU respond. You must first realize that you are not to blame for any of the abuse. Your abusers are to blame because they chose to abuse you. This is on THEM, not you. Always remember that. It's not about you at all, so keep that in mind. Focus on your talents and good points...and before you say you have no talents or good points, tell yourself that you've been told lies all of your life. You ARE worthy. You ARE lovable. You ARE a special young man. It's not your parents that you have to convince, or anyone else for that matter. It's YOU you must convince. I for one am so glad you're still here with us. We need people like you in the world. People like you can change the world to be a better place. Talk to someone about what you're dealing with and feeling. Contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you have been mistreated. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 23, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

You were given a raw, crappy deal. Your so-called mom and that beast of a stepdad are so twisted and screwed up in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves; not to mention be parents to you. they don't know how to love even themselves; all the ever knew is hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you. They are truly sadistic brutes too...and they should go to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. Oh, and they're wrong. You are not useless; you are lovable; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. Oh, and beating you to a pulp on your birthday is a really cowardly thing to do because only cowards would do such things to such an innocent, defenseless little boy you once were. Oh, and you are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and now that your real dad is with you now, try talking to him about what you went through because he is there to support you when you'll need him. Oh, and please look into reporting those sad, tragic sickos to prison because abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

Aug 23, 2011
be brave: Be Strong: Love your beautiful Self
by: maurice

I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: I went to a friends house and called my real Dad: Two very empowering things you did in the awfulness of the sadistic nature of the absue perpetrated on you by these beast who gave into their animalictic tendecies rather than their human ones; Alaways believe in yourself: That friend is your gateway to being a winner over those bad secko's: Ask Yourself: Who Am I??? Say with total Confidence in that belief in yourself that, I am Amaizing: The architect of MY own destiny: Beautiful: Both inside and out: Courageous: Willing to take the right chances: Dynamic: Ever changing and ever growing: Enthuastic about living and loving ( maybe not right now but I will I can I must because I am WORTH it: That you are my Friend: Intuitive: looking for answer within ( you sure did when you shared here with Darlene and her family of visitors: Lovable: Exactly as I am: Optismistic: Anything is possible ( Stay in Education young thinking, gifted, inteeligent Adult:) Powerful Beyond imagination: Resourceful Obstacles are stepping stones to greatness for me: Spiritual: Having a human experience: Trustworthy Speaking from the Heart (That you did to Darlene and all her visitors: This is a safe haven site, a home where each one empatise with the other's pain from abuse as we all were through some form of abuse under the watchful eye of Darlene who has proved There is a life to be lived after Abuse: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Get out and about with others your age and gender taking part in Team Sports and sporting and cultural activities; I have Gifts; I am Tallented I have Leadership qualities to share with others; This will enable me to open up new horizons and not be dwelling too much on the poor me and not wanting to live my life to the full: Darlene said the truth YOU don't want to die: You are too good for that: Many are waiting to benefit from your empowering of them: Be gentle and kind on yourself: especially to that beautiful body of yours: Taking part you'll make real friends for life and have many around you to make you feel important and good; Look in that mirror NOW: TODAY: Hug and cuddle that beautiful me person looking out at you: I will I can I must because I am WORTH it: Be the winner over those sickos and sadictic people friend;

Aug 25, 2011
you are beautiful
by: vanessa

I am a mother of three children- and I LOVE YOU. I CARE FOR YOU- YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. I know we cant change who our parents are- but remember things can and will get better. HANG in there. I have been through physical abuse as well, I was in the system juvenille jail and got abused by the person who was suppoossed to be the boss. I LOVE YOU> JESUS loves you- and he made you wonderful and awsome and beautiful. I dont care what anybody else says- they are lies! you are PERFECT. GOD BLESS YOU SON, I will keep you in my prayers.
vanessa♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Aug 29, 2011
Don't kill yourself!
by: Sara

First off, you don't need to die, young man. You have a full life ahead of you. I know that this will stay in your life forever, but at least try to let it be your past. Don't think about it. It's only making it worse if you continue to think about it. It'll kill the way you think! If you ever get married or something, if you continue thinking about the abuse, it's going to make you abusive towards your wife and/or girlfriend! Don't let that happen!

Oct 02, 2011
THE POINT
by: Anonymous

The point is you want to live. The point is parts of you still value self. The point is you wish to feel loved, valued and validated. The point is you found your way to this website and shared your story because parts of you still struggle to hold on....BELIEVE YOU ARE A WORTHWHILE INDIVIDUAL. BECAUSE YOU ARE. YOU ARE LOVED AND VALUED HERE.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed107

by Name Undisclosed
(Florida, USA)


Didn't know it until I was 12 in middle school: 
Well it all started 1 night when my dad came home drunk and my mom got mad at him so they started 2 aruge and i was in my room with my sisteer she was only 7 or 8 at that time and my brothers where in there room! And i was sleeping than my sister woke me up and told me im scared, I'm scared whats gonna happen next can u make them stop aruging and i would just cry caz she said that to me! And i would cry because i couldnt stop anything! Than that very next day my dad wasnt home of course he was an acholic. Well that day my mom got mad at me and my sister we were the only ones who got ABUSE in the family! I was in the kitchen doing the dishes because, she told me and as i was doing it i was crying 2! but i cant remeber why!? And than next thing i know i see my mom coming towards me she grabs my hair n pulls me to the living room as she was doing that she made me cut myself in the leg because i had the dish washer open and at the very end theres a sharp thing! and she pulled my hair and she was pulling it back and forth like i was her doll i was her pet i was something to her but not a human! I cryed n cryed n cryed because it hurt so bad it felt like she was pulling so hair off ripping it off my head! I couldnt do or say anything because she would do it harder and it was at night 2 and i was so surprise because no one could hear me crying! than when she was done with me she put me back 2 washing the dishes! and i did what i was told! ITS SCARY HOW WE KNOW ALL THE BAD THINGS BUT DONT NO ALL THE GOOD THINGS!! I also remeber that my dad got out of the house n started to walk away n he was drunk n my mom got me n someone else in the car i think it was my brother n she tryed 2 run my dad over i could remeber eb=verything because i was in the car n saw everything! But the part that makes me cry all the time is when my sister said something to my mom that she didnt like n she got her went to the bathroom n i was waiting n crying because all i could hear was yelling n crying from her it scared me n got me mad when she did that! and finally like 50 seconds later she opened the door n i could see blood on the sink like every where n i saw that it was coming from her mouth! but until this day she told me that my mom hit her in the lips. N my mom told me see if you ever did or say what your sister said this would happen 2 u! She would always say that she would always say ooh if u did that im going 2 hit u like last time n never 4 give myself 4 what i did when she said that 2 me i was thinking wow i no that things are gonna get better! n i was only little but not that littlecaz i rember i went 2 school! n this is the past but im just sharing my story theres more things but i cant rember them all! and til this day i think 2 my slef wow im stupid 4not telling any1 if i told someone than things would be better with me n my sister but i was just little i had a lot going on n i cant blame myslef 4 everything! and the worst part about this is that when i told my dad he was crying and i was 2! but than days went on n my mom is like im lying i just get these storys in tv n in books n i was sad that she said that caz it wasnt true! whatshe did to me and my sister was wrong! n today i still like with her i dont want 2 but its not because of what happen in the past its because she dosnt suport me that much well no ones does only my friends ! well yaa! n my whole life i never liked the word ABUSE never ever n i dont like 2 say it thats what i only said it two times!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.



Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed107

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Sep 07, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The first thing I must say is that you were NOT "stupid" for not telling; you were scared. Scared of what might happen to your family. Scared of what might happen if others didn't believe you. Scared of so many things. And that fear was justified, so please, don't ever say you were stupid for not telling. You were young and vulnerable and completely dependent on the people who were either abusing you or turning a blind eye to the fact that they were abusing you and your sister. And don't ever be afraid to use the word "abuse", because the reality of it is that you and your sister were abused. There's no shame in that. The shame lies with your abuser because she chose to abuse you and your sister. Blame is on HER, not you. Your mother is troubled and in serious need of help. And so are you and your sister. If you are still in this abusive environment, please talk to a school counsellor or a trusted adult. Consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You and your sister deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and love. Neither of you deserve to be mistreated. If you're no longer a minor child, then please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured and what you witnessed your sister enduring. You BOTH need help with that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 08, 2011
You sure are one brave woman: Good on you for being so:
by: maurice

Beating: Hitting: dragging a child and pulling it by the hair is the uncontrolled actions of a very sick, abusive Mother: No excuses even if that was done to her and she knew no better: No Woman, Man is that inhuman that they hurt an innocent vunerable child/teenager: Great YOU found Darlene: She is one very special woman, with a big heart for each and everyone of her visitors: You are no exception, her comment to you I hope will give you hope: inner peace and strength to live your life to the full by empowering yourself with her words and then your little sisters and brothers who must have suffered too experiencing all that happened to you both: All were too scared to tell on your Parents: Both were abusive You were a loving sister trying to protect as best you were allowed to your little sister from her hurting hands: Please, pretty please seek out some form of counselling: You will benefit from doing so, Then ask yourself: Who am I: ? ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOUSELF: Say I AM; Amazing: The architect of my own destiny: Beautiful: Both inside and out. Dynamic: Ever changing and ever growing. Enthuastic: about living and loving: Grateful: for each new day. Healthy, full of energy. Intuitive: Looking within for answers. Joyful: Grateful for all that is. LOVABLE: Exactly as I am. Kind-Hearted: Reaching out to others. Optismistic: Anything is possible. Resourceful: Obstacles are stepping stones: Spiritual: Having a human experience. Trustworthy: speaking from the heart. Unique: Unrepeatable. VALUEABLE: I make a difference. Wise: Open to life's lessons. Xcited: About living and loving: Young at heart Delight child-like: Zestful: Happy to be me> Begin today having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Oh, yes I gather you are a young--ish woman telling your stroy: So get out and about with your friends and like-minded people your own age taking part in sporting and cultural activities: Firstly though soak into you and take ownership of Darlene's loving comment to YOU

Sep 10, 2011
Please tell
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your dad left you and your sister to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother, even allowing her to beat and berate you guys 24/7...how dare she! I'm sure that she probably even set you up for failure; that's not about teaching you to do the dishes (or some other housework); that's just all about power and control. She is manipulative...and I'm sorry to even believe that she really wanted you to fail just so she could keep controlling you. If she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to give you and your sister up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you guys. The path that she chose is inexcusable. Mothers who abuse their own daughters are, in fact, one of the real abusers. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you guys. You were the children; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused that power over you. I really hope that you guys are in a safe place, far away from that sad, tragic woman, and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting that sick beast of a mother as well.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed108

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

It happend on new years eve, when my uncle got drunk, my dad didn't knOw that. So my aunt my sister an my cousin where Playing card games and my dad told me to go with my uncle, because his friend needed a ride, and he didnt know the place, but then my sister said she do it because she had lost the game. My dad couldn't go because he had taken some couple of drinks and he wanted to sleep it of before midnight. So they went, well this friend was actually my cousins( on my fathers side) uncle(who was on my cousins mothers side, so not my uncle. And my sister showed him the way and they dropped him of. But at the way home he toched her shoulder, and he said sorry, she didn't understand anything, and then he said stuff like that my cousin had touched him and he touched her. My sister didn't know what to do, so she just sat there terrified. And then he took her arm and tried to put it on his penis but she took her arm up and hit him and told him to look at road. And then he said:'' if you tell this to your father or your uncle they will cut me in to pieces,''. As soon as they got in my aunt noticed something and asked her if something was wrong and she said no. But I didn't know that at that time, and asked him if he could just massage my foot, not my legs but my foot, and I know I was stupid, but I really ask every body to massage my foot, even my 9 year ols cousin to my own father. I felt him coming up, and I said: '' my foot!'' and he didn't stop  and then he just, I don't know what to call it, he like stroke his finger over my private part. I walked away in that second. Afterward my sister went to the bathroom, and itwas almost midnight so everybody got ready to go outside. and then he said he also need to go to the bathroom. he waited outside and told her to hurry and she was terrified to come out, he told her that if it was my cousin she would open up immediately. But then me and my mother went down to get our shoes and she just russhed out of there. Later when we were about to sleep my mom told my sister to lock the door and I asked if i could sleep in the same room. So my parents knew that he was perverted.  The next day he avoided us. And we told our cousin that he had said those things about her, and done those things. She reacted kind of odd, the only thing she said was ew. And the next day she told her mom, so we decided to tell ours too. Afterward she called my aunt. And she said that we couldn't tell our father(because he has anger problems). But my mom told him anyway. I didn't tell my mom or my dad about what happened, because then they would freak out. But when my older sister heAred about what happened, she told us that he had done almost the same thing, when she was twelve. She was so mad, that she sent an e-mail to child services, and told them to check. 

After that everybody in dads family got really mad, and they don't speak to us, but obviously they don't understand how serious this is. I have not seen or spoke to anybody in that family, and I don't want to either, but I can't stop thinking about his own daughter who is only 8 years old, what if he ever gets drunk and is alone with her, she'll be helpless ...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed108

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Sep 10, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You can be so proud of yourself for telling. Regardless of the ignorance of the family who choose to defend a child sex offender, the fact is, by telling you have stopped the abuse from continuing with you and your sister. And you have every right to be concerned about this sex offender's 8-year-old daughter. Talk to your parents about the way this has affected you. Be honest with them. And don't blame yourself. Blame lies with the offender because he chose to offend. He was the adult, you were the child. He misused the power he had over you, and he took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities. And drinking or drunkenness is never an excuse. Tell your parents you need help to deal with the effects this has had on you. You didn't say where you live, but if you're in one of the areas listed on the hotlines section of my stories page, contact them in order to talk to someone confidentially. If you don`t live in any of these areas, check the phone book to find out if there are any hotlines available in your area. Just remember that what happened was not your fault. As for getting others to rub your feet, I think you probably now know that that is inappropriate. But again, just because you asked someone to rub your feet does not mean that you asked to be sexually abused. Always remember that you are NOT to blame for what happened. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed110

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

i feel like i wasn't abused when i hear about how severe other child abuse was....i feel like i over reacted...maybe i caused what happened, you know? i mean i remember at times i tried my best to be perfect...and that didn't change anything for long, so maybe it wasn't my fault. what if i'm remembering things incorrectly? my dad and mom think i am...of corse my dad wasn't around and my mother was the abuser. i think i was abused because that pain i feel sometimes when memories resurface....i cant breathe...and i feel as though i have no heart. and i have severe physiological and mental issues with trust and abandonment and just plain craziness, i act crazy and sometimes hurt people because i feel like i need to, i have an unexplainable anger that surfaces randomly, i feel as though she ruined me...i never cry...except randomly when something triggers a bad memory..when i was so horribly hurt. i dont go a day with out thinking about death, but i would never kill myself. i dont even trust myself though...i have fears i wont do what i know i want to do...that my body will do another thing that my mind is doing. i have crazy thoughts. my mother is just...she can just be so beyond horrible. shes crazy...shes inconsistent, she doesnt remember the things shes done, she explodes, i live with a live grenade that blows up randomly, my whole life i have been on my toes waiting....and sometimes (stupidly) i relax..and then she pounces....ive come to the point where i dont even hate her...i just want her to be like a normal mother....even act like one...who supports me, who doesn't mock me or my father....who i can talk to with out her telling everyone.....who doesn't ignore me because i have a different opinion....she lectures me around once a day about how "abstinent", "lazy", "bad", "ignorant", "selfish", "careless", "moronic"...and so on i am....how if my father hadn't screwed me up i would be such a "good girl"......im 15 and maybe this is okay for a 15 year old to hear on a daily basis but when i was five i did not need to be mocked and berated by my mother. one minute she'll give me a kiss and the next she'll be screaming at the top of her lungs...she comes into my room at 3 in the morning to do this...im just so sick of it. when i was little she used to guilt me about everything...she made me feel bad about everything i wanted...like i was being selfish...she made fun of me...it was cruel...until i was 13 she would hit me, grab me, dig her nails in my skin, chase me, wash my mouth out with soap, give me extended time outs while she stood in front of me and screamed at me, pulled my hair, threw me down, dragged me, stood over me and screamed, threatened me, slapped me, spanked me after chasing me around the house....this happened very often ( i remember it being every day)...add the emotional distress....my childhood consisted of me locking myself up so she couldn't get to me....there were many more unnecessary punishments...no dinner...whenever i asked to be with a friend she basically asked me if i was trying to replace her....something crazy like that.... she's actually i believe clinically insane...but maybe its also my fault...i dont know...i just dont know anymore.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed110

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Sep 24, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's NOT your fault that your mother is the way she is and that she emotionally and physically abuses you. This is on HER, not you. She has deeply seeded problems that she's taking out on you. It's never okay for a parent to berate a child the way your mother berates you, whether you're 5, 15 or 55. You don't have a "normal" mother; and hoping for such a normal mother is not likely to success for you because you can't control others. You can only control how YOU respond. You've taken the first step by writing your story here. Take the next step. If you're in the USA, contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

If you don't live in the USA, but in one of the areas listed on my stories page, contact the appropriate hotline that is listed there in order to talk to someone confidentially. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Don't compare your situation to that of others; it's about how you've been affected by the abuse. And remember, don't become the person you despise the most. Don't be hurting others, or yourself, just because you're already hurting. There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to decide the kind of person they're going to be. BE the kind of person with integrity and honour so that you can hold your head up high. Treat your Self and others with dignity and respect and love, even though that's not what you received from your parents. BE this kind of person in spite of what you endured. You have that in you. And please, get some help for yourself. Speak to a school counsellor for that help. You deserve that help. It would be a very loving thing to do for your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 24, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your dad left you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you 24/7...how dare he! That's not even discipline; that's just torture...and if she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she and even your dad chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she is wrong. You are not lazy; you are not bad; you are not ignorant; you are not selfish; you are not careless; you are not moronic; you are smart and articulate...and you are also worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you have been sadistically denied of, so never believe any of those lies that she is spewing. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Sep 25, 2011
Hello!
by: tasha

