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Comments for Child Abuse and When Unwanted Haircuts Become Torture

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Dec 13, 2012
To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've made some very broad statements here, some of which I don't necessarily agree with, at least not all the time. The fact is, an abusive parent can find a way to make even the most seemingly innocent things abusive in some way, particularly on an emotional level. Making a child get their haircut in a way that the child doesn't like is not in and of itself child abuse. It's a matter of degree and how it's handled. I found it interesting that my own mother said almost word for word what your parent did when my mother practically scalped me when I was a little girl. But I digress. In my experience, to say that "most people" expect that a child to forgive, forget and understand is to paint a very broad brush stroke. While there are people who do think this way, not all of them do. But what's most important is the way the child eventually grows up and how they live their lives. We can't live in a way that makes others happy; we must make our Selves happy. But happy is a state of being, not something we find. A word or two about forgiveness: forgiveness is about freedom...it doesn't say that what was done to you was okay. Not at all. It wasn't okay. What it says is that I will no longer be a prisoner to the abuse inflicted. I will no longer be held hostage to the anger and hostility these thoughts and memories brings. Understanding comes with maturity and living through some of the ages and stages of adulthood. But first, one must deal with the pain of the mistreatment. Then understanding can lead to forgiveness, which in turn leads to freedom. But it is ultimately the choice of the child, because whether or not that child (now an adult) wants to live free from anger and hostility is a choice. It's a choice all of us who were abused must make. I hope for your sake that you make that choice, Anonymous. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 13, 2012
Comments deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: To all my visitors to this thread who have received notification that new comments are here, I've deleted 4 separate comments from this particular commenter who leaves posts that are judgmental and wholly inappropriate. I cannot block her, but I'll continue to delete her comments before they ever go live on the site.

Dec 03, 2014
Difficult mothers
by: Anonymous

My case is not so severe as yours. However, thanks to my mother, I now have a phobia cutting my hair. I hate cutting my hair, even a 1cm trim and I always feel my hair is too short. When I was very young, my mother made me cut my hair below the armpits even though I wanted hip length hair. When I was 9, I had lice and my mother made me cut my hair to the shoulders. I cried; I hated it, never had short hair since. From then on, I have had waist to hip length hair ever since. My mother no longer had a say in how I have my hair though it is still a contentious between us.
Most people do expect you to forgive your parents and think your parents can do no wrong to you, especially in Asia. I have never forgiven my mother, I will never forget and I will never understand how a mother could do that to her own daughter.

Feb 18, 2015
I hear you
by: The Man Who Sold The World

I'm an 18 year old guy and My parents have been making me cut my hair since I was 16. I like my hair about to my shoulders.. Ever since I showed a weakness, showed that I liked my hair, my parents use my hair against me if I get bad grades. Actually,not even bad ones. I had 3 C's..I have a really bad self esteem/self image problem...and my hair helps my confidence..I feel attractive. I have told my parents that, and they just say "you should have got better grades" I feel ugly every day. I feel sad. I'm 18 and they still do that to me..

Feb 19, 2017
Child abuse
by: Anonymous

well. im kinda in the same situation as in today. came from Africa to America to live with my dad(he is African). lived with my dad for a year. got tired of me,decided to get rid of me. and took me to my new found uncle(also african) in ohio. till then I've been forced to do stuff. and this is how africans raise their kids once they tell you to do stuff u better do it and no talking back. if u talk back u get smacked on the face or get wooped with a stick,wire,belt e.t.c so since then my uncle have been tellin me to do stuff which normal americans would talk back. but for my situations I've been doing it without showing anger. i do what am told. everytime i try to say something he tells me you do what i tell you. and i get mad deep inside and release my anger when i go to bed. think of it then cry till i sleep. so today he said that he is gonna cut my hair. the hair wich I've been keeping for 3 months now. promised my school friends that i would grow an afro. and now seeing that promise will soon go away since my hair is gonna get cut. and go back to school and people will see me as a liar. it really hurts to think about it. cant tell anyone im forced to do stuff. my relationship with my family is so bad. even my real dad got tired of me and sent me to this uncle which in a way is worse than my dad. im so sad of gettin forced to do stuff. im f**king 17 still getting forced to take a shower every day. i hate my life that now I've decided to share this with everyone maybe there's some one who will care.

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