Dear "Undisclosed110",
You know like when people listen to other peoples stories and they start comparing notes?? That is really not done when you are dealing with abuse. There really isnt ANY comparison because people are SO different and their emotions so different what one person might consider a tragedy, might be another persons "daily" life...Because I did that A LOT your age, and I was feeling that perhaps I was "exagerating" or "I wasnt getting it right and was probably taking things the wrong way", Im just going to say that you ARE being abused and your abuse is SERIOUS. This is not a competition about how "strong" we are and how much we can "deal with". In fact, this is all wrong. We are NOT SUPPOSED to deal with any of that at all!!!Our job as people is not to deal with that type of abuse (any type), problem is when we are brought up in abusive families we get all sort of "wrong" messages. Like: this is "normal", or "our fault" or "other people have it worse" or "if only we could be so and so things would be better"...
Well, they wont be. Why? Because even though we FEEL its in our hands to change the situation, perhaps understand it better, find the missing link that will make it ALL better, it really has NOTHING to do with US and everything to do with the problems our parents HAVE.
In my opinion what you are experiencing is normal under the circumstances. You are ANGRY. You are so angry and so anxious you cant think straight. You lash out because you cannot control this anger. You blame yourself. And at the same time you feel guilty that perhaps your "story" is not as bad as other stories. Guess what! It is!
However, even though what you are feeling is normal under the circumstances, it doesnt mean that its good for you. It is leading you down a path that might cause you even more pain growing up. It might change you, lead you to become a person that is filled with hatred and you might even end up acting out worse.
Nobody can deal with situations like that alone! Nobody. Its "beyond" ability, it is not something you can do alone. You need to contact the helpline. And talk to people. They will listen and show you a safe way to deal with the situation. They will point you in the right direction. They have resources, solutions, WAYS that we cannot even think of. Most of them have even been through what we went through so they KNOW first hand what we feel.
You are not alone. There IS HELP out there. We are all here for you!!! Hang in there!!!!!And talk to the experts. You deserve to be the BEST you that can ever be. Just because you are alive and there will NEVER be another YOU in the world.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed109

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Innocence Cruelly Stolen: 
I remember that horrible day well now ! i was 11 yrs old and my friends father raped me . i was left alone with him in that house , and i still say the mother knew what my fate would be ! i did tell her on her return to the house , but she said she would not tolerate lying in her house , and threw me out . i did not tell anyone , even my own mum . he told me he would kill me and my family if i told . i am now nearly 47yrs old , and i have been to the police , and currently waiting for a trial date . the brain is an amazing piece of equiptment, i stored all that pain away somewhere and tried to carry on . but since the disclosure i have really struggled to face it . luckily i have had amazing support from the police and therapist , so i will get there . i would urge anyone that has been raped to tell the police . it does not matter how long ago it happened either , there may be others it has happened too , in keeping silent about it , we give the abusers a safe enviroment to carry on ! love and best wishes to all who have been affected , and i hope you all find peace xxx




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed109

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Sep 14, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Keep your head held high. I'm so proud of you for being so courageous, for not just reporting, but for following through with a trial. Reporting historical child abuse for the purpose of prosecution is not available to all survivors of abuse. It all depends where the abuse occurred. I'm delighted that you have a strong support system in place. I will however caution that even though you're taking this to the courts, there is no guarantee that justice will be served. If justice is not served, always remember that you KNOW the truth, and that just because the system failed you doesn't mean it didn't happen. Lean on the support system you have in place throughout this lengthy and difficult process. And know that you have the truth on your side, no matter the outcome. You did a huge service to the community by taking this route, because now this abuser is much less likely to abuse someone else, possibly for a very long time, if not forever. You can be SO proud of that. Like I already said, I'm sure proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story and your all-important message with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 15, 2011
Your the very best: Take one day at a time: Live the NOW Time
by: maurice

The truth you know: It happened to you: That Beast took advantage of you when you were only a child, innocent, vunerable at at his mercy in whatever he wanted to do to you: It was not your fault: I am not to blame: In recent times I have been sharing intimately with my female friends of all ages: The worse thing they all fear about is that some one would rape them or their children be raped: Each one said that is the great fear they all have lived with since very young: The Beast and the B''st''d that did it to you: Beautiful and wonderful woman behind Undisclosed 109 Be brave, Be strong and I sincerely hope you are successfull: Please read and heed Darlene's comment to you: Her heart speaking to yours: She is one true remarkable relationship Lady: genuinine and sincere, loving and understanding for each of her visitors: Her empathetic heart is LOVE: What I would do to any one who rapes the innocent child vunerable adolecent I can't say here out of total respect for Darlene and her big family of visitors: It would not be pleasant and I could end up inside myself: Great you found Darlene's site to open your hurting and paining heart to: Your truth will set you free: But be gentle and kind with yourself: Love that beautiful body of yours; Soothe it with the cream and oils available for that purpose: Hug and cuddle it from time to time saying I LOVE me: I'm amazing The Architec of My Own Destiny: Live well Laugh alot: Love much:

Sep 15, 2011
...
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your mom would kick you out of the house for turning to her for help for the fact that this sick pervert chose to offend you...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time and kicking you out instead of protecting you from that brute! I'm just as disgusted by her reaction towards you being offended by that dirty excuse of a man; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. Oh, and I'm glad that you told because you deserve help for the fact that you were offended.

Sep 17, 2011
thank you
by: Anonymous

hi , i must just say thank you to all the replies , start of trial date is 31st oct , i am getting more nervous everyday , but i know i can do it , also this man has already been convicted for rape in the past ! i must also add that it was not my mum who kicked me out, but the abusers wife . love to all x

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Child Abuse Story From Jeremy

by Jeremy
(Toronto, Canada )

I tryed always to block out what my father did....since I was about 4 years old he never really showed that much affection towards me. I always thought there was something wrong with me until I was 12 i just thought he hated me He never started hitting me unti i was about 13 when my mom gave birth to my sister until then i was the only child.

I remember the day like it was yesterday I had just turned 13 two weeks before and i was walking threw the kitchen right after i woke up. I heard him scream for me in the living room i couldnt quite make out what he was saying so i just decided to keep walking..then out of no where i felt someone shove me i fell and hit my head on the counter i stared up at him and tryed to get up he grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall and it seemed like he was going crazy the look in his eyes still haunts me to this day i walked away with a broken rib black eye and a busted lip. It was on and off threw the next couple of years with the abuse i tried to stay out of his way and mostly failed at it I had been hospitalized 3 times. When i was 15 something happened to me that a child should never have to go threw. I was sleeping in my room and my dad came in with another man i recognized the man my dads brother i had only met once. I sat up and my dad grabbed onto my arm and i asked where we were going he threw me into the bathroom and my uncle handed him what looked like money but i still had sleep in my eyes and my dad said have fun. He raped me and then told me to take a shower i was still crying the next morning when i relized that my bed was covered in blood i freaked and told my dad about it he slapped me in the face and said never bring it up again. I finally got enough courage to tell my mom and she tryed to move away from my dad but after struggling for a couple of months we had to go back. I had to deal with that b*****d until i moved out i never saw my uncle again and havent visited my parents in 4 years i am 22 now and am married. I am a survivor.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jeremy

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Jul 04, 2011
Jeremy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As you move through the various ages and stages of your life, these horrific events will likely come back to haunt you, if they haven't already. Please consider some form of counselling in order to help you deal with what you endured in that house of horrors. You didn't deserve to be physically, emotionally or sexually abused. You didn't deserve to be neglected. You didn't deserve an enabling mother, a mother who betrayed you by going back to the man who continued to abuse you. You DO deserve help for the fact that you suffered through all of these. You were and are lovable. You were and are worthy of dignity and respect. Always remember that. I will also point out that their is no statute of limitations on child abuse in Canada, if you decide you want to report to the authorities. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 04, 2011
Such Horror
by: Anonymous

Jeremy, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick pig of a dad and allow him to beat, offend and berate you 24/7...how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that sad, tragic brute! I am just as disgusted by her reactions to you getting abused; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. If that brute didn't want to be there, then he should've had the courage to leave instead of abusing you. The path that he and your mom and even that slimy excuse of an uncle chose was and still is inexcusable. You deserved so much better than what those animals did to you. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to offend and abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that you're in a safe place now; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sadistic beasts for dad and uncle to prison because abusers don't stop abusing until they're forced to stop.

Jul 05, 2011
Your cry for help has been noted: You have found a safe place to share:
by: maurice

Jeremy: this is my second attempt at writing a comment today: Yes, when I opened up my mail this morning at 7-30am you story was the first one I read: It evoked rage and anger at the man who cruelly abused you in the name of being your Father: He was no more a Father than the man in the moon: He was a beast and as I said in my previous attempt which was too long and did not go through That we both have names for him that it would be unfair to print them here: Anonymous sure speaks from the heart my heart thoughts too about these people: Jeremy please read Darlene's comment and see what you can achieve to benefit yourself in letting go and moving on in your life: Counselling,would be a good place to begin: She knows best, she wants what is the best for you as we all do who leave comments for you: I WANT THE BEST FOR MYSELF: Good on you Jeremy, think positive, act positive and be positive in all you want to achieve in YOUR life: You are a brave, courageous and true person Jeremy: You found Darlene's Safe Haven Site: Your cry for help has been heard, she has acknowledged YOU; Now you be good and kind to yourself and act on her advice: IMPORTANT surround yourself with caring, loving, honest, and true friends: one's that will lift your spirits when they sag: One's who will keep you safe from anyone who would ever try to abuse you again: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body; Yes, Young at heart Jeremy: I am and was not to blame for what those people did to me: Take part with like minded people in team sports sporting and cultural activities: A new lease of life will open up for you: You'll value and appreciate that beautiful body of yours: New horizons will open up for you Jeremy: I know because I have seen the difference it makes because I have been a soccer coach: an encourager of this motto for loads for the past 40 years: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: You are gifted: you are tallented: with leadership qualities to share them with others: Get out there:

Jul 05, 2011
i hope those two have the worst karma ever die or go to jail god take care of that and you maybe reconnsider sue them both later or anonomous maybe tell lawyer he do it for you some way
by: Anonymous

that story litterally makes me tear up cry why is i have sons your age and i know a jeremy too friends you are a survivor and you married how wonderful for you . you know that karma is real they will get what coming to them, i am not sure how you feel about that to charge them you can get lawyer prosecute your uncle and your dad if you had wanted to why in god name your mom go back everyone think i was nuts when determine live poor to start food church and no plumbing or electrical i bided time got credit took back control of my life helped family thats what you need to do too and you did very great , you did that, hard too after that abuse on you. but they got lawyers you should sue him too in court civil any way you can both uncle an him , that take alot its up to you if you safe now, but why your mom with that nut come on she maybe in danger too doesnt know it god no one stay with a rapist of thier son it be better live on street or poor or shelters see thats how i felt even with domestic violence stuff control stuff i cant see how any one stay or have to go back to that kidn of father there be no way in hell at least me i thik she is troubled, did she beleive you thats why maybe she didnt i would have as a mom but you got married thats so wonderful , ok i hope you ok and have a wonderful life and so sorry that happen to you keep you in prayers , you know god on your side watch over your family thats for sure

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Child Abuse Story From Paige S

by Paige S
(Kitwe, Zambia)

The man who ruined my life: 
My story is one i can never forget. My great aunts son came to stay with us. He was from austria. It was only me my mom and him in the house. My mom needed to go out and do some shopping so she left HIM to babysit me. I was only six at the time. When my mom left HE asked me if i wanted the present he bought me from austria. Of corse i said yes. And he told me to follow him to the spare bedroom. I did so because i was soooo excited. When we reached the room HE slammed the door and locked it and went to close the curtains. We were now both in the room. He started to undress me and i asked him what he was doing. He said he was doing and he said he wanted me to try on the clothes he bought me. I was now completely naked. I was a small little girl. Then he picked me up and threw me onto the bed. I started to cry. Maybe he thought it was a joke. I tried to climb off the bed but he held me down. I was terrified. Then he got undressed too. He was also naked. He got on top of me and put his penis into my vagina. It hurt alot because i was too young for this sort of thing! He even made me give him oral sex. This went on for about forty five mnutes. I was wondering what was taking my mom so long. When he had finshed abusing me he got off the bed and got dressed. I was too afraid to move. The tears came running. My eyes were so sore. He lifted me up and dressed me again. He opened the curtains and the door. But before we left the room he asked me if i had fun. I didnt answer. I just ran to the lounge. I was sitting on the carpet playing with my toys. He came and sat on the couch and it was sooo awkward. About ten minutes later, my mom came back. She put the things she had got into the kitchen. She walked into the lounge where me and HIM were. She asked me if i had had fun. I pretended not to hear her. She walked away with a smile and then a laugh. I went to my room, taking the house phone with me. I called up my brothers girlfriend who was in her twenties. I asked to speak with my brother but he was working late. So i told her what had happened and she said she would come pick me up. You might be wondering why i didnt call my dad? Well its because he died when i was three. I snuck out of the house when my brothers girlfriend came. I stayed at her house for the night. Eventually after staying with my bro and his gf for two weeks i found out that my mom knew what HE was going to do to me when she went out. HE had paid my mom! I couldnt believe it! I am now thirteen and i live with my brother. I dropped out of school when i was seven and i have just started school again this year. My brother can now afford for me to go to school. I have never seen my mom since the day i got raped by a member of my own family and i never want to see her again. My story is a tragic one and it has ruined my life. I will never have the chance to experience a happy life. Thank you for reading this. -Paige




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 03, 2011
Paige:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is EVERY chance you will lead a happy life, but you must want to have a happy life. Yes, what this person did to you—and what your mother did to you—was unconscionable. That doesn't mean that what happened means that you can never again be happy. Yes, I realize you will never forget what happened. But forgetting isn't the answer, because forgetting likely will not happen. Healing and recovery is the answer. And the way to do that is to seek out some form of counselling in order to deal with the effects of what this cousin did to you, and the betrayal and abandonment of your mother. You had no ability to control the situation as a little girl, you had no power. But as you grow and mature, as you move through the various ages and stages of your life, you CAN take your power back. But you must WANT to before that can happen. I'm delighted that you are now in a safe place. Now I hope you can find the resources to get yourself the help you need so that you can begin to bring happiness into your life. You certainly deserve it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 03, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Paige, what that molester did to you was disgusting and ungrateful and he should go to prison for raping you. As for your mom, shame on her for running away from you instead of protecting you from that pig! I am just as disgusted by her reaction towards you getting offended; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. You might want to talk to someone you really trust.

Jul 05, 2011
I am not to blame: He preyed on my innocence and vunerability
by: maurice

I'll prove to both that they did not ruin MY LIFE Paige S. you will be a winner: you were so brave, knowing you needed to tell someone what that beast of a cousin did to you with the assistance of your mother: Two bad, bad sicko's of male and female of the human species: Paige S you had the courage to call you brother's girl friend after what he did to you: Good on you because that says about you, you are highly intelligent, you knew he was a beast, was wrong taking your clothes off penetrating you: If I was your brother God only knows what I would have done to your mother and him: Your brotehr and his Girl-friend made you safe and that was enough to do for you: You are safe now: I only hope you can find a way to stay in education: Easier for me to say because your crcumstances are real: Don't give up on it PaigeS ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Read as many books even of your friends and self learn because you are gifted, tallented and highly intelligent: Play games with your friends, show off your skills be a leader/captain of your team of friends: Darlene, sure speoke to you from her heart: she was six years of age too and knows what your body was forced to endure and especially the pain: She loves and cares about you big time: wants what is the best for you: Try and understand her encourageing words: You'll be a winner in your own right over those two sicko's have real friends your own age and gender who'll watch out for you and you can tell your real girlie feeling to: Stay safe: Be safe:

Jul 08, 2011
you are so brave.
by: eve

I too was sexually abused at about the same age, and I just wanted to say thank you for being so brave and having the courage to share your story.
I was not as brave as you at that age and I never told. I do wish I could have been as brave as you and told on the man who did those terrible things to me. I know that by you being so brave you have helped someone else.

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Child Abuse Story From Emily L

by Emily L
(California, USA)

Started when I was seven. I desecrated a crucifix I received from my french catholic school nuns. My Mother told me not to go into a tent with a little blond arab boy. I went. he pretended to rape me. I felt the earth move around me and in me. My brother, four and a half years older, and I played strip poker with my other older brother, nineteen months older than me. My oldest brother performed oral sex - fellatio - with me in front of my favorite brother. The universe changed. I had nose bleeds. My parents fought constantly. Beatings, black and blue. My brother rubbed his penis against my clitoris but didn't penetrate me. I asked him to do it again. He said "No!' and he never touched me again. I asked a friend with my same name to come over to spend the night, at age nine, and I rubbed my body against hers to the point of orgasm. I became a perpetrator. Mother was killed in a car crash in which my father was driving when I was almost ten. I became promiscuous from age nine on. One partner a year, age nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. All girls my age. I was smart and funny, but fat. Didn't get my period til age twelve. Didn't get my period except once a year maybe til my doctor gave me thyroid at age 43. I never had children. I had 25 kissing partners then 25 sexual partners til I got married at age 34. I have been married 23 years, but never had children.
I was date raped twice. Never got pregnant. had minor infections a few times. Treated.
No sex now. I can't stand it. Eating too much. Pray a lot. There are saints in the catholic church who help with nervous diseases - St. Dymphna and a few others.
have had all kinds of therapy. My older sister married her only boyfriend. they have two sons, five grand kids and have been married 45 years now. My Older brother paid for a girl friends' abortion in college, lived with several woman, married one and had two kids with her, then divorced her after 32 years of marriage. I accused him of abusing me, and his wife asked me if he had raped me. I wonder if oral sex counts as rape with a seven year old and then again with a nine year old.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Emily L

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Jul 03, 2011
Emily:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As a young girl, you were what's called a sexually intrusive child. This happened as a result of being sexually abused yourself. Add to that, the fact that you were in an obviously volatile environment at home, witnessed spousal violence, which is a form of emotional abuse called terrorizing. You mentioned beatings, black and blue; I take it you were referring to being physically abused. Given what you endured, and that you were sexually abused yourself as a little girl, it's not unusual to become a perpetrator. As you grew and matured, the effects of the abuse took hold with promiscuity, and I suspect a great deal of other self-destructive behaviours. As for the oral sex your brother performed on you being rape; it's wasn't. Rape must have penetration, either with body parts or objects in order for it to be classified as rape. But it most definitely was sexual assault. Emily, consider the work of Byron Katie to help you deal with your turmoil. Her work involves questioning your personal truth, and then turning it around. Basically, her work is all about realizing that it's our thoughts that keep us haunted and living in a prison. If you don't want to live in that prison, look her up online and keep an open mind. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Jul 04, 2011
Always believe in your self: Get help: You'll be fine
by: maurice

After reading Darlene's comment to you EMILY L when you take action to get out of the prison you find yourself in YOU'LL BE FINE; It's our thoughts that keep us haunted and living in prison: ''WOW'' what a help to me and I have no doubt to all her visitors that statement is EMILY L: Byron Katie, if your serious and you want to move on to live your life to the full from THIS NOW time of your life you'll search for and read Byron Katie: New Beginnings for you EMILY L: having searched for and found Darlene's site I am certain you wanted a listening ear a heart to hear your cry: You've found it in Darlene's comment to you: Read it over slowly, take your first heart re-action to it: read it again and hear her heart (Woman's) speaking to you: Yes, Emily L hearts do speak to each other from a distance: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body; get out and about with like-minded people taking part in TEAM sports or sporting and cultural activities: A must EMILY L broaden your horizons it will be a quicker way out of the morass you find yourself in right NOW; I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: Always believe in yourself: start with some form of counselling then the track suit and choosing good and true friends to hug and cuddle you: Be gentle and kind on your wonderful and beautiful self: And that body of yours too: hug and cuddle it, be nice to it, massage nice soothing creams and oils into it: Let the memories erase from your thoughts make beautiful again for yourself OKAY Hi it's my body it is beautiful I am taking ownership of my beauty: Read Byron Katie: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it. Thank you for being so brave and having the courage to write your hurts and your pain: You are truly in charge of your mind, you are intelligent, Darlene safe haven site is where you make your new-beginnings from:

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Child Abuse Story From Cheryl

by Cheryl
(Location Undisclosed)

I was 90 pounds at three, left with a disturbed older brother who hit me in the head... 
My parents were see no evil hear no evil. My brother was brutal to me and being 10 years older, much stronger. My gift was my high IQ. My parents made me feel so sorry for them- wow was them that survived the depression.
My mother was intrusive sexually and emotionally all my life, even today as I am a physician in my 40's. I have had two marriages and raised a child on my own. My husbands were neglectful or put me down in ways. I was brought up to be nice to men, and it did not matter if a man was nice to me.

The scars are there. I am proud how I raised my child and gave him love, support and anything he needed. My life had so much potential and yet I always felt responsible for making my parents happy. They had each other. Who takes care of me - myself. I pray that I will meet a partner who will value me, treat me with respect, appreciate me and let me live.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cheryl

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Jul 07, 2011
Cheryl:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

In order for a partner to treat you with respect and value you, you must first value and respect your Self. I know that sounds cliche. And I also know that many people believe they DO value and respect themselves; but when I look deeper, I see that that often isn't so. I see that often times, the same dysfunctional messages that were received in childhood are the same messages taken into adulthood. But those messages CAN be re-written, they CAN be replaced with healthy ones. When we see that we are choosing someone based on a set of values that are not values at all, when we acknowledge that our choices lack the self-respect we deserve, only then are we ready to make changes for our own betterment. You did an excellent job raising your son, teaching him values, supporting him, giving him what he needed. It's time you do the same for your Self—self-love, Cheryl, self-love. I'll leave you with this quote: Treat yourself with dignity and respect...And you will choose a partner who treats you with dignity and respect.~Darlene Barriere. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 07, 2011
yeah you did do good so why past haunt you i dont know read this comment
by: Anonymous

you know whats funny i found so far when i get upset when my best friend high school became a doctor not just a doctor but a anothropology degree masters degree ok and in our high school they used to make bets who be most successful me or her she became a doctor i became everything i could do pleas parents government aa degree an art an class off an on inbetween jobs to my mom wanted me to do or dad i did please as you say thats what i became an then a mom only sucessful job i feel i did an no not due to my or thier education so i understand you completely i seen picture of her she looks bad an old not to be mean i dont our ages but life is wierd isnt it

here the thing no education no family can caterize you other than this you were a single mom is that it divorced or dad messed up mean
any single parent tell you its so tuff
forget the parent thing who cares i bet you more successful than they are i bet you are school job the hardest thing in my entire life an any adult who ever i talk to doctors laymen white collar or blue say being a single parent the hardes job on earth it is so dont you dare blame yourself
what to do no answer i got none from professionals nothng what i think i did same as you raised a kid loved them same as you so you did good great in fact remember this ok
i whish i had that old friend degree i dont but now days who knows what sucess is
i thik you know you say it your kid so just dont worry anymore about the past its you new generations of us educated non educated but a parent so you did great i hope you place wieght on man who has in commone with you things that s where you need to go an guess what sucessful men right you a doctor you got alot in common with smart men not dumb ones you are lucky think in reverse serously you lucky

Jul 07, 2011
Such Horror
by: Anonymous

Cheryl, I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick monster of a brother, relinquish all their control to him and even allow him to beat and berate you everyday...how dare they! Shame on them for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that sadistic beast of a brother! Their job was to protect you from harm and they failed you miserably. If that beast of a brother didn't want to be there, then he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that he and your parents and even your husbands choice was and still is inexcusable. I can relate; my brother used to beat the crap out of me and my parents rarely protected me at all. Anyway, you are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior nor your parents' uncaring behavior; they are all to blame because they chose to abuse you. They (especially that sicko of a brother) had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and try counselling. Oh, and please look into reporting your beast of a brother to prison.

Jul 08, 2011
Let Today be the New Beginnings with renewed determination
by: maurice

Cheryl: One woman's heart to another with the advantage of Darlene's wisdomed, learning and professional attributes for you in all she wrote in her comment to you: This will be new-beginings for you at 40: Get out there living your life to the full: I sincerely hope you have women around your own age among your collegues of since your school/college days: Look in the mirror can you see the ME (woman of 40) Darlene asked you to be: Treat yourself with dignity and respect: Then you will choose a partner who treats you with dignity and respect: For you Cheryl: empowering words for you to think about: You have one very special Child (only) we are special I was too of a single mom: You sure were a good mother to him, cherishing and loving him, giving him values to live by, safegaurding him from abuse: I hope you were able to relate with him heart to heart: Made him value and respect his own worth, dignity and sexuality: Now you have a life to live: You are a qualified and professional woman (intelligent) Yet, that's fine but it did not help you to answer WHO AM I ?
when I was a child I thought as a child: am I still thinking as a child in my adulthood. ?? real question Cheryl: take back the power you felt you were not allowed to have as a child: Parent's who did not love and cherish you in completeness: Make you appreciated as their beautiful highly intelligent child: You succeeded, it was your giftedness now use it to understand Darlene's words to you from her heart: Mr right is still out there for you:

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Child Abuse Story From CJ

by CJ
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents had to get married because of me. I think that is the reason i was the only one beaten and abused, they loved my younger sister and she could do no wrong.
The earliest memory i have is of my mother crying and my father threatning her with a knife (arround the age of 4) There are no other memories of her ever being abused, they did fight all the time and he did verbaly humiliate her but that was all. For the longeste time i did think i was adopted since my sister was so spoiled and loved and i just could not understand why they did not want me or love me. If i had a school trip (in our elementry every one had to go it was provided) I would get a little money for lunch, i would never eat but save it to buy them a souvenier. Every time it would get thrown out and i would get yelled at for spending money on junk (sometimes i would not eat from 6 am to 8 pm just to get them something) Every week at least 3-4 times he would be in a bad mood or angry about something (whatever it was it was my fault)and make me climb on the dinner table and make a fist and punch me so hard i would fly off, then he would make me walk back and climb back on and he would do it again. The whole time he would be screaming and spitting at me how i was worthless and they did not want me and i was a bad child. In the mean time my mother would stand behind him jumping up and down screaming;"not in the head, not in the head you do not want a brain damaged one". If i enjoyed something and they would notice it was taken away or given to my sister, when i was little i had a teddy bear that i loved very much, i could not play with it when he was home because he would start kicking it for fun. My sister could do no wrong and she knew it we were told all the time that since i was the oldest it was my fault if she did something wrong and i would be punished for her wrong doings. She knew this and used it. When i was 6 she beat me in the face with a wooden hammer because i did not want to play inside like she told me. She broke my eyebrow (i still have the scar) I went to my dad because the blood was running in my eyes, he got mad at me because he had to take me to the doctor for stiches. While we were at the doctor he told me that if i dared to cry while they stiched me up he would beat me so hard that i would not walk for a week. He told the doctor i did not need a pain killer because he did not have the time to wait for it to work, he stiched me up without one and i never did cry. I never told any one not even my husband till i was married 18 years. He told me to confront them , they denied it all it never happened and if it did the only one who suffered was my sister because she had to see it and she is so sensitive. I do not want to see them any more or speak to them. My husband thinks that is wrong (he grew up with a very loving family) I just want to be left in peace.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From CJ

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Jul 10, 2011
CJ:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Firstly, I must say that no matter what, none of what happened was your fault. Fault is on the shoulders of your abusers because they chose to abuse you. You had no power; they had it all, and they misused that power. There are many reasons a child is targeted for abuse, none of them good, but they are explanations. If you haven't already, check out my Why parents target a specific child for abuse here on this site. What important to understand is that there is no excuse, only an explanation. But also understand that you were perfect as you were—ARE. What was wrong was the cruel and horrendous way your parents chose to deal with you. Yes, your sister was also abused emotionally, but in a completely different way. She was forced to witness the beatings on you (whether in person or in knowledge) and she was taught that beating on you was okay. This set her up for challenges as a growing maturing woman. That's not to take away what happened to you. As for your husband, he's misguided. When he insists that you continue a relationship with your parents when you've said no as a result of abuse, he is essentially asking/telling you to continue to be abused. He likely doesn't even recognize this, but it's a form of betrayal. As for confronting your parents, I do not advocate confrontations because they are wracked with outright denials, minimizations and/or the finger of blame is pointed to the victim. This leaves the victim further victimized. When we try to confront our abusers we are generally looking for them to take responsibility and say they're sorry...that rarely happens; and then it becomes another trigger. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you through all this, CJ. You didn't deserve to be targeted. You deserved to be love and treated with dignity and respect. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you weren't. And your husband needs it too so that he can be a support for you throughout this process and so that he can understand what you're really going through. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 10, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

CJ, you were given a raw deal. Your so-called parents are so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves; not to mention be parents to you. They are really sadistic brutes too and they should be in prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. Oh, and did I mention that they also abused your sister by teaching her to be anti-social towards you? Oh, and they are wrong. You are not bad; you are a good person. You are not worthless; you are worthy of love, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. Most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. Oh, and forcing your doctor to stitch you up without painkillers is a cowardly thing to do. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I hope that you try counselling.

Jul 11, 2011
I am taking charge of my own life's destiny: I can: I will: I must : because I am WORTH it:
by: maurice

Hello CJ: Great you found Darlene and many aquaintances maybe friends here with her in her safe have site: One does not have to be afraid to let it all out the way we are feeling in truth what happened us when we were abused by Bigger people Adults than us: Our abusers have alot to answer for (Yes, they need help too) But so many are in denial like your parents that they need to be put away from society so that they can spend 24 hours in a lock up working out The Why? I abused that innocent and vunerable child: Why I stood her up on the table and punched her with my big fist: CJ Read Darlene's comment: with your understanding husband and friend: Between you: Her woman's heart words of love, empathy, understanding, and what Really matters for you to put value on: I AM NOT TO BLAME: IT WAS NOT MY FAULT: I was the little gentle, innocent, girl who he just wanted not to hurt and abuse and frighten to stop: CJ let go, begin to live your life NOW to the full: Surround yourself with loving caring people (Friends) Live well: Laugh Often and LOVE much especially the beautiful me looking out at you from the mirror: Be gentle and kind to yourself and that beautiful body of yours: Massage scented oils and creams into it and then hug and cuddle yourself: It is a great feeling CJ Take Darlene's comment into your heart use whatever in it that will help you to let go and be a winner over That brute/beast of a man: Does not deserve the Name Father:

Jul 16, 2011
The strange connections we make
by: Heather

I truly understand the things that has happened to you. I went through some of the same abuse and found drugs and doing harm to myself comforting. I admire your strength to confront your parents, i wish i could do the same but once i left home at age 13 i made it clear to myself i would never return... now today i'm 21 (7 years later) and the memories still haunt me so much i cry myself to sleep. My father was a horrible man and only cared about himself; he made everything i did seem as though it was my fault and I fear that i will never love anybody cause i rarely trust anyone to get close and comfortable with them. Stay strong and undertand you are a victim that survived through the some of the worst possible conditions(:

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Child Abuse Story From Crystal B

by Crystal B
(Arkansas, USA)

I am 25 years old now and have 3 children of my own. Although my life now is fullfilling and I am happy, it wasnt always like this. I was raised by my alcoholic and drug addicted father. My mother left when I was born never to see her, untill I was grown. Anyways, I was introduced to drugs at 8 by my father. from 8 years old untill 12 I was doing drugs, being beat the crap out of by my dad and so on. Everything was my fault. we lived with quite a few people, all of whom got a kick out of seein me get beat! When I was 11 my dad ruined a friend of his new motorcycle, his friend got angry and decided to get even. Him and 3 of his friends picked me while i was walking home from school, and they raped me all four of them, because they were angry at my dad. At 11 I overdosed on perscription pain killers, trying to hide the pain. I went to the Texas Youth Commision (TYC)from age 12 untill 18. I then got out, got married, and started my family. Because of my past, and the things I went through as a child, I am the mother I am today. Everything I went through will be something that my kids never have to experiance. I was beat, raped, and emotionally abused all of my childhood. But what I have grown to understand is that it wasnt because of me, it wasnt my fault. Your past doesnt make you, You make you! I went through hell as a child, hating my life, wanting to die. I was removed from my dads several times only to be returned a week later when he had "cleaned" up. I have woken up in the middle of the night with strange men on top of me naked. I was made to watch some of my dads friends have sex, Other girls older than me that lived with us, would shoot me up with heroin, smoke weed with them, or snort cocaine. Once I got out of TYC I turned to drugs, I was really on Meth bad. When I found out I was pregnant on Feb 3, 2005, I stoped using drugs and have been clean ever since. I wanted to share my story, so that other people out there can know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you CAN be happy!!! My thing is this, I can not go back in time (wish i could sometime) and change anything, it happened, its over, and there is nothing to be done. I refuse to let something that happend 18 years ago control me now. I make my own path, my parents descions are not mine. I hope eveyone out there can one day find peace, as I have, with their past, and JUST LET GO!!!!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Crystal B

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Sep 11, 2011
Crystal:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I learned a long time ago that we don't let go of what happened to us; what happened to us and the residual lets go of us when we bring the light of understanding to it. That's what you've done, recognizing that it wasn't your fault, that it's in the past, that there's nothing you can do to change it, and that you truly want to move forward in your life. That doesn't mean that every once in a while the residual won't come back to haunt you. When that happens, once again the light of understanding can be applied as a reminder. And once again, the hold can and will let go of you. You endured and suffered through the worst of abuses. You suffered through and survived the worst of addictions and self-harming. And now you've turned that pain into power for the betterment of your Self and for the sake of your children. You are an inspiration, Crystal. Thank you for sharing your story and your all-important message with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 11, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Crystal, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a father and even his slimy friends and lodgers alike and allow them to beat, offend and berate you 24/7...how dare she! If those brutes didn't want to be there, they should've had the courage to give you up for adoption instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that they chose is inexcusable. They should go to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I'm glad that your husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling and that you look into reporting those sadistic beasts to prison because abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

Sep 12, 2011
I AM AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny
by: maurice

That you are Crystal: The very best of women to empower yourself after the horrific childhood/adolecence you had to endue at the hands of those beasts to get back at your own very sick and distrunbed beast of a drung/drink addicted Father: Darlene's heart sent you affirming and truthful affirmations: Please LOVE your true and wonderful self: I am number one to love and be loved so that I can then share it back to my three beautiful children so that I can cherish them equally as special: They will be your love, your peace, your hope, to live your life to the full: Your sharing will help so many of us to keep empowering ourselves and each other as part of Darlene's loving empathetic family: We are blessed to have Her as our loving steward woman with her fantactic woman's insticts of love for each one personally when they visit her ezceptional site: Her comment to you Crystal will empower you more to live well: Laugh Often and to love much: Please help your three lovely cildren to have healthy mind in healthy bodies: Encourage them to take part ion team sports with their own age and gender: They'll make real, good and natural friuends for life: with loads of aquaintances to cheer them up when they meet: I know the benefit of this on young people and indeed the not so young maybe including yourself: Crystal stay safe: Be safe: great now you have survived that awful time in your most vunerable time of your life: Childhood/adolence: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: BECAUSE i AM WORTH IT: Keep empowering yourslef so that you will empower others and make their lives livable no matter what form of abuse they had to endure: You are a remarkable young mother, young woman: I admire you greatly and I thank God you now have the benefit of Darlene's words of affirmation, love, and support from her heart to yours: Hearts do speak to each other even from a distance: I'M SPECIAL: UNIQUE: AND UNREPEATABLE: I LOVE ME: BE GENTLE AND KIND WITH YOUR SELF AND ON THAT BEAUTIFUL BODY OF YOURS:

Sep 12, 2011
hi
by: Anonymous

Crystal ... im only 14 and reading your story really mde me feel blessed. I am sincerely sorry that you had to go through all that at such a young age. You have to realize that you overcame a very challenging obstacle and at the end of the day all you can do is pray. No chld deserves to go through what you went through but you also have to keep in mind it kinda made you realize that for your father to do that to you was wrong. Be a positive and a good romodel to your children.

Sep 13, 2011
a natural re-action: Always believe in YOURSELF
by: maurice

Crystal: What a natural re-action from a genuine sincere 14 year old to your story: So hopefully many more will learn about the effects and horrors that abuse creates in the innocent and vunerable child/adolecent: Thank You and Darlene for her vision and expertise in stewarding her site so that we all benefit from reading each other's story: from victim into victory: Once we begin the healing process than we become a winner over our abusers: Good on you 14 year old anonymous you got a re-action from me in your feelings for Crystal: You be safe and stay safe: Live well: Laugh often: Love much: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it: Have ahealthy mind in a healthy body anonymous: I wilL etc because I am WORTH it:

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Child Abuse Story From Fran

by Fran
(USA)

My mom is awesome, she is very loving and pretty much the best mother in the world, and my dad was very good too, he died when i was 10 , i'm 19 now, and he touched me once, just once and i think he was drunk, we never talked about it, and i forgave him, i really did. But the thing is, my mom thinks he was an awesome person, which he was, he was so good!, and i don't know if i should tell her what he did, because she would be devastated, and he is dead anyway, so i wonder if it wouldn't it be better that she just keep thinking he was an honorable man. i dont know if i should tell her anyway cuz she deserves to know even though it is going to break her heart.
ps: im really ok, i forgave him a long time ago, i just wanna do what my mom deserves!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Sep 09, 2011
Fran:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This questioning you're experiencing isn't about your mom, it's about you. You obviously feel the need to tell her, for reasons I suggest you explore. Sometimes, when we here someone talk highly of a person we know was not all that "good", it's difficult for us to hear, especially if we hear it a lot. It can niggle at us and threaten our healing. Deep down in your heart, you know your father was not so awesome. At this point in your healing, the question isn't if you should do what your mother deserves; the question is what do you deserve. You already know the likely outcome. And you already believe that no good will come of telling her, at least not on her side. The good will come to you, at least partially; a good that may only be short-lived and may affect the quality of your relationship with your mother. After all, you don't know how she'll respond. So now you must decide what's more important. Before deciding though, I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to first free your Self of the residual. Once you free your Self, you stand a better chance of making a decision that is truly based on what both you AND your mother deserve. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 09, 2011
just my opinion
by: Carrie

Hi,

Darlene is right, it is about you, it is obviously nagging at you and not leaving you. You say that you are alright and you have forgiven him but that is what a lot of us tell ourselves to cope. The reality that we may not be as alright as we think might be too painful. As Darlene suggests, consider getting some help for yourself as you deserve the best for yourself. These situations don't just go away on their own. We can only sweep them under the carpet for so long, and they will come up through sickness or other ways if we don't deal with them head on. I am in counseling myself and it is amazing what you discover when you work through it with someone. Take care of you, you deserve the best.

Carrie

Sep 22, 2011
Find your peace, support your self
by: Jill

Fran,
I can see that you care deeply about your mother and would never want to hurt her. You also care about your father because even though he did this to you, you understand that it's about the behavior not the person. However he was avoiding his responsibility by not protecting you from himself. Not being able to tell your mom has been hurting you for a long time.

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, it is typical to want to protect others because it means that we can temporarily avoid taking responsibility for what's going on inside ourselves. For years, my brother and I would avoid being honest with our mother because we were afraid of her being upset because we knew how sensitive she was. As an adult, I needed to let go of my fear of hurting her or losing her favor because I was literally dying inside from not telling her about my father's sexual abuse.

Since I couldn't talk to her about it, I wrote her a letter and it gave her time to digest before she contacted me again. Before I sent the letter I'd decided I was ok with whatever her response was because I was already at peace with myself. Of course she was very sad, but she didn't die. She recovered and validated me. Even if she hadn't, that choice would have been hers to make.

In order for you to recover you have to face and let go of the fears of not being validated and hurting your mother. The abuse was never your fault or responsibility. What if she had walked in on your father while he was abusing you? She would have had to face it then anyway.

Whether you decide to tell her or not is up to you. In order to care about yourself you need to find a way to have closure and be at peace. What happened to you was real and it hurt to have your father violate you even if it was just once.

Peace be with you!

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Child Abuse Story From Hannah R

by Hannah R
(Location Undisclosed)

i wasn't the easiest child, i wasn't always sweet....or kind...but i was five. Home was not a happy place for me, my mother would, how should i say this...."over punish" me. i was at first aways given time out at least once a day and it would last for an hour...me sitting in a hard stool at the end of a hallway while she screamed at me... i don't really remember what i did...i'm sure i did something, i don't really remember a lot from my childhood. ill tell you what i do remember....i remember being chased around the house by her....i remember her catching me....digging and squeezing into my arms....and then i'd be on the ground...and she would hold my wrists together and her face would be so close to mine...i could see her tense lips in between her yells. i remember being dragged into my room, thrown on the bed, my pants pulled down, that horrible smack as her hand collided with the skin on my backside. i remember being slapped in the bathroom, i remember being slapped in my bedroom, i remember soap being forced into my mouth. i remember being in the living room and being forced to the ground because my hair was being pulled as she screamed at me. i remember being a little girl and looking in the mirror at the red marks on my skin. i remember crying all the time, and most nights this would happen later in the night. i remember the things she used to call me, everything was a problem to her, to her i was selfish and careless and stupid. she made me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my father. she would give me unfair conditions, and everything was a problem, everything i wanted. there would be an issue and the yelling would start. i was an "ignorant little thing" and a "bad girl" and when i asked what i even did she would ask me "are you stupid hannah? are you really that dumb and ignorant", i developed OCD and a lying habit and she would accuse me of lying all the time, and whenever i showed that i had OCD i would be punished, and yelled at, and threatened. "you better stop this nonsense hannah, STOP IT"and then when i said i couldn't help it i was screamed at even more, and hurt, and grabbed. i was always given random speeches about how i could be a better girl and how ignorant and stupid i was and how i don't try and how i am lazy. she would burst into my room and start screaming at me for a fight we'd had days before. i was in constant fear of when she would erupt, when i would be hiding in the bathroom to escape her. she would grab my face and squeeze it and yell at me, my whole life it was like this. if i said i didn't like her dinner..i would be forced to sit at the table until i ate it sometimes it would be 2 am before i finally caved in. she would only pack me sandwiches for lunch and i cant eat bread...and if i complained i would be screamed at and hit so i kept quiet and didn't eat lunch for years in elementary school. she was always an hour late to pick me up from school, i could never depend on her, she never came to my school performances even though she said she would, she would always forget about me in the street and walk off somewhere and leave me looking for her for sometimes hours. she was mentally unstable my whole life...one minute we would be hugging the next she would be slapping me. once i had my mouth washed out because i didn't smile at a baby in an elevator. school wasn't much better than home...the kids at school would call me stupid and ugly, for two years everyday a kid would beat me up during recess...slam and knock me to the ground....kick me....other kids would make fun of me....kick me...call me ugly...one tore up my homework...another harassed me for two years....he used to drag me into the boys bathroom and lock me in....or jump on me...or hide my things....he once almost threw me down some stairs....and choked me....when i was little my neighbor mentally abused me....and would hide in my house....and basically stalk me....i would have sexual experiences as a child....that would lead me to constant masturbation as a very young child....because i cant remember alot of my childhood part of me believes that i was sexually assaulted...or exposed to something inappropriate as a young girl....my whole life was fighting....or hurting...or insults....i dont think there was a day when i didnt cry...or a day when i wasnt hit or insulted in someway....i lost my faith in religion because my mother did not agree with my beliefs....when i wanted to go to my best friends house i was constantly accused of trying to replace her and my dad with other parents.... she accused me of crazy things. i have memory lapses....where i cant remember one year of summer camp...i think id had my first kiss but that was also the year two older boys lured me into the forest to show me something....i dont really remember what happened....most of the time im over what happened in my life...but there are those days when i need to share my story...and just let it out....thank you.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Hannah R

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Sep 09, 2011
Hannah:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother was deeply disturbed, and she took out her anger, hostility and rage on you. Only someone seriously troubled and twisted in their ways of thinking could ever do what she did to you. What you must understand is that it wasn't about YOU, it was about HER. You are NOT the horrible things she called you. Those were lies. You are not dumb or ignorant, and I doubt you're lazy. You are none of those things. You are smart and articulate and worthy of dignity, respect and love. Your mother had mental issues that you have now had the misfortune of having to deal with. If you haven't already, I suggest you read my article on this site titled Why parents target a specific child for abuse. The article might open up some possible explanations (not excuses, mind you) for her brutal and cruel behaviour towards you. Just remember that what she did to you was not your fault. Fault lies squarely with her. I do strongly suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of what you endured. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 09, 2011
Thank you
by: Carrie

When I read you story, I felt like I was reading my own, only in my situation it was my Father. My mother did nothing to protect me. It is still that way today. I am so sorry for what you went through. Darlene is right, you are none of the things she said you are. I hope you find the strength to give yourself the very best by getting some help. Counseling has been an amazing gift for me...I have a long way to go, but step by tiny step, I am making progress. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Carrie

Sep 10, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Hannah, i can't believe that your dad would have to leave you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a mother and allow her to beat and berate you everyday...how dare he! That's not even discipline; that's just torture...and I'm sure that she even set you up for failure; that's not all about teaching you right from wrong; that's just all about power and control. She is really manipulative and I'm sorry to even believe that she really wanted you to fail just so she could keep controlling you. If she didn't want to be there, she should've had the courage to let your dad take you in instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that she (along with those sad, tragic boys at school and even one neighbor) chose is inexcusable. Oh, and she and your other abusers are wrong. You are not ugly; you are beautiful. You are not stupid; you are not ignorant; you are not lazy; you are smart, intelligent and articulate. You are also worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect, all of which you were sadistically denied of. Your sadistic excuse of a mother should go to prison with that slimy neighbor for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. As for those sad excuses for boys, they needed to be reported to the principal. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; she is to blame (and so are those boys and even that neighbor) because she, along with those brutes, chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she (along with your other abusers) had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, and if not, please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting that sadistic excuse of a mother and your other abusers to prison.

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Child Abuse Story From Dan

by Dan
(United Kingdom)

School: 
There was an age gap between me and my brothers. Everytime i started a new school my brothers had already moved on. There was only one year where i was at the same school as one of my brothers and that was junior school. Everyone knew my brothers but i was not like them, i was a classic example of a wimp. Every sports teacher wanted me but i was the complete opposit to my brothers. I prefered books rather then balls but as soon as teachers knew who i was and who my brothers were then my life was decided. I hated sports, no matter how good my brothers were. My parents knew this but i got so much verbal abuse about how useless i was from teachers, i actually started to beleive them. My grades were threw the roof but physically i was next to useless. My Family loved me regardless but school, i hated school, i loved learning but i hated other peoples oppinions of me. I was treated like a geek, a swat, a no-hoper, apart from a few teeachers who thought sports were second to education. When people realised i was not as physically capable as my brothers the abuse started. I was a wimp and i got beaten up as a wimp. I was a geek and i got beaten up as a geek. Some students decided i was a girl and decided to use me as such. Sorry no insult intended towards girls. I just used that expression to show what happened to me.
I was often anally raped in the showers by a particular group of boys. Most of the time i tried to excused myself from sports which i manage to great success but not always. My brothers knew them, if i had said something back then my brothers would of kicked the sh*t out of them. I was scared, my brtohers were not around and i kept my mouth shut.
They all know now what i went through but they blame me for not telling them. I should of said something and they would of sorted it. They were not there, i was on my own. It is great having older brothers but when they have moved on and i am left sittng in a classroom full of apes. I have moved on though.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Aug 16, 2011
Dan:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Please stop blaming yourself for what happened. You didn't tell because of fear, understandable fear. That doesn't make you responsible. The fact that your brothers blame you for not telling is ridiculous. You were not to blame. The teachers who chose to verbally and emotionally abuse you for what they perceived was a character flaw are the ones that set the premise for others to further assault you. And if your brothers had know and had "taken care of the situation" they would have been guilty of assault themselves. You are a good person, Dan. Don't believe the lies that others passed along. What other people think of you isn't as important as what YOU think of you. As I read your story I saw a smart and articulate young man. A young man worthy of dignity and respect. You do not have to live in the shadows of your brothers; you are your own person with your own set of gifts and interests. The world needs people like you, Dan. You did not deserve to be mistreated by the teachers or the sick and twisted little criminals who sexually assaulted you. You say you've moved on...without some form of counselling, what happened to you could easily come back to haunt you as you move through the various ages and stages of your life. Please consider some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the mistreatment and abuse. You didn't deserve it; you certain deserve help for the fact that you suffered with it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 16, 2011
Dan...
by: Anonymous

You were given a raw, crappy deal. Oh, and the teachers are wrong. you are not useless; you are worthy of love, protection, dignity and respect. Oh, and I know what it's like to be made fun of for choosing not to play any sports...and berating people who choose not to play sports is uncalled for. Oh, and you are not to blame for their ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. They had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you are in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Aug 17, 2011
ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:
by: maurice

Dan from reading your natural sharing of what was done to you in that school by so called professional people and those sicko's of boys in the shower made me feel total empathy with you: Sadly there is always a percent of bullies or so called perverted thinking frineds who are cruel in all schools/colleges: I had them myself in the school I attended 40 years ago: Dan, you were so brave: it took courage for you to search for and find Darlene's safe-haven site to share in trustworthyness speaking from your heart: Darlene has given you her heart words in the words she wrote to you: You are highly intelligent have no doubt about that: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Why schools still persist in forcing students to take part in a Physical Education Program is mind boggleing for me: Having said that Dan though: I have spent the last 40 years encourageing children/teens to take part in sporting and cultural activities: I know the benefit of it from my learning experience: I admired those who said to me that is not for me but I did encourage them out into the fresh air away from the 4 walls of their room in front of TV computer etc: Mixing with others your own age and gender irrespective of differences/orientations etc: Having a healthy mind in a healthy body is what I beleive in for all: Dan, integrate, mix, sharing your gifts and tallents with others: As you get older you'll be wiser and know better what I am encourageing you: Darlene has given you steeping stones of advice to move on in your thinking and your life: Act on her affirming words to you: Some form of therapy/councelling will benefit greatly DAN; Stay in Education: Think Positive: Act Positive: Be positive in all you do and say about yourself: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: Why DAN: simply because I am WORTH it:

Sep 05, 2011
Me too.
by: Zeke

Sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels to be "used like a girl". It kinda makes you question yourself, you know? I've been in therapy for a few years now dealing with it, but after a while you just have to realize that if you don't move on they're going to ruin the rest of your life, rather than just your childhood. Hope that makes sense. I'm not really good at communicating.

Dec 21, 2011
Dan
by: Anonymous

Thanks Darlene, Thanks Maurice, Thanks Anon, Thanks Zeke.
Darlene thankyou, you will be pleased to know i am talking with someone. Early days i suppose but i sometimes take a while before i trust people. Maurice, seen your name mentioned so much on these pages, glad you found time to respond to me.
Things are not easy, talking to my brothers just creates hatred, something i know too much of.
Dean, my oldest brother is ok. I do tell him things i would not tell any other person. He is 37 married and i have 2 great nepthews. He is comming to counselling with me in January. At least he said he would. My feelings do not just extend to my abusers but to people around me at the time. Sometimes i blame other people for my abuse because they did not see it happening at the time. I have hated the wrong people sometimes and pushed them away to such a point that i no longer feel welcomed in their lives. Not just one life damaged but everybody around me as well

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Child Abuse Story From Ron

by Ron
(Oregon, USA)

Sometime before the age of two my 8 year older half sister attempted to cut my penis off with a pair of scissors. My grandmother caught her in the act. I have no memory of it but did receive stitches and do remember still having those stitches about two years later when they finally came out.

The same half sister again tried to cut my penis off when I was 5. I kicked her in the crotch and she fell. I kicked her a few times and ran. Between the ages of 4 and 8, the half sister would dress me up like a girl and parade me down the street and to the park. Between the ages of 4 and 6 I actually enjoyed the dress up part but never went outside that way.

Now I am 63 and have never been in a relationship. I have had exactly 4 women who I dated more than 3 times and have never dated any woman more than 5 times. And I have never kissed a woman until the 3rd date. All kisses were simply what I call Catholic School Girl Kisses. A type of kiss I could have given my grandmother, but of course a different effect with a woman I am attracted to. With the exception of high class prostitutes, I have never had sex with a woman. And I haven't been with a prostitute since 1982.

So my life is all screwed up due to this abuse and likely other things created by it. I sure wish I had counseling about this, at least by high school.

Thanks for reading this. I hope it helps other men in dealing with sex abuse and maybe women as well. Some cretin where I live sodomized an 11 month old baby about a month ago. I sure would like a few minutes with him. Someone like that need not be wasting air.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


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Jul 22, 2011
Ron:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your half sister truly was twisted and disturbed; sick, actually. I can't begin to imagine the psychological problems she had that would bring her to do such a heinous act at such a young age. You were left at risk, and with the severe repercussions of her actions. There was obviously neglect going on, since your sister couldn't be trusted to be near you without strict supervision. Obviously, that strict supervision didn't happen. You BOTH needed counselling. Moreso, she needed to be removed from the family in order to keep you safe.

You speak as though it's too late for you. It's not out of the realm of possibility for you to get the counselling you need now, Ron. Being 63 doesn't preclude the possibility. Instead of looking at things in a way that is more grief in what you didn't have as a result of sexual abuse, try looking at things from this point forward. In fact, now would be the BEST time. You understand more about life in general and how the sexual abuse adversely affected you throughout your life; that's a great advantage when entering counselling. You recognize you need help, meaning you're open to it. You realize that counselling would help; another huge advantage. It's never too late. And the fact that we live in a world that is much more open to men speaking out about their sexual abuse makes it even timelier. As a young man, counselling for sexual abuse at the hands of a female, a child at that, likely wasn't available to you, or was even an option. That type of counselling IS available now, but you need to seek it out. So reach out for the help you need, Ron. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 23, 2011
Such Horror
by: Anonymous

Ron, where were your parents all that time? I can't believe that they abandoned you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a sister and allow her to offend you...how dare they! Oh, and I know how it feels when you were born into such a house where your sick sister didn't want you to be a boy when you were born. You deserved so much better than what she did to you. You are not to blame for her sadistic, ignorant behavior; She had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Emily

by Emily
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents died when I was 5 and I’ve been living with my aunt. I’m 15 now. I had been keeping it a secret, it started when I was six my aunt was usually drunk so I stayed at my cousin's house and that’s when it really began, I mean he didn’t do anything too bad, yet. He really just showed me stuff on the computer and he touched me and made me touch him. And then I’d start crying and he’d either stop or duct tape my mouth shut. But that only lasted till I was nine, and then he actually tied me down and raped me. It was the most miserable day of my life. He stopped a few times but didn’t untie me because in an hour or so he’d come back and start again. I don’t think I’d ever seen so much blood in my life, it hurt so bad that for the next week he went easy on me. But that day when he finally untied me he ordered me to sit at the back of the bed and to not move. I was so terrified when he came out with a towel and bleach, but I was relieved when all he wanted me to do was clean up the bloody mess. And when I was done he ordered me to get in the bathtub and he scrubbed me until he was convinced I was clean and there was no evidence left. And when I turned ten I tried out for every sport possible if it meant less time with him. It worked, until next year when we didn’t have enough money anymore. I tried to hang out with my friends but they were always busy. Then when I was thirteen he started to come up with games. The one I hated the most was role-play. He would show me people on the computer making love and then he would make me act like the girl while he acted like the guy. I hated it because I was supposed to act like I liked being raped and forced to do all these nasty things that made me feel dirty and slimy on the inside. Sometimes he would take pictures of me or he would make me do these weird nasty and sometimes even painful things just for his amusement. It made me sick inside. And I even tried to run away once because I was tired of living in this hell my so called my life. But I know not to do that again. I paid for that, people were suspicious for weeks and I was in constant pain. Luckily one of my teachers found out and the bastard is in jail.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Emily

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Jul 25, 2011
Emily:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I too am glad he's in jail where he can't do this to anyone else. I do hope you realize that none of what happened was your fault. None of it. This twisted cousin took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities in a criminal way. Don't ever blame yourself. Blame lies squarely on his shoulders because he chose to sexually offend you. I do hope you're in some type of counselling in order to deal with the repercussions of being sexually abused. Be honest with your aunt about your needs; it sounds as though you have a very supportive aunt. lean on her. Don't keep what you're feeling to yourself. You didn't deserve what happened. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 26, 2011
Please, oh Please go for counselling: It will benefit you:
by: maurice

Let your bravery and courage writing the true happenings and the things this beast of a man did to you: Emily Darlene's heart goes out to you in her comment: You are a very intelligent girl, I want you to ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: My MOTTO that I will live by from this day on in everything I do and say will be: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: Right now as yourself Who am I: Say I am: AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny: BEAUTIFUL Both inside and out: COURAGEOUS: Willing to take chances: DYNAMIC: ever changeing ever growing: ENTHUASTIC About living and loving: HEALTHY: Full of energy: Hi you said you tried every sort of game so that you could be away from that Beast: I hope you will get back into them so EMILY you can have a healthy mind in a healthy body: You have gifts; you have tallents and I am certain leadership qualities to be a great team leader: You'll make real natural friends for life and have many aqauintances who will cheer you up when you cross paths: Value and respect your beautiful body: Be gentle and kind on it: treat your body with tender loving care: hug and cuddle love into that body so that you can love the me looking out at you from the mirror: I will I can etc: Emily Darlene has written to you with a womans heart so take her encoureageing, loving empowering words into your heart: Counselling will benefit you: Have a friend or two your own age and gender so you can share your true female feelings and sensitivities of how you are feeling in trust and confidence; You'll make a good friend to them too: Emily stay in education: Stay safe: Be safe: I will etc: I am amazing: I'm special: I love me: get playing team sports rugby, soft ball, net ball: to name but a few football: become an international player for your country: Thank you for being ever so brave in searching for and finding This Safe Haven site Darlene had vision when she set it up: She's known as the relationship lady where ever she travels: Emily hearts do talk to each other as all her many visitors hearts speak to each other with empathy because all have and are suffering from the effects of abuse:

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Child Abuse Story From Sienna

by Sienna
(Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada)

when i was living with my auntie she always yoused to hit me and my sisters with a shoe a belt a metal hanger a wooden spoon we always we yoused to cry and cry and when we would cry she would say shutup and she would pinch our toungs hard till our toungs would bleeed and she would pull our ears and she would pull us by our hair:(




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sienna

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Aug 01, 2011
Sienna:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I hope you've disclosed what your aunt did to you and your sisters, and that you are now in a safe place, away from the abuse. If not, please contact Kids Helpline in Canada at 1-800-668-6868. They are staffed with professionally trained counsellors who will help you with your options. You can remain anonymous. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/en/home.asp

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 03, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Sienna, I wonder where your parents were. Anyway, your aunt was a sadistic brute and she must go to prison, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Aug 12, 2011
seek advice: Help: have a true trusting friend
by: maurice

Sienna: It is truly yours and your sisters abuse by a sick and sadistic Aunt: Physical abuse of any kind is truly out of order: out of place in the rearing of children: It has no place in loving and cherishing our children: Your Aunt was cruel: inhuman: totally sadistic in the pain she inflicted on you and your sisters: Anonymous asked a real question: where were your parent's? Darlene has given you loving, re-assuring words of affirmation and that will em-power you to tell some one you truly trust: a caring friend, who will walk with you to a trusting teacher who will listen and believe you: Sienna: I encourage you to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: I truly know this will benefit in many ways: It will give you natural and real friends for life: You will gain your self esteem and self worth from taking part in team sports and sporting and cultural activities with other girls/young women your own age: New Horizon will open out in front of you: Get some form of therapy for you and your sisters: She needs to be out of your lives NOW immediately. Siennna: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: your new motto I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: I'm Special: I love the me looking from the mirror at me: Good on you Sienna

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

I wrote before about my situation acting out sexually. It started when I was seven, acting out sexually. I have read in one article that when there is sibling incest one or both parents has had an affair outside marriage. My parents were horribly abusive to each other. You commented on that with a wonderful article about witnessing domestic violence and being terrorized. I love that. But I also need to understand what caused me to become sexualized so young. Seven is young. We had moved to the South of France when i was seven and my Mother was friends with a young photographer there. My step mother told me she believed my Mother had an affair with that man. (She came into my life when my Mother died in a car accident when I was nine. My father started dating her right away. She was only eight years older than me). But i was a mess from age seven on, about sex. I couldn't get enough of it, it seemed. Between the dirty jokes I heard from my father, my brother telling me I was going to be a Playboy Bunny, to reading all the dirty jokes in the Playboy magazines and books like "Jokes for the John", I kept myself very entertained from age seven on.

I would soil myself which would make my Mother furious at me.

This lack of control sexually lasted well into my 30's. It was only when I was 34 that I got married that I could even try to stop myself from acting on sexual feelings. But I felt like a nine year old when I would make love to my husband. It was very discouraging. I never got pregnant. I felt too traumatized.

Maybe you can steer me to someone who could help with this problem.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

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Aug 15, 2011
Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted you found the information I've included on this site helpful, but I must say that this really isn't the forum to get your question answered. Sexual intrusiveness in a child is far too complicated to make a reply here. There are so many variables. Besides, I've had to close down my Ask Darlene feature due to lack of time. What I will say is that typically, a sexually intrusive child is acting out what s/he has either seen or experienced. The child has him/herself been sexually abused in some way, though that child may block it out, especially if the abuse was traumatizing. There are a few pages on my site that you might find helpful: Child Sex Offenders; Could I have been sexually abused as a child? and Very confused about whether or not I was abused(these last 2 URLs will take you to my replies in both cases, but please remember that I can no longer answer questions for visitors). I strongly recommend you consider seeking out some form of counselling to help you sort this out. Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Aug 15, 2011
acting out
by: Anonymous

I'm happy to say I don't quite qualify as a child sexual offender. I acted out with girlfriends of my own age, and your article says that legally the victim has to be two years age difference.But I felt so frightened and out of control, acting out. I do go to a counselor who says it's sad that a child of seven is even concerned with their sexuality to the degree that I was. There were other things that concerned me to having to do with the anxiety politically in my family - my my father was a high ranking military officer. What I want to figure out is what I would have done if I had been my parents. What THEY should have done about me. They were so preoccupied with their rage towards each other. I felt like I caused it, of course!
I had one situation where an eight year old girl was being groomed for abuse by her adoptive father. The grand parents intervened and tried to get her back to being an eight year old. I loved them for that insight. I felt 40 or 50 at the age of 7! I think you are right that I acted out sexually because I was blocking what had happened between me and my brother. I really blacked out on that til a therapist introduced it to me in a therapy I had. I didnt tell her about it, SHE told ME what she thought had happened between me and my brother and she was right! It was really weird. I don't know to this day how she figured it out, but she NAILED it. I think it was intrusive on her part to reveal it to me without my telling HER when I was ready to reveal it. It was really strange therapy.
No, your forum is for those children who are the objects of abuse. But I wonder if anyone else on this site acted out in reaction to their abuse as i did. I had one counselor - a sexual assault counselor - tell me that I acted out my abuse because I never saw any consequences for acting out sexually with me by my brother so I learned it was an "okay" behavior. I think that is a good explanation. But I, thank God, never went further than I did. I still hear from one of my little girlfriends. She is a mother. I am happy what I did didnt' stop her from having a normal life.

Thank you for your insights. They are invaluable.

Aug 15, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of those sick perverts for dad and brother and allow them to offend you 24/7...how dare she! Oh, and being enraged at you for soiling yourself is a cowardly thing to do because most people don't understand that some kids soil themselves (let alone by accident)...and being furious at them for doing so will only make things worse...and I know what it's like for that to happen; I, too, used to soil and wet myself at times (mostly by accident)...and that, too, only made my parents (mostly my mom) angry with me for that. Anyway, you are not to blame for their disgusting, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse and offend you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and try talking to your husband about what you were forced to go through (yes, you can try counselling too).

Aug 15, 2011
To Anonymous #2's Reply...
by: AnonymousT

To Anonymous #2's Reply to the Original Poster Anonymous:

I don't think the Original Poster said anything about being left by her mother or her brother or father doing anything to her specifically, at least in this post. Her mother past away and her young stepmother had made comments regarding her mothers relationship.

To the Original Poster:
Often our mind can bury things were are not ready to deal with, often we NEVER find those things. I agree with everything Darlene said. If you talk to a psychologist with a background in childhood trauma you may be able to open up parts of your past, if they indeed exist.
Best luck to you.
AnonymousT

Aug 16, 2011
In response to AnonymousT
by: Anonymous

AnonymousT, with all due respect, I apologize for my misunderstanding.

Aug 17, 2011
Hearts speak to each other even from a distance
by: maurice

All hearts on this Site are empathetic hearts, real feelings are exchanged through the comments we write to each otjer: I assure you I get a genuine uplift from all the constuctive and loving words expressed in them: the latest comment I apologise ''WoW'' that sure is from the heart: Ah sure we know we are well watched over by one very special woman whose heart truly speaks to each one of us: she knows well when I say thank you taking time out of your precious time to write a comment: The reward for the one who shares their story: The blessing: You truly are a spiriual woman Darlene and a God's send to each of us:

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Child Abuse Story From Lalrempuii

by Lalrempuii
(India)

i'm very lucky for not being one of the victim.but i kno one girl who is physically abuse by her mother.she is only three years old cute toddler livin next door.her mother used to beat her with a big stick n she used to faint not bearing the pain.once,she took her mother cellphone n play with it.for this,her mother throw her on the wall three times.her mother never really care for her...she roam around anywhere alone n when she get home dirty,i can hear her crying with pain frm our house.all the neighbours knew it but did nothing.this one little girl is suffering deeply n no one is helping her........she is very scared whenever we talk about her mother in front of her.she is a playful little thing n i think her mother hate her for this.......




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lalrempuii

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Jul 08, 2011
To Lalrempuii:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Each of us is responsible to do something when we are aware or suspect that a child is being abused. YOU are aware of this abuse, so YOU must act. Don't leave it to someone else. You have the power to do something that could save this child's life. I don't have hotline numbers for India, so I strongly suggest you research your area to find out how you can report what is happening to this little girl. Thank you for sharing this little girl's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 08, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Lalrempuii, Darlene is right! Please look into reporting that sadistic excuse of a mother to prison for all those terrible crimes that she committed against her own flesh and blood, her own daughter because, first of all, that poor little girl did nothing wrong; second of all, abusers don't stop abusing until they are made to stop. Plus, mothers who abuse their own daughters are, in fact, one of the real abusers. Anyway, good luck!

Jul 09, 2011
The gift of a Friend: The Love of a Friend:
by: maurice

I guess you are the friend that this little girl does not know you care and love her: Darlene has written well chosen loving affirming words to you Lalrempuii: You'll have the courage and the intelligence to know where you should go with your cares and concern for this little three year old: She needs alot of loving and huggging: I can only picture her as I know my friends grand children of that age: How could a mother do such horrific things to her little body: Lalrempuii I love that name and writing it down: You, look after yourself, be safe, stay safe, have one/two real friends your own age and gender that will allow you to be your beautiful and true self: Have a friend: be a friend in trust and love: One sure way is to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: I can only asociate at cricket with India: I am sure there are Team Sports that you can take part in with your friend and fellow students; Please do a whole new natural world will open up for you: Value and respect yourself and yout body: Look in the mirror love the ME looking out at you: It ain't silly to be asked to do that: Hug and cuddle love into it and you; Be gentle and kind to yourself: You'll do what you know to be the best and the right thing for that beautiful little girl: Darlene encourages you lovingly to what you know to be the best for this child: With the advice and love of your family and friends a protecting formula this little girl will be found

Jul 10, 2011
Little Girl Lost
by: Anonymous

Please help that poor child. You must know the danger she's in. Take it from someone who knows. She is in extreme need of help. Please call someone to let them know what is going on with this sweet little girl. I have a child myself and would never harm him in any way. I'll pray for you and this beautiful child.

Sep 29, 2011
Hi!
by: Anonymous

Could you please keep us updated on what happens to this beautiful child, if ever you indeed report that twisted person. Good luck Mate & God be with you :)

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Child Abuse Story From Taylor

by Taylor
(Location Undisclosed)

I am a 13 yr girl physically abused. I have been abused ever since i was born. I was told not to tell anyone. If i told anyone my parents said they would beat me. My abuse is a "secret". I tried sticking up for myself but i got abused for standing up for myswlf my parents pulled a knife on me i was scared to tell teachers or adults because i thought they would treat me different. I thoughr when i told they would seprate me from my brothers and sister. So i decide not to tell because i dont wanna be split.but i get abused for nothing. I get abused if i clean. If i sit down. I am also verbally abused. I get called mean names. They tell me that they hope i die. Idk why my parents do this. I dont know what to do. i hate being abused.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Taylor

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Jul 02, 2011
Taylor:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Abuse is a terrible thing, as you know. Of course you'd hate it...you have every right to feel that hatred. But it isn't only the abuse you hate. Fear is always the reason that abuse victims don't tell. Fear of not being believed is at the top of the list. Fear of splitting the family is up there too. And so is fear of more abuse. Please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You don't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you are. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 02, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Taylor, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your so-called parents are so twisted and messed up in their own ways of thinking that they don't even know how to take care of themselves, not to mention be parents to you. Oh, and they are really sadistic brutes too. Oh, and did I mention that they even went so far into setting you up for failure? That's not even about housework; that's just all about power and control. They are really manipulators. The path that they chose is inexcusable. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. Plus, something's seriously wrong with them. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and please look into reporting those sadistic beasts to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you.

Jul 03, 2011
be brave: Be Strong: Love your beautiful Sell
by: maurice

That you are Taylor Even with the abuse meted out on you by your so called parents: They are not real: They are hidden control freaks of you their inocent child: Darlene sure gave you loving, supporting words to work with but be brave and get help for yourself: You are most important, you'll prove them that you can be a winner and live your life to the full: Know you are truly special: Intellegent: very brave with alot of courage: Taylor, you searched for and found a safe place to share your pain, your hurts, and the effects abuse has on one so young, innocent and vunerable: Taylor I am going to suggest something which I know will help you blossom and believe in yourself: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: This Taylor once you begin will open up your mind, new horizons, so dream your dreams and your ideals: Take part in team sport with people your own age and gender; This is important Taylor: you'll make real and natural friends for life and have plenty to enjoy good company with: there is safety in numbers: Hi trust a kind teacher, or seek out a counsellor: You'll be fine, you'll be a winner: my motto will be from today: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: That you are Taylor: who me?? Yes me:

Jul 03, 2011
you need to start your what call safety plan a parent that pulls knfe on a kid has mental troubles ok not safe at all
by: Anonymous

the knife thing i know only of one other family down the street where the mom stabbed the dad i cant understand this they moved if your parents threaten you with a knife that alone is assault with a weapon legally you are too young to know what to do alone but evidence is the knife if you get it hide that you hide the abuse you have evidence the knife they held to threaten you with that and usually domestic violence programs they teach even kids a plan they call it you get a bag gather important things keys if you have any to get back n ater house and you take pack stuff you need want an hide that too, then you plan how you

Jul 03, 2011
taking little steps now will stop all this
by: Anonymous

good to tell but you have to make sure you have evdence , and someone you go live with , my family is dysfunctional but been brainwashed meaning against the parents then domestic stuff i dont know who does it i think other adults around kds an our family but its hard domestic violence programs help kids each state for couseling you could ask your school couselor can you join or refer you to go to start just say emotinal stuff why to start so you get in program sometme schols have couseling too you can ask just say you want see guidance couselor wait an then gradually as you do your plan make sure you figure out if someone take you another adult family even if it just for other reason summer vacatons anything normal excuse to get out of thier house, you been hiding stuff lieing so its not so bad to find an excuse normal to leave then you end up safe then at some point you use that evidence to not go back unless they agree for exam theple to go to couseling the knife thing is bad very bad cleani g an arguing i dont know about that but i thik you do good if you plan out what you do gradually i thik you be fine but you have to do something each day add to the plan how to be safe activities you coudl volunteer too anywhere i dont know where you live but school ask where maybe something you like to do hobbie or help animals or other things after schol or summer volunteer , you can t work at your age yet you can volunteer outside of house try these steps see if it works but keep it secret your safety plan and the part where they separate you from other siblings thats illegal they have law the family enackment law where they not allowed to split up kid s family who do not want that you do have rights as a kid children rights cousil consult with them on this anonomous if you scared say anonomous but then later you see if you can get thier help legally if you ready too this be hard this part but start off wth the easier normal things way to separate yourself from the house first an keep the evidence too hidden or bag if you have to leave safe a weapon on a kid is serious they do that to you thats illegal

Mar 28, 2013
The sooner, the better; Darlene and Maurice are right!
by: Anonymous

Taylor, your parents are deeply troubled and sadistic. Oh, and the fact that they keep terrorizing you into not telling anyone really says that they know what they did is wrong yet don't stop doing that...and that makes them more dangerous. PLEASE GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE; PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!! Next time they lay a hand on you again, please consider reporting them to the cops ASAP because children are gifts to treasure, not to abuse. TELL, TELL, TELL!!!

Mar 28, 2013
Seriously, get out of that house!
by: Anonymous

Please try to get out of that house as soon as you can, Taylor; you've suffered enough. Your "parents" are mentally ill. As soon as you get away from them, your healing can start in earnest.

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Child Abuse Story For My Grandson

by Sherry
(Kentucky, USA)

okay i dont even know where to start my daughter was 19 got pregnant father no longer in the picture for the first yr i practically raised my grandson then she met this loser at work he had just recently got divorced about six months before he moved in with my daughter he is 35 yrs old she is 20 at this time she had never had a problem with me keeping the baby until he came along then it became less and less then one night i had the baby and she said she wanted him back and it was like midnight a big fight broke out they called the cops and tried to have me arrested for kidnapping i told the cop all the things that i had noticed like several bruises on his arms he has had two black eyes at this time and a fat lip the cop just told me that i would need proof and pictures this boyfriend stood behind the cops and was holding my grandson in his arms and was quietly laughing at me waving his hand in a smart ass kinda wave (if that makes any sense) at this point and time my grandson was almost two yrs on march 2nd until of 2010 until march 4th of 2011 i never got to see my grandson they never had a phone or internet access i had no clue where they were at they basically bounced from apt to apt living in filth i know every apt they lived in they got evicted i believe there was 3 apts well on new yrs eve of 2010 going into 2011 i get a phone call from m daughter sayng they are having all kinds of trouble money wise car not working they live in a house with no running water they are in az and im in ky so my mother drives back to az and picks them all up and brings them out to ky heres where i and several family members witness things that to me are child abuse my grandson was not allowed to get out of bed unless he had permission in the mornings he sometimes would lay in bed up to 18 hrs a day trust me that only happened once or twice he the loser boyfriend also grabbed my grandbaby put his hand over his mouth told him to shut the hell up he puts him in time out but will grab his face and slam it up against the wall this child lives in fear if he dont eat breakfast when the boyfriend says so he makes him go back to bed but yet this boyfriend is so nasty he has now lived in my house i live in a one bedroom apt they took over the bedroom i have yet to see him wash his hands him and my daughter have another son togather which is one yr old but he dont treat him mean but i believe that he is neglected in two months they have only given that baby two baths so i do it they have not changed the blanket in the babys bed he dont have a crib its a playpen they live in complete and utter filth they have only spent one dollar on the oldest child since march they bought him a cup from the dollar store i keep the oldest child in the living room cause that is where i sleep so i can keep an eye on him and my grandson will say that his daddy is mean to him and that daddy hits me he says the same story over and over mind you this man has two other kids and is 15 grand behind in child support he makes 400 a month no driver licsense no car not even a checking account the only thing he owns is his clothes and some movies and he is a druggie theres alot of things i left out not on purpose just trying to remember everything and i have vented i just dont know what to do and have no one talk with and it is very over whelming and something else i noticed is he always wants to take him to the bathroom which bothers me thanks for letting me vent




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Jul 30, 2011
Sherry:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're a very caring grandmother; and I certainly understand your concern. Sadly, the police are often misguided when it comes to child abuse. When you reported what you did about your suspicions, they should have contacted Child Protective Services so that an investigation could take place. They're supposed to work hand in hand with the police, but again, agencies often drop the ball. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the suspected abuse of you grandson and the other baby. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who can help you with what you're dealing with, and they can help you determine what agency to contact to report. The fact that you're suspicious and see what you see is enough to warrant a report. Go with your gut, Sherry. These children cannot protect themselves. Visit the Child Help website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

Thank you for sharing your grandson's story with my visitors and me. And I wish you and the babies love and safety.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 26, 2011
I am here for you
by: Paula

I was reading your story. I am a mother.I have a nine year old son.I am 27 so I had him when I was 17.I have made it my goal to help children like your grandson. I have seen this neglect from being a case worker.I wish you luck.

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Child Abuse Story From Kalia

by Kalia
(USA)

i am a victim of child abuse. when i was 3years old my older sister and i were violenty abused by a man i will call kaohu. as i sit here im remembering it like it was yesterday i mean da smell of his stinking breath is so fresh just as it was den. kaohu would do terrible things to us he would lock me in da closet feed me food out of da rubbish punch my stomach choke me until i stop crying abuse and hurt my sister and force me to watch as she is screaming for me to help her and this would go on as a daily thing he always said was my fault or our fault thats why and we deserved to be licked. he would put us to bed before my mom would come home and would always tell her we were sleeping and it would go on like this for awhile until one night i couldn't go sleep cause my stomach was hurting and my mom was home at da time she didn't know what da problem was so she took me to lahaina kaiser for help. as the doctor took my clothes off they both saw what da problem was i was black and blue from head to toe. from there they rushed me to da emergency room and did xray and stuff to see what was happening inside of me it came to be that i needed exploratory surgery asap. my small intestine had a build up of gangreen and needed to be removed. so what had to be done got done in da nick of time as da doctor would say for if i did not cry and tell my mom my stomach was hurting i would have died that night or early the next morning.now this was the beggining of a never ending nightmare i am 29 years old today and it still haunts me. growing up i didn't talk about it i always kept it inside i was shame scared believed was my fault that all this happened to my sister and i there is alot more but i need a break until next time thank u for listening




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kalia

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Aug 21, 2011
Kalia:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I take it your abuser was supposed to be taking care of you and your sister while your mother worked. What a sick excuse of a man, beating on two helpless little girls. I can't even begin to imagine what you lived through. And as you feel more comfortable sharing, by all means do so here. Always remember, Kalia, that what happened to you (and your sister) was not your fault. No matter how many times this abuser said that it was or implied that it was, it was NOT your fault. Fault lies squarely on his shoulders because he chose to abuse you. He had a choice, and he made it. Don't ever forget that. You were NOT responsible. I'm so glad that you told and that you are still here today because of telling. That was incredibly brave of you to speak up. I will also say that it does seem strange to me that your mother would not notice there was something wrong with you and your sister, even though she wasn't home when the abuse was happening. There are signs that children display that would make a mother question what was going on. I do hope you'll consider seeking out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the trauma of what you experienced at the hands of this abuser, as well as the lack of action by your mother when she must have seen signs of abuse, especially such severe abuse. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 22, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Kalia, I can't believe that your mom left you and your sister to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a man and allow him to beat and berate you guys 24/7...how dare she! If that beast didn't want to be there, he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you guys. The path that he chose is inexcusable. Oh, and forcing you to eat from the garbage is a really cowardly thing to do because only cowards would do such things to such innocent, helpless little girls you and your sister once were. You guys are not to blame for his sadistic behavior; he is to blame because he chose to abuse you guys. You were the children, he was the adult; he had all the power and only misused it over you guys. I hope that you guys are in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting that beast because abusers don't stop abusing until they're made to stop.

Aug 22, 2011
be brave: Be Strong: Love your beautiful Self
by: maurice

From you sharing your story here with Darlene and her family of empatising visitors let This Day be the start of a whole new way of thinking about the great, wonderful, beautiful, gentle loving self you are Kalia: That Animal of a man took away your dignity, your innocence, destroyed that beautiful pefect body of yours at the most vunerable of time of you maturing and growing into a amazing young woman: With Darlene words of love: affirmation, encourageing, supporting do's of advice you'll take charge of your own future life's destiny: Kalia at 29 years of age you are young enough to begin to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Yes,Kalia NOW--THIS DAY NOT TOMMORROW: no excuses, Get out taking part with other women in Team sports, Hockey, That unusaul game of American Football: I am sure women play that game which confuses me each tim I view it: I am sure if you pad the all important exquisite parts you'll make a good ball player: A whole new horizon will open up for you: You'll make real and natural friends for the rest of your life: That's a guarantee I'm giving you: TODAY: You have gifts: you have tallents and I am almost certain you have leadership qualities that you can share with these great team members: Begin reading Darlene's comment again: take ownership of her loving words to you from her woman's heart mind you too: Her heart will touch you that you'll just know she wants what is the best for you: Hi Say I WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR ME TOO: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: Look in the MIRROR in your beautifulness and hug and cuddle that magnificent body of yours: Be gentle and kind to it and yourself: Era go on there's no one looking now does not make you feel good Kalia

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Child Abuse Story From Amanda G

by Amanda G
(California, USA)

I survived child abuse. It was only by the love of teachers who observed and took a stance for my life that I was saved.

My mother had me in her twenties. She met my father at the local fair, and within a year she found out she was pregnant with me. My father was around until I was four when my mom didn't want my dad around anymore, so he left. My mother was an alcoholic and a drug user. Even though it was mostly marajuana, I was not a priority.

Soon after my dad left, my mother was dating again, someone she already knew from high school, but he was also into drinking and using drugs. I don't know exactly what drugs, for that is something 24 years later that my grandmother won't share with me because she doesn't know everything that was going on either. But my dad never came back to get me, my mother kicked him out and he stayed away.

I lived with my mother at my grandma's house, which is my mother's mom. We lived there until my mother got tired of hearing my grandma complain about her new boyfriend, the guy she went to high school with. But before we moved out, my life was different. Because of the events that took place, I don't remember much because I have blocked the memories out. I remember my grandma telling me how I met the neighbors, and how I knew where my mother went to party and I would take off out the gate to find her. But the events that happened do come back to me now, but as nightmares.

I lived with my mom for about 6 months until she found out she was pregnant with my sister when I was 6 1/2 years old. We lived close to my grandma, but being a stepchild, I didn't know that my grandma's house was going to be the safe place to be. My mom's boyfriend drank all the time when he was awake and home from work. I would ask to go to stay at my grandma's and only went to visit. But I had friends I could play with on the street we lived on. No one knew what was going on at home because I was such a tomboy and always got hurt that you couldn't tell what bruise came from what.

Household chores became a reason to not want to be at home. If there was one spot on one spoon, then all the dishes would come to the floor. If the dog pooped in the house, then I would get thrown to the floor and told to cleanup the mess, even after I landed in the mess. My mother always said the reason why my stepdad expected everything to be so neat was because his dad was in the military and he was treating me the same he was treated growing up. But if I was good, then I got to do things with everyone as a family. Still, no one knew what happened in the house. No one knew what my bruises were from.

There were people involved in my life that knew what was going on, but in the 80's, it was easy to report, but no one wanted to really be involved. So not everything was reported. Some people were afraid to get involved and tried to put it aside. Those who got involved just got yelled at but it didn't mean it would stop the pain and help my situation.

The teachers that got involved were made aware of the situation when I switched schools and it was before I was to start second grade when I would miss the first part of school. Everyone thought I had the stomach flu, but didn't know that my appendix had ruptured. No one knew that I was so sick, was caused from being hit in the stomach for I don't know how long. My grandma had to fill the school in on the information because it was court ordered that my mother and stepdad were not allowed to come to the school to see me and I needed to see a counselor. I didn't understand why I had to see the counselor, but I loved getting to draw pictures, and talking to someone all day when I needed. My teachers became my family when it was time to celebrate mother's day, which I also celebrated with my grandma, father's day, and when I didn't have a father to bring to the father's day lunch, the principal came as my guest.

I don't know what happened in almost all of my childhood before 5th grade. I blocked everything out. Most people can remember their childhood, and I remember mine in dreams. The good memories come in good dreams, and the bad memories come in nightmares. I am always told by my grandma that I don't want to remember what my childhood was like even if there was good memories because there isn't enough good memories to make up for the bad ones. But when I do remember something, because my grandma took me in when no one could get a hold of my dad when I was in the hospital for almost a month, she is always there to help me remember what my life has become.

Now these days, I always think of what has happened to me, hearing the stories from family, trying to figure out why I have so many health problems: loss of an ovary and still unable to get pregnant, constant headaches, aches in one area of the skull, hearing loss and etc. But then I am also scared of my mental well being. I never have dealt with the child abuse as an adult, I have never talked to a therapist about what I have been through, how I have dealt with everything. Will I ever have a moment when too much will be too much and will I do something wrong.

And then yet, how is it that anyone I meet in public wants to tell me what is going on in their lives, they want to have advice from me, a stranger they meet once and may not ever see again. How is it that I can help others with ways of grieving, getting rid of pain when they can't stop thinking of something, and know just the right things to say to make a bad day good. How is it that I can help someone understand what is going on with them and why they will be okay. Why is it my life experience has taught me how to be strong and to survive, so that is the only thing I can give back is recommendations.

I don't know how I can do it, but I don't want to know either. I guess not knowing is what has made me who I am, even though it scares me to know that at any moment, something could change that with a single thought. I work with mental health patients, and I help them while they try and get back on their own. But I can't manage my own life.

I just don't know....




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Amanda G

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Jul 24, 2011
Amanda:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're managing your own life through the lives of others, only you haven't taken your own advice just yet, possibly because you're so close to the situation. It's always easier to be objective looking into someone else's situation. When we are so able to help others as a result of what we've been through, it's our subconscious' way of helping our Self. Each time you have an opportunity to speak with someone about what they are dealing with, it's an opportunity for you to heal. But you must first recognize that that is what it is. You must realize that the ear you're lending to another is the ear to your inner Self. This is one of the reasons why helping others can be so therapeutic. In other words, you know a lot more than you think you know. And I would be remiss if I didn't say, bless your teachers! They were heroes. They did what they were supposed to do, and as a result, you were spared even worse abuse. From what you've told me about yourself, you yourself are a teacher, Amanda. You teach people how to deal with their adversity. That's a special gift you have. You need only apply that gift to your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jul 24, 2011
I'm glad you told
by: Anonymous

Amanda, I can't believe that your mom would abandon you to the so-called care of her sick, sadistic monster of a boyfriend and allow him to beat, enslave and berate you everyday...how dare she! That's not even about teaching you about responsibilities of cleaning; that's just torture and all about power and control. He is a manipulative person and I'm sorry to even believe that he really wanted you to fail just so he could keep controlling you. If he didn't want to be there, then he should've had the courage to leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that he and your mom chose is inexcusable. Oh, and because your mom didn't stop the abuse, she was actually enabling the abuse, so she, too, has a lot to answer for. Oh, and kudos to your teachers for stepping in; I just hope that your mom and this sicko of a stepdad remain incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you because you did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for his sadistic, ignorant behavior nor are you to blame for your mom's uncaring, apathetic behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. Oh, and I'm glad that your grandma is with you now because she's so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you try counselling.

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Child Abuse Story From Leila

by Leila
(England)

I was sexually abused by my uncle from the age of about 5 or 6 until I was 23. It needn't have gone on that long but it did so because I allowed it too.

I was born shy which made it easy for my uncle to keep me quiet. My Mother would shout at me, tell me not to go near him, yet take me to where he lived (at my Grans) and make us stay there pretty much all day. Despite the fact she knew he was a pervert because he'd often drill holes in the bathroom wall where the shower was and leave camcorders in the laundry basket. So I grew up feeling like it was my fault.

The only time it stopped was when my Mother argued with him and we'd stay away a few days. I'd get excited, try everything to show my Mum she could cope alone without Gran and him but it didn't work.

We'd soon return and the first thing I'd get told on going back to my Gran's was how my uncle had been crying, because he missed me. I was conditioned to feel sorry for him.

At 9 my Gran died. So instead of us going to him he came to us. I got raped almost daily in my own bedroom. My Mum still shouted.Told me to stay away from him yet he was in my own house, keep out of my own room so he didn't follow. I wanted to tell her, but somehow I knew even if I didn't she wouldn't do anything. It was hard because my Mother was the kind of person who always had to be the victim. So I'd try and say things like "I feel so abnormal" and she'd shoot me down instantly "I HAVEN'T MADE YOU ABNORMAL!!"

At 13 I was severely bullied at school and my shyness turned into avoidance personality disorder. The start of my path to self-destruction. From 13 onwards I had so much help from counselors, social workers and others, yet I gave up on it all. Convinced something awful would happen if I let them into my world. Sometimes, a few times from 16 onwards, I did let people in on my secrets, only to regret it later and again run away from them all, bury my head in the sand and battle on.

Basically, I became my Mother. Hating life, wanting to get out, telling people how bad everything was and then turning it down and doing nothing about it. Just like my Mother.

Often as a child I'd hear my Mum scream at my Gran about finding my uncle perving on her, yet she'd do nothing about it. She'd argue and take us home, to go back a few days later. I became her. She'd make steps to get court orders against my uncle, she'd tell her friends. Then give up. Threaten to call the police, then not.

My uncle could be very aggressive and then very charming. He'd do really bad things and then beg for forgiveness. We'd all fall for it. With me, he'd convince me that each time would be the last time. It never was.

It's hard because in many ways I want to hate my Mother for not protecting me but then feel I can't because I didn't protect myself despite the many chances I had to do so. At 18, I told my Mother everything, after being offered a property and being too afraid to accept.

I figured I had too since I was too cowardly to move away. She cried, and vowed she'd never leave me alone with him again. It lasted a day.

You'd think It would have given me the confidence to work harder to get out. It didn't. I just accepted things. Like the lunatic I was. I tried many times more, just never quite hard enough. Until I was 23.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Leila

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Aug 08, 2011
Leila:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are beating yourself up and blaming yourself for what wasn't your fault. You were "groomed", Leila. Groomed by your mother to be vulnerable, helpless and powerless, and then groomed by your uncle as he took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities. They had all the power, and as a result, you were completely controlled by them. Yes, you had help along the way, but by the time that help came around, you were in a dynamic that was too far gone. And your mother did such a good job setting you up to accept what was going on and just carry on as usual that you learned the lesson well. I do hope you're in some form of counselling to help you deal with the betrayal and abandonment of your mother, and the sexual abuse you endured at the hands of a sex offender of an uncle. Counselling that you are an active participant in. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. But only YOU can make that decision. Only YOU can decide that you're worthy of getting that kind of help. You have tremendous insight into your situation; that insight can make the process easier. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir





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Child Abuse Story From Amy

by Amy
(England)

Wish i was never born!! 
When i was about 1 and half years old my parents started physically abusing me. I was locked up, kicked, hit, punched and pushed around. I even ended up in hospital one time with a neck injury!!! It hurt to have it done to me but it was even worse having to watch it happen to my two sisters.
I remember when I was 6 having to watch my 2 year old sister getting beaten. She was covered in red marks and bruises. I felt so hopeless because I couldn't do anything to stop them.
That was when i started self harming. I didn't want to die but the self harm just calmed me down and helped me to feel in control. The self harm lasted for about two years but the physical abuse lasted for about 7. My parents stopped when we moved to another country but then they started emotionally and verbally abusing us. I remember trying to fake a smile but then they would say one more thing and I would break down. I would cry myself to sleep and my parents wouldn't realise.
At the moment I am still emotionally and verbally abused. There is also a small amount of physical abuse but not as much.
My dad moved to another country and since then my mum has been neglecting us. There is never much food in the fridge and she will go out and we will not see her until the next morning. I get stuck looking after my sisters and so I cannot see my friends.





Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Amy

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Jul 10, 2011
Amy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I for one am SO happy you WERE born, Amy. Our paths have crossed as a result of both of us being born, paths that can branch off into other paths that can help us both and help others too. That's the beauty of our lives intersecting. The fact that you're here, and have written your story on this site means that you're helping others; and when you help others you help your Self. So again, I'm so glad you're here. As for your parents, they have a lot of problems that they're ill-equipped to handle; and they're taking those problems out on you and your sisters. None of what is happening is your fault, Amy. And it's not your sisters' fault either. Fault lies squarely on the shoulders of your parents because they are choosing to abuse you. And you are not to blame for the abuse inflicted on your sisters. Your parents have all the power, and they're using that power to control, manipulate and abuse you. You don't deserve to be mistreated in any way, Amy. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. You need help for the fact that you aren't. Talk to a counsellor at school or a trusted teacher. Contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 in order to talk to someone. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.donthideit.com

Remember, Amy, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, by your parents and by YOU. When you self-harm you're mistreating your Self in much the same way your parents have. Start by treating your Self with the love you deserve. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 10, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Amy, I'm sorry to hear about your sadistic parents. You were given a raw, crappy deal because they are so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they don't know how to even take care of themselves, never mind be parents to you and your sisters. They don't know how to love even themselves; all they ever knew is hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you guys. If they didn't want to be there, then they should've had the courage to give you guys up for adoption and leave instead of sadistically abusing you guys. The path that they chose was and still is inexcusable. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the children; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you guys, so please tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Jul 11, 2011
How wonderful on the mountain are the feet that bring good news: Good News:
by: maurice

Music to my ears AMY: I hope you will make Darlene's words music in your ears and heart: Read them again I for one am SO happy you were born Amy: Our path's have crossed as a result of both of us being born: I am here blessed too that I have crossed Darlene's path and now yours because I was born: I never asked to be born is the one thing I can make real from time to time: But, I was, I was a beautiful baby, I was that beautiful child/adolecent that someone else abused: It was not my fault: I did not ask them to abuse me: THey did: I am now beginning the process of making sense of it: Amy you have come to the right safe haven site to begin that process: Darlene truly has given you specially her heart feeling words: from her woman's heart she empatises with you in all your shared in the truth as it happened in your life (abuse) Let this be the new beginings you hoped for and wished for; She has given you words to work with and act on: So read her comment slowly and take into your heart the one's that make you feel good about yourself: Some form of counselling wil help too Amy: Having one/two friends your own age and gender will help you value and respect your beautiful and wonderful self: I am beautiful: I am gifted: I am tallented: I have a better sense of myself now I know it was not right that these people who were to love and cherish me abused me as an infant/child: cruelly: they are monsters and molesters: How could two people beat a two year old body: It is unimagineable to me AMY; Please care for yourself NOW: You have begun that process by being so brave, having the courage to look for and find Darlene's site: Start living your life to the full from TODAY: One sure way is to get out there with your friends.fellow students and like-minded people your own age and gender taking part in TEAM sports and sporting and cultural activities: AMY it will empower you: You see a whole new ME thinking beauty looking out at you: Be gentle and kind on that me: say positive things about how wonderful and beautiful I am: Be safe Stay safe, no more self-harming that gentleness and beauty: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: MY NEW MOTTO: Do hugs not drugs hug and cuddle yourself and others close to you: You'll feel good and make others feel good with you AMY

Jul 11, 2011
Listen :)
by: Unknown...

Hi amy, um same thing has happened to me. my parents always say i wish i were dead because of you or say why did i ever have you. I never told anyone. I'm just so afraid everyone will feel bad for me and give me attention but most of all think im a freak. :\ It sucks i know. But what i have to say is that, Someone, somewhere and somehow theres a person who loves you for you who are wont hurt you in anyway and just feels for you? I understand, and do you know who that person is? God. Pray. Pray. Pray. He could hear you cry yourself to sleep. He was there the moment you were born. He helps you through out your life. :) Im REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry for whats happening to both of us. And what i have to say about our parents is that, NO parent should ever HURT they're child. They're very sick people who need to stop putting out they're anger on us. Im sorry to have to say that. But i mean i JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. :( Its hard to understand i know but i mean...:( Im so sorry for you.

Jul 13, 2011
Amy
by: Braelyn

You have been given some very encouraging words. Take those words and run with them. Be glad that your mother is not home at night. That takes a burden off of you and your sisters. You won't have to worry about verbal abuse or any other abuse. Find a teacher or neighbor that you trust and confide these things in them trust me they will find a way to help you. I was abused by my mother as an infant, child and up until my present husband opened my eyes and showed me what she was doing to me. She didn't only verbally abuse me, she was so physically abusive that I can't remember alot of my childhood. She helped my ex-husband take my children away from me. She has told so many lies about me and made people believe it it is crazy. Now I have found out from numerous doctors that I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is like what the Soldiers from War get. I am bound and determined to overcome this and not have my son be damaged. You and your sisters deserve a better life and with God's help you will get it. Stay positive and keep the faith. We are all glad that you and your sisters were born and we all love you.

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Child Abuse Story From Darryl For My Son

by Darryl
(Philadelphia, USA)

I have a young teenage son that is being abused by his mother: 
My son was being abuse by has mother who is a conrectional officer at cfcf, my son has been punched in his face a number of times , his life has been threaten by his mother to the point that he was told she would kill him , now that i'm aware of the situation i have contacted the department of human services . he is with me for now but is afraid that he may have to go back.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Darryl For My Son

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Sep 06, 2011
Darryl:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're a good father. Keep protecting your son. Do what you must in order to ensure he stays safe. And build up his self-esteem. At this point in time he doesn't feel very good about himself. Tell him he's worthy of dignity and respect and that he IS lovable. He needs to hear this from you over and over and over again. Right now he's likely blaming himself for the abuse. Tell him, and keep telling him, that it's not his fault...because it isn't his fault. Fault is with his abuser because she chose to abuse. Keep with his normal routine at home. Involve him in activities that he is interested in, activities that will help him build on his self-worth, whatever those activities might be. Perhaps sports, but if he's not into that, find out what his interests are, and then develop those. And make sure YOU have a support system in place as well: family, friends, support in the community. The best gift you can give your son is to take really good care of his father so that you can take really good care of him. Thank you for sharing your son's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 07, 2011
we are family with darlene on her site
by: maurice

Her Comment to you Darryl is a woamn's loving heart with supporting and encourageing words of affirmation both for you and your Son: Good on you for protecting him from his Mother: Keep him safe from her: Darlene's words to you are a good Father: I sure hope you let your Son know that you love him: want always what is the best for hime: Help him to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Encourage him to take part in team sports, sporting and cultural activities where he'll make real natural friends for life; Help him to stay in education: You are a caring, loving father: Great to read your true feelings for your Son: I hope his mother knows why you are protecting him from her: She needs help and counselling:

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Child Abuse Story From Edrick

by Edrick
(Karawaci, Indonesia)

Everything that I did is wrong in my father's eye. Everything that my siblings do is right and valuable for him, although they are naughty children. He doesn't love me as he loves my other sibling. He will be fiercely angry with me and say harsh words to me. He is such a very immature man. I don’t feel a peaceful life. He also hates my mom, they had never divorce, he bullied my mom and very mean to her, harsh words in every-time he meets my mother. I am their biological child, my dad often taught me about moral and Christian religion but I guess it really not correlated to his action. It is not enough at mental or emotional abuse for him, he also do physical abuse. Slapping our face, pushing our head, even punch and kick me. It still happening in my life, but now I am going to be 20 years old, I am so grateful I that I will at least two more years to live rely on him since I am still in university. My dad is a well-established man but I will definitely exceed him so he will never be able to touch and abuse my life anymore. I also must afford a wonderful life for my mother, what I want is giving her a proper life, a happy life that everybody deserved. This is me keeping my promise.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Edrick

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Sep 06, 2011
Edrick:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're such a good person. And while it is very commendable and honourable that you want to give your mother a "happy life", happiness is a state of mind that comes from within. No one can actually "make" someone happy; it's up to the person to decide they want to BE happy. That's not to say that a life without abuse will help, but it's important that you look inside your Self for happiness first. Exude that happiness; and it will spread, perhaps even to your mother. And when you need someone to talk to, consider a counsellor at university, if that's available to you. As for your father, there is something serious wrong with him. Do what you must in order to avoid him if you can't have distance. Understand that you are worthy of dignity and respect and love. You ARE lovable. And when all this doesn't come from a parent, it doesn't mean it's your fault...abuse will never be your fault. It means the parent is twisted in their way of thinking. Continue with your education, and then be the best person you can be, in spite of what your father made you endure. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 07, 2011
The sooner, the better...Darlene is right!
by: Anonymous

Edrick, something's seriously wrong with your dad because he has serious problems and he needs help, so the sooner you tell, the better (yes, you should even talk to your mom about the abuse too). Darlene is right! If your mom can't step in and protect you, then tell someone you really trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you.

Sep 07, 2011
I AM AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny
by: maurice

Edrick: Always Believe in Yourself: Darlene's comment will sure help you do that, her loving heart words of love, encouragement, support, affirming, will help you to value and respect your self WORTH/ESTEEM I'm Special: I'm unique and unrepeatable: Just Be Yourself Edrick, Be happy and content in yourself and your Mom will see where your happiness is coming from and will learn from you: Say, some of the things Darlene said to you to your mom and get her thinking that happiness comes from within each one of us: Love comes from within: beauty comes from within: Live well: Laugh Often: Love Much: always beginning and ending with yourself: Be gentle and kind with yourself: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body; This will mean you get out there taking part with your own age and gender in TEAM sports: Sporting and Cultural Activities: I guarantee you will make natural and real friends for life and have many aquaintances: There is safety in numbers: So Edrick: Darlene has given you stepping stone for you to be amazing to be in charge of your own destiny: I WILL I CAN I MUST Because I am WORTH it: Stay in education: You'll be fine and you'll be like Darlene a victim into victory over your abuser:

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Child Abuse Story From Anallasin

by Anallasin
(Location Undisclosed)

I Live on the south side of chicago. my fathers a angry drunk who gangbangs, and my brothers are too. imma second generation ladyTS (gangbanger) my mom died when i was 4 so i dnt remember her much. when my dad brings his freinds around and drink they would rape me. this started when i was 6 and has kept on goin on, now im 17. ive tried to leave the gang and drug life but my father keeps bringin me back in. i cant have a real relationship with a guy cuz i dnt trust any guys. i guess this is part of being a young mexican gurl in CHicago...




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anallasin

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Sep 18, 2011
Anallasin:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I bristled when you called yourself a "gangbanger". When we call ourselves such things, we don't only label ourselves, we begin to believe that's what we actually are. But that's not Who You Really Are. Who You Really Are is much deeper than any label, especially one with such a disturbing background. You CAN get out of what you have been forced to endure, but you must really want out, and then act. Reach out to whatever organizations and agencies there are out there. At seventeen and in the situation you are in, you're in a unique position. If you live in the USA, I strongly suggest you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.ndvh.org/

You don't deserve to be living this way, Anallasin. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you are being forced to live this way. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love. Start by treating your Self with that dignity, respect and love. Call the number above. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 18, 2011
hard to get what you need
by: Anonymous

sometimes it's good to shake up your parents. You should call the police next time they try to involve you in anything gang related. But that is scary. Try reaching out to a woman's shelter. I have done that and it is surprisingly helpful and very safe. Also, if there are some sisters of the catholic church or a priest nearby who work with gangs, get them aware of what is going on in your home. They work really hard to reach out to gang members. You don't have to be a practicing catholic to ask for their help.

God bless you and don't forget that being Mexican is a good thing! Mexico is a beautiful heritage, very maternal and very cultural. The food, the dancing, the music, the religious life are all wonderful. So don't put yourself down for being Mexican.

Sep 19, 2011
My new LABEL is I am AMZAING: The architect of my OWN Destiny:
by: maurice

Anallasin: Think about that New Label: Know then That Anonymous and Deffineately Darlene want what is the best for you NOW so that you can begin to live a Normal life: All you have been doing is existing and survibg in a hell-hole of Abuse: Forced on YOU by animalistic and beastly thinking individual one who happens to be your Father: Darlene says to you lovingly from her woman's heart YOU don't have to be living this way: You most deffineatley need help for the fact that you are being forced to live this way: You deserve to be treated with Dignity, RESPECT and LOVE (real) Anonymous: There is a heart comment too for you to ponder on: My heart is with theirs: GET HELP for yourself NOW; Anallasin: You will have to surround yourself with genuine and true friends who will take you into their hearts and maybe into a safe place away from that depraved Hell-Hole that you are forced against your will to be in: I know you are intelligent, gifted, YOU are aware this has been part and parcel of your life since you were six years of age: Beautifully too innocent and vunerable to take charge of of your own life and destiny: Those beasts/animalistic out of their brains in drugs were incapable of treating you with Dignity and Respect: From the NOW time of your life with your cry for help here on Darlene's safe Haven Site begin to LIVE your LIFE TO THE FULL: I will: I can: I must: because I am WORTH it. Start treating yourself with that Dignity: Love and RESPECT which should have been your right all these years: LOOK in the mirror: Scream, shout or just firmly say it to yourself: I AM NOT A GANG-BANGER: THAT IS NOT WHO I REALLY AM: My new Label is goinf to be: I am AMAZING: The architect of my own destinty: I am BEAUTIFUL: Both inside and out: DYNAMIC: Ever changing, ever growing. ENTHUASTIC: About living and LOVING. HEALTHY: Full of energy: Oh Anallasin: I hope you are in School: College (maybe not) but I want you to start mixing with other Adolecents, young adult thinking women your own age: where possible taking part in TEAM sports: sporting and cultural activities: Where there's a will. There is a WAY; You've got it Anallasin: My new Label contains: I am LOVABLE Exactly as I am: Optimistic Anything is possible: POWERFUL: Beyond Imagination: RESOURCEFUL: Obstacles are stepping stones. TRUSTWORTHY: Speaking from the heart ( You have done that here with Darlene and her visitors) UNIQUE: And Unrepeatable: VALUEABLE: I make a difference. WISE: Open to LIFES lessonsL XCITED: About Living and Loving: ZESTFUL Happy to be me: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF ANALLASIN: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT. Read Anonymous Comment I agree with her there is help out there for you in the places she believes and knows will help you: I will, I can, etc Anallasin:

Sep 20, 2011
Your body belongs to you only!
by: Jill

Anallasin,
First of all, you're a person. Forget all the labels! Every person on earth has the right to be treated with dignity. Your father and the people he's hanging out with have obvious personal problems. They have never treated themselves or anyone else with dignity. There is no doubt that their own childhood was filled with abuse where someone else did the same with them.

See them for what they are, lost children trapped inside of men's bodies. Now what would any self-respecting 17 year old girl do with a bunch of men who act like 3 year olds? Leave permanently while they take their nap and find people to get help from that act their age.

There are so many routes for you to leave and get help in Chicago. I had a childhood where men took advantage of my body whenever they wanted. When I realized that no one had the right to my body but me, I left that world forever.

You deserve to treat yourself with dignity so go for it!

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Child Abuse Story From Jennifer S

by Jennifer S
(California, USA)

I am....

I am a little girl with tearing eyes
I am a little girl who is dying inside
with
Scars
Pain
and Guilt
that her family had given to her

I am a little girl with deep cuts on my wrists, legs
and shoulders
with feelings of
Anger
Depression
and Alone
that no one gives her love in her heart and soul
I am a little girl who's life is in Hell
where she's gone through
in
Domestic Violence
Sexual Abuse
and Physical Abuse
but she still evidence in her body
Deep burn mark on top of her left hand
Bumps on her head
And almost got her left hand deeply burn
And almost completely broke her skull
But she still have bumps as a rock
Feeling touch in her own body
from her alcoholic father
Being yelled and scream at by
her own alcoholic mother

I am a little girl who's doing bad things in her life
with
Stealing
Fighting
Drugs/Alcohol
Suicide
and Death
that those things are inside of her
and could be free from it
where she could find the light of heaven
were her guardian angels are
I am a little girl
whose life filled
with
Misery
Pain
and Nightmares
All those things are killing her inside
she never wish herself if she wanted to die
She said "she is worthless"
She said "she hates her life"
She said "she had no reason to live"
Nobody loves her for who she is
Nobody accepts her for who she was
She wants revenge
to the people she hates
But she's not the person
she thinks she is

I am a little girl
with
Love
Peace
and Faith
in her heart that god has given to her
since she was a newborn baby
I am a little girl who is
Strong
Brave
and Stand
for herself for what's right
She'll go hard and fight in her war
and she'll die in her heart
I am little girl who is
Happy
and
Proud
to
stay
Awake and Alive
She'll do anything to survive
and that
girl is

!!!!!ME!!!!!!




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jennifer S

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Aug 10, 2011
Jennifer:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are dealing with a wide range of feelings and emotions. You need help dealing with these feelings, and with what's happening to you at the hands of alcoholic parents. Please talk to someone about what you're going through: a trusted teacher, a counsellor at school, an elder, or contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). You need someone to talk to about the abuse you are still dealing with and the effects that abuse is having on you. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. And you need to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help

You don't deserve to be mistreated, Jennifer. You do deserve help for the fact that you are being mistreated. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir



Aug 11, 2011
Don't Quit: YOU be the winner: Always believe in yourself
by: maurice

Jennifer S: Take Darlene's words of LOVE; support: encourageing and understanding to your HEART: She knows best and has listened to your heart in your cry for real help: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Don't Quit: Don't give up on yourself: My motto from this DAY will be,
I CAN I WILL I MUST
Because I am WORTH it: That you are Jennifer S
WHO AM I
I AM....Amazing, the architect of my destiny. Beautiful, both inside and out. Courageous, willing to take chances: Dynamic, ever changing and growing. Enthuastic about living and loving. ( beginning today) Healthy, full of energy. Intuitive looking within for answers: ( read Darlene's comment) Kind-hearted reaching out to others. Lovable, exactly as I am. Optimistic: Anything is possibe: Resourseful: obstacles are stepping stones: Valueable, I make a difference Zestful: Happy to be me: Think positive thinking about these when you look at that wonderful ME in the mirror: I am etc: be gentle and kind with yourself and with that beautiful body of yours: soothe it: massage lovely scented oils and creams into it and then relax with good wholesome feelings: Hug and cuddle love into yourself: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT:
That you are Jennifer: Act NOW on Darlene's words to you they were meant for you alone Jennie

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Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

by Anonymous
(USA)

Some of the posts deal with early sexual abuse that results in acting out. I am taking a class in human sexuality at University of California Berkeley. I hope I can ask the questions I have about EARLY sexualization. I will let you know what comes up about all that.

But I have to describe what it has been like to have flashbacks to my early sexualization.

I am a 57 year old woman. When I was in my twenties I was promiscuous. I was a nursing student, then a nurse, and nearly every man I dated I slept with. Not all of them, Thank God. Some it just happened with naturally, it was tender and loving. Some it was out of frustration and then it was not so good. Some were violent and insistent.

But in my last fifteen years of marriage, just before menopause set in, I began to experience severe flashbacks to my early years, when I began to act sexually with little girl friends, after being molested by my brother. I began to feel like my body was only nine years old and it was really really disorienting. I felt terrible every time I had sex with my husband. We finally stopped all together having sex and just cuddled. I began to call the local women's shelter for counseling, too, on the flashbacks. I thought I would end up back in the hospital for awhile. Like I had been back when I was nineteen.

I hope this class on human sexuality will teach me about healthy attitudes towards sexuality.
No one has been able to help me deal with the early years when I was seven, eight nine ten and acting out.

Not yet, anyway. I wouldn't have known what to do with me as a child and my parents tried their best. I was inconsolable in my reaction to being sexualized. I didn't like it on one level and on another level I wanted all the pleasure I could get. It was really hard to live comfortably. I never felt right in my skin.

Maybe someone on this website knows what that feeling is like. Thanks for reading this.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

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Aug 21, 2011
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I think you'll find that many visitors on this site know exactly what your were and still are feeling. Children who have been sexually abused often do become what's termed "sexually intrusive children". They act out what's been done to them, in part because they don't realize that it's wrong (after all, it's been happening to them), in part because it can feel good. This latter one is often the most difficult for the adult victimized child to comprehend. In reality, the body betrays. And children don't just act out, they're curious and explore; and this can often be happening at the same time. So try not to place adult values on what you did as a little girl, especially a sexually abused little girl. And promiscuity is a classic effect of sexual abuse. As for the class on human sexuality, be prepared for more triggering as you go through the class. Seek out support during this time. You bravely did so before by contacting the women's shelter; you may well need them again. Understanding is important, but you need to be ready for the unexpected. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and good luck on your quest.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 21, 2011
betrayal
by: Anonymous

Thank you Darlene. How much work you have done to "get" the feelings that a child feels about sexuality - form pleasure to confusion to betrayal of one's own body to guilt. I have a counselor who tells me to go back and TAKE CARE of that little girl. But I am not a strong enough adult to know what to do to help that child.
As for the class on human sexuality, seeing as how it took place in Berkeley it was a lot of coming out, sexuality for the disabled, elderly. Not much about early sexuality except basic developmental stage. It was only a ten hour class.

I REALLY love the women's shelter counseling I have received. I wish I could give it back, but I have very low self esteem still. I have a nursing degree and an art degree and I want to be an art therapist.
One of my friends who had been abused by her Mother physically, talks with me and we both agree that for every step forward we take from the abuse, we sabotage ourselves because we don't feel we deserve to be loved.
I am totally in love with my husband of 23 years. It is just the flash backs that interfere with my present.
Thanks for your comments. They are sound.

Aug 21, 2011
I can relate
by: Carrie

I can totally relate. I felt like an 11 year old stuck in an adult body. I acted out sexually in my young years and in my twenties with a lot of abusive men. I have a hard time feeling like I deserve anything good...that's in short. I am going through a kind of therapy that has been incredibly helpful. It is called somatic experiencing. It helps you look after that child without getting re traumatized or too overwhelmed. You deal with the pain but in a way you can handle. It has been a God send for me! It takes work and I am not there yet but it is well worth it! I am 40 and step by step getting free of my past. You never forget but you can live a healthy stable life. You can Google Somatic Experiencing if you are interested. It isn't anything hoaky. Hope this helps. :)

Aug 22, 2011
Healing is ongoing: Always believe in YOURSELF
by: maurice

There is one very beautiful woman behind this annoymous huamn person: Oh Thank you Darlene: Another woman visitor beginning her healing after searching for and finding your precious safe haven site: Oh Darlene what a visionary you were in setting it up: This woman sure has met The woman (The Relationship lady) with a real woman's heart: Anonymous, you'll be fine, slowly build up your Self Esteem: Self Worth: Just read between the lines and there you'll find the anwers you need to hear from Darlene: Her comment affirms me too because Gender abuse as a child sadly does allow for promiscuity for a number of yeasr until one takes stock of the person I truly am: This is not me and then all the flash backs only help for awhile to affirm I was okay, I saw no wrong etc: but then one meets a true friend who allows one to share all in trust and slowly the true thinking me blossoms forth: I know many in my age group who spanked/corporally punished there children because they felt it was the only way: Great you are getting to know the true you: As always Darlene has hit the right spot in your brain and in your heart: Think positive: act positive: Be positive get on with living your life to the full: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST; Because I am worth it: Great Carrie wrote her heart words to you as you know now your not alone: I speak from the male experience: Thank you Darlene I too got affirmation from your comment to Anonymous: Hearts do speak to hearts even from the distance:

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Child Abuse Story From Taylor

by Taylor
(Ohio, USA)

When I was three years old I was sexually abused by my grandfather. It's hard to remember a lot from when I was three, but I totally remember the kind of weird feelings I would get when he was doing it. I didn't know at the time it was wrong. My mom found out when I did the same thing to her. She was like, "Taylor, what are you doing?" And I said, "Grandpa does it to me." Again, I didn't know it was wrong, but my mom did. She told my dad and they both didn't have the nerve to talk to him about it. My mom still let me around him, but never left me alone with him. That was when I was 3, I'm 15 now, and yet it still effects me. I am currently going to counseling and I have a big trust issues with guys. I'm trying to get over it, but it is difficult for me to deal with the fact that it had to happen to me. I don't think that anyone should have to go through it. It can be difficult to get over, and difficult to admit that it is part of your childhood. I have realized that you should share with people because they will make you feel better and you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You might even feel stronger if you have shared with others.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.


Comments for Child Abuse Story From Taylor

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Aug 16, 2011
Taylor:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've shared such an important message here. You're absolutely right: sharing what happened to you is so critical in healing and recovery. Keeping the secret only serves to intensify the pain. I'm SO proud of you for sharing this message with the visitors on my site, and for the fact that you are taking an active approach to your healing and recovery by seeing a counsellor. You've admitted you need help, and you're working through the process to deal with what happened to you. I am disappointed in your parents for not ensuring that you no longer had to see your grandfather; they took the "easy" way out by not dealing with it at all. That likely left you feeling betrayed. It also likely enabled the sexual abuse of other children, since sex offenders don't stop until they are made to stop. If feelings of betrayal and abandonment exist (and you might not even realize they're within you just yet) then the place to work through them is with your counsellor. But you need to be honest about your feelings and emotions during your sessions. As you move through the process, your ability to trust will strengthen, and so will your sense of Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. You're an inspiration, Taylor.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Aug 17, 2011
Who protects the innocent vunerable child??
by: maurice

A real question in the light of Taylor real and true story: No child should be paining still from the effects of a Grand-Father satisfying his perverted needs to touch a 3 year old child: He sure is a sicko/weirdo and should be (I can't say) put out of the sight of children for good: How Parents allow Taylor their trusting child to go around to his house still baffles me: Protecting him and not their beautiful child: Great Taylor you had the courage to tell on Him: You are 15: please start having a healthy mind in a healthy body, yes, Taylor start living your life to the full and one sure way is to begin taking part with your own age and gender taking part in TEAM sports and sporting and cultural activities: I assure you this will open up your mind and new horizons for you in a complete natural way: So begin TODAY: NOW: not tomorrow be active and alive: You'll make real and natural friends for life: You'll have a friend or two special whom you can share your intimate stuff with in trust and you'll be a power of strength for each other: Value and respect that beautiful body of yours in a whole new natural light: Erase those memories by sharing with a college counsellor: Take charge of your own destiny: Share with your parents what you have been so lovingly been given by Darlene in her comment to you personally: I know now she knows the value her comment is to each of her vistors because for a time due to her busy life she was going to ease them out: Thank U Darlene on my own behalf and that of all your more recent visiors: Your heart speak in and through them to all our hearts: Taylor that is encouragemnt to you to get on with living your life to the Full: Stay in EDUCATION; You are highly intelligent: Be a winner over that sicko of a Grand Pa: Stay clear of him as much as is possible for you: You are a young thinking adult now so take charge of your own destiny: I leave you with these after asking the Q. Who am I ??? say I am Dynamic: Ever Changing and growing: Enthuastic about living and loving: Healthy: full of energy. Intutive: looking within for the answers. Kind-hearted: reaching out to others: Lovable: exactly as I am. Xcited abiut living and loving. Spiritual having a human experience. TRustworthy speaking from the heart which you have just done by you sharing your story with Darlene and her empatising visitors: Hi, give an big hug and cuddle to that beautiful body of yours in front of the mirror: Say I'M SPECIAL and I lOVE ME: Era go on there's no one looking I bet you feel good NOW.

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Child Abuse Story From Cassondra

by Cassondra
(Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA)

When i was seven years old i didnt like my self at all, i hated being pretty because i felt like being pretty is what made people want to touch me. It all started in July when i was over at a family members house and there half brother tried to rape me over & over again everytime i went over there. i stayed away from him , i was scared of him because he was older. i was embressed to tell my mom or any one else so i kept it a secret. Which was one of the biggest mistakes i ever made , Because one day when everyone was sleeping he touched me and tried to rape me but i guess he couldnt. My Storie isnt as painful and as heartbreaking as everyone elses but im still not over it , im 15 now. And Yes i ended up telling my mom when i was 10 we had ended up going to court about it and nothing happend to him. He walks the same streets as me , he could try to rape me anytime he can get. I run into him all the time and i always go another way and end up breaking down and crying. i really dont understand why bad things happen to people. I Just really wish my family was there for me besides my mom & dad. its like they didnt want to belive it they just pushed it aside i just dont get it. WHY DONT ANYONE BELIVE ME?




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cassondra

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Sep 24, 2011
Cassondra:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Being pretty doesn't cause sexual assault. You're looking at things in a way that just isn't so. Assault is on the shoulders of the person who assaulted because that person chose to assault. Always remember that. The trouble with giving an explanation for any kind of wrongdoing is that there is NO acceptable explanation. The facts simply defy what we know to be the truth. The fact that other family members don't believe you has really nothing to do with you. This is about THEM and their own personal agendas. You see, people would rather believe an abuser or an offender than admit that they themselves might have had something to do with the abuse that took place. You cannot change what others think or do, Cassondra. You can only control how you respond. If you keep asking the question, the question that has no good answer, you'll continue to be haunted by the circumstances that surround that question. But if you choose instead to focus on YOU and living your life to your own personal potential, then the abusers in your life no longer control you. It's very difficult to have to continually face your abuser, and to fear for your safety. Talk to your parents about this. Tell them honestly what you're feeling and fearing. Perhaps there are options open to all of you that no one realizes because no one is talking. Seek out some form of counselling in order to help you better deal with the effects of the abuse. Yes, the legal system failed you, but don't allow society's failure to rule your life. Take back your power, Cassondra. You own it, not your abuser. Hold your head up high for the fact that you not only survived it, you had the courage to tell. You likely saved others from the same fate by doing so, even though he wasn't sent to prison for what he did. Be very proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


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Child Abuse Story From Karlie

by Karlie
(Utah, USA)

I was molested by my older brother, J--, from the age of 8 to 12 years old. He would touch me and play "games" with me and my younger brother, often manipulating us into doing things to him. My parents didn't know what was happening until one time my mom walked in on J-- molesting my little sister. After my mom discovered what was happening, she took each of us and talked to us individually. She told me that J-- had molested my little sister, and asked if he had ever done that to me. I felt like it was my fault that J-- had molested my little siblings because I didn't expose him sooner. So I lied about what had happened when I was talking to my mom and told her only a few of the details because I was scared I'd get in trouble. While my mom was talking to me she told me that I needed to make sure not to tell anyone what had happened, because if I did, J-- could be taken away. I was really scared. After that, my family never talked about it again. J-- was never allowed to be home alone with us. He was never allowed to stay up late at night or have us in his room. But he was always around. The thing is that J--, for as long as I can remember, was addicted to pornography. I honestly don't think it was in his nature to just abuse us. I think that because he was so addicted to pornography, his view of sexuality was so warped. He just used us as his real-life porn. After he got in trouble, J-- never molested me again. But to this day, he is still struggling with his addiction to pornography. I think that if J-- had not had so much access to pornography while he was growing up, he would not have molested me and my siblings. It's been a journey trying to process through it all. I realized one thing though, J-- never meant to degrade me personally. He wasn't thinking that maliciously. I think he was so sexualized, he didn't realize the affect that it could have on me. Now, years later, I have been to therapy, and I feel like I've been able to heal from it all.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


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Comments for Child Abuse Story From Karlie

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Jul 07, 2011
Karlie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm delighted that you've gone to therapy to deal with what happened to you at the hands of your brother. My first thought about the whole situation is who gave him access to porn in the first place. This was a form of sexual abuse. But I also don't buy into the "it was the pornography that made him do it" reasoning, though it may well have contributed. Chances are, J-- was himself sexually offended against by someone. And though he never again molested you, it's highly likely that without some form of treatment, treatment that wouldn't "cure" him but would help him to curb his sexualized behaviours, he continued to molest, possibly children in other households. When your mother swept it under the carpet and used the "he'll get taken away" card to ensure you all kept this secret, she betrayed you and your family. She continued to put you all at risk, and she sent J-- the message that what he did would be met with secrecy. In other words, he could get away with the behaviour. That's a powerful message to send to a child. And the message you and your siblings got was that your brother was more important than each of you were. I do hope you now realize that what happened was not your fault, and that you did nothing wrong. I do hope the therapy helped you to understand that. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 07, 2011
ditto
by: Anonymous

Same thing, only my Mother didnt' actually talk to me about what happened. I felt blamed. I was seven, he was eleven and a half - he performed fellatio on me in front of our other brother.
Sex and shame followed me - I but I also thought it was "okay". I played "james bond" and "marilyn monroe" games with girls my own age. I was terrified of being with children later because of the memories of playing games with my little girl friends. The friends didn't complain about me, but I believe they were frightened by what I was doing. I was. I learned that I learned to behave that way because there were no real consequences for my brother behaving sexually towards me.
I remember once I told someone that my brother "wet his bed" and my mother was angry with me. She was always angry with me and I just remember feeling sick around her all the time. She was an alcoholic and out of control most of the time. I felt sorry for her, but I was more frightened of myself. Life was scary and unpredictable. Lots of domestic violence. Everyone tried to be normal, but I started not being able to stop myself from going to the bathroom on the way home on the bus from school. That made my Mother angry, too.
She died in a car crash in which my father was driving when I was nine. Sex and violence became the same to me, but I became promiscuous after high school. I was institutionalized for two years ages 19-21 from the reaction I had to acting out sexually.I am now 57. I have been married for 23 years with no children, but I have horrific flashbacks to my sexualized like as a young person. I live with a very kind man, but we don't have sex anymore. I am relieved and grateful he loves me and doesn't need to have sex to prove it. But my past does haunt me. I talk with counselors about it. They agree I was dealing with a really sick family. They are amazed I survived.
I have this incredible faith from seeing my older sister do well in life. She taught me that I can never treat anyone the way my parents treated each other and to marry someone happy.
I took both those lessons to heart. But the flashbacks are really hard to take.
I do get help and reading other people's stories makes a difference too. It's amazing what people have suffered and yet still just want to be good people. I admire the human spirit. And I thank God for the good people I have known in my life. One good person loving you makes all the difference in the world. And I have had many good people love me... and I love them.

Jul 08, 2011
You are so Brave: I really belive this is for good in your life
by: maurice

Karlie: It happened to you and Darlene has written you a comment that I pray and hope will help you get on with living your life to the full: Like your honesty in sharing your story of a siblings abuse she likewise has been loving, supporting, encourageing you to move on in your life: Great you are in therapy: Good on you: Stay in it and stay in education: The shame was what your mother was afraid of that your brother's abuse of you and your sister would bring on the family and her in particualar: Fear kept you from telling her he molested you and your brother and sister: She should have sought professional help immediately for all of you especially YOUR brother; Be safe, Stay safe, you will understand Darlene's comment when she affirms you for being in therapy: When she also atates that your brother could be molesting other children because he has'nt gotten counselling: He, may well have been abused by some sicko who had him watching pornography with him: He needs counselling: You now are the most important person in this story: You are getting therapy, which will help you put all that happened to you into perspective: Karlie, please begin TODAY having a healthy mind in a healthy body: This in turn will benefit you greatly: Get out there with young people your own age and gender taking part particularly in team sports: or sporting and cultural activities: You'll make real and natural friends for life and have loads cheering you up as aquaintances from within your team mates: You are gifted, you are tallented, I've no doubt you have leadership qualities to share with them: Be gentle and kind on yourself, be in charge of your own destiny above all build wholesome relationships with the opposite sex: Have them value and respect you for the great and good person you are in your own right: Stay with therapy Darlene's know best: She wants the best for you; I WANT THE BEST FOR MYSELF:

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Child Abuse Story From Johnny

by Johnny
(Beiruth, Lebanon)

I was abused by a boy in my little age,he want to revenge from my brother that he also looked to the body of her sister sexually.This boy is from the family of my mother and he is older than me,he lie on me and take me and abused me.Now in my adult life I feel stressed,lot of isolation sometimes,I less esteemed myself sometimes,I feel unsafe,I searched to be gay to prove to every man that I can not be just abused like that,that i can revenge.I start watch gay porno and also heterosexual porno.So I feel bisexual.But I actually want to be heterosexual and forget about my past and have a good start.I know that there is a lot of miseries and difficulties in this world,I support everyone and I love all that suffer from child abuse.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

I hope you'll follow me on:


Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.

Comments for Child Abuse Story From Johnny

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Aug 04, 2011
Johnny:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I hope there are resources in your country to help you. Please seek out some form of counselling to help you deal with the effects of what you endured. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 05, 2011
journey in life since you strong willed use it for good now good thing you figured it out try new life now
by: Anonymous

i did a long comment then my computer went off in a nut shell i feel you can do anything you put your mind to after you acted out and strong willed as you are use it to do any thing you put your heart soul mind too and no one or moderator maybe teach here read her stuff understand why each person react to abuse differently some weaken some secretive some act out show as you say in ways unclear you feel mistake ok so try a new life happ ry an have fun doing it even simple little stuff , and giving advise same to anyone as strong as you are or call it strong willed that went wrong use ok

Aug 12, 2011
Let Today be the New Beginnings with renewed determination
by: maurice

Darlene wants what is best for you and all her large family of visitors who write their story here on her safe haven site: No child should be open to be abused by sicko's, these given into the animalistic side of them to abuse the innocent and the vunerable: It has it's effects on many for possibilbly a life time depending as to what is available help wise or counselling wise for victims: Darlene reasons and hopes that their is such for you Johnny: I must say for a number of years after leaving boarding school I had similiar inclinations as your having: Gay, Bi-sexual more than hetresexual: I was very confused: In my searching I was satisfied with all relations I tried to build up but I was still questioning myself why does it have to be this way: I have remained single because I found sharing my life with females very rewarding but never settled down with one: Through counselling I have been helped: But Johnny I say this to you in the hope you will be encouraged to get some form of counselling and that in time you will be at peace with yourself: Don't give up on yourself: Also live your life to the full: I found having a healthy mind in a healthy body helped me be part of Teams of males my own age which helped me to accept my sexuality: If only our abuser fully realised the damage the effects of abuse has on each individual ever so differently and uniquely: It creates all mis-understandings in each person ever so differently: No one should have to live their lives in that way: Johnny, Darlene has proved their is a life to be lived after being a victim of abuse: She is our hero to Always believe in ourselves: Counselling is the surest way forward to make sense of it all:

Aug 18, 2011
Johnny
by: Anonymous

what happened to u was just horrible. i too was abused and i still am, and i have become bisexual because of it. i understand ur point on wanting to be strait. what happened to u was not right and im sooo sorry it had to happen. be strong.

Sep 18, 2011
omg
by: Anonymous

god bless you

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Child Abuse Story From Keira About My Friend

by Keira
(British Columbia, Canada)

I am one of the lucky ones, for the most part, but my friend of 2+ years is unfortunately a worst case. I share his story with his permission and exactly as he told me. I will never be able to forget his experiences and neither will he.

It started when he was 7, he was sexually assaulted by his mother while his father was out at work. "One night she came into my room naked and told me to touch her in places I never want to see again" is what he told me. That continued for a few years until he was ten, then he was forced into human trafficking by his mother, who had divorced from the father. At first he was 'rented' out to women only, but later was also offered to men. After all the women he was unwillingly with, he developed a fear of women and because of the numerous people he was forced to be with, he wasn't interested in either sex for most of his life. When he was 15, my friend bought him from his mother, and took care of him. The first few years was spent teaching him English, reading, and writing, since he was never s